


The Unspoken

by TheLionGirl (KissMySelfie)



Series: Somethings Should Remain Unspoken [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: #EverybodyHatesLillian, Abusive Relationships (not Alex/Lena though), Alex & Lex BROTP, Alex & Vasquez, Bitch!Lillian (not exactly Evil!Lillian), F/F, GoodBro!Lex, Kara & Lena & Lucy friendship, Kara & Lena friendship, LEX IS NOT EVIL NOR WILL HE BECOME EVIL!, nb!vasquez, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-24 00:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 117,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissMySelfie/pseuds/TheLionGirl
Summary: Lex and Alex were perfect for each other - or so Lena heard it all through her childhood.Every time they repeated it Lena disagreed. The adults were always amused with her protesting.  ‘Always protecting her older brother’ she would hear Lilian say. Honestly, Lena couldn’t care less about Lex’s love life.--OR--An AU in which the Luthors and the Danvers are long time friends and Lex's little sister has a crush on Alex.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> General Warnings: 
> 
> English is not my first language.  
> Work is unbeta-ed. All mistakes are mine.

Lex and Alex were perfect for each other - or so Lena heard it all through her childhood.  
  
Every time they repeated it Lena disagreed. The adults were always amused with her protesting.  ‘Always protecting her older brother’ she would hear Lilian say. Honestly, Lena couldn’t care less about Lex’s love life.  
  
===  
  
She remembered the first time she saw Alex Danvers.  
  
That morning, Lionel had called her to his office. He was nice. She liked him. And she never actually had a dad. It was only her and her mother and she found it nice to have someone like Lionel around.  
  
(Weeks later she'd find out how actually he was never around, but in that moment, he still seemed like the perfect dad.)  
  
“Some friends of mine are coming over this after noon and I’d like for them to know you. Would you be okay with that?” Lionel asked.  
  
She nodded as she had been doing to everything they offered or asked. Lena still spoke very little. He admired her instinct of protecting herself, after all, they were still strangers to her.  
  
It was her second week with the Luthors and she was still quite shy. So when the Danvers arrived Lena was hiding behind Lionel’s leg.  
  
She could see a couple by the door but what actually surprised her was the third person. A girl dressed in shorts and a loose t-shirt. If it wasn't for the long hair she might have mistaken her for a boy.  
  
The girl saw her too and tilted her head trying to see Lena who hid further behind Lionel’s leg.  
  
“Somebody is being shy today,” Lionel laughed.  
  
“Don’t be rude, Lena,” Lillian said gripping Lena’s arm and dragging her out of her hiding spot.  
  
She didn't like Lillian much. Lionel told her she'd be her new mother. She cried when he said that and said she wanted her old mom back. Lionel explained that Lillian could never take her place - and Lena couldn't quite place the familiarity with which he spoke of her her mother - but that Lillian would be taking care of Lena as if she was her own daughter.  
  
Lena tried to believe it, but Lillian seemed to be much warmer and kinder towards Lex than she was to Lena.  
  
“Say hi to our guests," Lillian demands using her harsher tone - the one reserved for Lena and the house's staff.  
  
Lena waved and tried to ignore her urge to hide.  
  
She didn’t like Lillian, but she had noticed how it wouldn't be a good idea to disobey her. Lionel wouldn’t come to her defense against Lillian – the two respected each other's power. He would never question Lillian's actions, nor would she question Lionel's.  
  
Lex tried to protect Lena but he was still too young - and too naïve, would say Lionel, and too sensitive, Lillian would say - to be able to do anything.  
  
The blonde older woman, Eliza as she introduced herself, was the first one to talk to Lena, kneeling in front of her. She seemed nice - nicer than Lillian - but Lena remained only nodding or shaking her head at her questions.  
  
Lena watched as Lex went over to talk with the younger guest. She saw the girl smirking and crossing her arms as Lex talked to her. Alex punches Lex's arms and Lena frowns at that. She watched as the girl and Lex left the room running to the gardens.  
  
At that Eliza had already realized she had lost Lena's attention.  
  
“She’s been awfully attached to Lex,” Lillian told Eliza. “At first I had my doubts if it was a good idea, but I think it’s going to be good for Lex. Make him more responsible, more mature.”  
  
“Maybe I should adopt one myself. Alexandra has been impossible these days and someone doesn’t help,” Eliza said eyeing her husband.  
  
The man gave her a warm smile but it was Lionel who spoke next  
  
“Oh, Eliza. Don’t worry about it. If she wasn’t difficult she wouldn’t be good enough for Lex,” Lionel said with a proud smile and flirting voice. “When should we schedule the wedding?”  
  
They all laughed and with a hand on the man's back Lionel took the man to his office. Eliza gave Lena her hand as they walked to the garden. The gesture reminded Lena of her mother and how Lillian didn't bother to do the same.  
  
She was a weird woman.  
  
Years later she'd realize that 'weird' in this case meant 'cold'.  
  
Alex and Lex were hanging around one of Lex’s projects. It looked like a rectangular box and he was attaching it to Alex's back. Lena sat on a chair between Lillian and Eliza. Her attention is completely on her brother and the girl.  
  
“Best case scenario you should float a couple inches above the ground,” Lex said as he was attaching some sort of a suit on Alex’s body.  
  
“Worst case scenario?”  
  
“What? Don’t you trust me, Danvers?”  
  
“Not a bit, Luthor,” she answered with a smirk.  
  
Lena watched it all a bit scared – she’d seen things explode around Lex quite often those last weeks. She was afraid the girl might be one of those things to go boom too. She could tell that Eliza was a bit tense too while Lillian was only proud.  
  
“Shut up, Danvers, or I might replace you with a real guinea pig.”  
  
“Just turn it on already.”  
  
===  
  
Alex didn’t actually float.  
  
She complained about little electric shocks on her waist and took the thing off. Lex was frustrated and started working on the machine right away as Alex started climbing the trees trying to reach some fruits.  
  
She almost fell twice and started laughing when her mother gasped.  
  
On the second time, Eliza made her climb down.  
  
===  
  
Lunch went okay.    
  
Lena still found the food kind of weird and resisted eating for a bit before Lillian threatened to ground her. The table got tense after it. Lena started eating with a frown on her face until Alex started to make silly things with her food across the table. They were awfully stupid but they got Lena to laugh.  
  
Eliza made Alex stop but the girl was happy enough that she managed to wipe that cute little girl's pout out of her face.  
  
After lunch, Lex went back to his project and Lena went to her room. She was reading a book (the book her mother used to read to her every night before going to bed) when she heard a knock on the door. It was open and against the door frame the girl was leaning and looking at her.  
  
“Hey, I was looking for the restroom and got kind of lost. Do you mind if I join you?” Lena shook her head and Alex sat on the floor next to her. “What are you reading?”  
  
Instead of answering, Lena showed the girl the cover. Alex smiled.  
  
"That's a good book."  
  
It took actually half an hour until Lena feels comfortable enough to actually talk to her. That whole time Alex had to read every one of Lena's little reactions to actually know she was listening to her.  
  
Alex opened the brightest smile when she Lena finally spoke and Lena’s cheek got flushed. After that Lena didn't stop talking.  
  
When it was time for Alex to leave, Lena bit her tongue so she wouldn’t ask her to stay just a little bit longer. Lena followed her to the main entrance. Lex appeared still complaining about his invention.  
  
“Yeah, call me when you are sure it’s not going to shock me to death,” Alex told him with a punch on the arm. Across the room, her eyes met Lena’s and she opened a smile. “Do I get a hug from the most beautiful girl of the house?”  
  
Lena pushed her lips together and crossed the room shyly to give Alex a hug.  
  
“You still owe me the end of that book, Lee,” Alex said with a wink.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages: Lena -8/Alex -13/Lex -14

During the next two days, Alex is all Lena can talk about.

The young girl is smart and she doesn't take long to find out that the way to get in touch with Alex is through Lex.

So Lena goes to his lab - aka, his room - and sits next to him as he fixes some invention his. She watches him working in silence at first - her thoughts are loud but she often forgets to voice them.

"Any reason to why you are here, sister?" Lex keeps his eyes on the project the whole time. Lena is leaning against his arm trying to see what he is doing with his tools on the machine.

"I wanted to know when is Alex coming back."

He frowns.

"I don't know. When the Danvers come to lunch again or when I call her."

"When will you call her?"

"Probably when I finish this thing so it won't 'shock her to death'," he quotes. "A bit overdramatic for my taste, I'd say. It would hardly kill her but it's better safe than sorry."

Lena straightens her back and Lex looks at her.

“So if you finish this thing of yours she will come back to test it?”

He raises his eyebrows.

“In theory, yes.”

“Okay. How can I help?”

He laughs at her question.

“Help me?”

“If I help you it gets finished faster and Alex can come over.”

“Careful, sister. This way I might get jealous." He smiles. "Okay. Hand me that screwdriver.”

“This? What is it for?”

===

It is not as annoying to have Lena in his room as Lex thought it would be. She spends more time there than in her own room.

They don't work on Lex's flying machine all the time.

Most days Lena goes straight to Lex's rooms after getting from school. She sits on Lex's bed and starts her homework. Lex usually arrives a bit later. Lena never asks for help. Lex always offers.

Eventually, she finishes her homework and starts to go through Lex's books. He watches her and answers the question she has and it's almost scary how quickly she understands things years in advance.

===

"Why do you want to see Alex?" Lex asks when his little sister comes back with two plates of sandwiches for the two of them.

Lena raises her shoulders sitting back next to him.

"I don't know. She's nice."

"Alex Danvers is not nice," he tells her.

"Well, to me she is."

"Maybe it's your natural charm," he teases.

"Maybe."

===

“That was fast,” Alex told Lex at his doorstep two weeks later.

“I had help,” he said. Alex peeked behind him to see the girl. Alex opened a smile. “Let’s go,” and calls, “you too Lena.”

They made their way to the garden.

“So how was school, Lee?” Alex asked on the way there. Lena just raised her shoulders. “Have you made any friends yet?”

“No,” Lena said shyly.

“That’s okay, you know. I’m not good at making friends either. The important is not to have many friends, just good ones.”

“Are we friends?”

“Of course we are, Lee. Only if I was terribly dumb I wouldn’t be friends with the most wonderful girl I ever met.”

===

This time Alex does float about two inches off the ground. It doesn’t last a full minute but Lex takes it as a victory and goes back into his ‘lab’ to make some adjustments.

Alex hangs out a bit longer with Lena before she has to go. They stay outside this time. Alex teaches her how to climb on threes. Lena slips and Alex catches her with her body and they both fall on the ground laughing.

Alex has a nice laugh.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Alex tells Lena opening her backpack and taking out a book. “I know you have a whole library in here, but they don’t all the good books,” (she had looked). “This one my father gave to me. Kind of sci-fi. I thought you might like it.”

This time Lena gives her a hug before she has to ask.

===

Not long after that Lex archive the flying jacket project until further notice - aka, he ran out of ideas of how actually make it work. Lena still goes to his room every day. Most days she reads his school books, in those they bore her she bugs him about new projects but he doesn't think it's just to see Alex. He thinks she might actually enjoy it.

"We should do a cloner!" Lena exclaims suddenly.

"A cloner?" Lex asks slowly.

"Yeah, a clone-making machine."

Lex raises his eyebrows.

"I think should stick to things that are not ethically questionable."

"That's boring."

===

Lena falls asleep on Lex's bed on one occasion. He carries Lena to her room and leaves her on the bed but before he could get out her hand is gripping his shirt. He looks down at her. Lena is barely awake.

"I love you, Lex," she tells him falling asleep right after.

Lex doesn't say it back. His lips don't quite know how to form those words, yet it feels wrong to leave without telling Lena the same. He does the next best thing and leaves a kiss on her forehead.

"Sweet dreams, sister."

===

Next time Alex visits she brings some safety glasses she stole from her father’s lab to Lena. Lena loves it just like anything that Alex gives her.

“You are spoiling her,” Lex says.

“If she’s going to help with your inventions, it’s only fair that she’s safe,” Lex rolls his eyes.

"What about my safety? Don't you care about it?"

Alex laughs.

===

Every time Alex visits she brings something for Lena. They always make the younger girl happy, whether it is a candy or a book, big or small, expensive or priceless.

“You are going to go bankrupt if you continue this,” Lex tells Alex.

“According to our parents, that’s not going to be a problem – we are going to get married and you are rich,” Alex jokes.

===

"Get your backpack, we are going for a ride," Lex tells Lena.

The little girl doesn't hesitate before getting her backpack and throwing it in the car before jumping to Lex's side. It's her brother, after all. She trusts him.

"Where we are going?"

"It's a surprise."

She repeats the question seven times again receiving the same answer from Lex’s. It was a long ride and Lex cracks at the eighth time she questions almost pulling out his hairs.

"To Alex's!" He takes a deep breath calming himself. "We are going to Alex's."

Lena opens a smile. It fades as she opens her mouth again. "Why are we going to Alex's?"

"We are going to Alex's because she's an idiot who has done something stupid and is dragging me down with her in her stupidity."

Lena frowns and sensing the next question, Lex decides to simplify.

"Alex found a stray dog and she's taken it home without her parents knowing and for some reason I agreed to get the food for it. "

Lena is quiet for almost a minute putting together the words her brother had said in one single breath. When she does, Lena opens another - yet wilder - smile.

"Dog?"

Her eyes shine and Lex rolls his eyes.

It's another fifteen minutes before they arrive at Alex's and Lex barely manages to keep Lena from jumping out of the car until they are parked. The boy knocks on the door and Alex's voice tells them to come in.

Lena fixes her backpack while looking around. It was so different from the Luthor's Mansion. More home-like. Pictures on the wall. There was a coat on the kitchen chair. The TV room was a mess and there was a grocery list on the fridge.

Most pictures are of Alex and her parents, there is some in which the Luthors appear and Lena smiles when she finds the one she's in.

It was just a couple weeks before. They were at the Mansion’s living room. Lillian and Eliza were sitting on the couch, Lionel and Jeremiah standing beside them on opposite sides of the couch and the kids between them. In order stood Lionel, Lex, Lena, Alex, and Jeremiah. The photo was taken seconds before Alex started a tickling war with Lena.

"Lena," Lex calls her a couple steps ahead.

She rushes to his side still thinking about the picture. The Luthor's didn't have pictures around the mansion. They had paintings. Including one painting of the four of them over the fireplace.

Lex leads them the backyard. Danvers' backyard ended with a view of the sea. Lena has little time to appreciate it because she hears Alex's voice.

"Careful!"

She doesn’t get to look at Alex. Lena hits the ground and there is a dog on top of her licking her and she laughs. Alex comes running to where she is and takes the dog out of the top of her.

"Sorry, still trying to teach Cadmus to obey."

"It's okay. He didn't hurt me. He's cute," Lena tells her petting the dog.

"Good, don't know what I would've done without my favorite Luthor," Alex winks at her.

"Now, you are hurting my feelings," Lex says putting on his sunglasses.

"I wasn't aware you had them," Alex teases.

"Asshole."

"Jerk."

"Whatever. Come help me with the food."

"How much did you buy?"

A lot.

Lena stays with the dog while they get the ration out of the car. The size of the packing is bigger than the size of the dog. Lena is playing catch with Cadmus while Alex and Lex argue.

"How the hell am I supposed to hide it now?"

"If you are able to hide a dog, it won't be difficult to hide the ration."

"Fine I’ll figure something out. Want to stay for dinner?"

"Sure. Maybe you could help Lena with biology. She's been reading my school books and I do what I can to help with math and physics but Biology and I don't mix well."

"Is Lex Luthor admitting not be good at something?" Alex teases and turns to Lena. "I'd love to help you, Lee. Why don't we go to the living room and let Cadmus and Lex bond a little?"

Lex rises his eyebrows.

That didn't sound good to him.

===

Lex goes back home wearing one of Alex’s baseball shirts and a pair of jeans. Alex takes a picture.

“You almost look normal like that.”

===

Cadmus is discovered in three days. Lena is the one who opens the door for Alex who is holding her bike and has her eyes swallowed from crying. Lex appears right behind Lena and Alex throws herself on his arms.

"They took Cadmus," she cries on his shoulder.

Lena hugs Alex from behind trying to give the girl some comfort too. Alex gives her a small smile. Still, it’s a sad one.

===

Alex sleeps over. Lillian calls Eliza and convinces the older woman to let her daughter stay until Alex's calmed down.

Alex falls asleep watching movies with Lena. Their butler carries Alex to a guest bedroom and Lillian follows Lena to hers. Lillian had only put Lena to bed once in all the months she was with the Luthors. Lena thinks the concern on the face has worried the older woman.

"She's going to be okay," Lillian tells Lena.

Lena nods and tries to fall asleep.

===

There are nights Lena dreams about a fire.

The first time it happens in the Luthor's mansion she wakes up screaming and asking for her mother. Several members of the house staff wake up and try to calm her down. She only does it after they get Mr. Luthor.

After that first episode repeated itself, they send her to visit Dr. Quinzel twice a week. Lena doesn't take long to understand why - after all it is common knowledge how smart she is for her age.

They talk for about an hour, sometimes longer. Sometimes Lillian talks to Dr. Quinzel too and Lena waits outside. Maybe she had issues just like me, the little girl thought at first.

It was after the fourth time Lena wakes up screaming and they take her to the Doctor on the same day that she overhears Lillian and the doctor talking.

"And these nightmares of hers, when will you make them stop?" It was Lillian's voice.

"Some more months of seeing her should help, but there is no guarantee that they'll ever stop. She suffered a trauma and her conscious mind suppressed the memories to shield her from it, but our unconscious often comes to play in our dreams."

Dr. Quinzel was right.

The screaming does stop. The nightmares don't.

And it was that same nightmare again. The fire. The heat. The woman...

She wakes up crying and holds her teddy bear tighter (Alex's gift. Lillian thought she was too old to these kinds of toys). She tosses and turns in her bed, but she can't fall back into sleep.

She leaves her room and goes towards Lionel's. She opens it to find it empty. She had forgotten: he was traveling again. She crosses the hall toward Lillian's room. She turns the knob only to find the door locked.

She knocks three times.

"Mom," Lena calls. "It's me. I had a nightmare. Can I stay with you?"

There is only silence on the other side. She knocks twice again calling Lillian before she gives up.

She is about to go to Lex's room when a voice calls her.

"Young Miss Luthor," it is George, their Butler. "What are you doing out of bed?"

He kneels in front of her and wipes one of the remaining tears on her face.

"Was it a nightmare?"

Lena nods.

"The same one?"

She nods again.

"Okay, why don't we get some warm milk to help you sleep?"

She agrees and he stands up. Ouf of instinct she holds his hand. He smiles but said nothing of it.

He'd never guess that there was any Luthor blood in her.

They make to the kitchen. George turns on the lights and lifts her onto one of the kitchen's higher chairs. Lena rests her hands on the table and her chin on the top of them.

She looks like a puppy.

"George, what are you doing?" A woman's voice comes from the kitchen's door. Lena doesn't turn her head to see her.

"Young Miss Luthor had a nightmare. I offered to get her some milk to help her sleep."

The woman stands next to Lena resting her hand on the girl's back and Lena turns to face her.

The woman looks younger than Lillian and seems warmer. Lena had seen her around the house, but not very often. She guesses she must be part of the cooking staff.

The woman starts running her finger through Lena's hair. It reminds the girl of her own mother.

"Oh, mi hija. These nightmares never leave you alone, do they? Sometimes I have nightmares too. I don't know how to make them stop," the woman shrugs, "but I know how to make it better."

There is a silence. George is looking at the woman and so is Lena. Eventually, Lena curiosity overcomes her muting sadness.

"How?"

"Sopapillas."

"Soup?" Lena asks innocently.

The woman smiles.

"No, they are like a fried pastry with sugar and cinnamon if you want. I'm going to make some for me. You are more than welcome to try and help me with them if you want to."

===

There is a knock on Lena's door and she instinctively hides Alex's book. It's the second time she's reading it.

She turns and it's Lillian. She's still on that morning clothes. Lillian opens a smile and Lena can't help but think that she has a weird smile - a smile with something behind it.

"How was school?"

Lena shrugs.

"Boring."

"Have you brushed your hair yet?" Lena shakes her head. "Turn around."

Lena stares at Lillian though the mirror with inquisitive eyes. Lillian hardly did anything without a purpose, even chatting with her children.

"Your teachers called me for a meeting today. They all say you look very distracted during your classes but that doesn't seem to be the problem. They think that maybe you should be learning more advanced things so I was thinking about hiring some professors to give your individual classes so you won't feel so _bored_."

The teachers were not the only one to notice Lena’s advanced thinking. Dr. Quinzel had told Lillian she should look into in the future and Lex's chess instructor sounded amazed, if not disturbed, about how Lena almost won a game against him. Lillian should've looked into it earlier but Lionel had wanted to give Lena some time to adapt to everything first.

For Lillian, it felt long enough.

Lena's reaction still surprised her.

"Why? Lex can teach me like he's been doing."

"What do you mean?"

"I read some of his books and he answers my questions. Except for biology. But it's okay, Alex answers them for me."

Lillian looks surprised. She had even stopped brushing Lena's hair and the girl is looking at her.

"Why do you never have your hair down?" Lena asks. Lillian still can't believe this is the same girl who was self-teaching advanced physics out of her brother's textbook.

"I wear it like that so it won't get in the way."

"Can I see it?"

"What?"

"You with your hair down."

Lillian brushes Lena's hair a bit more with her mind far away. She steps back and Lena turns to watch her as she lets her hair fall on her shoulder. Lena opens a smile.

"You look very pretty," she tells Lillian.

"Thank you. So do you," her chest is warm. It must be some kind of diseases. "About what we were speaking. Even if Lex and Alex are teaching you, what do you think about getting someone who could teach you better? We could try for a while, see if you like it, then discuss it a little longer."

"Okay. Thank you, mom."

Lena jumps out of the chair and into Lillian's arm. The woman barely knows how to hug her on that situation. But, as scary as it is, her arms know how to hold the little girl as if it was her own child. She is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> First thing I feel like I need to say, Alex probably is a bit of OOC but taking into account the fact that she grew up with Lex as a best friend I think she would be a bit different from her character.
> 
> All bellow this point is just rant, you can totally skip it.
> 
> I did not forget about this fic, although it's been almost a month since I posted but I have reasons!  
> First, technically this is not the second chapter, just as the first chapter is not the first chapter. I wrote the fic as two-shot of about 8k words, but as I was excited to post I ended up posting the first 'scene' that turned out to be the first chapter. In the process of editing the 'real' first chapter (that was about 5k) it turned into something above 10k and I'm having to re-edit to make it readable.  
> So chapter 2 is actually a preview of it because I felt bad for taking too long to post it.  
> I don't know if it all made sense, if it didn't just ignore and know that it will take a while until next chapter.
> 
> I hope you liked it.
> 
> PS: Next week - final chapter of 'To Build a Home'


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena -9/Alex -14/ Lex -15
> 
> ===
> 
> Hello, there. I'm not dead. I won't ramble this time just need to warn you that things are kind of... weird this chapter because this fic is mostly written in Lena's POV. Trust me, all will be explained in the long run (hopefully).
> 
> Also, i've given up posting it all at once as I originally planned. You are going to get bit by bit, my dear inpatient readers (I love you all, even if I don't say it enough, you have no idea how I cherish your support).

Alex teaches her how to swim when Lena's nine.

They are in the Luthor’s swimming pool and their parents are “watching” from a table with drinks and snacks - Jeremiah is the only one who is actually watching, he often stands up to make sure Lena hasn't drowned yet.

"I won't let anything happen to her," Alex tells her dad. He smiles proudly.

"I know. Still, I like watching."

He pats her shoulder and makes his way back to the table.

“If Lena likes swimming and trains hard enough maybe we could send her to the Olympics,” Lillian says sipping her drink.

“Lillian,” -Lionel uses his serious voice- “the girl is learning and she's nine. Between studying and practicing swimming we both know that she wouldn't have enough hours to sleep. Let her be." (Lillian sips her drinks to keep herself from asking him how does he know all of that when he's only around one day of the week). Lionel turns to Eliza. "Now, that girl of yours, Eliza. She’s got potential.”

“Oh, don’t give her ideas. If she spent half of the time she spends on that surfboard studying she could be at the top of her class.”

“Eliza,” Jeremiah voices sounded reprehending his wife.

"I'm not complaining," - she was - "I love to see her surfing, but I could do without half of the heart attacks I get from it."

Lex is sitting on the edge of the pool with water almost hitting his knees. Every now and then he gives Lena some encouraging words and criticizes Alex.

It was weird, but Lena knows it was their way of showing affection.

“Damn, fishes are going to be jealous of you,” Alex says to Lena with a smile as the younger girl finished crossing the pool on her own.

Lena smiles and swallows a bit of water in the process. Alex laughs and helps Lena out of the pool. She goes over Jeremiah who hands her two towels.

"Good job, kiddo."

Alex smiles.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Mother! Father! Did you see me?" Lena jumps excitedly in front of Lillian and Lionel. "Did you see how I swam from one side to the other!"

"We saw it. You were so fast we could barely keep it up," Lionel says making Lena's smile larger.

"It was very good, Lena. Now stop jumping or you'll fall. You are all wet," Lillian tells her.

“Hey Lee," Alex calls. "Good job. Now, dry up,” she hands the girl one of the towels.

The girl dries herself but her hair was still dripping. Alex laughs and takes her own towel to help Lena to dry her hair and making it a mess. They both laugh at it.

“Are you two done? Can we do something actually productive now?” Lex asks standing up.

Alex walks towards him and stops face to face with him throwing her towel in a chair nearby.

“You know I could teach you too," Alex tells him. "Then maybe you might actually use the pool.”

“I have more useful things to learn other than swimming, Danvers. Can we go test my heating gloves now? Though you might want to dry up more. Water and tech don't mix well. At least, for now,” Lex says with ideas already running through his head.

He turns his back to the pool.

Alex smirks. She looks at Lena and winks at her motioning her head on Lex's direction. From Lena’s devilish grin she can tell the girl got the message.

“Now!” Alex screams as they both ran towards Lex’s direction and throw the boy into the pool.

She is laughing with Lena so much she can barely breath when Jeremiah gives her a look. Her laugh dies down and she rolls her eyes jumping right after to get Lex.

On her defense, the pool wasn’t even that deep. As much the boy annoyed her, she wouldn't let him dies (hell, she just might die for him) - he is her best friend.

Lex stops debating against the water as Alex held him above it. She's still smiling although she probably is going to be grounded if Jeremiah's face was anything to go by.

“Want me to teach you now?” Alex teases.

He splashes water on her.

“Asshole,” he says. (Lillian calls his name in the background).

“Jerk,” Alex responds. (Eliza calls her name in the background).

===

Lex learns how to swim after that.

Lillian contracts a former Olympic winner to teach him. She tries to get Lena to have classes with him too, but the girl refuses.

"Swimming is cool, but it's boring," Lena tells her when she offers.

Lillian was okay with that. There were more useful things for Lena to focus on. Also, God knew how tangled Lena's hair got after swimming.

The only thing that confused Lillian was why Lena always went swimming with Alex and why she asks the Danvers' girl to teach her new swimming tricks. Hadn't she said it was boring?

_ Huh. _

At least the two of them got along.

===

Since October 1st Lena has been waiting for Lillian and Lionel to take her Halloween shopping. It is her favorite holiday. Her mother used to take a whole day away from work so they could get their costumes and the house decoration ready.

On the previous year, Lena had been Harry Potter and in the year before that a princess. Her mom always tried to match their costumes. Lena always had fun going out on Halloween with her mom. They would eat candy until late that evening watching movies and cuddling. Sometimes her mom would even let her skip class the next day.

But as each day passed and nobody in the Luthor’s household said anything about Halloween Lena grew impatient.

It's the second week of October when Lena can’t wait anymore. It's almost sundown. Lillian is out of the house. Lionel is out of the city. So Lena goes to Lex.

She knocks on the door but she doesn't wait for an answer before opening it. He has his funny glasses on - the ones that make his eyes look bigger - and there is a glowing pen on his hand - and for a moment she forgets the reason she was there in the first place. He still doesn't let her use all of his toys including the ones with fire or electricity - especially them. Lena was working on convincing Lex to allow her to try them.

“Hello sister,” he greets. “Have you finished your homework?”

She takes the chair next to him nodding.

“Okay. Are you hungry? Do wanna head to downtown and get some donuts before mother gets home?” he tries to guess but Lena shakes her head.

“Mrs. Rose and I just had our afternoon snack," she tells him. "I wanted to know when we are going shopping for Halloween.”

“We don’t do Halloween.”

“What do you mean? Everybody does Halloween!” Lena jumps out of her chair out of excitement. “There is Halloween decoration. Halloween candies. And the costumes! I wish you could have seen me last year. I was Harry Potter. I was in doubt between being him or a pirate so mom told me to be Harry Potter and next year I could be a pirate!”

The words come too fast from Lena's mouth and her brother only understands half of it. Lex smiles. He envies the childhood she had had until that point.

Lex never thought he'd be intrigued by it but he can't understand how a stupid commemoration could make his little sister so happy. Either way, he doesn't need to, he just needs to make sure Lena can have it - at least one thing from the life she left behind. He wants to make Lena happy. That was what older siblings did after all _, wasn't it?_ Forster or not, she's his little sister and he's grown fond of her.

“Why don’t we talk to mom when she arrives, huh?" Lex tells her against his best instinct. "See if we can have Halloween this year.”

“Yes!”

She fist bumps the air - she had been spending way too much time with Alex. Lex laughs and messes up Lena's hair.

“Hey, stop it! I just brushed it.”

===

Lena is getting used to just the three of them having dinner. It was mostly silence. As it turns out, Lionel is the talkative one of the family and with him away they remain in silence while eating.

Lex usually is talkative but Lena thinks he is afraid of Lillian. Not exactly afraid of her, but afraid of disappointing her. He prefers to keep quiet instead of risking disappointing Lillian. Lena doesn't have the same fear but with so many things running through her head, sometimes she forgets she isn't actually speaking.

That being said, Lena was surprised when that night Lex clears his throat.

“Mother," he says. "Lena and I were wondering if could go out to celebrate Halloween this year.”

Lillian stops eating with her fork halfway to her mouth. She looks at him and settles it down next to her plate.

“No,” she answers in a calm, yet harsh, voice.

“Why not?” Lena complains and as Lex was about to say something Lillian raises one finger shushing him.

“Because Halloween is a useless holiday, as most of them are. They are a way an apology for diabetes and childish games and we, as Luthors, are above it.”

“But I want to go! I always go!”

Lex tries to interrupt again and Lillian shoots him a cold look. It makes him shrink on his chair but Lena has not backed out from the fight. Lillian can almost admire that attitude.

“You always went,” Lillian corrected. “You are a Luthor now. These things are beneath you.”

“Then I don’t want to be a Luthor!”

“You don’t have a say in that, young lady. And don’t raise your voice at me.”

“Why? You are mean and evil! I want my _real_ mom!” Lena screams with tears filling her eyes and runs away from the table and to her room.

===

It is a full week before Lena and Lillian are in talking terms once again. No apologies from either part, but the dinner was not forgotten and Lillian made sure Lionel knew about it.

===

On October 31st Lena is sad to a point that she doesn’t even laugh at TV cartoons. She has not talked to anybody the whole day. Everybody tried. Not even Rose could get to the girl with oily food and sugary desserts. Lionel eventually insisted to everybody to just let her be.

Lionel and Lillian are leaving for the night for a romantic dinner, although how odd Lillian thought it was. They were not married the last time they had dinner just the two of them.

“We’ll back tomorrow morning. Around eight,” Lionel says as he fixes his tie.

Lena watches him from the corner of her eyes, pretending she wasn’t paying attention. Lex was sitting beside her as close as Lena would let him.

“Lillian, darling, are you ready?”

Lena hears the sound of her heels hitting the floor as the older woman approaches the couch from behind.

“Of course I am. You are the one who just spent thirty minutes fixing that tie of yours. You should’ve gone with the red. Too late to change it now or we'll lose our reservation.” Lillian turns to the couch running her fingers through Lex’s her before kissing the top of his head. “Behave,” she tells him.  
Lillian moves to Lena and kissed the top of her head, fixing some loose hair strands. The girl freezes staring straight forward. She's still mad at her. So very mad at Lillian.

“Stubborn girl,” Lillian says with a smile on her lips. “Let’s go, Lionel.”

“Go ahead, love,” the man tells her. “Alexander,” he calls and the boy turns to him. “Take _care_ of your sister.”

"Yes, father."

Lionel gives him a knowing smile and turns to follow his wife.

After they left, it didn’t take Lex five minutes to stand up and get his phone. Lena watches him.

There is something wrong. She can feel it on her stomach but maybe it was just her organ missing her annual tradition already. She needs sugar.

Lena makes her way into the kitchen. Rose is starting to let Lena do somethings one her own. If she had gone out to ‘trick and treat’ she’d make sure to bring Rose many chocolates. If someone deserves those it was the woman.

Either way, Lena won’t have any chocolate to give Rose because Lillian is a mean woman who doesn't let her do anything fun.

At least she isn't the only one who is not going out for Halloween. Besides Lena and Lex, Alex is not going out to get candies too.  Alex had said that Halloween was not that fun and that costumes were boring and the decorations are so lame.

Lena didn’t agree and got a bit mad at Alex for almost five seconds until the teenager said something cute and made Lena laugh.

Lena is just finishing mug cake when Lex appears by the kitchen door.

"I won't make one for you," she tells her brother still mad at him, although he was not to blame.

“C’mon Lena, you can eat that later. We have to go.”

“Go where?"

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

Lena bites her lip and thinks. After a couple seconds Lex raises his eyebrow - really? Do you need to think that much about it? - and then Lena rolls her eyes and nods. There is a car waiting for them at the front door.

Halfway there Lena figures out where they are going.

“Does mother know we are going to Alex’s? Mother is going to be so mad when she finds out we are going to visit Alex without telling her,” Lena says.

“If she finds out it still going to be worth it.”

“Why are we going to Alex’s?”

“Because I’m tired of that pouty on your face and you are always happy around Alex.”

“I’m not.” Lena crosses her arms defensively.

“Yes, you are. You can’t even help but smile.”

“Of course I can!”

They argue all the way there and it is completely forgotten by Lena as soon as the car parks.

They had stopped in front of Alex’s house. It is getting darker and darker by the minute and the sun is almost gone. Lex exits the car first with Lena following right after. As soon as she sees the house her jaw fall to the floor.

It looks like a haunted house. There are spider webs everywhere she looks, the is a skeleton by the front door, a hand coming out of the earth and lightning that made the house look old. Not even Lena and her mother decorated that much and they loved Halloween.

“Wow,” is all Lena can say.

She hears Lex’s laugh, “Well, you are not the only one who loves Halloween. Let’s go inside. You still have to get ready.”

He stops walking when he noticed that Lena hasn’t moved.

“What?” She asks with her eyes opened wide.

“Yeah, we are going out for candies and as scary as you can be I think a pirate look would be better for tonight,” he smirks.

The next thing he knows a body is colliding with his. He smiles running his fingers through his sister’s hair as she holds him tighter. Having a sister wasn’t that bad after all. He at least had some real competition at chess. The hugs were nice - never someone hugged him as much as Lena did.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” she repeats all over again.

“Don’t need to thank me. If I didn’t do it, pretty sure you’d trade me for Alex.”

“Never! You are the best older brother ever!”

His heart tightens even tighter than when Lillian told Lex that she was proud of him. He hoped it wasn’t a heart attack and tried to check the symptoms on his head. He’d ask Alex later. She liked that kind of stuff.

“As much as I would love to stay out here all night, Alex is waiting for us.”

As he finishes to say those words, Lena is already knocking on the Danvers's door excitedly. They were met by Jeremiah on a _Superman costume_ and a bowl of candies on his hands.

“Hey, kids! Alex’s upstairs waiting for you. Go ahead,” he says moving out of the way as Lena runs passes him and up the stairs. Lex is still staring with a smug grin all over his face. He couldn’t believe the Superman costume. “What are looking at, boy?” Jeremiah teases the boy with a serious face.

“Nothing, sir. Though I’m curious, does my dad know you own a Superman costume?” Lex teased back.

“Watch it or you’ll have grey hair before you are allowed to touch my daughter.”

Lex laughs and sits on the stairs talking to Jeremiah while they wait for the girls.  
Eliza was out of the house for the night too - she couldn’t know about their plan or else she just might tell Lillian. If either of the women found it out not only Lex and Alex would be screwed but Lionel and Jeremiah too and probably in a worse situation than the kids.

“Do you know how to fix a toaster?” Jeremiah asks at some point of the conversation and before Lex can get the shiny look he had whenever he got to tinker with the tech they hear Alex’s voice.

“Don’t let him near the toaster!” Lex stands up. "Next thing you know it will be talking and dominating the world.”

“You know I’m not crazy enough to mess with AI. Yet,” he says.

Alex rolls her eyes.

“I thought you would look worse as a pirate.”

It was almost a compliment. Jeremiah could swear he had never heard something like it coming out of Lex's mouth, let alone towards Alex. The two of them were always bickering.  
Lex watches while Alex climbs down the stairs stopping in front of him. She is dressed as a pirate, wearing an eye slap and holding a plastic sword. She puts her hands on her hips and takes a step closer to Lex.

Jeremiah watches with a grim on his face and heart-eyes.  

“I guess it’s fitting for your outlaw nature,” Lex finishes saying.

“You say it as an insult, but I’m very much fond of it.” Alex pokes him with the sword. He raises an eyebrow unamused. “After all, I could never abandon my captain. Isn't that right, captain Lena Blackbeard?”

Lena steps out of the room wearing a costume similar to Alex's and welding a sword up in the air.

“Yo HoHo and a bottle of Rum!” Lena says and the three others have to hold back a laugh.

“This is your fault,” Lex accuses Alex. “I told it was too many pirate movies.”

“There is no such a thing as too many pirate movies.”

Lena climbs down the stairs practically jumping and she places herself between Alex and Lex. Jeremiah smiles - that girl was something else. Alex’s hands automatically go to Lena’s hair, combing then using her fingers. The younger girl turns to her brother.

“Where is your costume, Lex?” Lena questioned.

“No costume for me. This is as much Halloween as I am willing to participate.”

“Boring,” Alex sings longly keeping eye contact with Lex. Lena looks between the two of them. Were they weirder than usual or was it her? “I have a dress up there for you. You could always play the damsel in distress.”

“Are you saying that you just want me for my body?” he accuses her playfully.

“Let’s go get candies already!” Lena interrupts grabbing Alex’s hands and dragging her to the front door.

“Wait! Wait! Picture time!” Jeremiah calls stopping the smaller Luthor and grabbing a camera. Alex groans but she knew the drill and already positioned her and Lena on a typical photo kind of position. “I mean, we can’t show them right now but a few years from now when your mother won’t have any reason to be mad at me it will be a good story. You too, Lex I need proof of your involvement or no one will believe me.”

Lex goes to stand beside Alex and reaches for her hand. Lena sees their hand interlocked and finds it too weird. They barely ever touch each other if not to push one another in a teasing way. It made no sense for them to hold hands. Lena was the one who usually holds hands with everybody.

Yeah, that seemed more right.

So Lena moves until she's standing between Lex and Alex and taking hold of the hands that were interlocked together. Jeremiah laughs behind the camera. Alex’s shoulders lose the tension they had seconds before. Lex opens a more natural smile.

===

By the time they get back Lena is anything but sleepy so Jeremiah only lets her have three candies because he still is the adult in charge. If he learned anything from Alex's previous Halloweens was that if he wanted her to sleep at all that night he couldn't let her eat it all.

Lex, as surprising as it was, also had fun. He liked the tricking part more than the treating but he and Alex waited until Lena was distracted enough so they wouldn’t settle a bad example.  
Lena catches the two of them holding hands and trading whispers and handful of times. She frowns each time. They were acting so weird. She didn’t like it - it felt wrong.

“It was so fun!” Lena almost shouts out of excitement sitting on the couch with the TV off to avoid fueling her even more. Lex is on the other couch mostly nodding and agreeing with anything his little sister tells Jeremiah. “Lex! Do you think Rose will still be up when we arrive? I can’t wait to tell her this!”

“It’s too late for you two to go home. There is no harm in spending the night,”  Jeremiah tells her.

“Really?” innocently Lena asks.

“Really.”

"Lex! We are spending the night!"

"I heard. I'm literally beside you. You don't need to scream."

===

The next morning Lena wakes up on the couch between Alex and Lex. She doesn't remember falling asleep. She remembered talking and then waking up. She thinks about going back to sleep but then she hears noises coming from the kitchen and climbs out of the couch-bed and makes her way towards it. She finds Jeremiah already up and preparing breakfast.

“Good morning,” he greets as Lena takes a seat on the kitchen table. “Did you sleep well?” She nods. “Yeah, you must have been pretty tired from all that fun you had.”

“It was fun, although Lex and Alex were acting weird last night.”

At that, Jeremiah stops making coffee. “What do you mean? How they were acting?”

“Just weird. Holding hands. Whispering things to each other.” Jeremiah opens a relieved sigh. "Why were they like that? Do you think they have a secret?” Lena asks.

“Um… Well, it’s complicated but I think they like each other.”

“Of course they like each other, they are best friends!”

“More than that.”

Lena frowns for a second and Jeremiah waits. The realization comes right after.

“Oh. Ew. No. Lex and Alex are not like that,” she insists.

“If you say so.”

“Talking about me?” Alex's voice comes from behind Lena. “Only good things, I hope. Did you have fun last night?”

“Can we do it again next year?” Lena asks smiling from ear to ear.

“Sure, kiddo. But remember you can’t talk about it. It’s our little secret.” Alex winks at her.

“Talking about secrets, if we don’t want to get caught you better wake up your boyfriend,” Jeremiah points at Lex. His daughter rolls her eyes and Lena makes a disgusting face.

"He's not her boyfriend," Lena says. Jeremiah smiles amused and Alex goes wake up Lex.

===

Lena doesn't want to leave. She wants to go to the beach. She wants to play board games with Alex. She wants to go biking with Alex. And she can't stop still for a full minute.

She had gotten her hands on what was left of the sweeties from the night before and she was running on a sugar high. Jeremiah had never seen a kid affected by sugar in such an intense way.

Lex manages to calm her down getting the broken toaster and instructing Lena on how to fix it. Jeremiah frowns.  She wasn't even ten years old, there was no way she was fixing the toaster. When he tells Lex that the boy gives Jeremiah his usual know-it-all smirk and says nothing before going to the backyard with Alex.

Alex and Lex were still acting weird.

Jeremiah waits until Lena is finished with the toaster - she actually fixes it and Jeremiah wonders if all the Luthors are born that smart - and the older Danvers gets the car keys.

"Go call the lovebirds," Jeremiah tells Lena.

Lena jumps out of the chair and runs to the backyard and finds Alex and Lex hugging. No, it was not a hug. Not really. They were embracing each other as Lena saw couples do in a movie. They were holding each other as sometimes she saw Jeremiah and Eliza hold each other.

"Lex," Lena calls. "We have to go!"

Lex disentangles himself from Alex. He shoots her a small smile before turning to his sister. Lena stomach only stops turning when Lex is further away from Alex than she is.

===

Alex doesn't go with them.

"I have homework," she says.

Lena watches as Alex hugs Lex - it's weird. Lex and Alex never hug. When it's her turn, Lena leaves with a kiss on Alex’s cheek after a long hug.

Lex whispers something to Alex before getting into the car. He runs his hands through her hair and looks at her in the eyes.

"Let's go!" Lena interrupts.

Alex gives her a small smile, but her eyes looked sad. Lex and Alex weren't together like that - they couldn't - but maybe they had a secret. Lena hated when people kept things from her.

"What was that?" Lena asks once Lex's inside the car. Alex is watching them from the front porch.

"Nothing," he tells her and he's not a good liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> Lex and Alex... Yeah...  
> Either way I don't think I'll be around until the end of next month (exams and shit), but every now and then I check my tumblr, so any doubts, concern and whatever (as long as it's positive - I take critics well but I can't risk being emotionally shaken during this month) just hit me up at my tumblr (kiss-my-selfie).
> 
> PS: I might have been working on a side fic on this same universe with Alex's POV. Probably would make somethings clearer. Should I post it when it's ready?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages: Lena -10/Alex -15/Lex -16

Alex and Lex officially become a couple. The day they announce it in the middle of the lunch there is money being traded under the table and a smirk on Eliza's lips. Lena excuses herself from the room before dessert.

The announcement bothered her and she couldn't tell why.

Lena hadn't noticed any changes between Alex and Lex and how they acted around each other. They still teased each other to a point that an outsider might think they hate one another. They still stick to pushing and poking each other (mostly Alex pushing and poking Lex) and since Halloween, there were no other embraces or hugs between Alex and Lex that Lena was aware of.

So Lena decides to ignore that they are in a relationship. It made no difference to her as long as the continued to act as best friends, frenemies, or whatever as long as they don't act as a couple.

 _It works_.

 _It works until that day_. The day in which Lex decides to take Alex to a Museum opening with the Luthors.

Lena in the three years she's been with the Luthors - it felt longer than that - Lena found these events more enjoyable than she first expected them to be. She usually stays near Lionel. During the first year, he was always checking on her to make sure she was alright and he kept her away from inquiring eyes. On the second year, Lionel and Lillian started to show her off as if she was some kind of prize they won - Lena found it weird but never commented on it. On the third year, on that year, most eyes were on Alex and Lex.

Alex was wearing a _grown-up_ dress and, at first, she looked uncomfortable but once they arrived the dress seemed to be made for Alex. It was black and Lillian was emphatic in giving some jewelry for Alex to wear. She was beautiful, the only thing that seemed to be out of place in Lena's opinion was the way Alex had her arm entangled with Lex, much like Lillian had hers with Lionel.

Watching from afar Lena noticed: they looked like Lionel and Lillian. Not only aesthetically in that moment, but in how their relationship worked. Lena doesn't have many couple references but there is a noticeable difference between Eliza and Jeremiah and Lena's parents. She could see how Eliza and Jeremiah loved each other in the way they looked at each other, in the way they traded the smallest of touches and how they spoke to one another. There wasn't any of that between Lionel and Lillian. Maybe there was some _care_ but no love. Not like that. Not how movies showed.

Lena wasn't even able to look at Alex since she arrived because that night she wasn't her Alex, but _Lex's girlfriend_. All during the day it was 'When is Lex's girlfriend arriving?' and 'Doesn't your girlfriend looks great, son?'. It annoyed Lena to a point that when Alex said hi Lena answered with a small emotionless smile looking at the ground.

She wanted them to break up. She would never say that out loud and she's even ashamed of thinking such a thing but it's true. She wants them to break up so it's no longer Lex's girlfriend, so it is just - _her_ \- Alex.

Lena shakes her head and turns her back to Lex and Alex. She needs space.

She takes a look at the painting but most of them are odd. She turns her head, squints her eyes trying to make sense of it. Some people try to explain some paintings as they catch her staring at it and Lena finds incredible their explanation, although she can't see half of the things they are describing.

Eventually, she runs into Helena.

Helena is the only person near Lena's age in these high society circles. The heir of the Bertinelli empire is different from the kids Lena is used to hanging out at school and very similar to Lex's description of his colleagues. It was one of the reasons why Lena refused to change schools. She liked her 'regular' school, as her parents put it.

"I will invite you the next time dad and I go hunting," Helena says and Lena frowns.

"Why?"

"Because we are friends."

We are not - Lena thinks but doesn't correct the girl.

"No. Why would I go hunting? Why would anybody go hunting?"

"It's fun."

"But it hurts the animals. It's cruel."

"They are animals. They don't think."

"Well, they _feel_."

Someone clear their throats and Lena turns to see that it's Alex standing behind them smiling.

"Would you mind if I stole Lena for a bit?" Alex asks and Helena just gives a wave walking away. Helena's guilt was weighing down on her.

Lena looks for one second at Alex and then looks away. She starts walking so at least she can pretend to be looking at the paintings and not just avoiding to look at Alex.

"Are you mad at me?" Alex asks after a couple paintings walking side by side in silence. Lena shakes her head. "You are mad at me," this time she states.

"I'm not," Lena says and makes the mistake of looking at Alex. Now she couldn't look away.

Those big brown eyes. A bit too lonly. A bit too loving.

"Yes, you are."

Alex is calm and Lena can almost hear her thinking in the silence that settles between them although the conversations and ambient music that fills the room. It's like they are in a little bubble. In their own reality.

"Are you mad at me because I'm dating Lex?"

Lena bites her lip.

"Why would I be mad at you because of that?"

She can't even say the words.

Alex looks away.

"You know even if I'm dating your brother nothing has to change for us. You are still my favorite Luthor." Alex gives her a smile. A tentative smile. A smile that Lena can't help but respond with another smile. Her cheeks heat up and she looks at the ground.

The lightness in the moment is gone as soon as Alex continues.

"Would you like me to break up with him?"

Lena automatic response is 'yes', but living with the Luthor she's learned that automatic responses are usually the wrong ones and Lena is glad she didn't voice it because it's one of those occasions.

What an illusion to think that Alex would actually break up with Lex if Lena asked. And even if she did do it - if Lena said 'yes' and Alex broke up with Lex - it would be an act absolutely selfish of Lena. If they liked each other like that shouldn't Lena let them be together? Would it eventually change how Alex thought of Lena to worse given that Lena would become the girl who made her break up with Lex?

Lena swallows her 'yes'.

"No," Lena lies. "You are good for each other."

Alex smiles and hugs her.

===

“Lex,” Lillian calls him opening the room of his room where the boy was working on his newest invention. Lena was by his side. “Alex is here for your _date_.”

“Date?” He asked confused and Lena is in shock.

Lena is ten already and has a fair idea of what a date is. She looked it up since Jeremiah suggested Alex and Lex were dating. She knew for a fact that it tended to involve kissing and her stomach turned at the thought of her brother kissing Alex.

Lillian put her hands on her hips.

“Go put some nice outfit. You don’t leave a woman waiting.”

Lex sighed.

“Yes, _mother_.”

Lena got to hang out with Alex for ten minutes until Lex was ready. Alex was wearing a summer dress and smelled like the sunscreen. Her hair was braided in a single braid.

Lena thought she was beautiful but didn't tell her that. That was Lex's job as her boyfriend.

Those ten minutes were not nearly enough time in Lena’s opinion and this time Alex didn’t bring her anything. Lena didn’t care much for the gifts but loved the intention behind them.

She felt forgotten.

The younger Luthor pouted all night. She had to hear Lillian and Lionel talking about how protective she was of Lex during dinner. She knew they were wrong, but they wouldn’t listen to her.

Lex arrived past eight in the evening. Lionel had a smirk on his face, and Lillian’s hair was going white worrying about her precious son.

“How was your date?” Lionel asked.

“Fun,” he answered in that monotonous voice of his.

Lena couldn’t understand what Alex saw in him.

She went to bed early and heard a knock on the door. It was her brother.

“Alex sent you this,” he says leaving a trophy of a guy surfing on her table. She frowns at the object and Lex sits on the edge of her bed. “It wasn’t really a date, you know. It was just a cover so Alex could go to that stupid surfing competition of hers.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Lena tries to maintain her pout, though her shoulders had relaxed already and her stomach had stopped turning. _It wasn't a date_ , her mind keeps repeating.

“Because as cute as your little _crush_ on Alex can be, it’s not fun to watch you suffer over something that didn’t happen. Something that won’t ever happen.”

“I don’t have a crush on Alex!” Lena hits him with a pillow and Lex laughs. It's not the first time Lex teases her about it. He gets it. She's too young yet.

He leaves the room she smiles relieved. Lena stands up and picks up her gift wishing she could’ve seen Alex winning. Wishing she could have seen that dorky smile of hers.

===

After school, Lena still had three other tutors to see in the evening.

Lena knew she couldn't complain, she begged Lillian to let her stay with people with the same age as her. She begged Lillian not to pull her out of the school. It gave Lena a sense of normality, it kept her from going mad.

Sometimes on her free day, she went over to Alex's. She'd made up biology questions as an excuse to see the girl. Alex always made herself free for Lena.

Except for one day. One day in which she had plans and Lena showed up at her door. Alex answered it with a thin white shirt, surfer shorts and holding her surfboard.

"Oh, hey Lee."

"Hi, um I have some questions but you are busy I can come back another day," Lena starts saying with her heart beating faster and the content of lunch threatening to come out through her mouth.

"Hey, wait, Lee. I kind of promised some friends we would go surfing today. We shouldn't take long if you want we could come along. I know a nice place by the beach where you can study and then I can answer some doubts. What you think?"

Lena bites her lip. She doesn't take half a minute before nodding - she can't resist Alex hopefull face. Lena almost runs out of breath when Alex gives Lena a smile that makes the older girl's eyes squint.

They walk to the beach while talking. Alex asks her if Lex gave her the trophy. Lena nods.

"I wish I could've seen you winning," Lena confesses.

"Maybe next time."

And Lena takes those words like a promise.

"Here," Alex says while setting down a towel on the sand. "I won't be long and this is the best spot on the beach. You can watch me surfing or just do your homework. I'll be back before you know it."

"Hey Alex!" a voice calls Alex. "You are coming or what?"

Lena turns to that direction and sees a group of about eight people of which two were girls. They were waving at Alex and calling her over. Alex smiled at that.

"I'm going!" Alex shouts back and runs to her friends.

Lena feels a little twitch in her chest. She didn't mind Alex spending time with other people. At least she didn't think she did. She never actually had to share Alex with anybody. There was her brother but Lena never actually shared Alex with him. If there ever was a moment in which Alex had to decide who to pay attention, it was Lena. It was always Lena.

Until recently.

Then it was like Lex and Alex's date all over again but Lena's not in her house to able to lock herself up in her room waiting for her feelings to pass.

She watches Alex interacting with them. They are far away enough that she can only make out some laughs and loose words among the conversations. There is a tanned blonde guy holding onto his surfboard who would touch Alex's shoulder all the time. It was annoying Lena. Alex brushed his hand away naturally - Lena thinks Alex didn't even notice what she did - and leans against one of the girls.

The girl's hand fall around Alex's waist and Alex doesn't brush it off as she did with the boy. It bothers Lena. Lex doesn't touch Alex like that, they usually stick to pushing each other and some occasional hug (saved for special occasions). Lena remembers seeing Jeremiah kiss the top of Alex's head a couple of times and several times Lena had seen Eliza run her fingers through her daughter's hair. None of these actions had the same kind of intimacy that Lena saw in touch.

Lena tries to hide how she was staring at them when Alex points in her direction.

Was she talking about Lena to her friends? She wasn't sure if it was fear or thrill that sped up her heart.

Alex waves at her direction and Lena waves back. At that, all Alex's friends smile and also wave at her. Lena waves at them too out of politeness, but she does so hesitantly.

After that Alex doesn't take long to get in the water.

Lena is so distracted watching Alex that she barely notices her surroundings. She didn't notice when the girl from earlier (the one who had _her arm_ around _Alex's waist_ ) sat down next to her.

"Amazing, isn't she?" the girl asks.

Lena nods, but then she hears Lillian's voice in the back of her head. _Speak out loud_. "Yes, she is. She won a trophy."

"I know, I saw her winning that trophy." The girl's words feel like a slap however unintended it was. "So you are the Little Luthor we heard so much about."

"My name is Lena," her tone sounds a bit like her brother's. A bit too sure. A bit too aggressive. _That's how it should be_ , her mother had told her. The world wasn't going to go easy on her. She had to stand her ground.

The girl raises her eyebrows but continues smiling unaffected.

"I'm Victoria, but everybody calls me Vicky."

"It's nice to meet you Victoria," Lena says but the girl laughs at her.

"You are so much like your brother. Please, do call me Vicky, though. The only one who calls me Victoria is my father when he's angry. We met your brother the other day. We always heard about you two from Alex but we had doubts if you were actually real."

"Why?"

"Alex is different, you know. She hangs out with us but she's not one of us if you know what I mean. She tries but she's not. And sometimes when she tells me about you guys I can feel like that's actually her, without the pressure of fitting in. So I'm kind of glad that you exist. Though, it is really strange that she's dating your brother."

Lena opens her mouth but doesn't know what words to form to answer that.

Vicky laughs.

"What are you studying?"

She leans over Lena taking her books.

Vicky is not that bad, Lena decides, but she still looks away when the sun is setting and they decide to go back home and Vicky hugs Alex. Vicky even tried to help Lena with her homework, still she wasn't Alex.

Lena tells it to Dr. Quinzel.

At the start, she'd be bothered by how every now and then the doctor would take notes now it doesn't bother her anymore. Lena's still attentive to it. If Dr. Quinzel was taking notes of something she said it must have a bigger meaning than Lena realizes.

It's funny, but Dr. Quiznel almost always takes notes when she talks of Alex. That sessions, though, Dr. Quinzel barely touches her pen and Lena spirals out of control and spends the whole session talking about Alex, and about Lex, and about Alex and Lex.

She needed to get that out of her chest. Whenever she tried to talk to her father or to her mother about it they would ignore her or laugh at her. That is when they were around. Also, Rose was gone.

Lena was so mad when she found out that Lillian fired Rose. She didn't talk to her mother during the whole month because. She refused to eat in the same room as her. When the Danvers would come on Sundays, Alex would bring two plates to Lena's room and the girls would eat there.

By the end of the consult, Dr. Quinzel adjusts her glasses and she is in silence for a few minutes and that's when Lena's driver knocks on the door. Lillian was asking for Lena to be at home on the clock. At that Dr. Quinzel gives her a small smile and hugs her.

Lena thinks it's the first time since her first year seeing the woman that she hugged her. It was a tight hug and Lena doesn't understand what it means.

Maybe some years from that moment she would.

===

Lena goes camping with the Danvers. Lex comes up with an easy excuse but she knows he hates nature. He'd probably make a way to get wi-fi in the middle of the woods using two sticks and a leaf. Or worse, he wouldn't know which one is the stick and which one is the leaf.

So it's just the Danvers and Lena.

They leave early in the morning. The sun is barely up when the Danvers are honking in front of the Luthor's mansion. Lex curses them. He's the only one besides Lena who gets up. He takes Lena to the door and greets the family still in his pajamas.

"You better bring my sister back alive, Danvers, or else..." Lex says as Alex is coming out of the car to open the door to Lena.

"Don't worry about it, I just can't promise I'll give her back. I might keep her," Alex answers as she gets Lena's backpack.

They hike all day. The girls go in the front while Alex's parents follow behind.

They go talking all the way. Eliza and Jeremiah had never seen their daughter talk that much. Not even with her friends. They trade a look. What a strange thing.

Getting to their usual campsite, Alex goes to get wood with her father. Eliza and Lena are in charge and putting up the tents and Lena is trying to scare away the mosquitoes. Eliza laughs as the girl use one whole can of spray before the other two come back.

She had never been camping before and did not have that much experience with nature. Eliza tries to distract her from going crazy talking and keeping her mind away from all the bugs. It takes her a couple minutes to be completely immersed talking to the girl. She always knew Lena was smart since the first time she met the girl, but as they talked Eliza couldn't help but see the _genius_ she was. No wonder Alex couldn't stop talking to her. Or about her - she talked more about Lena than about Lex.

"Dad! Stop stealing from my pile!" Eliza and Lena hear Alex before seeing her. She is carrying a pile of sticks that reaches her chin. Jeremiah is following right after with a much smaller pile, trying to reach into hers.

"I'm just trying to help you," Jeremiah says.

"I've got it!"

Jeremiah rolls his eyes.

They manage to lit the fire before the sun is down. Alex insists in lighting it. She teaches Lena to do it too. Jeremiah takes the sticks from them before they set the camp on fire.

There are camp stories by the fire and marshmallows before they go to bed. Alex and Lena share a tent. They are up 'till late to a point that Eliza shows up and their tent and tell them - _with her motherly words_ \- to _shut up_ and go to sleep.

They turn off the lantern but just change their usual conversations into rushed whispered.

"Want to see something magic?" Alex asks.

Lena's eyes only glow and it's answer enough.

Alex opens their tent slowly and carefully. She presses her finger to her lips telling Lena to be quiet. Lena smiles and nods. Alex goes in front of Lena eyeing her parent's tent. As they start to move into the woods she holds one of Lena's hand.

Lena's heart is breathing fast but she's not sure if it's because Alex is holding her hand or because they shouldn't be out of the tent. Awful things happened to people in horror movies when they leave their tent. Part of her wants to go back, but she couldn't. She couldn't because, before anything, she is a Luthor and Luthors don't have fears. Not to mention that probably if anything happened Alex would protect her.

Alex had told Lena she wouldn't let anything happen to her and Lena trusted Alex. It helps that she is holding Lena's hand.

Eventually, Alex stops them. They are kneeling behind a bush and in front of a lake. Lena is confused about why they stopped when she looks at the lake and sees the magic Alex referred to.

 _Fireflies_. More fireflies in one place at once than Lena had ever seen in her entire life. They reflected in the lake in such a way that Lena couldn't tell which was the firefly and which was the reflection. Or even which were the reflection of the fireflies and which was the reflection of the stars. The lake just looked never-ending.

Wasn't for the feeling of Alex's hand holding her she'd think she was dreaming.

"It's beautiful," Lena says.

"It is," Alex whispers back.

Lena loses the track of the time watching them. They could have been there for seconds or hours watching the fireflies, Lena had no idea. Her attention drifts to the present time when Lena hears _something_.

"What was that?" Lena grips Alex's arm.

"Probably a small animal," Alex's voice is not as reassuring as Lena you'd have liked it to be. "We probably should get back."

Lena nods and they start moving. But they are not the only thing moving. Lena catches glimpses of movement from the corner of her eyes and suddenly that are too many sounds. She clutches into Alex harder and Lena is pretty sure that hers is not the only heart she can hear beating acceleratedly.

They hear a stick crack right in front of them and they stop in at once.

A light appears right behind them and they jump and scream clutching at each other until they realize that Jeremiah is the one holding the light and that Eliza was right beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry.  
> One thing though, I'll probably be using several of DC characters mostly because if I was to create an OC even for it to appear for only a second I'd spend a week looking for an appropriated name. So I'm just saving me some work. It won't actually be important to know who they are.  
> Either way, hope you like it!  
> (Next chapter, though, I'm loving writing it).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!  
> This chapter skips a year after last chapter and happens during two years (speeding things up).
> 
> Ages: Lena -12/13  
> Kara-14/15  
> Alex -17/18  
> Lex-18/19
> 
> THIS IS IMPORTANT!  
> TW: character death.  
> TW: elements of what can be read as an abusive relationship.
> 
> (also, beware of bitch!Lillian).

Lena is twelve when the Danvers come to visit and there is a blonde girl with them. She is two years older than Lena but both of them are drawn together almost instantly.

Alex is weird with Lena. There's barely a hi when she sees Lena. Alex takes Lex's hands and locks herself with him in his room.

According to Eliza, she was like that with everyone. Eliza blamed it on hormones. Lena couldn't help but disagree silently. Alex looked hurt. Mad even.

Last time she saw Alex like that was when they found out about Cadmus.  

“Should we be worried about both of them alone in a room?” Jeremiah asks once he hears Lex's door closing.

“They are smart kids, and honestly I’m more worried about them blowing up the house than having unprotected sex,” Lionel answers in his humorous voice.

Eliza chokes on her drink. Lena holds onto Lex’s words that there is nothing between him and Alex.

===

  
Alex calls Lena to the side that same day. Lena's heart starts beating faster.

Lena spent the whole day with Kara. She finds it funny how Kara managed to be even cuter than her sister.  A different kind of cute though.

In some ways, Kara acted like an infant who was seeing the world for the first time - like she was not even from this planet. On the other hand, there were moments when Kara spoke with such pain and wisdom that she sounded a hundred years old.

Eliza and Jeremiah were awfully overprotective of Kara and the girl was terribly shy. She wouldn't even touch Lena or anything really.

Lena didn't push it. Instead, she made sure Kara would be comfortable around her. The blonde had loosened up a bit until the end of the day. Kara was chasing butterflies with Lena when Alex called the younger Luthor aside.

“You didn’t think I forgot you, Lee, did you?”

Lena bites her lip to stop the 'yes' from coming out. Alex reaches into her pocket and takes out a black and blue bracelet. Alex takes Lena’s hand to put it on her.

“I thought it would match your eyes. And between us, I think you are a Ravenclaw,” Alex tells her as if she ever needed an excuse to give the girl a gift.

“Don’t let Lex hear you. He swears to death that this whole family are Slytherins,” Lena says smiling. Alex is smiling too. It is a sad smile (Lena had a whole classification of Alex’s smile in her mind). “Is something wrong?” Lena questions.

“No… Just, don’t forget you are my favorite Luthor, alright?” Alex says with a wink.

===

  
It was a month after the first time they met that Kara hugs Lena for the first time. The Danvers are leaving after their usual Lunch and afternoon coffee and Lena didn't think twice about it when Kara went for a hug. They had been becoming close friends in the short amount of time they've known each other.

Eliza almost faints at the scene. Jeremiah's eyes shot open.

Lena doesn't notice their reaction but given the way they were always watching over Kara and how Kara barely touched anything, Lena wondered if she had some kind of contagious disease. Alex watches it from the corner. She is calmer than her parents and opens a smile when she doesn't hear any of Lena's bones cracking.

When they part, Lena watches as Kara goes over to her sister and hi-fives her. Eliza almost faints again and this time Jeremiah is confused instead of surprised.

Alex winks at Lena before leaving.

===

  
Lex is kicked out of college after six weeks.

The day it happens he sneaks out to the Danvers' and Lena is not sure who wants to kill him harder, Lillian or Lionel. Thankfully Eliza and Jeremiah come by in the morning to calm them down. Kara comes along and they hang out while the adults talk.

When they get to the Danvers' house to talk to Lex, Lena makes sure she hugs him before everything. He is stiff as he hugs her and she knows why. Their parents are right behind her but she needs to make Lex know she's there for him.

She lets go of her brother and he nods as the girls go to the backyard.

Lena's mind is so focused on Lex's that she only realizes that Alex was sitting beside her when Alex places her hand on her back.

"It's going to be okay," she tells Lena.

The younger Luthor rests her head on Alex's shoulder and at some point, it is not longer Lena's bones that are keeping her in place but Alex's hold on her. She wished she could appreciate it a little more, but it is hard when she can't help but think about what Lex was going through.

===

  
Lionel decides that if Lex cannot be trusted to behave at home, then Lex will go with his father to learn about responsibility and running a business. Lex accepts it silently, but Alex leaves the room with heavy steps. He goes after her.

Lena never gets to know why he was expelled.

===

  
Lena is on her way back home from school when Lex calls her telling that Alex was hurt in a car explosion. He doesn't give Lena any more information so she goes straight to the Danvers' residence expecting to find a half-burnt Alex Danvers.

Lena finds it out that Alex only broke her arm when she sees her because her brother is useless in passing up correct and complete information.

Lena is a complete mess when she gets to Alex's house. Tears falling down her face. Chest tightening. ( _Fire_ ). Maybe it's because she has an explosion in mind but she remembers the fire. The heat. She remembers it again. She remembers how it felt all over and she can barely breathe on the way there. She wasn't ready to feel like that again.

When she sees Alex on the couch with only a broken arm, Lena throws herself at Alex and cries everything that was left to cry. Alex calms her down and actually explains what happened.

"I was too close from the blast. It was my fault, really," she tells Lena.

"You are not allowed to leave me," Lena sobs.

"I won't. Ever." Alex kisses the top of her head and holds her a little longer.

Lena falls asleep on top of Alex from all the tears. Lena is so mad at Lex that she could hit him and she'll do just that as soon as he was back from wherever he was with Lionel.

When Lena wakes up there is a blanket over them and another body on top of her - _Kara_. She snuggles back and sleeps a little longer.

===

  
Lena pretty much lives with the Danvers during the summer. Lillian is not complaining, Lena is sure that she has more things to do than taking care of a teenage girl. Lionel wanted to take Lena with him and Lex at least one month during the summer to introduce her to the business but after what happened to Alex there was no taking Lena out of her side.

Lex comes back for a couple of weeks to check on Alex.

Lena never heard anything about the two of them breaking up but they don't look like a couple. She never heard one of them complaining about missing the other, or kissing each other, or doing anything couple-like. She doesn't push any of them about it - she doesn't want them doing those things, so why would she point it out?

Alex takes out her cast by the end of the first month, but she still can't use it for a couple weeks. She does use it, of course, she's stubborn and impatient like that.

The three of them hang out a lot by the beach. It's fun and sweet and Lena never wants it to end. Until Alex's friends arrive and she leaves.

At first, it hurts and Lena closes it off given how easily Alex trades her and Kara for her friends - Vicky even waves at her, and Lena makes an exception when cursing Alex's friends and leaves Vicky out of it. It ends up making Kara and Lena bond further.

Although how much time they spend at the beach, the first time Kara asks Lena about her mother they are on the Danvers' front porch having some hot cocoa and cookies.

"Do you remember her?" Kara asks. "Your mom?"

Lena knows she is not talking about her mother. They already talked about the difference.

"A bit. Most of my memories got blurred with time but I don't think I can ever forget her face. She was beautiful."

"Much like her daughter," Kara says and Lena looks at the ground feeling her cheeks heating up. "What was she like? I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, or if it hurts-"

"No, it's okay," Lena interrupts already used to Kara's tendency to ramble. "She worked a lot. Always doing something work-related on her computer. I'm not quite sure what she worked with, I never bothered to find out. When we hung out, we hung out and we would put everything aside. Work, school... It didn't matter. She was my safe place. We used to build these blanket forts and just sleep in the living room. The last time we hung out she took me to the zoo. I think it was the last time I went to the zoo."

"The zoo?" Kara asks as if she doesn't recognize the word.

"Yeah, with the animals, you know." Lena shrugs but Kara still looks confused. "You never went to the zoo?"

"We didn't have one of those where I'm from."

"What is it like? Where are you from? You always talk about it but it seems something out of a different planet," Lena laughs and Kara adjusts her glasses.

"No other planet. I'm from this one. Earth. That's where I'm from. Human, just like  you."

Lena frowns.

"Okay?" Lena can only laugh at that. She decides to go back to a previous subject. "And your mother? What was she like?"

"She was a judicator," Kara tells her with a smile. Lena doesn't recognize the term but she can deduce it. "I'd go see her work whenever I could. She was my hero. Putting bad guys away using the law. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. Not sure if I want that now."

"What changed?" Lena asks.

"Everything."

"Do you miss her?"

"Every second of the day." Kara turns to Lena and her eyes are shinning too much to be just the reflection of the sun. "Does it get better?"

"No, you just learn to live with it. Lex helped me a lot when I got to the Luthors. I don't think he has any idea of how much he helped, really."

"Alex helps me too. She was mean at first, and I got it, I was the invader, I was the threat. She had the right to be hostile to me but since the accident... Things changed between us for good."

Lena gives her a smile and Kara rests her head on Lena's shoulder and it starts to rain.

They don't move, it's too comfortable to move. Alex's mom comes check on them and brings them some blankets. She looks at the road probably looking for her daughter and goes back inside.

Kara and Lena are not sure how long it's been since it started raining when Alex arrives. She comes walking and carrying her bike completely drenched.

"Um, cookies,"  Alex says as she gets a couple from the plate in front of Lena and Kara. "What are you two doing out here?"

"Just talking," Kara answers. "Where were you? Eliza was getting worried."

"I was with Vicky," there is something weird in her voice when she said it. She changes it quickly taking out her backpack. "But I stopped by the Video Store and rented us some movies for this rainy night," she takes out the dvds and hands it to Kara and Lena.

"Can we watch it on a 'blanket fort' that Lena was telling me about?" Kara asks.

"You've never built a blanket fort?" Alex asks confused but her expression quickly changes. "Of course you didn't. Then we will most definitely do that," Alex says with a big smile followed by a sneeze.

"You are going to get sick this wet, Alex!" Lena says suddenly mad. "You should dry up."

"Good to know someone cares, Lee. See, this is why you are my favorite Luthor," she takes on more cookie from the plate.

"I care too!" Kara makes sure to say.

"I know you do, Kara. Either way, I'm going to 'dry up'. Any other request Miss Luthor?"

"Yes, stop stealing our cookies!"

Alex winks at her and goes inside. Lena could even hear Eliza's gasp as she saw her daughter. Kara eats the last cookies as they go over the movie's synopsis. One is a Disney movie, the other an action movie and the last one a horror movie - an obligatory one with Alex.

When Alex appears on the front porch again she has three blankets under her arms and she's already wearing her pajamas.

"Hey, if you two want a blanket for you are going to help me with it," she tells them and before Lena knows it Kara is already taking one of the blankets from Alex's arms.

Lena moves at a slower pace but she gets one of the covers from Alex.

They spend half an hour building the fort. Actually it took them about five minutes but, of course, Alex was teasing Kara. Kara pushed her sister and Alex fell into the fort bringing it down.

The three of them snuggled changing places during the movies. Lena wakes up laying half on top of Kara who is using Alex as a pillow.

===

They go to the zoo the next day.

"Can we put Kara in a cage?" Alex asks her mother as Kara is running one side to the other trying to see all the animals.

"Alex, don't talk like that about your sister," Eliza reprimes her.

"Kara, slow down!" Jeremiah says trying to keep up with Kara.

Of course, going to the zoo couldn't be normal with the Danvers.

===

  
Lena finds out Kara's is an alien that summer.

She wakes up earlier due to nightmares and makes her way through the house looking for Kara. She's in the backyard already giving up looking for Kara when she looks up.

“You are flying,” she says and Kara who was levitating four feet above the ground looks down at her.

Kara tries to come up with an excuse for about ten minutes. She is afraid that Lena is going into shock and she decides to tell her the truth.

She tells Lena how her planet exploded, how her parents put her in a pod and she told her how the Danvers took her in.

"Alex is going to kill me if she finds out you know," Kara breathes out after everything.

Spending those last weeks with the Danvers, it was impossible for an outsider to guess that they weren't biological sisters. Alex had put herself in the role of big sister 24/7 and Lena guesses Kara's secret has something to do with it.

To know that Alex kept a secret like that from Lena hurt a little, but she always did put a little too much faith in Alex. She was only human after all. Lex tried made sure to remind Lena of that when she got that dreamy look about Alex.

Kara looks at Lena terrified.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

Kara jumps in her arms.

“I believe you.”

===

  
When Halloween came around it was like Kara never had one before and that’s what the blonde tells her. There was no Halloween from where she came from.

Alex was the one who actually begged Eliza to let her take Kara to go ‘trick or treating’. The youngest of them is completely hallucinated with everything around them and even afraid at the start. When they decide that is too dark and there is each time fewer kids on the streets Alex take them home but she doesn’t stay.

She has a party and that’s all the details that she gives them.

“You will come back right?” Kara asks.

“Of course I will. What would my favorite Luthor and my puppy sister do without me?”

Lena hears the motorcycle roar as Alex leaves. Lena doesn’t see Alex coming back.

===

  
That day Lena didn’t think twice about skipping the News channels to watch Masterchef Australia. Only weeks later her subconscious makes the connection about the disaster involving a group of scientists in the forest and Jeremiah’s death.

It's Lex who breaks down the news to her. He catches four planes, plus a full hour on a common taxi to arrive as fast as he can on Midvale already calling Lena to meet him at the Danvers. Surprisingly, Lillian is the one rushing Lena. Lena had never seen her mother so worried.

Lionel was on his way too, but he would take longer. Lex said he wasn't feeling good to travel at the moment. They all pretend not to know that he is actually taking time to mourn.

It's Kara who opens the door when they arrive. Eliza and Alex are nowhere in sight but Lillian enters and climbs up the stair without anyone needing to tell her where Eliza was. Lena is left with Kara. She thinks back to when she lost her own mother and all the words people said to her. She remembers how hollow they made her feel, so she doesn't repeat them, instead she goes for a hug. She feels Kara slowly letting got as the hug goes on to a point that she thinks that if she let Kara go the girl will fall.

She can't imagine it is easy. To lose your whole family and not long after already lose someone of your new family.

The hug is interrupted by some noise in the background. They follow it to the kitchen where Alex is picking pieces of shattered glass on the floor. Her hands are bleeding and Kara beats Lena to helping Alex. She guides her hands to the kitchen sink and the sound of running water does little to hide her sobs. It's when Lena hugs her.  
They manage to get Alex to the couch. Lena is pressing some gaze on Alex's cuts. They are not deep, most of them are not bleeding anymore. Kara watches observant as Lena bandages Alex's hands. She almost looks fearful.

Lex arrives half a movie later - nobody is watching the sound is just filling the room - and it's something of another world the way Alex lets him hold her. She didn't hold back with him. She didn't try to be strong with him. She just let it go. And the scene it was so intimate that both Kara and Lena made their way to the backyard to let them have some moments alone.

They lay on the ground looking at the sky and at the sun when Lena turns to Kara.

"You can cry too," Lena tells her. Kara looks back at her with enormous sorrow in her eyes.

Lena wonders if that's what is like between Alex and Lex. The same kind of connection she has with Kara. Maybe not yet in the same intensity but something of the same nature. The kind of relationship where she can look at Kara's eyes and know she is hurting as much as she denies. The kind of connection that tells her to push Kara because she needs to let go, just as much as Alex and Eliza.

"I have to be strong for her. She's never felt something like this,” Kara says and there is no doubt in Lena's head that 'her' is Alex because Kara cannot talk about anyone else with such an emotion.

“You don’t have to be strong with me,” Lena replies.

Kara lasts some seconds longer under Lena's gaze before she breaks.

===

After Jeremiah passed away Alex changed.

Alex didn’t hang out with Lena as often anymore. She would appear by Luthor's front door with Kara, saying a brief hi to Lena and would disappear into the library.

Eliza says she was already focused on her SAT’s.

It wasn't that Lena didn't believe in her. It was more like she didn't think Eliza really knew what was going on.

===

  
It's not two full months after Jeremiah's death when Lena catches Lex screaming at Alex and kicking her out of the mansion. Kara decides to go with her sister and Lena wonders when the two of them got so clingy.

Lena confronts Lex about it.

"Someone had to call her on her bullshit," Lex tells while making his bags. It's scary how organized he had become since Lionel starting teaching him the business.

"She just lost her father."

"Eliza just lost her husband. Kara just lost another member of her family. You don't see them acting like jerks." Lex stops his movements sensing Lena uncomfortable posture. He turns to his sister. "Look, Lena. I know you have a soft spot for Alex, but she's not perfect. More important than that, she's an idiot. Sometimes I mean it in the best ways but not right now."

"So you are just going to leave her?"

"I'm not her babysitter. I took care of her when she needed. Right now what she needs is to someone push her head under the water so she can wake up from this self-pity illusion she's built during the last couple of weeks. She's been snapping at Kara, and you know it. I understand where this behavior might come from but it doesn't justify it. Sometimes being Alex's best friend means telling her things she doesn't want to know. Yes, I kicked her out. I didn't need to do it, she'd leave anyway but maybe because of it, she just might pull herself together a bit faster."

"Won't she be mad at you?"

"Alex Danvers has been mad at me half of my life," he laughs.

===

  
Lex is right.

Alex does pull herself together. It takes her a couple of weeks but she does it.

Kara tells Lena how she apologized how she was behaving. Kara said she didn't need to, but Alex told her she needed to.

===

  
Lena and Kara have a sleepover at the Danvers' not long after that. It takes a lot of begging but, in the end, Eliza couldn't resist Kara's puppy eyes. Alex being on the girls' side helps.

Somehow they even manage to convince Eliza to push up 'lights out' time.

It is possible to hear they laughing all through the house until it was a quarter past ten when Eliza knocked on their door telling them it was time to sleep. They were going to spend the whole next day together, anyway.

Kara's bed is not big enough for them to fit together so they make a bed with covers and pillows in the living room. Lena remembers her first Halloween with the Danvers - one day she has to look for that picture Jeremiah took of them.

Lena falls asleep easily and so does Kara, but the younger Luthor waked up from a nightmare.

Fire, again.

It's been happening more constantly since Jeremiah's death. Dr. Quinzel said that it was normal due to the recent loss but she doesn't give Lena any medicine. She says she believes that Lena can do without it.

Lena sits up trying to calm herself for a couple minutes. If she was at home she'd be in the kitchen already making a spinach fritada to eat alongside with an orange juice. Instead, she just lays back down trying to fall asleep, her chest still rising and falling unevenly. He hands shaking. Her stomach hurting.

She feels the covers shift and Kara turns to her.

"Was it a nightmare?"

Lena's voice feels choked, so she nods.

"I have nightmares too," Kara tells her before standing up.

Kara stands up and takes her hand pulling Lena out of the covers. She just follows Kara upstairs until she notices that they stopped at Kara and Alex's bedroom door. Kara was pushes it open.  
The first thing she notices is that both beds are empty. Alex is at her desk bent over some book and biting into a pen when she looks at the door. Alex has the eyes of someone who should've been asleep hours before.

The older girl yawns and makes her way under the covers. She pulls them aside in a gesture for them to get in. Lena hesitates, but Kara lifts her bed and places it next to Alex's. It forms a bed big enough to fit the three of them. Noticing Lena hasn't moved, Kara pulls Lena to the bed with her.  
Lena lies in the middle. Alex throws the covers over them and grips the two girls closer.

Silently they fall asleep.

No nightmares.

===

  
Lena's visits to Dr.Quinzel are not as often as they used to be. What used to be three sessions a week had been reduced to one session a month.

Lena knows they don't have a session today still her mother asks the driver to take them to Dr.Quinzel office.

Lillian is mad. There was no need of knowing Lillian to be able to read that in her expression and body posture. Lillian was mad and Lena knew it was her fault.

She had an anxiety attack earlier at school. Lena doesn't remember much of it but from the whispers in the hall, it seemed that she started desperately yelling asking for her mom. It wasn't her teacher's fault to think that Lena meant Lillian - Lillian was her mother (and the word always appeared to have a harsher tone in Lena's head).

Lillian was at a meeting when they called her. Lena was surprised she even came. More than once when Lena hurt herself and the school called her parents they just sent a driver to pick her up and didn't even bother to ask about how she was during dinner - Lex always asked.

Lillian had set Lena right beside her and Lena was terrified to even move.

The doctor opens her door and sees Lillian's hard face and Lena's look on the floor.

"Mrs. Lu-" Doctor Quinzel starts but Lena interrupts her standing up.

"Don't bother, doctor, I plan to make this quick given that I already wasted too much time of my day." Lena looks to the other side as she knows those words are meant for her. "I want to know once and for all, can you prescribe something to cure Lena or not?"

"Cure Lena? Lena is not sick. Mrs. Luthor are you sure you don't want to come inside where we can discuss whatever is troubling you privately."

"There is no need for that. I already have everything I need," Lillian's opens her purse and Lena sees her taking an envelope. "Your services are no longer needed, doctor. Have a good day. Let's go, Lena."

"Mrs.Luthor," the doctor calls as Lillian turns her back to her. "I understand you not wanting my services but I must recommend for you not to stop Lena's treatment. I can give you some names if you need to."

Lillian looks over her shoulder.

"I'm not looking for any advise. I did this with your manners for years, now it's time that I do things my way. I've been too soft on her and I admit that's my fault, but I will not let anything or anyone getting in the way of me raising my daughter right."

===

  
That year, Lillian sends Lena to boarding school.

It's not even Lex's boarding school. It's not an hour drive from home as Lex's was. It not even in the freaking country.

Lena exchanges letters with Lex and Kara. She sends three to Alex, but all she gets in return is a PS from Kara saying that Alex got her letter but forgot to respond.

She's just starting college. National City University. Biochemistry. Eliza is proud Kara is lonely.

Lena is lonely.

She feels lost in the school.

All the girls are either mean or too superficial and Lena turns to books. She doesn't bother to socialize with that kind of people. When her teachers notice how forward she is in all subjects they move her up one year and put her in advanced classes.

The only other student who attended these advanced classes was a girl named Veronica Sinclair. Out of commodity, Veronica becomes her only friend. She's two years older than Lena but she failed two years, not for the lack of intelligence but out laziness. She's the type of girl Lena knows she should avoid, but even in the short amount of time she tries, Veronica doesn't let her. She's a bit possessive, but Lena can't complain. Veronica keeps most of the unpleasant companies away.

On Lena's birthday, Lex and Kara call her. Lionel leaves a voicemail. Timezones, he explains.

At the end of that day, somebody drops a package at Lena’s bedroom door. It is a necklace with a blue stone in it and a note. ‘A matching set to my favorite Luthor’.

Lena puts it on and looks in the mirror.

Alex is right, it matches her bracelet.

===

  
Veronica sees the necklace and she knows. Lena has no idea how but she knows. There might even be a sparkle in her eyes as Veronica reaches to touch her necklace - Lena holds into her chair to keep herself from slapping the older girl.

"It appears that someone has a secret admirer," Veronica says in a tone that sounds dirty just like anything that comes out of her mouth.

"It's from Al-a friend," Lena stops in time. Veronica must have caught something in Lena's little slip if her smirk was anything to go by.

Lena and Veronica were friends, but they weren't friends. Veronica knew what she needed to know about Lena and nothing else. She knows that Lena is a Luthor, yes, her parents are Lillian and Lionel and no, she was not kicked out of her old school - Veronica was actually disappointed at the last one.

Lena didn't trust Veronica enough to tell her about how Lex was the best brother in the world or that he actually had a heart although his reputation. Lena didn't trust Veronica enough to tell her about Kara and what an actual angel she was and how Lena can't help but think that their meeting was meant to be.

Lena didn't trust Veronica enough to tell her about Alex.

And yet there she was. Almost giving away the knowledge to the girl. Almost giving the girl the honor to say her name. The honor to know anything at all about Alex.

"So this friend of yours have a name?" Veronica asks caressing the stone.

"Yes, as do most of the people."

Veronica laughs dryly at her response. She lets the necklace go.

"Well, he has a good taste." Lena frowns at the 'he'. She didn't expect the 'he' yet she shouldn't have reacted because that gives Veronica material enough to get her to open a smile. "So it's a she."

  
===

Veronica doesn't let it go.

She doesn't let anything go. Lena endured Veronica arguing for fifteen minutes with a teacher over a comma. A comma. So no, Veronica doesn't forget the 'friend'. Veronica doesn't forget the 'she'.

Out of irritation and in trade of some peace and quietness, Lena gives her some information. A couple others she lets slip.

Before the year is over Veronica knows that this 'friend' is also a dork. That Lena knows her since she was eight. And that she had a tendency of giving Lena gifts, and this one Veronica finds out on her own, which is not very hard given the packages Lena gets every now and then with the same handwriting.

What annoys Lena the most is that she knows pretty much nothing about Veronica. She could fit it in half of a piece of paper with space to spare.

1\. She has money.

2\. She likes controlling people.

3\. She was good with numbers.

4\. A possible gambling addiction.

There wasn't anything else to add and, differently from Sinclair, Lena didn't bother to find out.

===

Veronica is manipulative and doesn't play fair. Lena plays chess with her once and she's not sure how but Lena's pretty sure Veronica managed to cheat at chess. She avoids competing against Veronica. She doesn't know how to lose. She's already mad enough when Lena gets a higher score than.

It usually turns into a week of insults and Veronica bothering her and doing everything she could to keep Lena from studying. Out of guilt, Lena makes sure to get a lower score on the next exam. When it happens Veronica smirks at her and pokes Lena.

"See, I told you I was a good influence on you," she says.

And maybe Veronica was right. Maybe she was too boring getting so many high scores and studying all day. Who'd like a nerd like her?

"No the collar girl," Veronica would say toying with the stone while wearing Lena's necklace.

Lena wants to tell her to take it off. Lena wants to tell her that it's hers, but she can't. She can't because she can already imagine Veronica's response.

"Friends share, Lena. Aren't we friends?"

And they are. Not only that, but Veronica is her only friend in that cold place they called 'school'. The teachers aren't so bad, and the classes aren't as boring, but she misses her old school.  
She misses her school colleagues. She misses Kara. She misses Alex.

She misses home.

All she has there is Veronica. And she feels like she needs Veronica. So Lena puts up with things she doesn't enjoy, like watching Veronica being a bitch to other girls and promoting violence.  
Lena has no idea what's Veronica's problem but she likes seeing people fight.

Not on TV, but right in front of her. And she has this ability of saying all the wrong things and getting them to do exactly what she wanted.

That's how Lena ends up in a circle watching two girls trading punches as if their lives depended on it. There's a tooth on the ground and blood on the girls' fists and faces. Veronica has a smile on her face and Lena feels like she's going to throw up. She doesn't otherwise she'd hear from Veronica.

The fight is not over, but when Veronica clears her throat they stop as if trained dogs.

"Go clean yourselves up. No one hears about this," she says. As one of the fighters walk passed Veronica, Lena catches a glimpse of something slipping out of Veronica's hand and into the girls.

The small crowd disperses in minutes. Lena stays with Veronica, of course. Her stomach is still turning.

"Don't worry," Veronica says petting Lena's hair. "As long as you are with me you are safe."

===

  
She goes home for the holidays. It's the first one without Jeremiah and they all can feel it. They didn't celebrate it in the previous year. It was too recent. Too fresh. And it was his favorite holiday. Which it is why it was so important.

Eliza cooks for half an army and she already tells Lena she'll be taking some of it back to school.

"I have to make sure you are eating right," Eliza says. "God knows what they give to you at that school."

Eliza is a feeder. And she's a mom. In some ways, she fills the cracks that Lillian doesn't.

Given the spirit of the holidays, Lena goes back to speak to her mother. She doesn't exactly forgive her but they don't speak about the subject ever again. It's a Luthor thing, Lex says.  
He shaved his head and now he's practically a younger version of Lionel. Lena missed his brother. And Alex. And Kara. And she just missed all of her family and she can't be close enough to all of them at once to quiet down that feeling in her.

It's good to be with all of them at once again and it's not hard to notice that she's not the only one feeling the distance.

Eliza spends the whole night mothering Alex. The girl is annoyed, but Lena knows Eliza means it in all the best ways. In a 'my daughter has been away for so long and I need to take care of her'. Kara doesn't spend five minutes without using Lena's name in one of her sentences. While doing that she steals some food from Alex's plate.

Lillian stays during a week, Lionel stays less. Lex stays ten days and on the four days left of vacation, she stays with the Danvers.

"Soon enough, I might adopt you," Eliza says, jokingly. She doesn't need to adopt Lena to take of the girl. It was almost instinctive.

===

  
Alex asks Lena if she got the necklace.

Lena stutters. She had it in her bag planning on wearing it for the holidays. She couldn't wear around the school without Veronica taking it out of her and wearing it herself so she kept it in her socks drawer. Unfortunately, Veronica had seen it in Lena's bag as she got ready to go back home and she took it out.

"If you want this back, you'll have to come back," Veronica said and there was no taking it from her.

So when Alex asks about the necklace Lena is nervous. She loved it but she hated the idea of admitting to Alex that another girl was wearing the necklace she gave Lena.

So she just nods not being able to put into words how much she loved it. Lena's voice would give it away that something was wrong.

"So how is National City?" Lena changes the subject. "How is college?"

Alex tells her about it and asks Lena about school. Lena makes sure not to mention Veronica.

===

When Lena get's back to school she's got a tan from hanging out at the beach and is wearing Alex's NCU sweatshirt. She only realizes what a bad idea of it was when Veronica sees it.

"So your girl is in college."

Lena knows she's guessing. Lena knows she could just deny it, but then Veronica would dig and that's the last thing she wants. So Lena does the only thing she can do: hides the sweatshirt where she can't find otherwise Lena knows Veronica will wear it to annoy Lena.

===

Alex calls Lena. The younger girl is ready to enter panicking mode when she sees Alex's name on the screen.

Alex never calls. Or texts. Or is able to respond Lena's attempted in communication in any way. She apologized for it during winter break and Lex confirmed: Alex was a disaster at maintaining long distance relationships.

So when Alex's name flashes on Lena's phone, the girl is worried. Lena doesn't even bother with the looks Veronica is giving her. Her mind is already traveling to the worst possibilities.

"Alex?" Lena answers the phone.

"Hey, Lee. Yeah, it's me." Her voice sounds nervous. She's almost stuttering. Lena can only imagine she's pacing whatever she is, it was a habit of hers.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is fine. Great even, but um... I needed to talk to you." Lena gives her silence. There is only their breaths on the line for half a minute. "I'm gay," Alex lets out.

There is a delay in Lena's reaction. A moment she took to throw all her theories in the garbage and to process the new information. And a moment for her to decide how to react.

"Oh," Lena let's out. "I'm glad you decided to tell me."

"Yeah, um, I wanted to do this face to face but I just had to tell you. Are you okay with that?"

"Yes, you are still my Alex. I love you, no matter what. Not that being gay is something bad, or anything, I just meant that even if it was something bad I would still love you." Lena hears Alex's amused chuckle on the other end of the line.

"See, that's why you are my favorite Luthor."

"Does Lex knows?"

"He's known for a while now, be he was the only one who knew. I just needed to be ready before, well, coming out to everyone."

"So you two dating...?"

"Yeah, kind of a cover-up for the gay thing. Also, got out our parents to stop annoying us about it. I have to go, I'm telling mom and I think I might throw up."

"Al, don't be nervous. She loves you. And you've got me, no matter what."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Lee."

The new information only settles by nightfall.

Alex is gay. Alex likes girls. And it doesn't feel like new information. Probably because Lena had never seen Alex take any interest in boys that weren't famous scientist. So it doesn't bother her. Much on the contrary. It makes sense and gives Lena a sense of relief to know that Alex is being herself.

Another thing comes out to the surface.

Lena thinks she might like Alex like that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's kind of confusing.  
> Lots of things are happening and our Lena is growing up!  
> What can she expect from her teenage years? Romance? Summerlove? Heartbreak?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to post the ages before, sorry:
> 
> Lena -14/15  
> Kara -16/17  
> Alex -19/20  
> Lex -20/21

Kara tells her about her first kiss. It was with a guy named Adam. It is the first time Lena hears about him and Kara says nothing about love. There was an 'I like him' but no 'I'm in love with him'.

Lena doesn't hear much about Adam until about three months later when they break up. Kara doesn't sound sad and Lena doesn't question.

Lena starts daydreaming about her first kiss. She imagines what it feels like.

"I don't know. It's kind of disgusting at first but then once you get used to it, kissing starts to feel nice," Kara tells her.

Looking back, Lena had never seen her parents kissing. Closest kind of intimacy she ever saw them having was when Lionel would kiss his Lillian's cheek. On the other hand, Lena lost the count of how many times she saw Eliza and Jeremiah kissing. They were the kind of couple people showed in movies. They were the kind of couple that Lena hoped to be with someone in the future.

Lena has her first kiss that same year.

The first time it almost happened, Lena was staring at a couple of girl kissing under the stairs at school. They were older than her and didn't even noticed the girl watching. The redhead with short hair had her hand resting on the bump of the other girl's butt. The taller raven headed one had the other pinned against the wall.

It looked raw. Almost pornographic. But Lena couldn't get herself to move.

"Hey, creep!" she hears Veronica's voice coming from down the hall. it's when the couple notices her and Lena regains control of her body.

Lena pretends she wasn't watching them - she lowers her head and pretends to be checking her notes - but she can hear the girls laughing in the middle of intimate whispers. They leave with their hands interlocked but don't bother much about the younger girl - Lena suspects Veronica has something to do with it.

Lena stares at them again.

Veronica shakes her out of her hypnosis while circling Lena's shoulders with her arm.

"If you ask I'm sure Kane would be up for it," Veronica tells her while guiding Lena to the classroom. Lena doesn't look at her. She's still trying to calm down her heart and most of all she doesn't need Veronica teasing her about her reddish cheek. "Prince, too."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Your first kiss, or are you going to tell me someone has sucked theses lips already?"

Veronica was like that. Obscene. Over a year living almost daily with the girl and Lena hardly was used to it. She discovered soon enough that the less Veronica knows the best it is. With the little material she already has on Lena, Veronica manages to tease her to a point she wishes she could hide under a rock.

At her friend's words, Lena tucks her hair behind her year and continues walking hoping that Veronica would let it go.

And she does.

She does until they are arriving at the classroom to their afternoon classes and Lena feels Veronica tugging her arm and spinning her so the Luthor has her back against a wall. She has little time to react when she notices Veronica's face moving towards hers.

She knows what's about to happen.

And she turns her face.

Veronica misses her lips by little and Lena can't even hold her relieved sigh. Veronica pulls away resting her hand against the wall and keeping the younger girl pinned in place. Her expression seems torn between offended and annoyed. Before Veronica can dive again she pulls away at the sound of heels approaching.

"Let's get to class, girls," Professor West says.

Veronica smirks predatory.

Veronica tries to steal Lena's first kiss three others different times. On the fourth time, she tries Lena reveals that even if she did manage it wouldn't be Lena's first kiss anymore.

Somebody had stolen it already.

===

It happened during one Christmas-Hanuka holidays.

The Luthor's were attending one of the famous Wayne's Charity Ball. It seemed like they got more boring each year it passed. Kara being there helped. The blonde, differently from Lena enjoyed these events quite too much, but Lena suspected it had more to do with the never-ending food supply then the party on itself.

Lex was socializing with other adults. He had changed since he started really learning the business from Lionel but he was still her big brother. Every now and then when they both were home, they would lock themselves up on Lex's lab and come up with the craziest inventions.

Seeing his sister, he raised his glass at her with a nod.

The older Danvers sister was there too. Half of the time attached to Lex side and the other half trying to keep alcohol out of Eliza's hand. They didn't want to repeat the infamous Thanksgiving performance. But at the moment, Alex was nowhere in sight.

Lena turns to Kara. Or at least, she turns to the spot Kara occupied five seconds before.

She is gone too.

Lena turns 360 degrees looking for Kara (and Alex too, but she's always looking for Alex even when she's not looking). She catches a glimpse of Kara's hair but loses it as she passes through the garden's door. Lena follows it outside knowing Kara probably flew away.

She's right. She doesn't even get to see Kara fly away but the air is out of place enough for Lena to know that's exactly what happened. She lets out a heavy breath. It was good to get out of the crowd.

She isn't alone for long. Lena catches a movement from the corner of her eyes and for a moment she thinks it might be Kara, but they approach her too quietly to be the alien girl.

"Are you going to keep creeping into the shadows or are you going to come out?" Lena says to the figure. "You know I can see you."

A laugh echoes and a blond boy comes out of the shadows. Lena straightens her shoulders and crosses her arms mimicking Lillian's usual pose. The boy smirks. Lena wonders if its normal to want to punch someone from knowing them for barely a second.

"It was not my intention to be a 'creep', I'm simply used to admiring masterpieces from afar."

Lena rises her eyebrow. Had he really just said that? Well, he had just ruined her break. What a douche. And a young one. He couldn't be much older than her.

He steps closer to her.

"I'm Ethan. Ethan Cobblepot. I'm sure you've heard of my family business."

Lena nods. Everybody knew about the Cobblepot business. One of the biggest bar franchises in the world. Recently expanded it into Iran and Iraq and yearly threw extravagant and ethically questionable parties. Going was almost obligatory for a family like the Luthors - a matter of contacts and reputation - but Lillian and Lionel made sure to keep their kids as far away from it as possible.

Still, none of those things were what came to mind of people when they heard the name 'Cobblepot'. The Bar Franchise was a front organization for their real business. Gun trafficking.

Nobody talked about it, but everybody knew. And in a matter of seconds, Lena despised the boy even more, but she held her ground. She might be only fourteen but she had been taught that as a Luthor every action of hers had consequences.

"I'm Le-"

"Lena Luthor," he interrupts. "I know. I've been watching you. It's hard not to. You're the most beautiful woman in the party."

Lena frowns. Was that boy even real? More important than that: what did he want?

"Well if you excuse me-"

"Are you trying to run from me?"

He advances and this time Lena backs away. She doesn't notice the trap she stepped into until she feels her backs hitting a wall. He smiles.

"Don't worry, you are going to like this," he says seconds before he is kissing her.

She tries pushing him away and she does it, but it lasts very little before he's on her again. She continues to fight him but this time he is prepared to keep her close. As she fights his tongue starts to enter her mouth, suddenly he's gone.

And he's not only gone, he's on the ground and Alex is beside Lena. Lena never saw Alex quite that serious. Quite that angry.

"What the-" Ethan starts but Alex practically snarls at him.

"Get away from here. Now."

He throws some words at Alex. He throws some words at them. Lena doesn't process them, but they sound like trademark villains line. Lena has her fingers resting on her lower lip trying to hold onto her stolen kiss.

Kara was right, it was weird. She didn't expect it to be that disgusting.

Alex keeps her eyes on Ethan until he's gone from their sight and a bit longer after that. She's stiff for a couple breaths after that as if ready to fight him in case he decides to come back. It's only when she's calming down that Lena notices Alex's hand resting on her arm.

It's comforting. Familiar.

And once she feels Alex is calm enough, Lena looks at her eyes ready to thank her, but Alex beat her to it.

"I'm sorry for what he did."

"It was not your fault," Lena said. It was no secret the 'big sister complex' Alex developed and how she applied it to everybody she cared about, including Lex.

"I know, still he had no right to do that."

Lena uses the grip Alex has on her forearm so she can roll herself into Alex's arms. The older girl takes no time before involving her. Lena's stomach is still turning, only partially because of that awful kiss, but mostly due to the feeling of Alex's lips on her hair.

After some minutes, Alex untangles herself from the hug and she walks back inside holding Lena's hand. The younger girl doesn't even think as she lets herself be led by Alex. They cross the ballroom until they reach the reception. There is a couch there in which Alex sit they both down.

Lena ends up leaning against Alex in such a way that she is practically in her lap. Her face ends up near Alex's neck and her eyes begin to close.

Lena yawns. She can feel Alex's chuckle. It should be late already. Lena had come straight from school and had an early flight the next morning. She felt exhausted as if Ethan had not only stolen her first kiss but all her energy.

The younger Luthor can feel the sleep taking over her when familiar steps approach. Two pairs of them. Her eyes are open enough that she can see their legs. It's Lex and Lillian. Her brother has his hands in his pockets and given their closeness, Lena knows that Lillian was probably holding Lex's arm.

If he knew what happened he would go against the Cobblepot with everything that he got and that would be a bad idea. He was a bit more sensitive than he was sensible.

"Don't tell Lex," Lena whispers to Alex with the little conscience she still had.

Alex leaves a kiss on her head. "I won't."

Lena is faintly aware of her mother and her brother's voice as she slips into sleep. She is more concentrated on the feeling of Alex's hands running through her dark locks. She is more concentrated on feeling Alex's lips move as she answers Lex and Lillian.

Alex's lips...

She wonders how it would be to kiss Alex.

She wonders if she'll ever find out.

===

When summer comes, Kara goes to National City visit for a couple of weeks to visit Alex. She invites Lena to come along, but Lena decides that she's avoided learning the business for too long.

It's one month traveling all around the world and seeing her father and her brother work.

Lex doesn't like it, Lena can tell it easily seeing him interact with other people and 'work'. Not how he likes creating stuff. She misses seeing the glow Lex would get in his eyes. Somehow during the summer she even managed to convince her brother to do some 'side' work with her. Mostly building silly/useless things, but it gets him to have a little fun.

Lena is intrigued by the job. It's not quite as she imagined but it looks powering and by the end of the summer Lena might have picked some of it.

It's nice to be able to have dinner with her father and brother after so long. The table is never quiet, but it isn't always harmonious. Differently, from Lillian, Lex did confront Lionel with no fear.

“So, Alex is gay,” Lionel brings up one night at the diner. Lena looks around looking for a reaction on their faces. She was aware that Lex knew, but she's pretty sure Alex wouldn't have told Lionel. Probably Eliza either directly or through Lillian. “Another attempt at joining our houses failed.”

He keeps eating but Lex didn't. He mustn't have liked the tone Lionel used - contempt. Lena didn't.

“You must be blind if you ever thought Alex had any interest in men other than to prove that she is better than them. You all have been acting like fools for years so we decided to treat you like that. You should consider learning something from it and stop talking about things that you have no business about.”

Lionel gave him a look almost daring. Lex stood up without excusing himself. Lionel kept eating without him. Lena left before he was done.

She was planning on spending the whole summer with Lex and Lionel, but then there was this weird call that got Lionel all stiff and serious. Not 24 hours after that he already put her on a plane back home.

Lillian is not there. There is no problem in that - there is enough staff around the mansion that Lena knows she won't be alone. As soon as Kara finds out Lena would be "alone", Alex is honking by the front door and Kara is halfway of climbing out through the window in the passenger seat.

"Get your bags!" Kara screams from the car. "You are staying with us!"

==

Alex drops them off at the Danvers but doesn't stay. Lena asks Kara about it trying not to sound disappointed about not spending time with Alex.

“Oh, she’s on a date with her partner,” Kara said naturally and Lena frowned. When she noticed it Kara's eyes went wide. “Oh, Rao. Didn’t I tell you? She's dating."

===

She meets Alex's partner - Kara corrected every time she said 'girlfriend' - during that summer. Their name is Vasquez and they seemed nice. But Vasquez seemed more in love with Alex than Alex was with them.

Lena wanted to hate them, but she didn’t. Worse, she sympathized with them.

She spent most of the summer at the beach because of Kara and Alex.

Alex had managed to get a summer job as a lifeguard. She really did love water. And she looked good in lifeguard's clothes.

Unconsciously, Lena would bite her lower lip at the sight of Alex. She felt better about it when she noticed that Vasquez looked at Alex like that too. Except that Vasquez could look at Alex like that. They were together, after all.

Vasquez was a surfer. Surprisingly that's not how they met, but it meant that Vasquez was a constant during the summer. There was hardly any day when they didn't stop by to flirt with Alex.

Lena caught them making out once.

She couldn't look away at the same time she couldn't stomach the scene.

Since Eliza was always working, Kara had no other choice but to stay on the beach with Alex. Eliza didn't like the idea of Kara being alone because of the alien issue. Lena thought it was stupid of them to think like that.

Lex was traveling around Europe with Lionel. Lionel was showing his son the way of business. Lena eventually lost track of where Lillian was between Italy, Peru and Puerto Rico. She sent Lena and the boys weekly updates to let them know that she was still alive.

Lena missed them, but between staying with the Danvers or going with Lillian, she would rather spend her summer at the beach.

On her free time (when she wasn't making out with Vasquez), Alex would take Kara and Lena to get ice cream. Sometimes they would look for shells by the water - she caught Alex making a necklace with it and she thinks it will look nice on Vasquez.

Summer was something.

She couldn't say if it was good or bad but certainly, it was interesting with its ups and downs.

Lena almost had a heart-attack when Alex almost was drowned trying to save a man. She had to hold Kara down to keep the alien from flying to get her sister.

Vasquez comes by the house every morning during the summer while jogging with her dog. The first time Lena sees the animal she feels like she's seen him before.

"It's Cadmus," Alex tells Lena when she catches the younger girl staring. "Remember him?"

Lena's mouth forms an 'O' and her eyes open wide. It was a faint memory, but it was there. The dog Alex tried to hide from her parents.

"What a weird coincidence," Lena says.

"Nah, I think it's destiny," Vasquez says pulling Alex to them by her waist.

===

Kara takes Lena flying one morning so they can watch the Sunrise from the clouds. She finds it funny how she hates flying but has no fear of flying with Kara. It takes her mind off things for a while.

Alex is watching out for them. Apparently, she and Kara had come out with some codes to communicate when needed.

When they come down Kara asks if Alex wants to fly with her for while. Alex turns to her mug and says no with an empty 'thank you'.

===

Eliza teaches her how to make Pecan Pie – the best dessert in the galaxy according to Kara. Lena is sure that if she learns how to make potstickers Kara would ask her in marriage. Lena is glad that Eliza gave her full access to the kitchen, she missed it while she was at school.

“What are you making?” Alex asks slipping behind Lena and looking over her shoulder. She was close enough that Lena could feel her breath on her skin and Lena's heart raced.

“Um...” Lena starts to regain control of her speech. “Chocolate cake.” Alex dips a finger on the dough Lena was making and slips it into her mouth before Lena could slap it away. “Hey!”

Her protested fall away as she watches Alex with her finger on her mouth and there is something quite frustrating in that scene. Alex moans before taking her finger out of her mouth – was that really necessary?

“It’s good. Damn, I could eat it just like this. Don’t worry my fingers are clean,” Alex tells her raising her hands. “How come you are always cooking?”

“You know how whenever you and Eliza fight you go surfing?” Lena goes back to her dough. “This is it for me. It’s like Lex and his toys, you know.”

Alex nods and remains in silence. She only moves from behind Lena when the younger girl has to put it in the oven. She turns the timer on and turns to Alex who is leaning against the kitchen counter. Suddenly Alex breaks into a smile and raises her eyebrows amused. Lena raises only one of hers but in confusion.

“You have flour on your nose.” Alex points to her face. Lena goes red.

“Oh, God,” Lena tries to clean it up with her heart beating fast. She must look ridiculous! Alex is laughing at her! Alex is still laughing at her!

“Come here,” Alex steps closer to Lena smiling and if that wasn’t enough to freeze Lena completely she cups Lena’s face on her hands. Lena can’t breathe for a moment. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on her own breathing when she feels Alex lightly patting her nose. “There you go.”

Lena opens her eyes but Alex is still close.

“Thank you,” Lena says and steps away from Alex. Then it occurs her something. “What’s your favorite food?”

“What?”

“Your favorite food. What is it?”

Alex raises her shoulder and embraces herself. “Why?”

“Because I don’t know it. I know Kara’s and I know Lex’s but I don’t know yours.”

Alex opens her mouth and closes it thinking.

“You can’t laugh. And you have to tell me yours,” Alex tells her.

“Deal.”

“Mac n’Cheese.”

Lena makes a face.

“I was expecting something weird like fried ants or something like it given the way you said it."

“It is just that dad used to make it whenever it was the two of us. I think it's the only thing he knew how to make,” Alex tells her. “What’s yours?”

Before Lena can answer Vasquez appears hugging Alex from behind. They kiss Alex’s cheek and Alex softens against them smiling.

“Hey, Lee,” Vasquez had got the nickname for Lena from Alex. Lena tried to give them her best smile. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

“No, we are just waiting for the cake,” Lena tells them.

“Cool. Some friends are heading for a party. What do you think, Danvers?”

For some reason, Alex’s eyes search for Lena’s. The younger girl looks away.

"Let's go."

Alex left with Vasquez right after.

Lena makes Mac n’Cheese and leaves it on the fridge with a note for Alex. She had no idea what hour did Alex come back but by the morning the dish was wiped clean on the kitchen sink.

===

A Luau takes places on the last night of summer. After a lot of begging, Kara managed to convince Lena to stay for it - even Lucy was coming to the Luau! Lucy was Kara's other best friend, apparently. She was spending the summer in Metropolis with her sister. For some reason, Kara was sure Lena and Lucy would be great friends.

There is a lot of begging regarding their parents which is why Lena talks to Lex first - if anyone can convince Lillian of anything it's him. In Kara's case, the only reason Eliza allows her to go is that Alex will be there 'on duty'.

Eliza lets Alex take the car for the night. None of them were drinking, after all, Eliza remarked looking at her oldest.

The night was warm and Alex was wearing a tank top and shorts and Lena can't help but stare.

Thankfully Kara had developed the habit of dragging Lena by the hand since according to the younger Danvers Lena was too slow. Kara takes them around the fire to meet Lucy. Lucy who was Kara's best friend and even shorter Lena. The girl leaps into Lena's arms as soon as she is introduced.

"So you are the Lena I heard so much about," Lucy jokes.

Lena's cheeks burn at that and the girls laugh. None of them drink. A couple guys came offering. Lena didn't see the appeal in drinking, although rare were the occasions in which her parents didn't have a drink in hand. Kara for once knew it had no effect on her - alien metabolism and everything. And Lucy...

"My father is a General. He probably has an alcohol test ready for when I get home," Lucy tells them.

Lucy is fun, Lena decides quickly. Lucy wins a basket challenge and Lena never saw a boy so humiliated or someone so small that aggressive.

There is a boy shyly waving at them from afar. Lucy tells Lena his name is Winn and how he had a major crush on Kara. According to Lucy did not take well the 'no'.

Kara didn't even notice him. She was too busy looking at Mr. Tall-and-Handsome across the fire.

"Who is that?" Lena asks.

"Oh, that's James Olsen. Aka, Kara's crush," Lucy tells her (she likes gossip). "Go talk to him!" Lucy practically screams and Kara covers her mouth.

"Oh shush or he'll hear you. It's not like I have a chance with him he's like two years older and athletic and funny and I'm... I'm me. I'm not going to go over there and make a fool of myself!" Kara says crossing her arms.

"Isn't that Clark with him?" Lucy says squirting her eyes. "He's bringing James over."

Clark. Lena has heard of him. Kara's cousin. Kara blood cousin. Kara had trusted Lena with the full story. Lena couldn't say she was a fan of Clark or the way he seemed to completely forget about his cousin except on special occasions.

Yeah, Lena has heard of him, but this was the first time she was actually meeting him.

"Hey Kara," Clark greets them with his shining teeth and James beside him.

"Clark, hi. What are you doing here?" Kara asks trying to acts normal as Lena and Lucy traded smiles.

"I came visit a friend," he tells patting James' shoulder.

Introductions are made and they leave James and Kara alone as an unspoken agreement between all of them. It takes two minutes before Lucy and Clark are arguing - something about her sister - and Lena leaves having no intimacy with any of them to actually stick around.

She stumbles and almost falls on the top of a boy.

"I'm so sorry," she starts as the boy stabilizes them.

"Hey, don't worry. I'm fine. You're fine. We are fine." He gives her a smile. She smiles back trying to ignore the smell of beer. "I've seen you around before. I'm-"

"Too drunk for your age," Alex's voice interrupts as the older Danvers appears behind him. He groans, "Get lost before I decide to call the cops."

"You wouldn't."

"Do you want to try me?" Alex crosses her arms and the boys seem to contemplate looking at Alex and Lena, finally deciding not to risk it.

Alex's mean face is gone as soon as the boy is gone.

"Are you okay?" Lena nods. Alex had looked at her that some way after the Ethan thing.

"I'm good."

"Are you hungry? C'mon, Vasquez is making some fish on a stake."

==

Lena barely gets out of Alex's sight after that and she feels like Vasquez is competing for Alex's attention. Lena almost felt guilty for the way she ended up monopolizing Alex but Lena wasn't the one looking for Alex and holding her hand and making her laugh. It was the other way around, and Lena couldn't be totally sorry for it because she liked Alex's attention.

Things shift as it's a bit past midnight and the party is starting to end and they decide that they need a Luau princess. It's Kara's fault that Lena is nominated but it's Lucy's fault that she wins.

==

Eliza is working late and sleeping on a friend's house, so when they arrive the house is empty. Kara enters zombie mode, gets some leftover from the fridge and floats to the living room where she's been sleeping with Lena. Lena is not as sleepy as Kara but she goes to bed too. There is an early flight with her name on it and Lena would never hear the end of from Lillian it if she missed it. She was already disappointed enough when Lena's grade dropped half a point.

Lena takes long to fall asleep. She takes long enough that she can hear Alex pacing in the hall. She takes long enough to fall asleep that she can hear the sound of a bike parking in front of the house. The front door opens, the front door closes. No light is lit. There is a pair of voices whispering and climbing the stairs, one of them is Alex's. Then they stop and Alex's bedroom door is closed.

Eventually, she falls asleep.

==

She wakes up the next morning to Vasquez and Alex having breakfast. Vasquez is wearing Alex clothes and they are both glowing.

Lena knows what that means. She knows.

===

Lena had left her things ready the night before and had eaten her breakfast in fifteen minutes. She shakes Kara awake to say goodbye and asks her to thank Eliza for letting her stay.

She is on the front porch when Alex races to her calling her name.

Alex takes Lena's hand and drops something in it.

It was the shell necklace. Lena opens a smile.

"No Luau's princess can be complete without one," Alex tells her. "Though, don't show it to Kara just yet. I'm making her one and she will be mad at me if she finds out I finished yours first."

"Thank you, Alex. It's beautiful."

She couldn't even look at Alex as Lena said the last part. Yeah, the necklace was beautiful but it wasn't the only thing Lena was talking about.

Alex tucks Lena's hair behind her ear.

"Anything for my favorite Luthor."

It was a good summer.

===

The year went by and Lena only sees Alex again during the holidays, on the Danvers' typical and obligatory Thanksgiving.

The president himself could call the Luthors and invite them over, but if it was Thanksgiving they would decline without seconds thoughts.

Alex looked beautiful and older, and Lena couldn’t tear her eyes away from her. Alex barely looked at her all night until Lena was going upstairs to another one of her and Kara’s sleepover when Alex held her hand.

“It looks good on you,” she said pointing to the collar. “I have something for you in my room.”

And Lena followed Alex to her room.

She sat on Alex bed and the older girl went through her closet looking for something.

“How’s Vasquez?” Lena asked trying to sound cool about it.

“Oh, we broke up,” Alex said and Lena tried to contain her smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was mutual.” (That made Lena even happier). “Ha! Found it!”

Alex sat down on the bed next to Lena. The younger girl wonders if she always smelled that good or if it is a new perfume.

There was a book in Alex’s hand. It was the same book Alex gave as her first gift. The same she cried over and over Lillian accidentally gave it away. Her mother had bought her a new one but it wasn't the same thing - it wasn't Alex's.

“It’s your favorite and I know you bought a new one and Kara says you are always complaining it’s not the same as your first one, but I thought that maybe you’d like this version a little better. It’s a first edition. A little banged up, but, that’s the best kind right?” Alex asked with a smirk and a wink and Lena lacked words.

She took the book and Alex started to worry about her silence.

Lena didn’t notice Alex small freak out, but she did cure it. Without words to express her gratitude she turned to Alex and kissed her cheek. The older girl blushed.

===

Lena is fifteen and she wonders how long it would take for her crush to pass. It would be stupid for her to think that she actually had a shot with Alex Danvers (and there was a part of Lena that was young enough to believe that there was a chance that Alex would see her as something more than Lex’s little sister).

That Thanksgiving Lena and Kara had their sleepover - which was almost a tradition since it was the third year in a row that they did it. But that Thanksgiving it wouldn’t be just the two of them. Lucy was joining them.

Turns out that after the Luau Kara and James didn't become a thing as Lucy had predicted, which didn't mean that Kara's crush had shrunk.

“As if you don’t have a crush on him too!” Kara says hitting Lucy with a pillow with a bit more-than-average-human strength than Lena would advise.

“I simply appreciate his bone and muscle structure,” Lucy tells her smiling and turns to Lena. “What about you, Lee? Any crushes?”

Lena blushes and tried to look away as she shook her head.

“No,” and she might have overdone it a little given how the girls were looking at her. “I mean, how could I have a crush on anybody. I’m all books. Only books. No girls. Or boys. Or anyone, really. Just good old books.”

Kara and Lucy traded a smile.

“Okay, now you have to tell us. Who is it?” Lucy asked.

“No one. I just told you.”

"Bullshit," Lucy said.

"Language!" Kara complained and Lucy rolled her eyes. Kara turned back to Lena. “C'mon, tell us. We are best friends. We tell each other everything."

Shit, Lena bit her lip, Kara was using the puppy eyes.

"It can't be that bad." Lucy leaned closer to Lena smiling. "Wait, is it a teacher?”

"What? Gosh, no! All my professors are probably over a century years old."

“Okay, not a teacher. Are them from your school?" Lucy continues and Lena rolls her eyes.

"No, they are not from school. They must be from here!" Kara says excitedly.

Lena gave her a 'really?' look. Was she really siding with Lucy in this one? Kara probably was listening to Lena's heartbeat to know if she was lying - the blonde had told her that Alex taught her how to do that. Maybe if she got her heartbeats under control she could make it 'till the end of the night.

"Well, you must know them otherwise she wouldn’t be so bothered. Who do you think it is?” Lucy turns to Kara.

Kara pushed her lips together into a thin line and thinking face.

“I don’t know. I mean, she knows Winn and they seem friendly together. Other than that outside of her family there’s only Alex.”

As if her accelerated heartbeat wasn't enough for them to read, Lena made the mistake of biting her lips.

“It seems like we have a winner,” Lucy said in a softer voice, in a pity voice, in a ‘maybe I shouldn’t have pushed it voice’. She looks at Kara and then at Lena. “I think I’m going to get a glass of water.”

It wasn't a subject she should butt in after all. She did enough damage already.

“How long?” Kara asks after Lucy leaves. Kara uses a voice as soft as Lucy’s.

“Since forever. Since I can remember."

Lena took a deep breath.

"Since I met her.”

Lena had a voice that sounded like a sigh of relief as if she was letting go something she held onto for so long. She had never noticed how much it weighed on her until that moment.

The corner of Lena’s eyes shined reflecting the light from Kara’s bedroom light. Their dreamy look at made Kara open a soft smile, changed into a serious one.

“You can’t tell her Kara. Please, you have to promise me!”

“I promise. I promise on my mother’s name,” Kara said pulling Lena closer and into a hug. Lena hides her face on the blonde’s neck.

“It’s so stupid…”

“It’s not stupid. It’s kind of cute actually.”

“Yeah, and Alex is cute too,” Lucy said from the doorway. She moved to the bed and sat behind Lena rubbing her backs. “I mean, she’s kinda cranky and likes to play tough but she seems nice enough when she’s around Kara.”

“You can’t blame her for being mean to you. Do you remember the first time you met her? You screamed and threw a lamp at her shouting ‘Kara, a punk broke into your house!’” Kara remembered and that made Lena crack a smile.

“It was a fun day.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: elements of an Abusive Relationship
> 
> (Beware I was half drunk when I edited this.)  
> (Forgive me for the cheesiness of this chapter.)
> 
> Ages:  
> Lena -17/18/  
> Kara -19/20/  
> Alex -22/23/  
> Lex -23/24

Lena is almost sure they are dating.

Lena and Veronica.

They had never actually talked about it, Veronica seems like the type of girl that does those kinds of things. Steals kisses. Swings her arm over girls shoulder possessively. Finds her way into other girls bedroom and touches them where they had never been touched before.

Except that as far as Lena is concerned, Veronica only does that to her.

So yeah, Lena is pretty sure they are dating.

Their first kiss happened when some girls were teasing Lena how she had never kissed anyone. Veronica was done with them bothering not only Lena but by extension her and grabbed Lena for a kiss. It was not a simple kiss. It was a kiss with everything a kiss had a right to have, tongue, teeth, maybe too much teeth…

After that Veronica didn’t have an exact time, place or occasion to kiss Lena. If she was feeling like it she’d kiss Lena, was it in the middle of the class with the teachers trying to separate the two of them or was it in the loneliness of Lena’s bedroom.

Their first time, the first time they had sex, Lena only came to realize what was happening in the middle of it.

Veronica was a rough girl. As much as she played educated in front of the people she respected, she liked to play dirty. She’d often pull Lena out of her chair while studying and throw her on the bed so they could make out. Lena used to complain at first but she just got tired.

Their first time started like that: Veronica throwing her on the bed and kissing her senseless.

Except that Lena could taste a whole Vodka bottle in her mouth. Except that Veronica started grinding against her. Humping her leg.

Veronica’s breath was uneasy and Lena suddenly felt her pants loosen. Veronica had opened them.

“What are you doing?” Lena asked trying to pull her away.

“C’mon Lena, we felt each other up before,” Veronica said before shutting any of Lena’s argument with her mouth - it was a usual Veronica's move.

But they had never felt each other that low before.

Veronica had cold hands and a colder heart to match it. When it slipped inside there was no way that Lena didn’t notice. She jumped at the contact and because of the coldness and a sigh slipped her lips. Veronica took it as a moan. She brought Lena back to under her and pushed the Luthor down as she talked Lena into submission.

It was not nearly as good as Lena imagined. She couldn’t say it was Veronica fault.

She couldn’t be Alex, so it was not her fault.

There had been no real feelings between her and Veronica, Lena was sure of that.

But she still would let Veronica kiss her. She'd let Veronica hold and touch her because she hoped it would help her get over her stupid crush on Alex Danvers.

It didn’t work.

Lena knew it because each time she heard Alex's name her heart raced. Each time she went back home there was some disappointment when she found out that once again Alex was not there. And most of all, she knew that all her attempts at getting over Alex Danvers failed when she saw Alex handwritten ‘my favorite Luthor’ on whatever gift she decided to give Lena.

She’d just fall in love with the girl all over again.

She was twenty-two now. Lex had taken Lena to Lionel’s wine house to help him choose a present for Alex’s birthday - rumors were that on the previous year he rented an entire island for the week of her birthday.

When Lex would get bored from work he got into one of their jets and would visit Alex in university.

“She asked about you,” he tells Lena every time.

She wasn’t sure if he knew how much the smile those words caused her also made her heart hurt.

* * *

 

Dating Veronica had its perks: she wasn’t lonely and no one dared to mess with her. Unfortunately, it also meant having to attend all school events.

“Now that Prince and Kate have graduated, we are now the school’s it couple. We have to honor the title,” Veronica said when Lena whined about going.

It wasn’t that Lena hated parties. They had its charm and kind of grew on her along the years. She was a Luthor after all. But school parties were something else. They were pointless and they were boring. To make it even worse, on the day of the school’s Halloween Party, Lena was feeling sick.

She had been feeling sick all week and happily was excused from PE.

Veronica did not care. For her, it would be the end of the world for them not to go. And so Lena put on her costume knowing if she didn’t, Veronica just might dress her up.

The older girl was dressed as a snake – ‘fiting’ Lena almost snorted – and Veronica's make up was so realistic that it was scary. She was a snake in a girl’s skin. Lena, for once went for basic: Green tank top, brown pants, and a fake bandage on her arm. She was hoping to pass as Lara Croft – it was better than the idea Veronica had for her.

In truth, she couldn’t care less she just wanted to get under some covers and sleep away until she was feeling better.

Halloween reminded Lena of her mom and while she loved it because of her she couldn’t help but think that if she was still around, Lena wouldn’t her there. Lena wonders if they would snuggle with what was left of Halloween candy and if they would wear a costume to greet the kids at the door. Lena thinks they would. She imagines Kara would get an old sheet and stay close to the door hovering just to scare some of them – before revealing herself and comforting them after because the girl was sweeter than sugar. She imagines Alex there too, for some reason always in Pirates clothes while Lena snuggles in her arms.

Lena is awakened from the fantasy when Veronica takes her hand and drags her out of the room. She jokingly tries to hold onto the doorframe for a touch of drama. Veronica rolls her eyes at that.

They are late – not Lena’s fault - on purpose since according to Sinclair they had to be late so people would miss them. Lena had let out a sigh at that but she wasn’t going to say anything to make they stay in the party any longer than they had to.

Veronica did not take long to leave Lena and go dancing with some girls. She tried to drag Lena with her, but the younger girl got away saying ‘later’ and made her way to where the soda was. The pain in her abdomen was getting worst and each step hurt.

“Lena,” Professor West said approaching her, holding one of Lena’s arms. She had a worried voice. “You don’t look well.”

Squinting her eyes in pain Lena looked at her. “I’m not feeling good, Professor.”

The Professor put her hand on Lena’s forehead. “I think you have a fever. Let’s get you to the infirmary, honey.”

“It hurts,” Lena said holding her tummy with her hand.

* * *

 

Appendicitis they tell her when she gets to the Luthor Hospital. Lillian and Lionel let out a relieved sigh once they tell her. Lex squeezes her hand and tells her it’s going to be okay.

They explain to them the surgery – by then Lionel is already on the phone with one of his business partners. She stays overnight and has the surgery in the morning. She’s afraid, logically she knows she has no reason to be, but she can’t help it. Lex reads right through her and before they take her away to surgery her takes her hand again.

“It will be like you never left. Also, I have a surprise when you get back.”

And she doesn’t doubt him. She was expecting something like a box of chocolates or her video game. Instead, she gets Kryptonian puppy-girl hugging her leg, her foster sister who-she’s-totally-not-in-love-with sitting on the chair next to her bed, and Eliza standing by the door talking to Lillian.

“Seems like someone is waking up,” Eliza says noticing Lena opening her eyes. “Give her some space, girls.”

“G’Morning,” Lena groggily says.

“Lena!” Kara happily jumps out of bed. Lena has no doubt that Kara wants to hug her, but she’s glad for her hesitation, her abdomen feels a bit sore.

“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” Alex says smiling at her. Lena is glad there’s no machine connected to her heartbeats otherwise Alex would know the effect she had on Lena. “You’ve been on and off for a while. I think this time you are back for good.”

“Are you guys my surprise?” Lena asks and she can hear Lex laugher. “Weren’t you two supposed to be in College?”

The Danvers Sisters smile at her.

“Honestly, college got nothing on my favorite Luthor,” Alex says with a wink.

“Aw,” the women in the room form an unplanned choir that makes Alex blush.

“I heard that,” Lex says pointing at Alex. “Prepare for your Christmas’ present, Danvers.”

And for what feels like hours they spend talking. And how she missed it. Alex had not been much around since college. Since the last year, she had not seen her. Completely ignored Christmas and Thanksgiving – which Eliza was not happy about, according to Kara, - settling on incomplete phone calls and half-assed texts.

A doctor comes to check and leaves after explaining what the next four days might be like. At some point, Lex leaves and comes back with a confused expression.

“Do you a Veronica Sinclair?” he asks.

Lena goes white at that.

* * *

 

She swears that Veronica is happy that Lena had to have an appendectomy because after pretending to worry about Lena for five minutes she completely devotes her attention to Lillian. The older woman doesn’t even flinch when Veronica introduces herself as her daughter’s girlfriend. Alex does.

Alex stiffens at that and looks at Lena looking for a denial that never comes. The young girl doesn’t see it – she’s too busy glaring at Veronica is an ‘I’m scared’ kind of way. She’s the only one who misses Alex reaction. What she doesn’t miss is the way Alex aggressively leaves the room making sure to bump on Veronica on her way out and she stops breathing for a second.

The way Veronica’s eyes follow Alex tells Lena that she knows. She knows that Alex is her. The one who gave her the collar. The one who gave the college sweatshirt. And for a moment Lena wished she didn’t care because half of the people in the room already knew about her crush on Alex. Why did she even try?

Veronica stays for a few hours before she has to go back to school – Lena still doesn’t know how she managed to leave in the first place. Alex is gone from the room during that time, but Lena catches enough glimpses of her dragging Lex somewhere with her to know that Alex is still in the hospital. Lena tries to send her brother some questioning looks which he doesn't see or completely ignores.

Sinclair kisses Lena’s forehead and walks out of the room and it's so unlike Veronica that she can only be trying to impress Lillian.

“Since when you have a girlfriend and how come I didn’t know about it?” Kara practically screams two minutes after Sinclair is gone.

“It’s complicated, and I’m tired. Can we talk in the morning?”

“Ugh, fine! But I’m eating your Jello!”

* * *

 

By the next morning they are one man down, or in this case, woman. Lillian is gone to who-cares-where and Kara does eat her Jello and half of Alex’s breakfast sandwich after eating her own breakfast sandwich. Lex and Eliza were the smart ones who decided to have breakfast in the cafeteria away from the bottomless pit that was Kara Danvers.

When the nurses come they have this fearful look when they see Alex and Lena can’t help but frown. Alex shrugs when Lena asks about it – Kara rolls her eyes and continues to tell her job at Noonans.

“I don’t know how they let you work there,” Alex jokes taking the seat next to Lena in bed.

“She probably lets them pay her on food, that’s how,” Lena tells Alex blushing when the older girl laughs at it.

“Hey, that’s mean!” Kara complains. “Um, Lucy called back. She can’t be here but she wishes for you to get better.”

Alex groans at the mention of Lucy’s name.

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you never told me you had a girlfriend.”

There is only Kara in the room with Lena when the alien girl decides to get back into that subject. Alex is out answering a call from work and Lex had to go help Lionel – he promises to come the next day, Lena tells him not to worry.

“It’s complicated,” Lena says.

“So, are you over Alex now?” Kara looks at her with her puppy eyes. They are laying side by side on the hospital bed. Lena can’t answer; instead, she takes a deep breath. Kara understands the denial. “Veronica seemed… interesting?” she tries.

Lena huffs. “That’s one word for her.”

* * *

 

Kara has to go back to work too and Lena is surprised when Alex is still with her. The older Danvers Sister takes Kara’s place in bed beside Lena and they start shuffling on Netflix looking for something to watch – they settle for Lilo and Stitch.

“You don’t have to stay, you know that,” Lena says sleepily at some point during the movie.

“Why would I want to leave?” Alex’s voice sounds worried. Seriously worried. Lena can feel Alex’s gaze on her, but Lena is still looking at the screen.

“I don’t know. You’ve been distant these last years. It’s alright if you want to go.”

She doesn’t see the guilt on Alex’s face, but she picks up the way Alex’s heart starts beating faster because she’s lying using Alex’s chest as her pillow. Lena tries to focus on the movie, but to make it even worse she feels Alex’s fingers in her hair. She looks up at Alex who is looking down at her.

“It’s true; I’ve been distant. Since I started college a lot of things changed for me, but not this. You are part of my ohana, you call me and I come running. And I mean it. Not matter what. If we fought, if I’m on the other end of the world, I’m here for you Lee. You are my favorite Luthor, how could it be any different?”

Lena has her mouth half open because it wasn’t fair for Alex to do that to Lena! And their faces are so close and Lena just wants to kiss Alex’s lips for a second. Just to know what they would feel like. And Lena’s heart is beating faster, almost in sync with Alex’s.

What she does next is possibly one of the hardest things she’s ever done. She turns back to the movie comfortably against Alex.

“I love you, Lee,” Alex whispers close to her ear as they are drifting into sleep.

* * *

 

“I almost forgot it!” Alex says pulling out a book from her backpack. “I’ve been in a sci-fi mood lately, I hope you don’t mind.”

And it’s visibly Alex’s book. As in she held those same pages, she read from that same ink. That’s so much better than a new book.

“Did you like it?”

“I did, I wouldn’t be giving it for if I hadn’t.”

And it’s almost like Alex is giving a part of herself.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Lena read in the cover.

* * *

 

When the fourth day comes, Lena almost begs for the doctor not to discharge her.

She wants to avoid facing Veronica. She wants to stay with Alex snuggling with the older girl and watching movies.

Lena daydreams about actually living with Alex a few years from then. Waking up next to Alex, kissing her, going out for dinner, little inside jokes. Alex catches her in the middle of it. She blushes and when Alex asks Lena what she was thinking about she blurs out ‘physics’ and Alex laughs.

Surprisingly, Veronica says nothing about Alex at first. It comes up every now and then whenever Veronica is upset or trying to make Lena upset. Also, she completely stops stealing Alex’s things that are with Lena. Lena suspects that something must have happened in the hospital with the two of them, but no one tells her anything.

Kara asks about Veronica each time she calls. Lena is pretty sure she’s just waiting for the day Lena tells her they broke up to throw a party. It doesn’t happen. Apparently, Alex is more present too. One time Lena calls Kara, Alex is with her to help her sister get ready for a date.

Alex is not dating – Lena manages to ask about that casually – and that brings a smile to the younger girl’s face.

* * *

 

Lena spends most Summer Vacations with Lex. But she decides to go home for the last couple of weeks before School starts again.

She appreciates the first days of loneliness, Lillian stops by during one of them and Lena is pretty sure she must have TEAM VERONICA shirt’s ready – with Lena’s authorization Kara told Lucy about Veronica, the next thing she knows Lane is screaming at her on the phone about how she got a bunch of shirts that say TEAM ALEX so she better still be in love with the older Danvers.

It’s one rainy day when Lena decides to the Danver’s house.

Eliza greets her with a hug.

“It’s great to see you, Lena, but the girls are not here.”

“Oh, I know, I came to see you actually,” Lena tells her with a smile and Eliza curses the Luthors for adopting this girl before she could.

She sets the table for them and they spend the whole day talking over coffee and foods. It’s the kind of relationship Lena wished she could have with Lillian.

“The other day I was cleaning the garage and I found something that I think you could help me with,” Eliza tells her standing up.

Lena expects for the woman to bring her a broken TV or an old radio, but she’s confused when she sees a photo album. Eliza doesn’t have to look much before she finds what she was looking for. Lena smiles recognizing the picture of her younger-self on pirate costume between Alex and Lex.

She turns the picture to find the date it was taken and a handwritten message from Jeremiah – Don’t be mad, I love you.

“If I recall correctly that Halloween, Jeremiah, and Alex almost kicked me out of the house and into the taxi. I knew they were up to something, just I wasn’t sure what.”

Lena tells Eliza that story.

And she tells Eliza other stories.

And it’s late when they realize how tired they both are. Lena doesn’t even try to refuse when Eliza offers Lena the girl’s room.

* * *

 

Senior Year.

Lena still can’t believe it.

It had its downside like talking about college. And it was all her parents would talk about. And argue about. Lionel wanted to keep tradition and have Lena to study at Oxford – since Lex blew that up, too. Lillian was all for Lena to go to Central City’ University given its highlight in the science community.

Lex didn’t talk about it. She asked him what did he think about it and he said it had to be her choice and her choice only.

Veronica did talk about it but in a different way. Sinclair had plans to go Gotham’s Uni and thought that Lena had no choices to make: she’d go Gotham’s Uni with her.

Lena probably could get into any of those even without her last name, but she had too many doubts. It was Professor West who helped her with it, which was funny given that she was an English Teacher, Lena’s least favorite subject – still she was her favorite Professor.

“These are all great Colleges, Lena,” the woman had told her. “There are others to consider too. I’ve called some colleagues and they’ve pointed out Metropolis’ University and MIT to be more fitting for you, just like Central City’s – apparently, some Wells guy is teaching there - but ultimately it’s your choice. You should use this,” she pointed at Lena’s head, “but also this,” and she pointed at Lena’s chest.

And like that Lena eliminated all but two options.

Looking between National City’s and Metropolis’ University flyer, Lena closed her eyes and choose, throwing one of them in the trash.

* * *

 

That Halloween Lena dresses as a Pirate. She sends a picture to Eliza and one day later she gets a phone from Kara saying that they have to have Halloween together next year. Matching outfits, of course.

“I have a perfect idea! I can go as Captain America and you can go as Tony Stark. If Lucy was here she could go as Black Widow.”

“I can’t believe she enlisted.”

“Me too.”

“Maybe Alex could go as Black Widow,” Lena bites her lip imagining Alex in that costume.

“Yeah, I can only imagine why you want it. But no, I don’t think she would even know how to hold a gun. Maybe Loki. You know, dark and broody.”

“If she goes as Loki you have to go as Thor.”

“I’m okay with that. I’ll tell Clark to drag James to National City and he can be Captain America. Winn could be Hawkeye. Did you know he’s got a job on CatCo?”

* * *

 

It's a bit before graduation when Veronica somehow convinces her to sneak out for some party in town.

She had everything planned and it was a bit scary how resourceful Veronica could be. She had got them invitations, clothes and fake ID’s, and that was before Lena had even agreed to it - not that it mattered for Veronica: if she said Lena was going, Lena was going.

Lena tries to protest. They aren't supposed to leave the school perimeter, let alone go to a +21 party.

“It’s our last year,” Veronica steals an open-mouthed kiss from Lena shutting out her argument. “We have to celebrate it,” she says against Lena's lips.

Veronica picks her dress for the night. It's blue dress. A sexy blue dress. Lena almost couldn't believe it was herself in it. It was such an adult dress and with the heels, Veronica has gotten for her. She looked like she aged five years.

“You just might pass,” Veronica says from behind her zipping up Lena's dress. "It's always better to be safe," she shows Lena through the mirror and some high dollar notes. As if what they were doing wasn't already illegal enough. Lena doesn't feel comfortable in the dress. Too much showing and yet not really showing anything. Veronica grips Lena's necklace - the necklace Alex gave her. “But this doesn’t match,” and as Veronica takes it off Lena, the girl bit her tongue to keep her protests from coming out.

She’d been careful enough so Veronica wouldn’t find out anything else about her crush. She already hated the idea of Lucy and Kara knowing.

They were cooler with it than Lena expected them to be. Lucy always fuels Lena’s hope and self-esteem when she's around. She tells Lena she could have Alex wrapped in her little finger and that the girl has it bad for her. Kara is more subtle but she is worst the Lucy. Kara sends an indirect every now in then when they are in the middle of a family gathering. No one truly understands but Lena makes sure to kick the alien under the table - she almost fractured her toe doing it the last time.

Lena looks in the mirror. Her hand resting where the necklace usually is. Alex always seems to invade her thoughts when she expects it the least.

Veronica puts a long coat over Lena.

“Now we can go.”

* * *

 

It was a masquerade party and it soothed a bit of Lena’s worry. Lena picks one that covers about half of her face. Not enough to make Lena feel safe but it hid more than most of the masks she's seen so far.

Veronica doesn't take a full minute before leaving Lena alone saying she was going to get a drink. Lena waits for her for five minutes before she sees Veronica entertained with a man at least twice her age who already had a hand on her thigh - okay, maybe three time her age, plastic surgery did exist after all.

Lena feels nothing about it. Well, maybe a little disgust.

Lena makes way to the balcony. The whole place is beautiful in a fairytale-like kind of room but the view it had from the balcony still tops it.

Lena loves it: how everything seems so little and meaningless from afar.

A voice comes from beside her.

“Forty-Two.”

She turns to the voice wearing a frown.

It is a woman dressed in a back, quite revealing, dress, high heels and short hair. She's wearing a mask that only covers her eyes. Lena finds her familiar, but the light wasn’t helping. She tilts her head and decides to play along. Veronica has completely forgotten about her anyway.

“What?” Lena asks.

“The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is 42. It’s a quote from a book”

“I know. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I read it,” Lena says with a smile.

At least the woman had a good taste in books. Lena could be in worse company.

The woman has her mouth half hanging. It turns into a smile as she takes some steps towards Lena's direction. It's only when she's within arms' reach that the younger girl sees it.

It's Alex.

Of course, it’s Alex.

Alex apparently had cut her hair short from the last time Lena saw her. It was curlier than Lena expected. Alex's body - not that she was looking - seems more defined than Lena remembered but those eyes and that smirk Lena would recognize anywhere.

The younger was completely out of breath, at first at how beautiful Alex looked, but then most of the air of her lungs left her out of fear. Fear that Alex would recognize her.

“You had this look in your eyes, like someone who is wondering the secret of the universe,” Alex says sipping her drink and watching Lena curiously. “What’s your name?”

Lena holds the relieved breath that almost left her. Alex didn't recognize her. She pondered about leaving before Alex notices it was her. But then she looks at Alex's eyes.

How long had Lena wished Alex would look at her like that? Like something else than Lex's little sister or Kara's best friend. And weighing the risk and the temptation, the last one won.

A smirk comes to Lena's lips at the same time she bites them. She shouldn't have enjoyed the situation that much.

“We are wearing masks for a reason aren’t we?”

Lena’s tone comes out a little huskier than she intended. Not a tone she had ever imagined using with Alex anywhere but in her dreams. Honestly, she almost doesn't recognize her own voice. She hopes Alex doesn't either.

“Still, I’d like to know the most interesting girl in the room. And maybe in the whole city.”

“How do you know that I’m interesting?”

“First, you are not chasing after middle-aged men or narcissist playboys like most of them.” Alex points back inside and takes two steps closer. And how close she was... “Second, boring girls don’t have that look on their faces. Or know The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.”

Alex’s hand approach her face almost caressing it, but in the last second Alex seems to change her mind. Lena’s heart is pumping more blood than she needs in that moment.

She smiles at Alex - Alex who is flirting with her.

She doesn’t know it is Lena, but Alex is flirting with her. It doesn't feel like reality, but it is too good of an opportunity for Lena to pass. She just couldn’t ruin it. She couldn’t be the stupid little girl Alex had always known.

So she risks.

She takes the drink from Alex’s hand and drinks half in one go. She pretends it is not too strong for her and looks directly at Alex's eyes.

“Ask me,” Lena says as seductive as she can, laying it thicker than she intended to.

“Ask you what?”

“Whatever got you looking at me like that.”

“Why do I feel like I know you?”

“Maybe we’ve met already. In another life.”

Alex opens an amused smile.

“So it’s not only science fiction you read. You like romance too.”

“When real life disappoints, books don’t tend to.”

“Maybe you haven’t met the right person yet.”

Maybe you haven't really seen me yet, Lena thinks and bites her tongue.

"How come none of the men came to take you for a dance yet?"

"They are not my taste."

"Who is your taste?" Lena looks her up and down suggestively.

"Black dress, champagne in hand. Know her books."

Alex gives an amused laugh and stretches out her hand.

“Will you dance with me?”

* * *

 

It is not a fairy tale, Lena’s rational mind knows it, but it feels like one.

She dances with Alex and she talks with Alex all night. Lena is careful enough not to give anything away.

Each dance they got closer and the music got slower. Alex smelled so good and she held Lena just right like they fit. Lena wished the night could last all her life. She understood how Cinderella felt then.

The clock seemed to haunt her. 'Masks off by midnight', Veronica had told her earlier. The fact hadn't left her alone since the clock had stricken eleven. At the end of each song, she'd look at the hour.

53 minutes to midnight - Alex was telling her about college, how her mom pushed toward medical school and she fell in love with biochemistry.

48 minutes to midnight - Lena told her how she leaning towards enginery and how it was her brother's fault. Alex didn't connect any dots yet.

33 minutes to midnight - Alex told her about how she loved to surf. Lena knew every one of the stories Alex told her next but the shining light in Alex's eyes was worthy of hearing it all over again.

20 minutes to midnight and they are dancing.

“What are you doing here?” Alex asked her and she froze. Had she finally seen it was Lena? Lex’s little sister Lena?

“What?” Lena’s heart races.

“You are different from the rest of these people. Not only you don’t fit among them but you stand out.” Lena opens a smile.

“What are you doing here?” she shot back and Alex smiled too.

“You won’t give me anything, will you?”

“On the contrary, I would give you everything if you’d let me.” Lena’s right hand left Alex shoulder to caress her face. At first, she just ran her thumb over the older woman’s cheek, but softly it made it’s way to Alex’s lips as if Lena couldn’t control her own hands. She wanted to kiss those lips, but that was no news. “But you won’t let me.”

Alex doesn’t say anything as they slip into a silence with the flow of the dance.

10 minutes to midnight and the lights are dimmed.

The song is slowed and even the most elderly couples are dancing it with no space between them. Lena rests her head on Alex’s shoulders. Lena’s glad she is not taller than Alex, otherwise, with her ear close to Lena's chest Alex would be able to tell how Lena’s heart was almost jumping out of her chest.

Lena watches as the clock turns one minute to midnight.

Masks off at midnight.

She could see the couples on the dance floor pulling away afraid of that moment. Afraid of facing reality. But not Alex and Lena. The younger girl wonders if Alex even heard the warning shouted to the room.

Masks off at midnight.

Should I pull away?

Alex decides for her gripping them together a bit tighter.

“Is it too much to ask for a name?" Alex asks with something like insecurity in her voice.

“Kiss me and I’ll give it to you.”

Alex doesn't respond.

Lena rests her forehead against Alex's. It was intimate. Intimate in a way Lena could never be with a stranger. Lena lets out a long breath that she's sure Alex noticed.

It wasn't like Alex would ever kiss Lena, even not knowing it was her.

Forty seconds to midnight and Lena decides. She can’t let Alex know, she can’t handle the rejection.

Twenty seconds and she starts to pull away so slowly.

Ten seconds and she feels Alex holding her hand.

Alex's other hand goes for Lena's neck. She brings their faces closer and Lena could feel Alex's breath. Her eyes searched Lena’s looking for confirmation.

Oh if she had any idea…

Five seconds and Lena knows she should be gone but that's when Alex brings their lips together she can’t imagine going anywhere.

The kiss is simple. Slow. Teenage like. But as soon as their lips were apart, Lena pulls her back into another kiss and it was Alex who amended it into another. Lena grips into Alex’s neck, and Alex's hands fall to her waist.

The faint memory that they are in a crowded room makes Alex pull away. Lena watches as she took off her own mask. When she notices what it meant she turns around. Alex holds her hand.

“Hey,” Alex says with her silly (in love?) smile. “A deal is a deal.”

Lena steps closer to Alex again. She reaches for the older girl's cheek just so she can see that face up close one more time. To see that look directed to her one last time.

“Promise not to hate me?” she whispers to Alex.

Alex's face drops a little sensing something strange in it. She is confused with Lena's question and the younger Luthor doesn’t wait long for her answer. It wouldn't come anyway.

Lena takes off her mask looking at the ground and slowly raising her eyes.

She doesn't see Alex expression. Next thing she knows Veronica and pulling her by the hand and they are running out of the place. Lena looks back but any view she could have of Alex is obstructed by the crowd.

For the first time in her life, Lena was glad for Veronica’s interruption.

“If we don’t go now, we are going to get caught,” Veronica tells her along the way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers.  
> First thing, thank you for the wait, the kudos and the reviews (they motivate me to write, so yeah, I love _all_ of them).  
>  I know it was kind of mean how I ended the last chapter.
> 
> Second and most important: **For those who haven't read** _'Let's not try to figure out everything at once'_ **I strongly recommend you to read it otherwise you'll probably be confused during this chapter in which we'll have Lena and _Alex's_ POV in this chapter and will mention information contained in that fic. **

Lena and Veronica make it back without getting caught.

Arriving at her room, Lena can’t sleep.

She can’t sleep so she tosses and turns on the bed. She types and erases several messages to Kara. She was her best friend, her confidant. But she was also Alex's sister. Lena was afraid of how she’d react. She types some messages to Lucy and Lex too but none of the things she writes feels right.

She goes to Alex’s name next and she swears she sees three dots on her screen when she locks her phone suddenly.

Someone is opening the door.

It’s Veronica.

Lena feels relieved – like that feeling you usually gets after you realize you almost done something stupid.

Veronica slips under her covers. She kisses Lena and the Luthor feels Veronica's hand caressing her underwear.

There isn't as much alcohol in Veronica's breath as it usually is. Lena didn’t drink much more than that first half glass of champagne she stole from Alex, so it was safe to say she was sober.

It still feels wrong. Wronger than usual.

How was she supposed to kiss Veronica when Lena's lips were on Alex's? And to think the taller girl is wiping Alex's remains from her lips is revolting. Alex had given it to Lena willingly and Veronica was taking it from her, stealing... And a horrible thought goes through Lena's head: would Alex think Lena took that kiss from her? Not forcefully like Veronica, but manipulatively so.

Maybe it was from exhaustion but Lena starts mixing imagination with reality because she could see Alex above her with two fingers circling her clit. Teasing her entrance. She could feel Alex's lips on her skin and she could hear her sweet voice in her ears.

Suddenly it felt right. More than right. _Perfect_.

For a moment she forgets it’s actually Veronica. And that moment is at Lena’s peak. The moment her toes are curling and it was just a little bit more and… She is there.

“ _Al_ -“ Lena whispers breathlessly in relieve because she can’t scream.

“What was that?” Veronica asks shaking her out of her fantasy.

“I said, ‘aw’” Lena lies, almost stuttering once she's able to recover enough. “It hurt a little bit.”

Veronica gives her a short laugh. She doesn’t believe her at all.

“Yeah, that had nothing to do with your childhood crush who you were making out with.”

“What?” Lena asks out of surprise. She didn’t expect Veronica to know. How could she know?

“So how was it? After all, that was probably your only chance to actually be with her in that way. The only reason she kissed you was because she didn’t know it was little Lex’s little sister behind that mask, wasn’t it?”

And every single word Veronica sais had poison in them.

Not jealousy or possessiveness. Just poison intentioned to hurt Lena.

The younger girl gathers her blanket covering herself and stands up pointing to the door. “Get out,” she barks coldly at Veronica.

“What? Lex’s Little sister can’t take the truth?” Veronica teases as her fingers reach to caress Lena’s cheek. And it’s like she knows. It’s like she fucking knows.

Lena slaps her.

In the silence of the night, it sounds loud. Loud enough to wake up the whole floor, but they are the only ones who hear it. Veronica has a shocked expression while Lena is just mad. Veronica smiles and squeezes her eyes.

“You are going to regret this Lena Luthor.”

Lena lets out a breath after Veronica is gone.

* * *

 

“You okay?” Vasquez asks.

Alex is already on the plane back to National City with Vasquez. She hadn’t been talking much since they picked her up. How could she? She just kissed Lena. _Her_ Lena.

Alex gives Vasquez a low ‘hum’ in an answer. They don’t believe her, but they don’t push. It’s late after all.

“I’m going to take a nap,” they announce, but Alex is back in her own thoughts.

She picks up her cell phone again. It's turned off in the moment, but she had spent several minutes typing and re-typing messages to Lena on her way to the airport. What would she say?

 _Sorry, I kissed you. I didn’t know it was you, but now that I know about it is it couldn’t be anybody else - and I might or might not want to do it again?_ Yep, that wasn’t confusing at all.

Was she even sorry for the kiss? _No_ , a voice in the back of her mind responds – she pretends she didn’t hear it. She was replaying that night all during the flight.

She should’ve known it was Lena. Sure, she was wearing a mask, but Alex knew her voice. She knew Lena. And with everything that she had told Alex during the night, it couldn't be anyone but Lena.

She wanted to kiss Lena. She _kissed_ Lena. And that day on the hospital some months before comes back to her. _Fucked up_. Was Veronica right? Her stomach _turns_. She watched Lena grow up. Lena was half a decade younger than her. How could Alex be thinking about her in _that_ _way_? When did something change?

Alex had too many questions. But one haunted her the most _: what now?_

* * *

 

Surprisingly, Veronica does nothing to Lena other than some occasional pushes in the hallways. Lena is not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

She tells Kara she broke things off with Veronica and when the blonde notices the easiness in her best friend’s voice she lets out a ‘Thank Rao!’.

Apparently, she doesn’t know about the kiss - she tries to imagine how Alex would tell Kara. Lena is a bit relieved and terrified at the fact.

There were no text messages from Alex, so Lena guesses she’s still processing it or that she decided to ignore what happened. She still can’t believe she was that stupid. Also, what was Alex doing there anyway?

Lena comes closes to telling Kara a lot of times and she decides she has to do it face to face.

* * *

 

Alex starts having dreams. Dreams about Lena. Dreams about that night. Dreams about nights that could never happen. Director Henshaw notices her lack of focus on work and points it out to her.

She pushes the thought back in her mind. They could never be. Lena was Lex’s sister. And Lex was like a brother to Alex – didn’t that meant that Lena should be like a sister to her? No. That thought is worse. She didn’t have that kind of thoughts about Kara like she did with Lena.

_Promise not to hate me?_

Lena’s words repeat in her head. She knew. Lena knew – and maybe she knew all along – that it was Alex behind the mask.

Did that mean that Lena wanted to kiss her? Had she somehow made Lena kiss her without her wanting to?

Alex’s phone ring with Kara’s message displayed on the screen.

_Lena’s graduation is next week! What are you wearing?_

Oh, _fuck_.

* * *

 

There is graduation.

Her stomach turns when she remembers it.

Everybody is coming for it. Even Alex.

“Can I just skip it?” Lena complains into the phone. She hears Kara’s dramatic line on the other side of the line.

“No skipping graduation! It’s like a rite of passage!” And it Lena whines. “Is it because of Veronica?”

Lena frowns and she’s glad Kara can’t see her face when she finally understands why Kara would be saying it. They ‘broke up’. People would understand if Lena wanted to be as far away as possible from Veronica. Lena decides that’s easier than the truth.

“Yes,” she lies. “It’s because of Veronica. I mean, there will be another graduation some years from now too. It’s not a big deal.”

“Okay. You are lying. Not about not wanting to go, but about Veronica. Why do you want to skip graduation so much?”

“I...” Lena throws away the idea of lying. They both know how _well_ that went. Lena is a good liar, but not when it comes to Kara. They never let her forget the fiasco that Kara's surprise party because of it, but how could anyone resist those puppy eyes? “I can’t tell you. Not that I don’t want to tell you but I feel like it’s physically impossible for me to tell you. I’m just afraid.”

Kara doesn’t push for more instead, she works with what Lena’s given her. Before the phone call is over she makes sure to remind Lena that she can tell her anything. Lena nods before remembering Kara can’t see the appreciation on her face.

“Soon,” she says to her.

But when the Graduation day comes Professor West has to find in Kara in the middle of the crowd to get Lena to stop freaking out.

Kara gives her a speech - Lena is sure it's great, but she's not actually hearing it given that she's probably having an anxiety attack. But she listens to the end of the speech that it's what manages to get her on the stage.

"You are Lena freaking Luthor. You can do this."

Lena steps into the stage with everyone else from her class – and she’s never been so thankful for L and V being so far away from each other.

She spots her family in the crowd. Kara is holding both of her thumbs up with a smile – and that never fails to make Lena smile. Next to her is Eliza, followed by Lionel and Lillian. Lex is at the other end. She only acknowledges that Alex is missing later, in that moment she’s too caught up by Lionel’s proud eyes.

He’s the first to hug her and Lena struggles to contain the tears. She gets one from Lillian too – a cold hug, but Lillian didn’t know how else to hug. Kara practically tackles her on the ground before she reaches Lex.

And Lena laughs trying not to choke on the blonde hair as she hugs her back. And then she goes to Lex, hug him tightly and she lets a tear or two slips when he says he’s proud of her.

Lex, Lillian, Kara, and Eliza take Lena out to dinner. It’s when she asks about Alex.

“She had an emergency at the Lab. She couldn’t come. Oh, but she asked me to give you this,” Kara says pulling a box out of her purse.

Lena opens it.

It’s a fountain pen with her name on it.

There is no note.

Given what happened some months back Lena is not disappointed as she thought she’d be. She’s mostly relieved. It doesn’t feel like nearly enough time to take in that night. And there is yet hope – for what, Lena is not sure, but she feels it in her heart.

* * *

 

Kara is mad at Alex for missing Lena’s graduation. Alex saw that coming.

She wasn’t ready yet.

* * *

 

Lena goes to Metropolis. Kara helps her get settled and stays with Lena for the first month. She even gets Clark to show them around one day and Lena meets Louis.

“So you are the ‘ _Lena’_ Lucy and Kara tell me about?” the woman asks happily.

And Lucy and Louis don’t talk much since she went to the army, it’s mostly through letters, but Kara does. Lena wouldn’t doubt that Kara just might talk more Louis than she talks to Clark.

“Does Clark really thinks the glasses thing works?” Lena asks Kara once they are alone and the blonde has her mouth half opened.

“I guess? I mean, no one figured it out so far.”

“He’s a ripped goofy reporter who probably never has been at the gym. He can give the farm excuse but I think people are just too polite to point it out.”

Kara has to go to National City eventually and she spends a whole night trying to convince Lena to go with her. Each ‘no’ is harder for Lena to say because she wants to say ‘yes’ but she can’t. She can’t because Alex is in National City and she’s decided to avoid Alex until she couldn’t.

* * *

 

Lena's first semester at university is uneventful. She doesn’t make any friends at first – Luthor name and all. The few that did try to interact with her reminded Lena too much of Veronica and it was easier to just push them away.

She exchanges daily photos of her routine with Kara. Kara sends Lena a photo of her application for a job as Cat Grant’s secretary. When Lena sees it she is sure her best friend went crazy. She doesn’t point it out, she just sends her a good luck message.

* * *

 

It’s one month before the holidays when she meets Samantha Arias.

Samantha is a single mom with a part-time job and who somehow still managed to find time to study. She is in one of Lena’s administration classes. They get paired up with a project and halfway through it, Samantha receives a call and she runs off saying she has to go. It’s not until one week later that Lena finds out she has a daughter.

“It’s no secret. I hear people whispering about it all the time. Is like high school all over again,” Sam tells her. That was probably the moment in which she decided she was going to be Sam’s friend.

“I don’t listen to gossip,” Lena tells her and it’s the moment that Sam wishes she could say the same because the rumors about Lena Luthor were so wrong.

The Luthors were a known family, especially in the business world, so everybody their class knew she was a Luthor. And while at first, that seemed like instant popularity, rumors were that Lena was a bitch – the girl had a feeling that Veronica might have something to do with it. Lena didn’t mind it, it kept most of the people away. The other part - those who were interested in her name and money that didn’t really care about her supposedly being a bitch - was easy to scare away.

After a week of almost daily meetings with Lena, Sam saw that the girl was far from being the bitch the rumors said she was.

It was in the following week when they were supposed to meet again and Sam called Lena because her daughter’s school was closing up earlier for the Holidays and she had no one to watch Ruby.

“Bring her over. Or I can go over there. I mean, if you want to. If you don’t there is no problem. We can reschedule again-”

“Lena,” Sam interrupts her rambling. “Actually, would you mind coming over? I don’t want to impose or anything, but Ruby is quiet. Well, most of the time. But if you do mind you don’t need to, really.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I offered.”

It takes one hour, twenty-four minutes and half a slice of pizza later for Ruby to say she likes her mama’s new friend.

* * *

 

She dreams of Alex.

Every night she can remember, she dreams of Alex. Some of them are a memory like, with slight alterations. Others are future scenarios. Good ones – in which she arrives at the Luthor’s mansion and finds Alex waiting for her at the door and once Lena is out of the car, Alex goes to her and pulls her into a passionate kiss before looking at Lena’s eyes and telling her she couldn’t stop thinking about her (mental note: stop watching so many cheesy movies). And bad ones – in which Alex called her awful names and everybody knows, everybody hates Lena and she’s alone again.

Just to be safe she extends her studying schedule so she only has four to five hours of sleep. It’s not physically healthy but she hopes it helps her emotionally.

Lena has mixed feelings about the Holidays this year.

She wonders if Alex would find a way to run from that too. Alex running, Lena chuckles at that thought. When she was younger she did think Alex was perfect – as Lex had pointed out a few times for her saying that Alex wasn't. As she grew up Lena saw Alex’s flaws but she never thought she’d see her running.

Alex always seemed so brave, yet looking at her phone and at Alex last text before that happened, Lena couldn't help but feel that Alex was running.

The jet lands and Lena got lost with all the possible scenarios she imagined that she didn't see the time pass. She got nowhere.

Lena is confused when she’s about to leave the private jet and she sees Lex. He was never the one to pick her up, so that was suspicious.

Had Alex told him? _Oh, fuck._

And it all makes sense. Lena’s heart speeds up. That’s why he’s there. It can’t be good if he won’t even wait for them to go home. Will he kick me out? The thought is ridiculous but Lena is in panic.

Thankfully he speaks before his sister.

“Don’t bother getting out. Change of plans. Thanksgiving has been moved to National City. We are filling the tank and leaving.”

“What? Why?” Lena asks.

“Apparently if Alex isn’t coming for Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is going to Alex’s,” Lex clarifies.

* * *

 

Alex opens the door to see Lena and Lex on her doorstep and she’s completely frozen for a moment. Rao, Lena is beautiful. She always knew it, but it was like the gay part of her had finally realized it. And the moment is completely awkward because Alex’s eyes are glued on Lena and neither of them is moving.

If Alex thought time would help to get Lena out of her mind she was wrong. She hadn’t been able to get the girl out of her mind. Seeing her just made it worse.

“Lena!” Kara jumps into the younger girl’s arm. Happily, it’s enough to cut that awkward moment short and for Alex to busy herself with other things. “What’s wrong?” Kara asks probably feeling Lena’s stiffness.

Lena’s eyes look for Alex’s at that. Was she mad at her? She wasn’t able to tell. She looked at Lena like she wasn’t able to recognize her for a moment.

“Nothing,” Lena tells Kara. “Jet lag, that’s all.”

Kara pulls her to the couch as they continue talking.

Lena’s attention drifts during it. Of course, it drifts to Alex. Most of the time the girl is busy with something else and doesn’t notice. The times their eyes meet Lena’s heartbeat accelerates and she grips on the couch not to jump from her seat to connect their lips because now she knows what they feel like.

She wished she could read Alex’s mind.

Those times their eyes meet, Lena can still feel Alex’s gaze on her long after she’s looked away. Lena decides to take it as a good sign.

* * *

 

“Call me when you land,” Alex tells Lex.

 

“I’ll text you.”

 

“Jerk.”

 

“Asshole.”

* * *

 

Lena ditches the hotel and stays at Kara’s. It’s two in the morning when they start to get sleepy. Kara’s bed is small enough that cuddles are obligatory so the two can sleep in it. Their sleepovers are a cemented tradition now – one that according to Lillian they should’ve outgrown years ago. If Lucy wasn’t with her fathers she’d probably be there with them.

Lena is thinking about the previous hours. She decides it’s not the worst-case scenario. They even exchanged a dozen words or so. Still, it’s the way Alex looked at her when she arrived and when she left that haunted Lena. They were two different looks.

When she opened the door and saw Lena, Lena felt like a stranger to Alex. Like Alex didn't even recognize her. By the end of the night, maybe it was the alcohol or the sleepiness but their initial awkwardness was forgotten. Instead, as she was saying goodbye Alex had this tender look.

It made Lena want to kiss her again. It made Lena want to melt into her.

“You are thinking about Alex, aren’t you?” Kara asks, behind Lena.

“Is it obvious?” Lena turns in the older girl’s arms so they are facing each other.

“No really, but I don’t know what else could you be thinking about.” Lena chuckles at that. “Want to talk about it?”

“Yes,” Lena almost shouts. Kara has no idea how much she’s been bottling it up. “But I’m afraid. I’m afraid you’ll hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

“I kissed Alex,” Lena says in a single breath and Kara suddenly sits up.

“Wait, what? When? How? How did she react? Why aren’t you together? Wait, are you two together? That’s why you were exchanging weird looks across the room thinking nobody noticed? Does Lex know? Oh Rao, does Lucy know?”

“Slow down.” Lena sits up crossing her legs in front of Kara. “I think I got half of those questions. Ever thought about being a reporter?”

“Don’t change the subject. You kissed Alex!” Kara squealed. “Tell me everything, from the beginning.”

Lena stops herself before she can start. Kara knew the beginning. Kara knew her doomed crush on her brother’s best friend. So she skips that part. She jumps to Veronica and the party. She can’t stop herself from telling Kara about the Forty-two – and smile while doing so. After that, she sums it up until she gets to the kiss.

And it’s only a kiss.

She had several of those with Veronica and they meant nothing. This kiss with Alex…

It felt too much to be only a kiss.

“It was almost midnight and I was ready to run and she asked me for my name. I told her I’d tell her if she gave me a kiss.”

“Oh, Rao!” Kara says hugging her pillow so tight Lena was sure it would explode. “She kissed you then, didn’t she?”

“I took my mask off after it and I had to go before knowing how she took the news,” Lena finishes it hating that particular ending. Kara was equally as displeased as she demonstrated by throwing her abused pillow on Lena's head almost knocking her out of the bed.

“Lena!”

“Kara!”

"How could you leave it at that? That's like the worst cliffhanger ever! Have you two even spoken after that?”

“You’ve seen it.”

“Oh, Golly! You two are a walking disaster. Have you ever heard of communication? Now I know what all that was about.”

* * *

 

Lena goes back to Metropolis after lunch. Kara drives her to the airport – Lena counted four traffic infringements on that ride alone (she has no idea how Kara got her driver’s license).

Kara watches her jet take off before going back to her car. She pulls out her phone.

“ _They’ve kissed!_ ” Kara shouts as soon as they answer.

* * *

 

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Lena sends Kara a picture of her with a four-year-old girl. Five seconds later she receives Kara’s answer.

KARA: _WHEN DID YOU STEAL A CHILD!_

LENA: _Borrowing her from a friend for today._

KARA _: WHEN DID YOU MAKE A FRIEND!_

===

Alex tries to go out on dates, although what she said to herself the year before. They are as terrible as she expects them to be. She always calls Lex after.

"Maybe you were right to be done with dating. Maybe you are just picking the wrong girls," he tells her over the phone (and she's pretty sure she picks up a moan).

"Are you having sex right now?"

"The right question is why are you not having sex right now?" She hangs up on him.

Alex goes to her contacts and over Lena's names. She stares at it for too long. _Rao, what had she done to her?_

* * *

 

“I’m a single mom. What’s your excuse for being single?” Sam asks her.

 _I’m in love_ , Lena thinks.

* * *

 

"What's wrong with this one?" Vasquez asks opening up a beer for Alex after she got back from her date. Alex sits between them and their girlfriend.

Alex doesn't answer. She only takes a sip of her beer, _they are not her_.

* * *

 

Next Thanksgiving it’s in Midvale. Eliza puts her feet down about it and she threatens to use Kara if she needs to.

Lena catches a ride with the Danvers girl. Surprisingly, she finds Kara in the back seat while Alex is at the wheel.

“She lost radio privileges, so she’s acting like a brat,” Alex explains to Lena.

She's playing it cool. Kara told her that Lena would be coming with them just a few minutes before they were leaving. Alex had a five minutes internal freakout. After that, she decided with the easier way out. Pretend like nothing has happened - pretend that the last time she touched herself Lena's name didn't slip out of her mouth (Rao, she was so screwed).

They are not even out of National City when Kara starts singing. Alex threatens to throw her out of the car. It’s Lena who suggests for them to find a common ground and somehow five minutes later the three of them end up singing along to the radio.

“See, that’s why I brought you with us,” Alex says nudging Lena. She blushes and looks away.

Kara decides to use it to guide the conversation. “So, are there many pretty boys at MU? Or girls? Or people in general?”

“I haven’t really been looking,” Lena admits shyly. It’s not her reaction that Kara’s watching.

“Well, according to Sam you haven’t, but they have been looking at you.”

Alex clears her throat, quite uncomfortable. “Who’s Sam?”

“Lena’s new friend. She has the cutest kid ever.”

“Hey! You made a new friend!" Alex says excitedly. "Do you remember when you got here and you said you weren’t good at making friends?” Alex asks Lena.

“You were my first friend if I recall that right.”

Alex smiles forcefully. Never the world _friend_ tasted so _bittersweet_.

* * *

 

Lena stays for dinner but decides to head back home for the night.

Alex retires herself to bed early. She had been off several moments during the night. It only got worse after Lena left. Kara joins her not much later.

“You know, your heartbeat is especially loud when you can’t sleep.” Alex turns to Kara. She was bluffing. “What’s keeping you awake?”

“I’m thinking about doing something stupid,” Alex says and she’d completely blame me it on the movies Kara made her watch during sisters’ nights for her idea.

“Do you want me to talk out into it or out of it?”

“I don’t know.”

* * *

 

Lillian is not the one that usually wakes up early but that morning she did. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. Not long after that, Lillian is bothered by a familiar noise: the sound of Jeremiah’s bike. For a while now it’s been Alex’s bike. She can’t imagine what the girl was doing there so early in the morning. Lillian opens the door before she even knocks.

The girl has a terrified look on her face, like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Mrs. Luthor,” Alex says breathlessly. Lillian looks the girl up and down and notices the envelope in her hand. “You are up early.”

The girl was clearly nervous which made Lillian curious about the content of that particular envelope.

“I am, indeed,” she answers the obvious statement. Then she points at the envelope. “Would like me to deliver it for you?”

“Wha-? Oh… Um… Forget it, it’s silly.” Now Lillian was curious.

“Given that you must have awakened at five to arrive here at this hour, I doubt it is. Don’t you trust me to deliver it?”

Reluctant, Alex takes a deep breath before giving her the envelope. She’s too deep into thought to notice that she left without saying goodbye. Lillian stays by the door watching the girl leave. She’s smart just like her mother, but it’s a pity that she has too much of Jeremiah – Kara’s arrival just made it much clearer.

Looking at the envelope, Lillian is surprised to see it’s addressed to Lena. How odd. Those two always had a peculiar relationship. Lillian wasn’t proud to admit how long it took her to realize that her youngest was in love with the Danvers’ oldest. Until that point, Lillian had no reason to intervene. Until that point, she never saw Alex reciprocating those feelings. Holding the letter she wondered if something had changed.

Lillian sits back down in her office.

Of course, she’d read the letter. It concerned her daughter’s safety.

Lillian opens it and she is instantly disappointed: it’s not even a proper letter. It’s a note. Two lines long. Rushed handwriting. Badly folded. Lillian didn’t know those weren’t signs of sloppiness, but doubt. She had no idea how Alex barely slept going forwards and backward on this. Alex couldn’t take the time to write Lena a proper letter because if she thought too much about it, she wouldn’t go through with it.

 _If you meant the kiss meet me at the beach on our spot at sundown_ , the letter said.

There wasn’t even a signature meaning Lena would know it was Alex’s.

Lillian rests her chin on her hands. Although several pieces of the puzzle missing, by Alex’s face, Lillian knows all she needs to know.

Alex was in love with her daughter.

Her daughter was in love with Alex.

She could not let it be.

Lillian thought the Danvers’ girl was smarter than that. Smarter than to fall in love. That’s why Alex and Lex were so good together: they weren’t in love. They weren’t in love but they loved and respected each other. Just like Lillian and Lionel. It was the same reason why Lillian liked Veronica for Lena – they weren’t in love, but they could grow to care for each other.

To be in love is to be emotional. And emotions cloud judgment. Lillian warned Eliza about it back when they were young. She didn’t listen to Lillian and married Jeremiah. She settled for a medium life. It made Lillian sick of her stomach. She would not let Lena suffer the same fate. The solution was easy.

A broken heart.

It always worked. It worked on her and it worked on Lex. It would work on Lena too.

Lillian folds the note and places it back in the envelope. She makes her way to her daughter’s room. She knocks but once there is no answer she carefully opens the door. Lena’s still asleep. Her mother can’t help but notice the amount of _Alex_ in her room. The surfing trophy, the blue bracelets, that National City’s jersey (though, that could be Kara’s). Half of Lena’s books probably were gifts from Alex.

Lillian sat by her daughter’s bed and softly woke Lena up.

“Mother?” Lena confused eyes focused on the image in front of her. “Why are you up so early?”

Lillian gives her a minute to fully wake up. Lena sits up.

“A little bird came to deliver this,” Lillian hands her the envelope and Lena’s confusion increases.

* * *

 

Alex goes for a run. She had gotten too used to the DEO rhythm to stay still even during the Holidays and the fact she delivered the note – she actually did it – left her unquiet. She had been hovering on Eliza since she got back, but it’s only when she manages to irritate Kara is that they give Alex her running shoes and push her out of the house.

She runs by the beach, stopping two or three times to chat with a couple familiar faces. On her way back she receives a text from Eliza saying she’s taking Kara with her to do some grocery shopping. _Did Kara eat all the food in the house again?_ – Alex texts back on the family chat grinning. Kara sends her ten more messages that Alex doesn’t bother to read - they are retaliation messages.

Kara and Eliza will be out of the house for a while.

Alex slows down as she approaches the house. She squints her eyes at the sight of someone waiting for her on the front porch. Her throat runs dry as she recognizes them.

It’s Lillian.

“Mrs. Luthor,” Alex greets her. She can feel her guts turning. Lillian stands up and it makes Alex more nervous. “My mom’s not here.”

Lillian smiles and it’s a bit terrifying. “I came for you actually.”

 _Fuck_.

“You read it.” Lillian nods. Alex’s hands close into a fist. Lillian had no right to do that.

“I did. And I delivered it to her right after.” Alex’s fists soften (it’s not like she’d use violence anyway). “I am a woman of my word after all,” Lillian says.

It eases Alex’s worried for a brief moment. Then she wonders what the woman was doing there. Did Lena send her to try to mitigate the rejection? No, that didn’t make sense. If Lena did that she’d probably send Kara. Maybe… Maybe Lillian forbid Lena from coming. That made sense. Alex felt her rage growing again.

“What did you say to her?” Alex says trying to keep her anger from showing.

“Nothing. She has no idea I read it.” Lillian looks at her up and down. Alex’s heart is erratic. “But you won’t do it.”

The certainty astonishes Alex. “What?”

“Do you really think that what you are doing is right?” Alex gulps. “She’s twenty – she’s young and stupid. You’ve been there, you know how it is. And Lena should know how it is without the weight of love on her back.” The hostility in Lillian’s voice is clear. “If you care about her, you won’t do it. I know how the story goes. Want me to tell you? You are in love. Both of you. You decide to take it slow, be careful. And you’ll go back to National City and she’ll go back to Metropolis. You stick to phone calls at the start, but eventually, she misses you too much and the next thing you know she’s moving to National City with you. And it’s different from how it was before because there is closeness, intimacy, jealousy, fighting. Suddenly you are not as in love as you were before, but you keep trying because you still love her, although you think about others. You might not even cheat on each other – sometimes that worse. Eventually, you’ll settle for a medium job, so will she. And you’ll settle for a medium life and a medium love.” Lillian shrugs. “Most people do. But that’s not what you want for her, is it?”

Alex doesn’t answer. Lillian smirks pacing around Alex, stopping behind the girl.

“Now, let’s say you break her heart. She’ll probably cry, I’m not going to lie. She might hate you a bit – but not really. There will be a distance between you two; things will never really be the same. It will hurt but both of you will move on. And she will know better than to have her heart broken. She’ll be stronger than before. She’ll be successful and she won’t rely on anybody for her happiness. Some years from now she might even thank you.”

“Those are both awful scenarios.”

“Realistic ones. You should know better than to believe in fairytales.”

“Is this your way of threatening me?”

“No, at all. I like you, Alexandra, and it’s why I think you’ll make the right decision. You just need a little push.”

“But what if you’re wrong? What if we can be happy together and she can be successful and we’ll love each other just as much, if not more than we do now?”

“I guess the real question is how much are willing to risk.”


	9. Chapter 9

Alex was already there when Lena arrived. She was sitting in their usual spot - the same spot Alex showed her when she was about ten and watched Alex surfing. Lena’s heart was beating like crazy during the whole trip there but knowing that Alex was there, that _it_ was happening calmed her heart down a little bit. She knew there was still the possibility of rejection – no point in Alex’s message it said that she felt the same – so Lena had spent most part of her afternoon trying not to get her hopes up.

Lena was pretty sure she could never be ready for Alex’s rejection. She even considered not going. That way she could keep the illusion alive, but the thought of unnecessarily hurting Alex made it impossible for Lena not to go.

She stood at a distance for a while, taking some deep breaths hoping that it would also bring her courage. Alex had her gaze at the sea during that entire time. The beach was pretty much empty at that hour. Midvale was not known for its cold weather, but it was a particularly chilly night and, yeah, Lena had forgotten to bring a jacket just like a fucking movie script.

Between freezing or having a heart attack, Lena decided that it was time to approach Alex and deal with it once and for all. She was about three steps from Alex when the older girl turned around.

Lena had a sudden urge to run. Instead, she settled her feet firmer on the sand and stared at Alex waiting for her to make the next move. Alex for a moment just stared at her trying to figure out if she was real – she’d been picturing the moment for so many hours by then that she wasn't sure anymore. Alex decided that there was only one way to know.

She closes the distance between them. Lena almost stepped back out of reflex, but then she remembered: it was Alex. Her Alex. There was no need for her to back away. She’d trust in Alex with her life – _with her heart_. So she stood her ground. They didn't touch, though. Not immediately. Somehow there was a thin layer of emptiness between them.

Alex brought up her hand to Lena’s face at first not quite touching it either. Then she did. Alex ran her fingers over Lena’s skin. The younger girl couldn’t help but gasp; Alex’s touch caused a shiver through Lena's spine. Alex’s other hand came into play doing the same and Alex eyes didn’t just look at Lena. They admired her running over her features like she was a masterpiece.

(She was).

(She was).

Lena couldn’t take the tension between them and closed her eyes hoping that it would make it easier. It made everything worse – the good kind of worse. She wasn't seeing the way that Alex was looking at her but she felt every one of her touches more intensely. She felt the rough spots on Alex’s hand and the soft spots on her hands. She was more aware of the pressure of some touches and how some felt likes ghosts over her skin.

Alex’s hands eventually settled cupping Lena’s face. Lena felt Alex’s thumb on her lips tracing their outline, parting them just a bit. Then they were replaced by the feeling of Alex’s breath on her face. Lena couldn’t help but open her eyes. Would Alex kiss her? Lena’s heart jumped faster this time in excitement other than fear. Their faces were closer than Lena expected. Alex’s mouth was just hovering above Lena's. Alex gaze was focused on younger girl’s lips.

Lena tried to close the distance between the two of them but Alex’s hold kept her in place. Alex withdrew just enough to avoid the kiss. She did go back to their former position right after. Lena, read it as a rejection and tried to pull away, but Alex was holding her in that spot like they were in some sort of living picture. And looking at Alex’s eyes, Lena thought she understood what was happening.

Alex’s lips parted and trembled. Her eyes looked at Lena’s.

“Can I…” Alex licked her own lips and Lena felt herself running out of self-control. “May I kiss you?”

Lena nodded. She nodded more frenetically than she'd intended. It didn’t matter. It was a short-lived movement because at the first sight of the ‘yes’ Alex was hoping for she captured Lena’s lips. And it was A kiss. More passionate than their previous one. Alex tried to keep it slow at first but Lena took the lead holding the back of Alex’s head and pacing the kiss as she wanted. Alex gave into to it.

It was a more dedicated kiss than their previous one; Lena smiled. And this time Alex knew. Alex knew what she was doing. She knew it was Lena and she was kissing her like _that_.

None of them were thinking much during that moment. Lena’s heart was beating too loudly for that. That couldn’t be healthy. But it calmed down as the kiss went on. Lena pulled away the first time and she barely managed to catch a breath when Alex brought her back into another. Alex wasn’t just _kissing_ Lena. Lena felt like she was being _absorbed_ and she could feel the endorphins spreading through her body.

The kiss ended melting into short-lived ones until their lips were just hovering over each other like before. They stayed holding each other close. Partially because at some point Lena grabbed Alex’s shirt. Partially because they were both completely out of breath.

They rested their forehead together as a way of leaning against each other. Alex’s hands that were originally on the girl’s face, moved to Lena’s waist and the other fixed the younger girl’s hair. Lena opened a smile and Alex mimicked it.

God, that was a good sign.

“You kissed me,” Lena said dreamingly.

“I did,” Alex chuckled as if she didn't believe it either. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you since that night.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“It’s complicated,” Alex said. “It still is. And that why we need to talk.” Alex saw the panic go through Lena’s face. She tried to her calm down. “I want you. And I want to be with you, but we need to talk first. We need to wait.”

“Why? Didn’t we wait enough already? I want you and I want to be with you too. Isn’t that enough?”

Alex nodded. “For now, yeah. But I don’t want to only have _now_ with you. I… I can’t fuck this up, okay? I and I’ve never… I’ve never felt like this and when I’m with you…”

Alex’s loss of words made Lena smile. She stole another kiss from the older girl. Alex smiled back and Lena managed to get another one before Alex pushed her away still smiling at her.

“I’m serious Lee. We have to talk.”

“Does it have to be now?” Lena used a seductive voice leaning further into Alex. The sigh the older girl let out didn’t go unnoticed. Lena smiled trying to go for another kiss.

“Rao, you’ll be the death of me,” Alex says giving in.

* * *

 

They eventually stopped kissing.

“You ran out of kisses for me?” Alex asked jokingly.

“Nah, I’m just saving some for later,” Lena answered leaving a last kiss on Alex’s neck. Alex was pretty sure Lena had no idea of the _effect_ she had on the older girl.

They went to their usual dining. It was one of the last nice places still open at that hour. They couldn’t stop smiling and Alex felt like a kid again. Last time she’d been this happy she was a teenager and Kara had taken her flying for the first time. _Flying_ , Alex thought, _this feels like flying and surfing at the same time_.

They slid into their booth beside each other. Lena had been griping her arm and Alex liked it. It was like Lena was afraid she’d run. Alex was afraid that she’d run. _That_ , whatever they have, was a thrill. It was scary. A good kind of scary like she was _freefalling_. Like anything and everything could happen. But it also felt comfortable. Alex felt in her element around Lena. She knew Lena and she felt like she could just be.

“You are here late, girls,” Mrs.Colbie said approaching. Alex was suddenly more self-aware. She’d like for them to talk this through before announce whatever they were to the world. “Celebrating something?”

“Kind of,” Alex answered. Mrs. Colbie chuckled almost knowingly.

“And where is your happier half?” she asked pointing at Alex. “And your grumpier half?” she asked pointing at Lena.

They both laughed. “Home and getting home, in that order,” Lena told her. “How are you Mrs. Colbie?”

“Happier now that you girls are here. I remember when you were a baby, Alexandra, such cute cheeks. And loved my apple pie since you first eaten it. And I remember when you arrived too, Lena. You still have the same bright smile. Now you all grown up and out of the home. We barely even see you anymore! Oh, don’t mind me! Do you guys want to order?”

“Actually, now that you mentioned it, it’s been a while since I’ve eaten your apple pie, any chance you have a piece left?” Alex asked.

“I’m going to check it. Anything else?”

“And a milkshake!” Lena added. Mrs. Colbie smiled. She knew very well which flavor.

After she was gone, the two girls traded a smile. They didn’t kiss, Alex can see in Lena’s eyes that she wanted to. She gave Lena a look that said 'no'. Lena pouted playfully. And God, they were talking with their eyes. No words. That’s the kind of intimacy it would Alex months to develop into a relationship. With Lena, it was just… ~~meant to be~~ natural.

Lena leaned against Alex’s side and the older girl put her arm around her shoulder keeping her close.

“So… We kissed,” Alex whispered.

“So…? ” Lena asked confused.

“What does it mean? Does it-“

“It means that I like you,” Lena interrupted Alex. “I like you like that. I’m-” _in love with you_. “I want to be with you. I thought we had established it already.”

“I know. We did. But I mean… Where do we go from here? Do we go anywhere? I mean, you are Lex’s sister. You are Kara’s best friend. What if it doesn’t work out?” Lena’s stomach turned at the idea. “We can’t just do this because ‘ _us’_ doesn’t just mean you and I. It means Kara, and Lex, and mom, and – Rao – your mother…”

Lena smiled softly.

“You know, it’s kind of cute that you are this nervous about it,” Lena said. Alex raised her eyebrows. “But, I don’t know.” She took Alex’s hand that was hovering just out of her own shoulder and interlocked their fingers before looking up at her. “We could try it. Go slow. We don’t have to tell anybody at first. Keep it between us. See if it works. Go from there. If we think it won’t work we talk it out. Stop it. Nobody gets hurt. No hard feelings. If anyone can do it, it’s us.”

It was possibly the determination in Lena’s eyes that convinced Alex because Alex found herself nodding at the younger girl. That time it was Alex's eyes that are pleading for a kiss. Lena smiled but before she could fully raise her head to kiss her, they pulled away from each other when Mrs. Colbie arrived.

“There you go, girls,” she said placing the pie in front of Alex and the milkshake in front of Lena.

“Thank you, Mrs. Colbie,” they said almost in unison.

Alex took her arm out of Lena’s shoulder to eat her pie. She moaned at the first bite. It was so delicious to watch Alex eat that for a while Lena’s milkshake is forgotten. Alex caught her though.

“You want some?” Alex asked covering her mouth still chewing.

Lena thought for a moment before nodding. Alex put a piece on the fork and held it up to Lena, but instead of taking the fork, Lena held Alex hand in place and slowly put the fork in her mouth. She pulled away wiping it clean just as slowly. Lena let out a low moan and she was pleased when she notices how Alex’s mouth was hanging half open.

“That was delicious. Thank you, love,” Lena told her leaving a kiss on her cheek. Alex was visibly frustrated.

“I- Um- Yeah.” Alex tried to recompose herself. “I want a bit of that milkshake too, FYI.”

“I don’t know… What do I get in return?”

“You gotta a piece of my pie. Kara would probably have to threaten me with her heat vision for me to give it to her. I think that stare of yours just might be deadlier.”

“Sleepover tonight.” Alex choked on her piece of the pie. She truly choked and a couple pair of eyes looked at them. Lena ran her hand over Alex’s back as the girls recovered from it. “I’m not saying we should do anything I just… I want you to hold me so I won’t wake up tomorrow thinking it was just a dream.”

“Lee…” Alex started protesting.

“We can sneak in. Mother is probably at her office. Lex probably hasn’t arrived yet and Father is coming only in the morning. Nobody will see us. Nobody has to know if you are not ready yet. Please, Al…” Fuck, Alex was so weak for Lena.

_Alex Danvers’ cause of death: Lena Luthor._

* * *

 

Alex liked it more than she’d admit. Lying next to Lena. Holding Lena. But they take way too long to fall asleep. It turned out that kisses could be very distracting. It took all of Alex’s self-control to push Lena away as they are making out on Lena’s bed when she felt Lena’s finger on the skin of her stomach.

God, they were supposed to take things _slow_.

“That’s not slow,” Alex said pushing Lena away as they sat beside each other.

“Can you blame me? I never thought I’de be able to do this…” Lena rolled so she was half-laying on Alex before stealing a short kiss. Alex smiled.

Alex tried not to think about _it_. The five-year gap that was between them. She tried not to think about the little girl hiding behind her father’s legs so many years ago. But sometimes that still got into her mind, so she took her hand away from Lena, or turned her face so Lena’s kiss would hit her cheek, or pulled away from the kiss.

Alex had been self-conscious while going back to the Luthor Mansion. Lena called one of her drivers and Alex had let go of her hand as soon as the car pulled over – the last thing she needed was this being whispered to Lillian’s ear. She tried not smile too widely when Lena started whispering sweet things in her ear during the ride. She tried not to give in so easily into kisses. Alex was completely conflicted.

She had made her decision, she told herself. She chose Lena. She wasn’t going to change her mind now. She was scared, but that would pass. She just had to hang a little longer.

It was a whole new side of Lena to get used to. A side that kissed her, and teased her in too many un-friendly ways. And Alex felt like a teenager. She felt like Lena was the older one because since they’d talked she’s been the one taking the lead. She’s been the one saying, _I want this, I like that, You don’t have to be afraid, I’m going to kiss you_.

Alex wasn’t this scared with Vasquez. And scared wasn’t the right word. She knew Lena – it all went back to it – there was no fear of saying the wrong thing or doing something she shouldn’t. And maybe that made things a bit more complicated for them. She knew about Lena’s favorite color, favorite animal, she knew about her obsession with reality shows and how she was secretly a genius. And it was a good thing, but at the same time, Alex didn’t know how to fill the time they’d be getting to know each other. She didn’t know how long she should wait for the _I’m in love with you_ (it didn’t seem, but it was a big deal for her – she’d never been in love).

Worse, how long should she wait to say _I love you_ – now that it had a different connotation?

“You think too much,” Lena pointed out. Alex chuckled, she hadn’t realized she spaced out that bad. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“No,” the denial came easy. And it was true. She was glad she ignored Lillian’s advice – but some part of it still rings inside her head. “I just don’t want to screw this up.”

“Is this too much?” Lena asked. Alex understood what she meant. Them. In bed. Kissing.

“No, not too much. But it’s different and part of me will take some time adjusting. There’s a part of me that is saying that is shouldn't be doing this, shouldn’t be kissing you. Shouldn’t want you like I want you.“

“That sounds like you are having doubts,” Lena said in a more serious tone.

“I know it sounds like it, but I’m not. I’m not listening to that part of me because that was the same part of me that made me wait two freaking years to do something about it because I would ‘get over you’.” Alex ran her fingers through Lena’s hair. “I never did. I could never get you out of my head. Or that kiss. I don’t care how it looks like to other people, or what should be. This _feels_ right and that’s the only things that matter.”

Alex wasn't prepared for the kiss that followed, but she didn’t resist it either. It was pure fire. And honey. And passion. And Lena pushed her down on the bed. Alex fixed Lena’s hair to one side so it wouldn’t get in the way of what they were doing. Alex found herself between Lena’s leg and as the girl pushed into her, Alex grabbed her tight and- _Fuck_ , Lena let out a moan.

They had to stop, Alex thought as she felt her underwear getting wet. They had to stop otherwise Alex wouldn’t survive the night.

So Alex flipped them _(thanks Rao for DEO training_ ). Lena looked breathless under her, and for a moment Alex completely forgot her intention was to take a break from that. Rao, she wants Lena. So it’s twice as hard for her to stand up, but she does doing her best not to look at Lena lying down on the bed like that. _(Wanting to be ravaged_ ).

“Where are you going?” Lena asked in a teasing voice.

“I’m going to take a shower. A cold one. Before we give ‘slow’ a completely different definition.” Lena smiled biting her lip. _Fuck_ , Alex forced herself to look away. She was wrong, that wasn’t death – that was torture.

* * *

 

Alex’s hair is humid and dripping a little coming out of the bathroom. She took a shirt she had given Lena at some point and borrowed one of Lex’s boxers. Lena is admiring the view when she caught Alex smiling at herself.

“What’s that face?”

“I just had a thought. A thought that I should not have two hours into a relationship.”

“Well, we met at the beach more or less at six, it’s now almost eleven, so we are about five hours into our relationship.” Alex rolled her eyes as Lena pulled her to bed by her shirt. Alex fell on top of her laughing into Lena’s neck, taking the opportunity to leave several kisses on it. “Don’t think you are going to distract me with that. So, what dirty thoughts were you having?” Lena teased.

“They were not _dirty_ thoughts,” Alex made sure to point out. “I was just thinking how when I was a kid I used to have clothes here of when I hung out with Lex. Now I’m going to have clothes over because of you.”

Lena smiled at that. “I would like that. A lot.”

“Now, who’s having dirty thoughts?”

“They wouldn’t be just thoughts if someone insisted on going slow.” She fixed Alex’s hair out of her face. “I’m not complaining, just pointing it out.” She had a smug face. “I do have one question. Can I tell Kara?”

Alex’s face changed with the question. It was hesitant.

“Not now,” it sounded like a pleading. “I want to tell her, I want to tell everybody, it’s just I want to be sure. Let’s give it a few months before we tell anyone, okay?” Lena nodded, but she’s less enthusiastic than she was before. “Lee…”

“I know. I’m sorry, it’s just…” She gripped Alex’s sweater. “Nothing. Forget it,” she said getting out of the bed. “Now, I’m going to take a shower.” But before she could fully leave the bed, Alex pulled her back into her and roll them over giving Lena all kinds of kisses. Kisses on the mouth, cheek, neck. Lena giggled helplessly. “It tickles! It tickles! Alex!”

Alex stopped with the enthusiastic kisses, leaving softer ones so Lena can catch a breath. The younger girl looked at Alex. The way Alex was looking at her, _God_ , she didn’t want to ever leave that bed.

* * *

 

Alex fell asleep holding Lena. She woke up six and fifteen. Forty-five minutes later than she was used to. She decided another fifteen wouldn’t do any harm and pulled Lena against her body. The younger girl was completely asleep and remained so.

Alex needed to go. She knew it. If she wanted to keep it a secret, she needed to go.

But she couldn't go without letting Lena know. Whatever they had, was still too fragile for Alex to let Lena think she had seconds thoughts about it. She couldn’t leave a note in fear that Lena’s mother would find it – Alex doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to send a note ever again without picturing Lillian Luthor waiting for her in the front porch.

Alex hated having to wake Lena up. She shook Lena gently and smiled when the younger woman tried to hide her head in the pillow.

“No School. Sleep,” Lena moaned in her sleepy haze.

“I know.” Alex pushed Lena’s hair away from the side of her face so she could kiss her cheek. “I have to go,” she whispered in Lena’s ear. Alex couldn't help herself but leave a kiss under it. Lena let out a moan completely different from before. “I’ll see you later, Lee. “

“No. Stay.” Lena gripped Alex’s shirt.

“I can’t.”

Lena said something into her pillow and Alex didn’t quite get it.

“What was it?”

“At least give me a good morning kiss,” Lena said turning to face Alex. She was not as sleepy anymore.

Alex pushed her lips together. “I don’t know… That sounds like a trap.”

“Oh, does it?” Lena arched her eyebrow. She lifted herself with the help of the hold she had on Alex’s shirt. “Why? Is it because if I kissed you like this-” Lena gave Alex’s lips a kiss, so quickly that Alex can’t help but lean forward for more, but Lena’s lips were already out her reach “-you’d want another kiss like this?” Lena completed giving Alex a proper kiss this time.

Alex knew Lena’s teasing was far from over when she felt her lips form a smile as the kiss ended.

“Or maybe,” Lena continued, “it’s because I’d pull you down on top of me,” she did it and Alex felt her heartbeat accelerating. “And I’d kiss you like this.” Lena’s kiss was feral. It got Alex’s core heating up and all the air in her lungs gone. Alex tried to keep herself from fully laying her weight on Lena but the way the younger girl is gripping onto her made it difficult.

“Lee,” Alex gasped once she manages to pull her mouth away from Lena. She looked at Alex from head to toe and she bit her lips. Alex groaned watching her. “Don’t- Don’t do that.”

Lena smirked and before she can do whatever she’s thinking about, Alex stood up. Alex gave Lena a warning look. Lena made an innocent expression.

Alex rolled her eyes before pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it at Lena. It hit her face and when Lena managed to get it out of her face Alex already had her back turned to Lena and she was putting on her shirt from the day before. Alex looked over her shoulder to see Lena looking at her butt. Lena didn't blush when she saw she’d been caught. Intead, she gave Alex a devious smile.

Alex finished putting on her pants and leaned over Lena.

“See you later?” Alex asked. Lena looked at her lips nodding before taking Alex’s lips on hers. “You better behave better than this, Lee.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Al.”

* * *

 

Alex left the taxi to find two pairs of eyes looking at her with a teasing look. Kara and Eliza looked at each other and opened a knowing smile before turning back to the other half of the Danvers sisters. Alex looked down at her feet.

“Look at what the cat dragged in,” Kara said teasingly.

“I have no idea what you are talking about. I was out with friends,” Alex repeated the lie she had been rehearsing on the way home. Her mother fell into a laugh and Kara followed.

“Alex, dear, we love you but you have one friend in Midvale and Lex hasn’t arrived yet,” Eliza said.

Alex gasped. “I have friends! It’s not because you don’t know them that they don’t exist.”

“Oh, honey. You are a terrible liar… Remember that time when you were five and you broke my vase and when I asked you what happened you told me it was a bird?” Eliza then turned to Kara. “All the windows were closed.”

“I could’ve closed after it was gone!” Alex argued. She was working for a secret government agency for more than three years and they had no idea! She was a good damn liar.

“That’s so cute,” Kara said. “Also, you remember how to pick up a lie by heartbeats and you are lying. About both.”

“I wish I had never taught you that.”

“So, who’s got you glowing like that?” Kara asked.

“You know what? I hate you,” Alex pointed out before making her way inside.

* * *

 

There were rules for the Danvers-Luthor Thanksgiving. 90% of them were for Alex and Lex.

Alex and Lex were not allowed to be in the kitchen simultaneously since they've almost flooded the kitchen two years before. Alex was not allowed to take anything out of her oven since she almost burned her hands before she forgot to get the _gloves_. Alex and Lex were not allowed to sit near each other during meals that involve knives. Lex was not allowed to ‘ _fix’_ anything while drunk.

That year though Alex and Lena settled a couple rules between themselves.

The first one is obvious but Alex decided to make it clear either way: _no kissing_. No hand holding. No sitting near each other at the table. Avoid making ‘the eyes’ at each other. Avoid romantic subjects – principally with Kara.

By the end of that night, they’d broken every single one of those rules.

* * *

 

Kara and Eliza have been infuriating Alex all day so she started sipping on some bourbon earlier than planned. _No one has even arrived yet, Alex_! Kara reprimed her before putting it in the freezer – Alex never quite got that habit of Kara, she only knew that last sisters night when she went to get the ice cream for them she found a bottle of tequila, an open beer, and half a bottle of wine, all of those that at some moment Kara had taken from Alex’s hands. _A waste, really._

The Luthors arrived all together and while Alex thought greeting Lena would be the weirdest thing, she totally forgot about Lillian. Alex wasn’t afraid of many things, but she was a bit afraid of Lillian. The smile that Lillian had on her face did not help.

It was ‘ _if I killed you no one ever would find your body’_ smile.

Alex completely forgot that she’d be in the same room with Lena _and_ Lillian.

Alex had thought about telling Lena what had happened between her and Lillian, but…

Well, Alex had this idea. She had this idea that in about five years they’ll still be together and that she’ll ask Lena to marry her (yep, they were together for one full night and Alex is already picturing their _marriage_ – she had been doing so long before if she was being honest). She wanted Lillian to be there for their wedding, not in an _'I told you so_ ' kind of way, but in a _'we are all family'_ way. Besides, Alex didn’t know how Lena would react and the young Luthor already lost one mother, Alex would take no part in taking the other away.

“Hey!” Alex jumped as Kara sneaked up on her – she was a goddamn secret agent, that shouldn’t happen! “Chill out. It’s just me.”

“What is it?”

“Eliza is calling you to make the drinks.”

It was a recent new tradition. It used to be Jeremiah’s thing. It had been only a year since Alex took on the tradition after she proved that she was better at it than Lex (it was quite a comical competition that cost Alex two glasses, a cut on Lex’s hand and a hangover to everybody except for Kara and Lena).

Kara follows her there. Lex and Lena are already in the kitchen with Eliza.

“You.” Alex pointed at Lex. “Out. Got some drinks to prepare.”

“Oh, please, as if I’m going to drink anything I didn’t see you preparing with my own two eyes,” Lex said.

He made sure to hover over Alex to annoy her. She skillfully flipped a knife turning twice on air before falling back on Alex's hand ( _thank you DEO_ ) and points it at him. Before she could threaten him, Eliza spoke.

“Alexandra Danvers! You do not play with knives! You could hurt someone.”

“Or yourself,” Lena pointed out.

Alex looked up to meet her eyes. They had a soft look. A look of care and Alex can’t help but get lost in them. She smiled back at her and it’s like the room disappeared. Unfortunately, she totally forgot that she was cutting limes. A sudden pain reminded her of it.

“ _Fuck_!”

“Alex!” Lena was the first to see it. Alex cut her hand. She rushed to the older girl and pushed Lex out of the way already covering the injury with a piece of cloth nearby. Eliza rushed right after.

“Let me see it, I’m a doctor,” Eliza said.

“You’re not that kind of doctor, mom,” Alex said calmer than everyone – she’s pretty sure Lex is dialing 911. “It was just a small cut, no big deal,” she told everyone.

Lena’s eyes were fixated on the cloth stained with blood still flowing out of the injury. Alex noticed it and held Lena’s hand using her uninjured one to get the younger girl’s attention.

“Hey, I’m alright. Just a minor injury.”

Lena opened her mouth but her words die as her eyes meet Alex’s again. She was overreacting – Lena was aware of that. She wasn’t sure why. And just because she couldn’t she wanted to kiss Alex.

“Come on, honey. Let’s get that cleaned up,” Eliza said practically taking Alex away from Lena.

Kara’s already cleaned the mess – she hated blood and injuries and-

“Rao, why are you humans so fragile!” Kara said once the only two people who weren’t aware of her secret were not in the room. Lex went to finish Alex’s job but Kara took the knife from him. “Nope, I’m doing it. Then I’m replacing all knives for plastic knifes. Though I don’t doubt you and Alex just might find a way to hurt each other with it.”

Lex went to protest but he ended up agreeing.

“Mom, I’m fine!” Alex said entering the kitchen again. There was a bandage around her hand, but no blood in sight. Eliza came right behind caring the medical kit. “If it starts bleeding again I’ll do the stitches myself.”

“Please don’t,” Kara said putting the cut Limes in front of her.

Lena leaves the kitchen not long after. She was pretty sure she was the reason for Alex’s injury. Lena felt guilty and pleased at the same time. She'd never thought she’d be able to distract Alex Danvers like that. She didn’t even realize she’s smiling and biting her lip as she made her way to the living room. Lillian did.

Lena gravitates to the wall where she saw a familiar picture hung. The Graduation picture. She never expected to see it hung. The only family picture she had at home was actually a painting of the four of them in a Victorian-like portrait. It felt cold. Distant. That one felt like home. The only thing that was missing there was Alex.

Lena feels someone behind her.

"It's a nice picture," Kara said.

"I agree. It's a shame Alexandra wasn't able to be there," Lillian pointed out in the other end of them. It was a surprise to hear her voice. She wasn't the one to engage in conversations unless someone called her. "I hear about the accident early in the kitchen. I hope she's alright."

"Yeah, it was just a little cut," Kara dismissed. "She was distracted."

"Distracted?" Lillian arched her eyebrow suspiciously.

"Well, Lex and Alex are never a good combination in the kitchen," Lena said. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it was intended a one. Could Lillian be sniffling it already? Alex and Lena? If Lena had to guess she'd say Kara would be the first one to find out, but think it through it was her mother who brought her the note. She must have read it.

"They surely fit better when they were together," Lillian said and it stings a little on the younger Luthor.

"Lillian," Lionel said in a repriming voice. She gave him a look but none of them said anything else.

Lena looked at Kara who didn't understand it either and shrugged.

Lex entered the living with a drink for himself and for his mother. Eliza followed carrying hers and Lionel's. Lena was surprised when Alex came bearing two glasses. She handed one of them to Lena who looked at her wearily.

Alex smiled.

“Alcohol-free,” the older girl told her. “For helping me earlier.”

Lena smiled back. It’s a less innocent smile than before and Alex has to look away because, fuck, she felt like they were doing a shitty job at keeping it a secret. Lena's eyes fell on Lillian and she could see how Alex suddenly tensed when she became aware of the older Luthor woman's eyes on her.

As much as Alex wanted to be close to Lena, they’d have at least a couple of days for that. Where there would be no one watching. Or interrupting. And nothing to hide. They just had to survive Thanksgiving.

Lena’s eyes followed her as Alex goes to be anywhere else - they fell on Alex's butt for a few seconds, but _goddamn skinny jeans_! Alex looked back at her stumbling into the couch. Lionel kept Alex from falling.

She gave him a smile.

_If you had any idea of the things I'm thinking of doing with your daughter._

* * *

 

It didn’t take long until they were sitting at the table.

Kara threw Alex some gloves before she could sit down and asked for her to take the turkey out of the oven (Kara had finished cooking it before and left it on the oven to keep it warm). Lex was half drunk already and they knew it because he was talking about soccer – he talks about football when he’s drunk. He pulled Alex down onto the seat next to him right after she set the turkey on the table.

One moment later Alex realized that Lena was on her other side.

Lena realized it too. They traded a small smile as if saying _we can do this._

It got worse one moment later when Lillian sat in front of Alex.

_Fuck Rao._

“So, who wants to start?” Eliza asked.

“I’ll go!” Kara says enthusiastically. “First, I’m thankful for my family. Not only Alex and Eliza but all of you. I’m thankful for having my sister closer to me this year.” Alex mouthed her an ‘I love you’ to which Kara blushed. “And I’m thankful for this great year that I had.”

It continues until everyone has said what they were thankful for. Alex cut hers shorter because of Lillian’s eyes on her. It was like _she_ knew. Could Lillian know? Alex couldn’t remember doing anything too incriminating.

Kara was on her second plate when Lillian spoke.

“So Alex, are you seeing someone?” she asked. Alex was frozen for a moment. They all were. Since when did Lillian initiate a subject at the table?

Alex took a sip of her drink before answering Lillian. All eyes were on her. “Um… No. I haven’t been seeing anyone. Labs keep me busy. You can ask Kara.” Kara supportively nodded.

“So you haven’t been romantically involved with anyone?” Lillian continued and this time her question brought out several frowns.

“No. There was someone who I was interested-” Alex put her hand on Lena’s leg under the table hoping she’d get the message. “She didn’t feel the same.” Alex felt Lena squeezing her hand, but she didn’t dare to look at Lena (Lillian was suspicious enough).

“Ow, honey,” Eliza said.

“Give me a name. I’ll make her disappear,” Lex provides threateningly serious.

Alex took another sit of her drink before opening a smile. “No, it’s okay. She was right and we are just _good_ friends.” She looked at Lillian while saying it.

“Well, in that case-” Lillian lifted her own glass. “To new loves.”

“I’m with mother,” Lex lifted his glass next.

"Or maybe old loves?" Kara started. "I mean, maybe some old flame or someone you never thought about? Maybe _someone_ right in front of-" Lena nudged Kara under the table.

 _Stop it_ , she tried telling Kara with her eyes.

There was an uncomfortable silence on the table as Kara took a long sip of water without ever completing her sentence.

A car alarm goes off.

“It’s your car again, Alex,” Kara said. “You should get that fixed.”

“I’m going to get a new car this year. Don’t worry. Just gonna unplug the wire,” Alex said standing up.

“A new car because of a broken alarm? I’m all for new things, but that’s a stupid reason. I’m going to fix it right here and right now!” Lex said slapping the table. Yep, he’s drunk.

"No, you're not." Alex cut in.

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

“Tools?” he asked standing up.

“Garage, under the red shelf,” Lena supplied. Lillian looked at her. “What? I like to do repairs every now and then and nothing breaks in _our_ house.”

Eliza laughed. "I'm not sure if I should feel offended or complimented by it."

* * *

 

Twenty minutes and a fire extinguisher later, Alex’s car was more broken than before. He threw his credit card at Alex but she was still pissed. _You were buying a new one either way!_

Alex went to her room get Lex some clothes she’d stolen from him at some point. His clothes were all dirty and one of his sleeves was gone – Kara tore it away from him when it caught fire. Alex heard the door closing after her.

She smiled and turned around hoping it was Lena.

It was Lillian.

“I’m certainly confused. Maybe you’d like to enlighten me,” Lillian said sitting on Alex bed with her legs crossed.

Alex took a deep breath. _Follow the plan,_ she told herself.

“It is what I said at dinner. We met yesterday but she went not because she meant the kiss, but to explain why she did it. In the end, it was a mistake. She wasn’t- She isn’t in love with me. I made a fool of myself but we talked it out. We are okay, but we are just… like we were before, I guess.”

Lillian’s eyes were suspicious. Alex hoped she couldn’t see the lie. Alex was able to cheat a freaking lie detector; she could lie to her future mother-in-law. Wow, that was a horrifying thought.

Lillian looked at Alex up and down.

“I’m not sure how I feel about it. I guess it’s better than other options. Do tell me, what you have done if this wasn’t the case? If Lena was in love with you?”

“I-” A knock on the door interrupted Alex. She let out a relieved breath. It didn’t last.

“Alex, what is taking-?” Lena stops. “Mother? What are you doing here?”

Lillian stood up. “Just came to check on Alex and her,-” she stepped closer to the Danvers girl cupping Alex’s face, “- _broken heart_.” She let Alex’s face go and took Lex’s clothes from her hands. “I’m going to see if your brother hasn’t burnt any neurons he has left.”

Lillian left the room and Alex couldn’t move for several minutes. Lena waited until her mother is downstairs to step closer to Alex. She gripped the back of Alex’s arm and rested her other hand on Alex’s chest. The older girl’s heart was beating like crazy.

“Al,” Lena called. “Are you alright? What happened?”

Alex shook her head. “I think your mother is up to us.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“No, it’s just… Nothing, just… I’d rather face Zod any day than to face your mother.” Lena laughed.

“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you,” Lena told her with a playful smile.

“Will you, now? My knight in shining armor. Well... Cozy sweaters in this case.”

Lena hummed and before either of them were aware they were leaning in. Alex realized it first but it’s too late to stop it because it’s Lena who connected their lips. Alex let them have it. Only for a couple of seconds. It would be too dangerous to let it get longer. And then softly she pulled away.

Lena took a bit longer to leave the haze of the kiss. She had a predatory look.

“Come over tonight?” Lena asked.

“You want to have me killed?”

“She’s not going to kill you.” Alex rolled her eyes. It was easy for Lena to say it. She wasn't the one courting Lillian's daughter.

Lena bit her lips. Alex wondered what she was thinking. That was soon answered with the feeling on Lena’s lips on hers again. As soon as she registered them, they were gone again.

"Lena!"

"Oh, one more time wouldn't kill you." Lena gave her a teasing smile. _Fuck_. "Come to Metropolis with me for the weekend. No parents. No siblings. Just us,” Lena blurred out.

"Lena..."

"Come over later. We can talk about it." Lena settled with another kiss. This one longer than the other two. Alex felt herself being guided backward until her legs hit the bed and she sat. With not only Lena's lips were gone, but the girl too, just giving Alex one last _look_ before leaving the room. “I’ll leave my window open.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you made it! Anyone surprised?  
> This was going to be longer BUT I have no idea when/if I'll have time to write this week so I decided to post what I had.
> 
> Now, I have a good news and a bad news.  
>  **Bad news:** I will no longer be able to write/post as regularly from Monday 19 on. **Good news:** : I still have two weeks to write **and** there is Carnaval in the middle time which means 5 days of staying home and (hopefully) writing.
> 
> Thank you for reading and reviewing!


	10. Chapter 10

Lena woke up to the sound of knocks. She took a few seconds to realize that they weren’t coming from the door but from the window. _No, it couldn’t be…_

Lena lifted the covers and slipped out of the bed. She opened the curtains and barely lit by the light of the moon Alex was waiting outside of her window. Wide-eyed Lena hurried to unlock it, fumbling with her own hands while doing so. Once it was open, she pulled Alex inside by the jacket and they almost fell due to the sudden motion. Alex managed to keep them with both feet of the ground. She smiled Lena who had become aware of the coldness of the jacket.

Lena lifted her hand to Alex’s red cheeks. “God, you’re freezing.”

Lena said with worry. She aggressively took the covers from her bed and started to wrap it around Alex, pulling her closer. Human heat, she told herself – she was still getting used to the fact that she didn’t have to come up with excuses anymore to be close to Alex.

“Well someone told me to come by – and through the window, if I may add – and yet it was locked,” Alex complained in a mocking tone. Still sweet.

“I’m sorry,” Lena said with the cutest face. “But in my defense-“ Alex arched her eyebrows knowing where it was heading. “ _In my defense_ , you were taking too long and I thought you weren’t coming given the whole ‘going slow’ thing.” Lena had made it cleared the night before how she thought it was bullshit, but then she was aware of these feelings years before Alex. She wouldn’t push the older Danvers more than she had to.

“You have no idea of the things I’d for you.” Alex tone was serious and playful at the same time. Lena opened a smile. A smile that made Alex think ‘ _this girl is going to be the death of me_ ’. “C’mon. It’s three in the morning. I’m cold. I drove here under this pitch-black sky. I demand some cuddles. And hot cocoa by the morning.”

Lena stepped closer making her way into the blanket she had wrapped around Alex’s shoulders. “I’m okay with that.”

She leaned in for a kiss and Alex put the blanket around Lena too. Just before Lena could connect their lips she felt Alex pacing them ‘till the back of Lena’s leg hit the mattress. She looked at Alex with a smirk. It was a _nice_ turn of events.

Lena sat down and started bringing the older girl down with her.

Alex complied. As their lips were almost touching, Alex guided them into a lying position. Lena’s heart started racing and just when it was about to start to get good Alex rolled from over her and onto her side. Alex adjusted her head on the pillow and threw one of her arms over Lena pulling her closer.

_Cuddling her_.

“Goodnight,” Alex said with a devious smile.

“Tease,” Lena responded under her breath. She still turned her backs to Alex and leaned more into her touch.

She could’ve tried to convince Alex into less conservative activities but that – the cuddling, the sleeping in the most common way – felt _good_ too. She felt a shiver run through her backs as Alex left a kiss on the back of her neck.

Lena let out a calm breath and fells asleep – her finger tangled with Alex’s.

* * *

 

When Lena woke up again, it was clearer than before. There was movement in the room and it was also filled with the smell of chocolate. She started salivating before even opening her eyes. When she did, carefully so, she got the sight of Alex standing in front of her bookshelf with a book and a mug on her hands. Lena stretched her arms and that captured Alex’s attention.

The older girls turned to her with a smile.

Alex was wearing Lena’s clothes again. If Lena’s smile could get wider, it would. Instead, she sat up in bed enjoying that blissful moment. Alex took the opportunity to hand Lena another mug that had been sitting at her desk.

Lena took it from her hand and the smell lifted her soul up to heaven.

“Hot cocoa with two sticks of cinnamon and just the right amount of marshmallows,” Alex described and Lena carefully sipped that small piece of paradise. She let out a short moan. “I may not be trusted around a kitchen oven but I can make a good Cocoa.” She winked at Lena.

“Good morning to you, too,” Lena said in response. She gripped Alex's shirt and brought her closer to give her lips a peck. “You do know that you don’t need to wake up five in the morning during the holidays, right? Wait…” Lena’s face turned serious. “Did I kick you off the bed?”

Alex smiled. “No,” she gazed distractedly at Lena while pushing away the hair that was falling on Lena’s face. “It was work, actually. Vasquez forgets that differently from some people I’m not a robot programmed by the government to work during the holidays like them and woke me up around six over a minor crisis.”

“Vasquez?” Lena asked aware and surprised. “As in your ex Vasquez?”

Alex’s eyes shoot open. She makes a face – the same face she made going back home full of dirt from the road after her first trial with Jeremiah’s old bike and Lena following right behind holding its handlebar.

“Actually, yes.” Lena’s eyebrows raise but her body relaxed. At the least, Alex wasn’t trying to lie. “A little after we broke up I found a job in a lab in National City and months later I found that Vas worked there too. We worked out some issues and we are friends now. Are you okay with that?”

“I’m a bit surprised. How come you didn’t tell us before?”

“It slipped my mind.”

_Lie_ , Lena’s brain screamed. Maybe there was something else with Vasquez that Alex never told them. Maybe their break up wasn’t as mutual as she told had told Lena back then. Lena decided to give Alex the benefit of doubt. She trusted Alex to tell her if there was something else there. Also, she was not going to let something as silly as an ex-partner ruin their weekend.

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday,” Alex started. “About Metropolis.” Lena moved closer to Alex with an unspoken ‘ _and’_ left in the air. “And maybe one weekend won’t do any harm. You don’t have classes. I don’t have work. There is one problem, though.”

“Well, I’m sure whatever it is we can work it out,” Lena said taking her hand.

“I don’t think this ‘going slow’ thing is going to work. I mean we saw how well that went yesterday. And that was under constant surveillance of our families.” Lena opened a smile. They were both aware how they had broken all the rules the set for the previous day. Alex squinted her eyes. “Now thinking about it, I think that was all part of your evil plan to get into my pants.”

“You really think I need an evil plan to get into your pants?”

Alex gasped at that. Lena let out a laugh before the older girl playfully hit her on the arm. Lena didn’t even fake pain. She was too busy laughing at Alex’s face.

“I was going to make it easier for you. But now you’ll have to pull your weight to get this,” Alex said pointing at her own body.

“I know you are trying to be all seductive and sexy but you just sound like a dork,” Lena told her. “Completely different from the night of our first kiss.”

Alex cheek heated up and she looked down. It was not something they’ve talked about often. It didn’t seem necessary. They talked about the beach; about the two long years that Alex took to accept her feelings for Lena. They even talked about Alex missing her graduation (which she apologized at least twenty times since then).

“You were different that night.” Alex felt Lena’s tracing the lines in her hand. “Not just the way you were dressed. The way you held yourself… You were different… More confident.”

Alex looked away. “It wasn’t me. I mean, it was, but it wasn’t. I was-” Alex stopped and lowered her voice. “I was _Lexie Ulther_.”

“Lexie Ulther?” Lena repeated laughing. “Is that…”

“ _Yes_ ,” Alex interrupted before she could finish that thought. “Do not tell him. _Ever_. Otherwise, I’ll never head the end of it.”

Lena smiled maliciously tilting her head a bit. “I see it now. It does have a certain _appeal_.” She bit her lip. “Any chance of Lexie visiting ever again?”

“Not if you keep talking like that.” Alex took a long drink out of her cocoa hiding her face in the mug.

“There’s no reason for you to be jealous. I mean Lexie is pretty great. Deep voice, strong arms and God, her laugh and the way that she danced.” Lena exaggerated on the moan and Alex looked away in distress. Lena smiled and pulled Alex face back to her. “But my dorky, nerdy Alex, who couldn’t fry an egg to save a life and surprisingly is a nervous wreck around me…. I wouldn’t trade her for anything.”

Lena pulled Alex face closer until their foreheads are resting together. Alex opened a smile before diving for a kiss. She stroked Lena’s cheek after pulling away just looking at Lena’s face.

“So, I guess we are going to Metropolis, huh? We can make it to lunch if we leave soon.”

Lena groaned. “I changed my mind. Why don’t we spend the whole weekend here in bed? Clothes optional, of course,” Lena said toying with the edge of Alex’s shirt.

Alex shook her head. “Nope. Remember, I told you. Work for it. So we are having a nice N’SYNC-free ride to Metropolis and we’ll have lunch and then we’ll see how it goes. Now,” she took Lena’s mug from her. “Time to take a bath.”

“Will you join me?” Lena pouted.

“Maybe next time.”

That’s all the incentive Lena needed to get out of the bed. Well, not before leaving Alex with a passionate kiss and a look that made it clear the offer was still up.

* * *

 

Lena came back to the room only wearing a towel. Alex was on the phone and looking out the window. Lena smirked and let her towel drop while getting her clothes. She already had her panties on when she heard Alex gasp and stutter for several seconds showing that she finally had turned around. The phone call was shorter after that.

Lena was putting on her shirt she finally turned around with a smirk on her face. Alex was still turned to the window, but with a much stiffer posture than before.

“Were you this uptight dating Vasquez?” Lena asked when she turned around.

“I- um- We should get going.“ Alex gave up whatever she was going to say. Instead, she made her way to the hallway, Lena following behind her and closing the door. “I have to take my bike back home. And let it hidden behind a couple of bushes. Also, there is a possibility that my won’t work.”

“We can take one of my father’s car. He rarely uses them and Lex’s done it many times before.” Alex opened a devious smile. “No, we are not taking the Porsche.”

“What? Why?” Alex complained.

“Because I don’t want to compete with a car for my girlfriend’s attention.” It was no secret how Alex drooled over that car whenever she visited the Luthor’s garage.

“It’s hardly a competition, the car would totally-“ Lena crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. In that moment Alex realized that her life depended on the next word she was going to say. Alex cleared her throat visually changing her mind. “The car would lose. Totally lose. So, no Porsche. Can I at least pick?”

“Sure. If I get a few things in return…” Lena paced towards Alex pining the girl against a wall.

“We’ll never make it to Metropolis if you keep looking at me like that,” Alex said holding Lena’s waist. The younger girl smirks and bit her own lip. Alex tried to look away. “Fuck.”

“We only need to make it back to my bedroom.” Lena pulled Alex to her direction pacing backward until her backs hit the door. She kissed Alex and used the older girl’s distraction to lift her hand towards the doorknob.

The kiss was cut shorter and the door was left unopened by the sound of familiar steps approaching. Alex jumped to the other wall panting and trying not to look suspicious – therefore looking more suspicious. Lena didn’t help either, maintaining eye contacts and licking her lips.

It was Lex who came into their line of sight. He was typing on his phone and took a few seconds longer to acknowledge Alex and Lena’s presence in the hallway. His eyes drifted from Alex to Lena then back at Alex and to his little sister. He put his phone back into his pocket and crossed his arms. He was dressed for doing business already. If someone had told them all those years ago that they would find Lex Luthor in something that was not a pair of boxers and flip-flops on a Friday post-Thanksgiving they wouldn’t have believed them.

(But then again Lena wouldn’t have believed she’d ever had a chance to be with Alex).

Lex frowned and pointed between Lena and Alex. The Danvers girl held her breath.

“Is this some kind of intervention?” Alex resumed her breathing.

“No,” Lena answered for them.

“What is this?”

“Alex arrived earlier to see if she could borrow one of our cars since someone broke hers yesterday.” Lex made a confused face. He probably didn’t remember it. “And I was telling her how I’m going to spend the weekend back in Metropolis and I offered her a ride.”

Alex tried not to look dumbstruck at how easily the lie came to Lena. Lex looked at his best friend and Alex nodded to ratify Lena’s word. He blinked a couple of times and shrugged.

“Alright. Just stay away from the Porsche.”

Alex almost snapped. “What? Why?”

* * *

 

Alex drove back to the Danvers household on her bike. Lena followed right behind on one of the Luthor’s car. Alex looked at Lena through the retro mirror. Lena’s had her hair loose and being blown by the wind as if she was in a movie-like scene. She has her aviator’s glasses on and she was wearing Alex’s jacket.

If Lena goal was to get Alex attention, it was a success. But it also wasn’t a good thing when Alex was driving. So the Danvers girl forced herself to focus on the road. She could shag Lena later. She’d have her all to herself in Metropolis with no worries about Lillian finding out.

(Lena was sniffling around it. Not on propose or to upset Alex but out of curiosity.)

Alex took her bike to the garage and waited for Lena to catch up two minutes later. Alex raced to the car to open the door for her. Lena smiled and left a kiss on Alex's cheek.

“How chivalrous of you,” she told Alex.

_Honeymoon stage._

Lena hadn’t experienced it with Veronica. She was never a romantic girlfriend. Or the loving girlfriend - thinking it through Lena could point out a few disturbing points in their relationships. Veronica was possessive and raw. She conquered what she wanted by fear. And what she truly wanted was power.

Alex was almost the complete opposite from Veronica. Alex was careful – maybe too careful – and attentive. She had this thing about consent that it took Lena a bit of researching to find out that it was the ideal. Like the kiss at the beach; how Alex _asked_ if she could kiss her. As if Lena whole body wasn’t screaming her to do it already. Or even that same night making out on Lena’s bedroom, and how Alex stopped before putting her hand on her waist to ask if it was alright.

Those were necessary breaks that Lena was only finding out with Alex. She liked it, but Alex sometimes held back too much. Like how Alex had to yet call Lena her girlfriend – and she always agreed when Lena would use it for her. Or how Alex had yet to call Lena ‘ _hers’_. Not in a possessive, _I own you_ , kind of way. But as in that caring loving way Alex had always used.

_My favorite Luthor._

_My Lee._

They made their way inside.

“Kara?” Alex called. “Mom?”

“Kitchen!” Kara’s voice sounded in a stuffy way that meant that her mouth was truly stuffed. When wasn’t it, though? They found Kara in the kitchen adding a spoon full of cereal to an already full mouth. “Eliza left with Lillian.” Kara took a moment to swallow the food in her mouth. “So, how are my two favorite lovebirds?” Kara asked with a grin.

Lena almost laughed at the way Alex’s eyes were blown wide. “I-Wha-I mean, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Kara chuckled.

“Okay, first, you two are not as sneaky as you think you are. I mean, you’ve been making eyes at each other since last year, but yesterday I felt like I was at the start of a badly written porn video. I almost don’t need super hearing to hear how your hearts go crazy around each other and that kiss yesterday- I almost barged in and you guys didn’t even notice. Not to mention Alex sneaking out. If you guys are hiding it, you are doing a crappy job at it.” Kara crossed her arms. “Also, I’m mad you were trying to hide it from me!”

“Fair,” Lena shrugged. “Does it make you less mad to know you are the first to know?”

Kara pushed her lips together and squinted her eyes. “Can I be your maid of honor?”

“Mine or Lena’s?”

“Both.”

“I don’t think it’s possible,” Alex said. “And it’s too soon to be thinking about weddings. We’ve been together for two days.”

Lena didn’t miss the how Kara slowly hid a folder that had been sitting on the kitchen table. Lena was pretty sure she got a glimpse of a wedding dress in there.

“Fine! But I want details. Romantic details, not the _other_ ones.” Kara’s crinkle made an appearance.

Lena looked at Alex with pleading eyes. Their plan was to get a few clothes for Alex and hit the road. Alex resists one minute longer than the last time Lena pulled that face. Full 3 seconds.

“We can stay for lunch,” Alex announced. And Kara squealed happily.

“I’ll make you mac n’cheese,” Lena said earning a side smile from Alex.

“I’m going to get my stuff ready while you two gossip.”

* * *

 

They ate on the front porch. Alex and Lena took the bigger seat with Lena half sitting on Alex’s lap. Kara was incapable of containing her smiling as Lena defamed Alex’s reputation as a badass.

“And I thought I was the romantic in the family,” Kara said not minding her full mouth. “But wow. I’m proud of you.”

“Shut up,” Alex said toying with her mac n’cheese. Not containing her smile too, Alex added: “Thank you.”

“There is one thing I don’t get,” Kara started. “Why the secret? Half of us already think you two are meant to be. Lucy’s got t-shirts for Rao’s sake! And your father has been trying to get the Luthors and Danvers together for ages!” she finished pointing at Lena.

Alex was quiet and suddenly overly interested in her food. Lena looked up at her. She shrugged at Kara.

“We don’t want to risk in case something goes wrong,” Lena repeated Alex excuse. Kara frowned.

“That’s not…. That’s not it,” Alex said with difficulty. Lena looked up again at Alex with a surprised face. And looking at Lena’s eyes it was so much difficult than Alex had anticipated one second before. “It’s Lillian. She…” Alex couldn’t continue.

“Alex Danvers, are you scared of my mother?” Lena asked with a small smile. Alex looked away. “Oh, love, my mother is all bark and no bite.”

Alex chucked as if disagreeing. Kara squeals happily and once again Alex is sure Kryptonian are human-sized dogs. The two turned to look at Kara.

“I’m sorry. It’s just too cute. You called her ‘ _love’_. It’s cute.”

“I’m not scared of Lillian. I just… I don’t think your mother would approve us.”

“Well, she’s certainly not marching for LGBT rights but I’d hardly call her a homophobe-“ Lena started defensively. It’s not something usual she did – defend Lillian. She was not the warmest mother or person but it wasn’t like she was some kind of comic book villain or something.

“No, not like that. I just… I’m 99% sure that she wouldn’t approve of me dating you. And I don’t want to have that negativity getting in the way right now.”

“Okay,” Lena said leaving a kiss on her check. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Does that mean I can tell Luce?” Kara asked.

* * *

 

It was dark when they arrived in Metropolis.

Lunch with Kara had stretched ‘till it was late in the afternoon. The three hours trip was done with several snacks and candies involved. There were four stops for coffee though, but that was after Alex accidentally missed an exit and made their trip 46 minutes longer.

“It’s dark and the signs are confusing!” Alex said.

They eventually got to Lena’s apartment safe and sound. Alex let herself fall on her girlfriend’s bed and moaned. Lena chuckled.

“Not how I imagined you moaning in my bed,” Lena teased. Alex was no longer affected by it. During the almost 4 hours drive she’d gotten used to Lena’s teasing. She even started teasing back a little. “I’m going to take a bath. You’re welcome to join me.”

A piece of clothing fell on Alex’s face. Alex picked it up and threw it away and watched Lena from the corner of her eyes. She had only her underwear on. Wait. No. The bra was gone too. She let it slip to the floor while making her way to the bathroom and keeping eye contact with Alex. Like she was leaving a trail for Alex to follow.

Alex swallowed harshly.

She had to garter all her willpower to not follow Lena. She couldn’t follow Lena because she had a plan. One that she might have come up with that same morning but was still a plan.

She would make a reservation at a nice restaurant, a fancy and expensive one. Alex would put on a nice dress – or maybe even a suit, she had to check if Lena was into that. She’d go all in. Make Lena feel like a Goddess because she didn’t deserve anything less. And then they would go back to the apartment. Lights dimmed, maybe some candles. Soft music in the background…

It was cheesy but thinking it through, maybe she did get her romantic side from Jeremiah. Kara probably could help with the clothes, and Vasquez had some contacts on the restaurant business – and maybe even some tips for Alex on how to woo a girl.

So yeah, Alex wanted to wait. But she also didn’t, because she was really tempted to get into that bath with Lena. Not even to do anything. Just to be closer to her.

Kara’s words come back to her. The one she said a little after lunch when Lena couldn’t hear them. _You’re holding back_ , she had told her sister. Kara said it in a not good way. It was a in _You’re holding back too much_ way. And it was bothering Alex (that and the Lillian thing). And maybe Kara was right. Maybe she _was_ holding back too much.

She looked at the trail of clothes left by Lena.

She took her phone out of her pocket and went through her contacts with a smile on her lips.

* * *

 

6 MONTHS, 2 WEEKS, 4 DAYS LATER

Lena opens a message from Alex.

_I thought I could do this. I can’t. I’m sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers, source of inspiration and validation.
> 
> First thing: yes, the chapter is shorter. It just wasn't coming out as I liked and I went forwards and backwards about posting it, waiting until I had more and how I would end it. Obviously I decided to post it.
> 
> Second: about the time jump... Just wait 'till next chapter and there you'll understand.
> 
> Third: **the** next chapter... funny story... Remember how I had two free weeks to write this one? Now I got two or three actual _free_ days. Don't worry thought, I'm taking my notebook everywhere I go and I've already started writing next chapter but updates will be slower and I can't predict _how slower_. I'll try to post one a month.
> 
> Fourth(?): I might not be much around here, but check tumblr almost daily. Come talk to me! Complain about how I'm not posting. Some days I'm weak enough to let a spoiler or two slip ;D (kiss-my-selfie.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks (aka before the message) - _italics_  
>  Present (aka after the massage) - normal text

_Lena slowly recalled falling asleep halfway through Mulan during the previous night. The TV was off which meant Alex was the last one to fall asleep. It was that way since they were kids – well since Lena was a kid. She turned to Alex curled in an almost fetal position wearing her long pajamas after all Metropolis was cooler than Midvale. That made Lena wonder how Alex wasn’t freezing to death without blankets. Lena looked down at herself and solver that puzzle. She was completely spread out on the other side of the bed hogging all the blankets._

_Carefully not to wake Alex, Lena began to untangle herself from the covers. The trickier part came next: pull the covers over Alex without her noticing. Lena was almost done with the task when Alex stirred. She froze. Half a minute later and no sign of Alex waking up, Lena declared it a false alarm. She resumed her surgical operation. Lena let out a sigh once she was back on her pillow and Alex was completely covered with no idea it was her girlfriend’s fault that she almost froze to death during the night._

_Deciding to reward herself, Lena moved closer to Alex. She left one of her arms to rest on Alex’s waist and laid her head on Alex’s shoulder. Lena would even warm her a little bit._

_“Did you really think that would work?” Lena jumped to a sitting position given the sudden sound of Alex’s voice. The older girl had a calm and amused smile. Alex had planned it._

_“I hate you!” Lena screamed at Alex. The other girl grabbed by the waist into a hug while giggling. Alex started leaving small kisses on her neck and Lena relaxed and they feel back into their cuddling position._

_“No, you don’t.”_

_“I really don’t.” Lena pulled back just enough to gaze into Alex’s eyes. She bit her lower lip._

_“You know…” Alex stroked a lock of Lena’s hair out of her face. “It’s the third morning in a row that I wake up next to you. You’re spoiling me.” Alex pulled Lena tighter into her taking a deep breath at the younger girl’s next. “I might have to take you to National City with me. My cuddle buddy.”_

_Lena chuckled at that. “Most of the people would prefer girlfriend.”_

_“Most people are boring. But I guess girlfriend will do,” Alex faked a bored voice falling into a laugh. She only interrupted it in favor of kissing Lena. It’s a long kiss that dissolves into a series of short kisses. On the last one, Lena lightly held Alex’s lower lip between her teeth._

_“Good morning,” Lena said dreamingly._

_“Good morning indeed,” Alex said licking her lips._

_“You turned off the TV last light?”_

_Alex hummed in agreement. “Right after you fell asleep. Well, a few minutes after. I had to wait until the end of the song. Kara’s rule. We can go back if you want.”_

_“I want breakfast,” Lena said using puppy eyes._

_“Puppy eyes,” Alex groaned. “You better get used to pancakes if you’re going to use that every time you’re hungry. It’s the only thing I know how to cook.”_

_“I could teach you a thing or two,” Lena said in a husky voice while feeling Alex’s collarbone with her fingers._

_“That’s unfair. You can’t make everything sound dirty.”_

_Lena bit her lip satisfied and Alex forced herself out of bed._

* * *

 

The phone started ringing minutes later and Alex hated Kara more than ever for personalizing Lena’s ringtone because she can’t hope it’s the DEO or Vasquez. She still looked at the screen in some kind of self-torture. She put the glass that was left on the table inside the sink. She turned on the water hoping it would muffle the ringing in the background. It didn’t.

The phone stopped and she turned it off. It didn’t take long until it started again. It was Kara that time. Alex eyes the phone. She was not getting that either. She reached into the cupboard and took another glass although she just washed one. Alex couldn’t recall the last time she drank – actually drank, because her one glass of wine during Valentine’s Day with Lee does not count. It probably was before Thanksgiving. Before it all. She was even surprised to find a bottle there but she guessed Kara picked up on her lack of drinking before she did.

She was pouring her second glass when the texts started coming. Alex unlocked the phone doing her best not to read the messages. Her fingers guiltily hovered over Lex’s name. He was her go to. He always had been. But she couldn’t face her best friend after breaking his sister’s heart. She had to figure out what she would say to him if he ever found out.

Alex drank half of her glass and went to the letter V. She looked around considering what she would do. She needed to drink and forget. She could drink in her apartment but even if she called Vas to distract her it wouldn’t be enough. Not when Lena’s sweater was still hanging by the door – she forgot during their last sleepover -; and when two new plants staring at her that Lena somehow convinced Alex to buy to replace the plastic ones. The worst was the paper that she was awfully aware that was hidden in their book by the bookshelf, on their page and in their line. The one signed by Lee and Al.

No. She had to get out of there.

She texted Vas to meet her at the bar near her house in an hour. Alex needed to get drunk and sometimes Vas stepped into the role of the ‘mom friend’. They’d have to do since Alex’s drinking buddy was a no go.

Aware of the limited time she had, Alex ordered her drinks in double.

The man on the seat next to her granted an amused look. Something about him reminded Alex of her dad. She wondered if she’d ever stop missing him.

“Job or a boy?” he asked.

“Girl,” Alex said. One of her shot glasses were empty two seconds later. She violently put it down.

* * *

_Lena could feel Alex’s laugh on her neck as she pushed Lena into an alley to continue to kiss her. Lena’s face hurt from smiling so much._

_The sun was making its way down behind Metropolis’ skyscrapers. They were out the whole day. After breakfast in bed, they went for a walk in the park. Lena almost gasped when she felt Alex holding her hand and pulling her closer since she had been so insistent about the whole ‘secret’ thing._

_It was not an isolated accident._

_After the park, they decide to go to the Metropolis’ Museum. Kara couldn’t stop talking about it and just the day before reminded Alex that she had to go there. Lena agreed, not telling Alex how she had already seen everything twice with Kara. She didn’t tell Alex for selfish reasons: Alex was doing that for her. Alex interest in art was as big as her interest in boys. The only reason she’d suggest it was if she thought Lena would like it._

_So Lena let her, just like she’s let her pay for their coffees and opens some doors to hers. It left a warm feeling on her chest._

_They didn’t go straight to the museum. They stopped on stories and sceneries on their way there. The day flew by._

_Alex got their tickets and left a kiss on Lena’s check after handing Lena her ticket._

_It only got worse after that. (Or better. It was a question of point of view)._

_They were in the third room when the whispering begins. It was silly at first. ‘Is it me or does it look like a whale ripping off her eyebrow?’ ‘Alex, it’s a naked woman. Sunbathing.’_

_They skipped the ‘Super Room’ – Alex put up with enough shit of Clark, she wasn’t going to see a whole freaking room about it. Their whispering turned dirty seven paintings ahead._

_They stopped in front of a up close photography of a woman’s face halfway through what looked like a moan. Lena was very aware of Alex’s mouth approaching her ear. She tried not to show how much it was affecting her._

_“How many seconds until I get you like that?” Alex’s voice is lower and thicker than usual. It sounded like her a bit after waking up. The difference was that at that moment it was intended._

_“With the way you’ve been teasing me, not long.” Was that a smile that Lena felt against her ear? He mind was already too busy three fantasies away to notice._

_The rest of the museum was not seen. Every touch between them felt multiplied, intensified. Lena ended up pressed against the side of the building as Alex kissed her. The kisses were soft, which did not stop Lena’s hand rising from the back of Alex’s neck to grip her hair._

_Alex only broke away briefly to gather more air. They got some watchful eyes on them and Lena could see that the Museum’s security's eyes were one of them. It was when Lena softly held Alex at a distance. Just enough that Alex could read it as ‘stop’. Alex looked around and understood what was happening and that was how they ended up making out in an alley with five pigeons as an audience._

_It was Lena’s laugh that interrupted the kiss. It gave them time to breathe, but Alex didn’t take long to have her lips attacking Lena again, but changing the focus from Lena’s lips to her neck._

_Lena let out a sigh. Struggling to regain her breath, Lena brought Alex’s face back up. She held the older girl close, but far enough to keep Alex from continuing her attack._

_“What’s gotten into you?” Lena asked amusedly._

_Alex shrugged and smiled. “I think you were right.” She brushed a lock of Lena’s hair away from her face. “Maybe we don’t need to go that slow. We already know a lot about each other. Maybe it’s time for us to discover new things.”_

_Lena was surprised taking a moment to catch what Alex was saying. When she did she pulled Alex closer to her, but this time it was Alex that kept them from kissing._

_Lena nudged Alex’s nose with hers._

_“I like the sound of that,” she said._

_“Want to know what else sounds good?” Lena could think of a couple of things. Mostly, she was calculating how long until they reached her apartment. “That bakery near the Daily Planet that Kara told me about.”_

_A groan rose from Lena’s throat. That teasing little shit._

_Alex pulled away and took Lena by the hand and lead them back out on the street. The pigeons were left behind._

_They walked two blocks until the got a cab. Lena gave the man the address and pressed herself back against Alex. She was looking out at the window as Lena looked at her. Their fingers were interlocked together. They both smiled knowingly._

_They don’t talk during the ride. There was no need to talk. They were comfortable in their silence. Lena saw the driving looking at them through the mirror. She turned to Alex all the times she caught him. Alex was either unaware or unfazed by it. Just like on the street or in the museum with a couple of people staring at them._

_Lena wondered if it was because Alex had done it before._

_She dated Vasquez – and apparently was still friends with them (Lena would digest that piece of information later). Although Vasquez identified as nonbinary, most of the time it was easy to misgender them as a girl. Lena can imagine that Alex probably went through something similar with them. The stares. Maybe even some homophobic shit._

_Sure, Lena had “dated” Veronica – and she used that word loosely because she’s not quite sure how to call what they had – but it was different from what she was having with Alex. And it looked different from what Alex had with Vasquez. Back in School, they were in a surprisingly open-minded closed ambient. They didn’t receive those inquiring and reprimanding looks._

_Alex must have noticed how far away Lena’s mind drifted because the younger girl felt her squeezing her hand._

_They stopped in front of Lena’s building._

_“You know,” the driver started. “I never saw sisters as close as you two.”_

_Lena stared at him with a blank face. Alex took the opportunity to pay the man with a forced smiled and pulled Lena with her out of her car. Lena didn’t think she’d be able to move out of the car if it wasn’t for Alex. There was a ‘thank you’ thrown on the air somewhere, but when Lena regained consciously the girl was disappearing on the corner. Alex was still holding her hand._

_“He thought we were sisters,” Lena said still shocked. Alex nodded with a smile as if she was having fun with Lena’s reaction. “Doesn’t it bother you?”_

_“Once my mom’s friend from work thought I was the adopted daughter. After that, anything else sounds silly.” Alex shrugged. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”_

_Lena was still bothered by it in the elevator, but it didn’t take long for her to forget it once she felt Alex’s arms holding her from behind and her lips leaving wet kisses near Lena’s ear._

_She waited until the door was unlocked to pull Alex against her and both of them against the wood kissing as if that would be the last time. Lena smiled at the accidental whimper Alex let out. She conducted them inside planning the way to the bedroom. Lena had to take advantage of Alex’s sudden change – and she meant it is the best and most consensual way possible._

_Alex stopped them, as Lena was hallway through lifting Alex’s shirt off her. Lena groaned._

_It was too good to be true._

_Alex’s phone lighted up on time. At an accidental glance, Lena saw ‘Vasquez’ written on the screen._

_She pulled away completely, not even sure if she was up to it anymore watching Alex smiling at whatever ‘Vasquez’ had written. Lena wasn’t the jealous girlfriend, nor did she want to be but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t wonder what they were talking about._

_“Anything you want to tell me?” Lena asked with her arms closed and half sitting on the bed._

_“Yeah, actually… Have you ever been to Paulino’s?_

* * *

Lena watched Kara holding her phone against her ear. She knew it before the crinckle appeared. Alex wasn’t going to answer her just like she hadn’t answered Lena. Kara avoided Lena’s eyes.

They both knew what was happening although the initial denial.

She stood up and wiped what remained of her tears. She found her cheek dry. Funny, she thought she’d be crying. She thought she was crying but she couldn’t actually remember the tears. The pain was there, though. Like a stung to the heart. Like a betrayal. But it wasn’t. They had agreed to those terms. Alex practically used the same words they agreed on back then.

Lena wished she could fool herself by she was a realist. She’d let the dreams to Lex and Kara.

Kara had arrived not five minutes after Alex’s text. Hey, Alex sent me… she had started saying before she saw Lena’s state. It just made everything worse. Even after tearing Lena’s heart apart, Alex still cared for her.

As much Lena hated to admit, it did give her a small freckle of hope.

Lena and Kara had talked about it sometimes. Alex’s insecurity about with Lena. There was clearly something that bothered her and that Alex wouldn’t tell them. Lena guessed it was the same reason Alex wanted to keep their relationship a secret – although they’d opened about a dozen exceptions for that ‘rule’ already. And it was getting better. They were even talking about telling Lex. It made no sense for Alex to have a freak out at that moment. They were making reservations for dinner on Friday just earlier that day.

Kara put away her phone.

“Maybe something happened. I’ll go check,” Kara said bolting for the window.

“Kara,” Lena called and the blonde stopped with one foot outside of the window. “Nothing happened.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe-“

“Listen to her heartbeat,” Lena interrupted. Most of the time she loved Kara’s rambling and optimist. That wasn’t one of them. Kara pushed her lips together and Lena knew how to read her. “She’s alright, isn’t she?”

“Apparently. But- There has to be an explanation.” Kara stepped closer to Lena taking Lena’s hand in hers. “Maybe she-“

“Stop, Kara,” Lena asked. The pain could be heard in her voice as if she was about to choke on it. The fact that Kara looked like a puppy that had just been kicked didn’t help. Lena took a deep breath and sat down. “I can’t do this anymore, Kara.” She looked up at her best friend and the blonde moved to sit next to her. “I can’t. And I need your help. I can’t do this alone.”

“Whatever you need.” Kara nodded.

Lena had spent too many years in love with Alex. It was time for a change.

She stood up and made her way to the closet. She knew there was an empty box in there. She retrieved it and in large steps marched to her bedroom. Kara jumped out of the couch and followed her.

Lena started with her closet. Alex’s jacket is the first to go to the box – Kara gasped at the scene. The other shirts and wardrobe pieces that were either forgotten by Alex or stolen by Lena followed the Jacket. Lena’s hands stopped abruptly as she found herself holding the sleeve of Alex’s university hoodie.

She loved sleeping in it. Alex loved her sleeping in it.

Lena was frozen for a long moment just holding the fabric. She was brought back when Kara touched her arm. She continued to go through her clothes completely ignoring the hoodie present in her closer. If Kara noticed she didn’t say anything.

Once she’s done with the wardrobe, she moves to her drawers, cupboard and anywhere else she could think of. Everything that belonged to Alex – expect the hoodie – ended up in that box piled up over Alex’s jacket – gifts included.

The box was overflowing with things by the time she was done.

Lena dropped the box on Kara’s arm. The blonde looked mildly terrified.

“Please, get rid of this.”

“Get rid of this?” Kara asked prolonging the breaks between the words.

“Return it to her. Burn it. Throw out of the fucking atmosphere. I don’t care I just can’t have those things arrive me anymore.”

“Lena, are you sure about this?” Lena’s eyes rose to meet Kara’s.

“No,” she admitted. “But I need it.”

Kara nodded and turned to the door.

“Wait!” Lena called making her way to the bookshelf. Two books were added to the box before Kara left.

* * *

 

_Paulino’s was a nice, fancy and expensive restaurant and Lena was aware it could take months to get a table there. Lena arrived with her fingers brushing against Alex’s and they walked to the receptionist sure that she’d have to use her name to get them in, but it didn’t happen._

_“It must be under Danvers,” Alex told the woman who looked down and smiled._

_“Miss Danvers, if you and your friends would follow me to your table.”_

_And they did. Alex pulled Lena’s chair for her and just then sat down. They are finally alone again a few seconds later after being left with the menu and some wine’s suggestions._

_Alex stretches her hand out on the table and Lena held it. The older girl had a soft smile on her face, but Lena was in complete awe. Alex tensed._

_“Is it too much?” she asked worriedly._

_“No, not at all,” Lena tried to assure her, squeezing her hand and Alex’s smile came back. “I’m a bit surprised, that’s all. I mean, how did you get this table? It takes months in line!”_

_“You might be a Luthor, but I have my contacts too.” Lena granted her an impressed smile. “Now you have to help me because I can’t understand half what is written.”_

_Lena did her best but in the end, Alex decided to trust her taste and order the same as Lena._

_They talked and they laughed. It felt like a date. Their hands whenever they weren’t busy feeding themselves, would meet at the end of the table. It was the downside of eating facing one another. They couldn’t be as close as they wanted to._

_They were finishing dessert when Lena’s foot started caressing Alex’s leg up and down. Surprisingly she was not reprimanded by Alex. The only sign Lena had that she was feeling it was the glass of wine she finished in a single sip._

_They get a cab to the apartment and Lena made sure to kiss Alex as soon as they entered it. Sisters, she still couldn’t believe in it. They are dropped off in front of Lena’s building and she kissed Alex under the streetlight._

_Alex stepped closer so she was holding Lena by the end of the kiss. They smiled._

_It felt like home._

_“So… We’ve wined and dined…” Lena started suggestively. “Is this heading where I think this is heading?”_

_Alex nodded slowly but added: “But only if you want to. I don’t want to push you or anything. We could totally wait. Or not.”_

_Lena laughed. Alex made it sound like she was the hesitant one._

_“One condition,” Lena teased. “How did you get the reservations?”_

_“Vas,” Alex told her with a smile. Lena was taken aback. “I’ll probably have to cover their shift next weekend. It’s totally worth it, though.”_

_“Did you two do this a lot? Go on fancy dates?” Lena could taste the bitterness of jealousy on her own tongue._

_“No really. I mean, we had normal dates but they weren’t often and sometimes they felt kind of weird. We mostly would go on ‘alternative’ dates. Hiking, indoor climbing. I drew the line at skydiving. Funnily enough, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.”_

_“You went skydiving? I can’t imagine Eliza’s reaction.”_

_“I’ll tell you how that went if she ever finds out.” Lena rose her eyebrows._

_“You’re a dead woman, Alex Danvers.”_

_“Then you better make my night worth it, Lena Luthor.”_

_“I can do that.”_

_They didn’t bother turning on the lights once they arrived at Lena’s apartment. Alex’s hand stopped Lena’s just when she was about to turn it on. She took a step closer to Lena pushing their chest together. Lena’s chest rose in anticipation as Alex connected their lips. It was a devouring kiss_

_It cleaned Lena’s mind of anything that wasn’t Alex._

_She started alternating between soft and voracious kisses while Lena was barely aware of being guided to the bedroom. Then it began to go down both kisses and Alex’s hands. The first one went to Lena’s neck and the other to the skin just under where Lena’s dress ended._

_The next sound Alex heard was at first mistaken as a moan. Once it repeated itself Alex could accurately identify it. It was a yawn. She stopped her ministrations and took a step back. Lena’s face was a mix of tiredness and disappointment._

_Alex started drawing circles with her thumb on the skin of Lena’s forearm._

_“No…” Lena whined. “Keep going. I’m okay. I’m awake.” Lena pulled Alex back into her, but miscalculating it she ended up kissing the corner of her mouth. She felt Alex smile as she pushed Lena away._

_“You’re tired. It can wait.”_

_“But it was supposed to be perfect. Our first time. It would’ve been perfect. Kara would’ve loved to hear about it.” Lena pouted._

_“I know, I know. I want it too. But I also want you fully awake for the things I’ll do to you.”_

_Alex left a kiss on her neck again, but it was different from the lustfully intended ones from before._

_Between blinks, Lena found herself sitting on the edge of the bed with Alex kneeled in front of her taking off her heels. Another blink and Alex was handing Lena her pajamas. After that, she must have missed a couple blinks because she felt the warmth as she was lying on the bed with Alex next to her._

* * *

 

Alex woke up drowning.

A few seconds of complete despair later she saw Vasquez hovering over her holding what looked like the jar of water from the fridge. Alex looked down at herself. She was sitting on the floor of her living room soaked and with a mild headache. The first one was Vasquez’s fault, the second was on herself.

She drank way too much.

She didn’t remember much after she befriended the guy from the bar. She takes the fact that she didn’t end up in someone else’s bed (or with someone in her bed) as a good sign.

Vasquez disappeared into the bathroom before Alex truly regained function of her mind. They came back and she had little time to prepare herself to catch the towel Vasquez threw at her.

“You have five minutes to get ready or I’m taking you to the DEO like that,” Vasquez said.

“It’s my off day,” complained. She couldn’t forget a whole day, could she?

“Not anymore. I made a promise to your drunk self and I intend to keep it, which means you get a day off when I say you get a day off.”

Just when Alex thought she couldn’t hate herself more…

And then the previous evening events came back to her. Alex searched for her phone and catching a glimpse of it on the kitchen’s island. Vasquez went to her bedroom and Alex pushed herself up to get her phone.

What had she done?

She clicked on the power button and… it was dead. Great.

A breath of relief escaped her but it was interrupted by her DEO uniform hitting her in the face. She looked at Vas.

“You weren’t this much of an idiot when you were training me,” she complained.

“Four minutes,” they said.

Vasquez had trained Alex. She knows when Vasquez was bluffing and at that moment they were very serious. She was in Vasquez car three and a half minutes later finishing tucking her belt. There was a tall coffee waiting for her there.

“I hate you. But I also I love you. Thank you,” Alex said after the first taste of coffee. Vas gave her a smile. “How bad was it?”

“Wait until you see your bar tab.” Alex twisted her nose.

“How much did drunk-me tell you?”

“Everything.”

“How much is everything, because there is a lot I could’ve told you.”

“Everything.” Alex gulped. “We are going to fix this, Danvers. Don’t worry.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Alex shook her head. “I already screwed things up.”

“I don’t know. Love can surprise you.”

* * *

 

_“Lee. Lee,” Lena felt herself being shaken softly. She blinks out of her haze of sleep but closes her eyes again in denial of reality. “I have to go.”_

_She wasn’t awake enough to make sense of the words that were being said to her. Lena rolled to where Alex should be to be met with emptiness. Opening her eyes she saw Alex standing by the bed. Alex sat on the empty side of the bed leaning over Lena and leaving a kiss on her forehead._

_“I have to go,” Alex repeated in a lower volume. “Coffee is ready. I’m getting an uber to National City. There was an emergency at the lab.”_

_Alex tried to stand up but found herself being held down. It was Lena, lightly gripping her wrist. Lena hummed in denial._

_“Stay.” Lena made it sound like a sin._

_Alex smiled sadly. “You always have to make this harder for me, don’t you?” Lena nodded burying her head back into her pillow. “I’ll call you when I get there.”_

_She stood up and this time Lena didn’t hold her. Lena had drifted back into sleep._

* * *

 

Kara came over every day during that first week.

They didn’t talk about what happened. They didn’t even mention Alex’s name – except a slip or two from Kara. The few times the subject seemed to be heading that way, Lena quickly changed it. She didn’t even want to know what happened to the box full of Alex’s things – and yet she wondered late at night when she was alone and hoped that Kara hadn’t thrown it away (or burned it).

Sam did ask about Alex but after a not so subtle change of subject by lena, the younger Luthor knew Kara would put her in the loop.

Lena threw herself into her studies. Her breaks were mostly used to hang out with Kara, Sam and Ruby. She didn’t save herself much time to hang out with Lex. He dropped by every two weeks or so and as much Lena loved her brother it hurt to be near him. He was her first bridge to Alex (in some ways, Lex was the first bridge to everything she loved and she was not sure if he had any idea of how much he meant to her).

Just to make it worse he’d ask about Alex.

Apparently, Alex too had been maintaining a distance from Lex. She doubt it was a coincidence that it matched the time of their break up. Alex was avoiding Lex probably _because_ of it.

Lena hated her more for that.

(And she was not sure if she hated her at all).

Alex couldn’t hurt both Lena and Lex. She couldn’t make it hard to be near her brother and push him away. It wasn’t fair. It was selfish.

And it helped finding flaws in Alex. As if they were motives for Lena not to be in love with her. Sure, Alex was selfish ( _lie_ ), and self centered ( _lie_ ) and a workaholic ( _not lie_ ). She invented some flaws when she needed. Sam helped. Kara did not but Lena would never ask such a thing from her.

“What about all those work emergencies?” Lena blurred out during that first week emergency girls’ night. She was quite tipsy by then. “She works in a lab. What was the emergency? One of her rats ran away?”

Sam laughed. “Who knows? Maybe she has a secret identity. Maybe she’s some kind of vigilante that combats crimes at night?”

“With her physic, I don’t doubt.” Lena took a larger sip of beer (and when Lena Luthor was drinking beer, things were not good). “Most likely she was banging Vasquez.”

Nobody said anything after that. Sam sent a look at Kara.

She might not have known Alex for long, but she saw the way the older Danvers looked at her best friend. She didn’t think that she would be able to even think about cheating about Lena. But Sam kept quiet, because Kara was thinking the same. It was the alcohol speaking, not Lena.

It was the only and last time Sam heard Lena saying Alex name after their break up. She even showed her text and told the full complete story of… well, everything. It should’ve been like a fairytale, but being a teenager mom, Sam should’ve known better.

Two weeks later and Lena was better. Better but not okay. She was studying during summer vacations – she was definitely not okay.

That night she was having dinner with Sam and Ruby. Sam was acting strange all week and Lena lost the count of how many times she asked Sam if she was alright (and if Ruby was alright because the child’s mood tended to affect her mother’s). The answer was always the same.

Ruby was helping Lena to set the table as Sam finished dinner. They loved exchanging recipes. It was good to finally have a friend who also cooks – and she’d remind Kara that finishing off the Turkey with her heat vision was not cooking.

They had gone to the zoo earlier that day. Ruby had been asking to go since… well, the last time they went. Lena found it adorable.

“Try saying that after seeing ‘Sharkboy and Lavagirl’ for the 100th time,” Sam complained. Lena just chuckled. She didn’t have a kid, but she had a Kara, which was pretty much the same thing if not worse.

“Penguins are cute mom!” Ruby said in defense and Sam laughed.

Dinner was nice. A shift from the rest of the week and they could almost pretend that everything was alright. Lena couldn’t do it completely given that Sam had made Lena’s favorite dish and it worried her. It couldn’t be a good sign.

After dinner Sam told Ruby to get ready to bed, Lena and Sam were left alone with a awful silence between them. The only sound in the apartment was from the TV playing one of Ruby’s cartoons.

“Are you going to tell me what is going on or are we just going to keep pretending?” Lena asked a bit more aggressively than she intended. With all that suspense in the air, her mind had gone to weird places.

“I got a job.” Lena’s face instantly softened. “I applied several months ago and I never expected to hear back from them but they called in the end of last week.”

“Sam! That’s great!” Lena embraced her in the warmest hug, but she still could feel some stiffness in Sam’s posture.

“Yeah, it is.” Sam nodded keeping her eyes on the floor once Lena let her go. “But it’s on the other side of the country.”

_Oh_.

“Oh,” it escaped Lena’s lips. “When are you leaving?” Lena tried to smile.

“In two weeks. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you. I never had a friend like you before and I haven’t had a friend in a long time.”

“I won’t lie, I’ll miss you like hell, but I’m happy for you. Truly,” Lena squeezed her forearm.

“Thanks. I told Ruby earlier this morning but I don’t think she truly understands what I meant by ‘moving’.” Lena could see Sam’s eyes filling with tears.

“Hey, there’s no need to be sad. We’ll keep in touch and Kara can fly me there if you ever need-“ Lena’s eyes shot open as she understood the confusion taking over Sam’s face. “I meant, Kara can fly _with_ me there. She can’t _fly me_ there.” Lena laughed nervously. “You know her. She’s a gatherer. Once you’re family, you’re family.”

“The adopted children club.” They chuckled. “It would be pretty neat if she could fly.

“So, do you need help packing?” Lena changed the subject.

“Kicking me out already? Ouch.”

* * *

 

_Lena’s face appeared on Alex’s screen in the middle of a yawn. Alex looked at the clock. Fuck, it was midnight already. She shouldn’t have been called Lena that late on a weeknight - she would get in the way of Lena’s studies, it was a promised she made to herself when she decided to go against Lillian’s advice, - but she had completely lost track of time during the last days._

_The DEO had been updating their security system and several aliens broke out of their cells which resulted in two days locked up. She was only able to warn Kara that something had happened at the lab that she wouldn’t be around for a couple of days and told her sister to pass the message on to Lena._

_It had been almost two weeks since Thanksgiving and they weres still trying to figure out their new dynamics. It certainly was different than before they admitted their feelings and it was also different from those few blissful days where they were the only two people that mattered in the world._

_Alex was still getting used to that. Some days it terrified her and got her thinking ‘what the hell am I doing?’. Other days she couldn’t picture being anybody else._

_That day was one of the good days._

_“Hey! Sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late,” Alex started. “I can call tomorrow._

_“No,” Lena said barely awake. Alex wondered if she had any idea how cute she was in that sleepy state. Well, Alex wouldn’t be the one to supply Lena with another thing she could use against her. “I like talking to you before falling asleep. You usually appear in my dreams when we do.”_

_“Yeah? And what do I do in your dreams?”_

_Lena shrugged apparently re-managing her position on the bed. She wouldn’t last long._

_“Normal stuff. One time I dreamed we went shopping together and Kara turned into a dog.” Alex laughed. “Sometimes… you know…” and Lena’s voice lowered the way it tended to do when they nearer the sex subject. “What do you dream about?”_

_“I don’t dram. I’m usually too exhausted for that.”_

_“You must work for the most exigent lad on the planet,” Lena chuckled. It became harder for Lena to hide her annoyance in that state._

_“Yeah, something like that. So what did you do today?”_

_And Lena started talking about her day and Alex listened attentively while having dinner (it was cereal, she didn’t have enough energy for anything more complex and she did consider eating it without milk). About halfway through telling Alex about her day, Lena’s voice started to sound off and she fell asleep not long after._

_At that moment, Alex hated long distance._

_“Goodnight, Lee.”_

* * *

 

It took a week until Kara was back into talking terms with Alex.

The older Danvers sister left a box of potstickers by her door every night while trying to talk to her from the other side. It was literally her only free hour of the day according to Vasquez’s schedule and Alex couldn’t bear to spend it any other way. She couldn’t even know how many of those times Kara was actually there. Alex knows she’s been flying top Lena’s.

After her thirty minutes talk to a wood door it was time for dinner with Vasquez and THEIR girlfriend – it’s non-optional, she checked.

She was not sure how much Vasquez knows about her situation. Her memories from that scarring night were nowhere to be found. From the times that Alex asked her for how much she knew she was met with the same everything as the first time. After that, they would say something about how they have to take care of Alex before they could take care of the situation.

Alex truly believed she told Vasquez everything.

It was Vasquez who told her that it was okay to block Lena’s number. She couldn’t bear refusing her calls or reading her texts (Al, what happened/Talk to me/We can work it out/Did I do something?/It there somebody else?). She almost answered half a dozen times. Thankfully she managed to stop herself from hitting send. What good fake hope would do?

They had already tried that and look at where they were.

Alex knew and it was not Lena’s fault. There was only one vile person to blame and way too many people caught in the middle.

It was the eighth box of potstickers Alex was dropping off at Kara’s when the door opened before she even knocked. Kara was in her pajamas and her glasses were still on – she forgot about them sometimes.

“I’m still pissed at you so you only have right to one of those,” Kara told her taking the box out of Alex’s hand.

Alex held the relieved breath that threatened to come out. The worst had not passed. It was just the beginning.

Kara guided them to the couch. The TV was muted and Kara sat down waiting for Alex to do the same. Alex couldn’t for long moments. It felt wrong after what she had done. It felt wrong after how she had done it. She deserved shouting and screaming and Kara telling her to get out there. But it was Kara. She’d never do those things. And she made sure to give Alex some sense of normality and security.

They were each other’s safe place. They couldn’t afford to lose that. It didn’t matter what.

Alex sat down. She didn’t allow herself to do so comfortably. She was tense and fidgeting with her hands.

“I’m mad at you but I’m not going to hit you with my heat vision or anything,” Kara tried to joke, but her tone came out more sad than playful. “I don’t understand why. You were so happy. Both of you. Maybe the happier I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand why are you doing this?”

A tear escaped Alex’s eyes before she could catch it.

“Is there someone else?” Kara asked exasperatedly. “Because I can’t honestly think of any other reason for this.”

“I can’t- I thought it would work,” Alex started. She measured her words carefully.

It was hard enough to lie to Kara in a normal situation. To do so looking at those blue orbs full of pain and pleading for something, it was impossible. Unfortunately, the truth wasn’t an option either. It would do them no good and Alex didn’t think she could take it.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her, Kara,” Alex said, now full on crying. “I just- I should’ve have listened.”

And Kara didn’t ask questions. Just as Alex felt herself falling apart in ways she avoided doing so during all that week, she felt her sister’s arms around her. Holding her.

Alex curled and sobbed into Kara’s shoulder.

Maybe it was minutes or hours, but Alex only felt Kara’s hold on her loosening once her tears were gone. Kara pushed Alex’s face so she could look at it and the blonde wiped away the remaining tears. She gave Alex a small smile – still a sad smile. It was the first time Kara was smiling at her since everything happened, so Alex would take it.

The fact that Kara seemed to know what Alex needed, made the older Danvers wonder how many times she had done it already with Lena.

“Alex,” Kara called running her fingers through auburn locks. “You are still in love with her, aren’t you?”

Alex felt her lungs go dry with the question. She still nodded feeling her eyes burn with a possible new round of tears.

“Oh, Rao,” Kara said softly.

It didn’t help.

* * *

 

_They had their first time during Valentine’s day._

_Alex planned it – with the help of Kara, of course (Vasquez gave some suggestions too). They weren’t planning on doing anything during the date. Most of the time it didn’t seem, but they were even dating ‘in secret’. And they started using quotation marks because if they were being honest they didn’t mind being seen in public, the only secret was from their family and Kara knew. Their dates, sleepovers and romantic getaways were awfully public._

_It was a weeknight. It was the only reason why they didn’t plan on doing anything. During the time that had passed since Thanksgiving, they were finding their rhythmic an Alex, especially, was starting to relax a little bit but that was still a hard 'no' from her. Weeknights._

_The thought of Lena skipping school to be with her always reminded Alex of that talk with Lillian. She had to prove Lillian wrong so she wasn’t going to let Lena miss a day or two of class because of her – no matter what a genius the young Luthor was._

_So Lena wasn’t expecting Alex to show up during Valentine’s Day. But she did._

_Alex was leaning against her car as Lena exited class with Sam. She wouldn’t say she completely forgot about Valentine’s Day because who could really forget with all the hearts attached to the walls and all the Valentines making out on any flat superficies they could find. But she had ignored it completely until she found Alex leaning against her car holding a considerable bouquet of flowers._

_Lena was aware of Sam’s grin. They were planning on making a horror movie marathon – not that either of them was a fan of it, but to go against the February mood they would make the sacrifice. They’d have to reschedule it, Lena thought as soon as she saw Alex’s figure._

_“Go be with your girlfriend,” Sam told her before Lena could get a word out._

_“I’ll call you later!”_

_“Oh, I doubt it!” Sam laughed._

_Oh Rao, how she hoped Sam was right. Not that it hadn’t been good without the sex part, it had! But short phone calls and interrupted weekends only could get her so far. Most of the time it was fine, but some nights… Some nights her fingers had to work extra time._

_“Hey,” Alex greeted her handing her the flowers._

_“This is beautiful. And unplanned.” Lena frowned – they had agreed on no flowers but she wasn’t going to point that out since she might have broken that rule too. “What are you doing here?”_

_“It’s Valentine’s Day and I wanted to spend it with my girlfriend,” Alex said stepping closer._

_“I’m okay with that.”_

_“Oh, you’re okay with that?” Alex used a teasing tone. “Well then maybe I sho-“_

_Lena shut her up with her lips. Alex showed no resistance melting into the kiss. She got completely lost in it how the flowers were being crushed between their bodies._

_They heard a whistling sound._

_It made them break the kiss and look around to see a small crowd had been watching them. Mostly college students – Lena recognized some of them. They caught a glimpse of phones capturing their previous exchange but before they could worry, Sam was already handling it._

_If Lena got that right, she was pretty sure her friend just made them all erase whatever they had on the girls and shooed the crowd. She then turned to them with two thumbs up. Lena rested her head on Alex’s collarbone._

_“Can we get out of here?” Lena asked._

_“Please.” And they hurried inside Lena’s car._

_Lena started driving them home._

_“So, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be stuck at work.”_

_“I was hoping you’d go out with me on a date.”_

_“A Valentine’s Day date?”_

_“A Valentine’s Day date,” Alex confirmed._

* * *

 

A week after Sam was gone, Lena was still adapting. Since they’ve met, Sam had quickly become one of her safe-places. To lost two safe places one after another hit her harder than she expected.

She always thought herself to be tough. She couldn’t even compare to Kara though – the girl had lost her planet. But she thought she could handle quite a lot. The loss of her mom, the reality of having a cold mother and an absent father that for whatever reason she wanted to please most of all. She had handled that, but she had not been alone. She had Lex first, then Alex, Kara and the latest was Sam.

Now her safe-places felt further away from her than ever.

On a particularly bad night, she drinks too much and the only thing that keeps her from making an awful mistake is Lex's timing. He had decided to visit her that night and he tracked her phone – which she was mad at him for – and took her home from the club she was in.

“What happened?” Lex asked. And there was seriousness in his voice, threaten and concern at once.

She blinked away her tears. “Nothing.” And he stared at her knowing better than that. “Fine. There was a girl and… Well, it didn’t work out.”

And she hated herself for still caring about Alex. But she’d hate herself more if she ruined Alex & Lex. They were a package deal.

“What’s her name? I’ll end her.” Lena laughed.

* * *

 

_Their date is perfect and when they got back to Lena’s apartment there were flower petals everywhere. There was a note from Kara wishing them the best Valentine’s Day ever by Lena’s bed. She smiled and turned to Alex pulling her into a kiss._

_They waited enough already. They had been through too many ‘almost’ for Lena not be that hungry._

_Alex phone rang and Lena pulled away with an annoyed face. She knew the drill. Alex’s would have to leave for a ‘lab emergency’ – Lena didn’t want to feel like Alex was lying but Lena’s ears had gotten too used to that excuse._

_“Lena,” Alex called. And she turned to Alex who was holding up her phone and turning it off. Completely. Not only muting it. Turning it off._

_Lena smiled._

* * *

 

After Lex’s visit, Lena found other coping mechanisms. Mostly working. She did it on weekends with her father – she was ahead of classes anyway. Lionel was hesitant at first but backed up by Lex, Lena was able to convince him.

She started doing it at a distance and small things. Things she could do on her computer or phone but it was also natural to her. Sure, watching Sam handling business a couple of times helped but Lionel could smell talent. The talent he couldn’t smell on his son, he found it on his daughter.

He started testing her, giving a couple of things to work on during the week and watched her grades during that month. It didn’t drop, as anyone would’ve expected, she had gotten even higher grades. On a week when Lionel’s assistant came running because of what appeared to be a crisis, Lionel told him to take it to Lena.

“Your daughter?” the man asked.

“Yes, do I really need to repeat myself?”

He didn’t.

And he wasn’t even worried so a crisis that would’ve taken Lex four days to solve with more chit-chat than actual business, Lena had done it in two.

And that weird warm on his chest he felt on the first time he saw her was back. Maybe, even stronger.

* * *

 

_Lena felt tired and rested at the same time._

_Actually, she felt like she could climb a mountain but she just wanted to sink further into Alex’s arm._

_They didn’t tend to sleep holding each other anymore; they didn’t need to and also, Alex claimed Lena practiced boxing in her sleep. That night deserved an exception because Lena felt her soul leaving her body with Alex’s hand between her leg and their eyes glued together. She needed Alex’s touch to ground herself back to reality after that._

_Alex wasn’t much behind._

_She was always the one to contain moans and try to keep a certain restraint. Whatever control she had to do it was gone when Lena’s mouth explored Alex’s intimacy. Moans and groans and Lena’s scalp hurt a little bit from Alex’s pulling and she was thankful for Alex’s trimmed nails otherwise her backs would be covered in blood from the older girl’s grip during the previous night._

_And the only thing that ruined it was Lena’s alarm._

_Lena turned it off and trying to settle back into Alex, but the older girl started moving._

_“Mmh. Stay,” Lena said sleepily._

_“I will. It’s you who has to go,” Alex laughed not as sleepy as she should be._

_“What do you mean?” Lena turned to her. “Don’t you have work?”_

_“I took the day off so I could wake up with you.”_

_“The whole day off?” Lena bit her lip. If she considered for a second actually going to class, that second was long gone._

_“Nope. No. We're not staying in your bed making love,” Alex argued back. Lena had to still get Alex to use to f-word with them. Making Love just sounded too corny, even for them._

_“Maybe I could persuade you.” Lena started climbing on Alex aware of the breath the older girl had just taken._

_“No,” Alex cut her off harshly and pushed Lena back into bed. Before Lena could do anything Alex was out of the bed herself._

_Well, that was annoying._

_“The world is not going to end if I miss a day of college!” Lena said kneeling on the bed as Alex put her clothes on._

_“No. The deal was no skipping classes. No rushed decisions.”_

_“It’s just a day.”_

_“Today! It’s just a day today. Then it’s another day next week and soon enough it just might be a full week. We have to be adults about this.”_

_“You skipped work to come here. How is that any different?”_

_“I didn’t ‘skip work’. I planned it. I have a shift this weekend to make it for yesterday and today. You have to focus on studying and being the great woman I know you’ll be. This-” Alex pointed to them “-can wait.”_

_“What if I don’t want to wait? I’ve been in love for you for years, Al and I get why it couldn’t be back then and I get why you might have had ‘mixed’ feelings about this at the start. I let you set the place so far and it’s been great but lately, I’ve been feeling like when I was back to Veronica but in reverse.”_

_Alex stilled._

_“She could be rough and too demanding and you… You can be too soft and it’s like it doesn’t make a difference for you if we are together or not. Half of the time times you are here you are rushing off to your ‘lab’ after some ‘emergency’. Yesterday was the most committed I’ve seen you be since Thanksgiving and now you start with the whole ‘you have to get to class’ thing. I’m a grown woman, Alex. I know what I have to do and what I can or cannot do.”_

_“I didn’t mean to sound like that.”_

_“What did you mean Alex?”_

_“I just… We have time. You are still young. We don’t need to rush anything.”_

_“That’s what you don’t understand. We aren’t rushing this, but I need it to go a bit faster, only a little bit. And this long distance thing… I don’t know if it’s worth it, we barely see each other and when we do… Well, that’s rushed. And I’ve been thinking, not only thinking I’ve been looking it up… I could put on a transfer to National City. It was always one of my options.”_

_Alex took a deep breath._

_(She could imagine Lillian’s devious smile at the moment. ‘I told you so’.)_

_And she understood where Lena was coming from. Maybe if she had been this in love with Vasquez a few years back Alex would’ve forgiven her, would’ve fought her better sense to just be with them. Years later, even if she was in love with Vasquez she knew that sometimes she had to put herself before her relationship. Looking down at Lena Alex tried to think of a way to make her understand without telling Lena that her mother was a bitch and that Alex was terrified of Lillian._

_“Don’t look at me like that,” Lena said aggressively. Alex had gotten lost in her mind. “Don’t look at me with that ‘oh, she’s so innocent’ look. I’m twenty-one not thirteen. I know what I want. I can judge what is better for myself.”_

_“I know. I know. It’s just… I told you already. We can’t screw this up. I can’t screw this up. And yeah, we’ve been saying ‘slow, slow’ but there is nothing slow about how this happened. The first time I kissed I didn’t know it was you. The second time we kissed you were so nervous. I should’ve taken you to a date first. Just like we did yesterday. We’ve been together for about three months and we are already sleeping together. That’s not slow Lee.”_

_“Maybe that’s slow for us. Or maybe slow doesn’t work on us. It’s not like you are pushing me into doing something I don’t want to, but I feel like I’m pushing you into doing something you don’t want to.”_

_“What? That’s not-” Lena stood up. “What are you doing?”_

_“I’m going to class. Or not. I’ll decide on the way I just can’t with you right now, Alex. Just be gone by the time I get back and figure your shit out.”_

* * *

 

“I need to kill her,” Lex said as he exits a café with Alex. She almost choked on her coffee and they got a handful of people looking at them. She wished she could say she knew Lex didn’t mean it literally. The worst part was that she’d probably back him on that. Actually, the worst part was that he had no idea he was talking about Alex, aka, the girl who broke his little sister’s heart.

“What did you say her name was again?”

“Lena didn’t say.” She should’ve. Alex would’ve deserved it. “But maybe we could call one of my hackers and see what he can dig up.”

He would probably dig Alex’s grave, so that was a no go.

“Maybe you should leave it alone. If she didn’t tell you her name then maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it’ll only hurt Lena more if you go after her.”

Lex groans.

* * *

 

_Lena was trying not to over think it. She felt a bit of guilt. Alex only had two years to get used to the idea of liking Lena. Lena had at least five. Maybe she did push it a little, but it didn’t feel like rushing it. She felt like making up for the wasted time. And maybe she went a little overboard with the whole moving idea, but she wasn't talking about moving that year. Maybe by the end of the next one or even the other. She would’ve explained that if Alex hadn’t looked at her like that._

_Like she always looked at her. Like Lena was still a kid._

_She slept on it and decided to call Alex the next morning. She didn’t pick it up. She tried twice more times through the day and felt her rage rising up again for Alex ignoring her. The second day came and Lena started to worry._

_It wasn’t like Alex._

_She called Kara._

_“I haven’t talked to her. She sent me a message yesterday evening saying she’d stayed in the lab overnight.” Lena nodded. “Do you want me to call her?”_

_“No, I need to think before talking to hear.”_

_“You guys fought?”_

_“Yeah, is it that obvious?”_

_“No, but I’ve known the two of the whole time I’ve been on Earth. I’m sure you two will work it out.”_

_“Thanks, Kara.”_

_Lena talked to Sam too because she needed an impartial opinion. She loved Kara and trusted her with her life, but she was too involved in it. While Sam wasn’t fully sold on Alex (too many excuses and ‘Does she work in a lab or a war zone?’ Sam questioned when Alex showed up one week with a black eye saying she had run into a wall at the lab), Sam still could be objective. She was the most objective person Lena could trust with the matter – Lillian would like her._

_She gave Sam the full story._

_“What do you think?”_

_“I think that if you don’t go, you’ll regret it. And that’s not a regret you want to live with the rest of your life.”_

_“Thank you, Sam!” Lena said running off catching her car keys._

_She drove to Alex’s._

_She’d just turned on Alex’s street when she sees a familiar figure climbing into a familiar bike. It’s Alex… And she’s on her way out. Lena throws the car on the next empty spot she sees on the street barely parking it before leaving the car and she rushed towards Alex. She was done with her radio silence._

_“Alex!”_

_Alex squinted her eyes. “Lee?” She climbed out of the bike in time to catch Lena who ran into her arms. Lena held tight and she was relieved when Alex held her just as tight like they were telling each other they were alright. “What are you doing here?” Alex asked in a caring way._

_“I can’t do this anymore, pretending that it’s easy to sleep at night after we fought like that. I mean, I get that we fought but that doesn’t mean we are over. We didn’t say the words. It was just a fight. And you don’t get to ignore my calls like that. I had to call Kara to know if you were alright. What kind of girlfriend does that? Plays dead for two days straight?”_

_Alex made a face. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I broke my phone and I was in the lab in the last forty-eight hours, give or take. I was going to call you as soon as I could.”_

_Lena smiled, but it didn’t last much once she remembered that they were standing by Alex’s bike and what that meant._

_“You’re leaving,” Lena stated._

_Alex looked at her bike and then back at Lena. “I was going back to the lab but that can’t wait. Let’s move this conversation to the apartment.”_

_Lena pretends to be a little impressed by the sudden change of attitude. After seeing Alex put her work at first so many times, to see Alex tell ‘fuck it’ to the lab to put Lena first was different. She would be happy about it was she sure it wasn’t because Alex was trying to ‘make it up’ for her._

_Lena sat on the couch and Alex sat on the table right across from Lena. And it’s weird. Weird enough that Lena just wanted to forget it and pretend that nothing happened. But if she did it, it would only be a matter of time before we were at it again._

_“So, where do we start?” Alex asked just as uncomfortable as Lena._

_“I wanted to talk to you about transferring to National City. I’m not doing it. Not because of you, but because it was never really my plan what you’d have known if you had listened before reacting,” Lena couldn’t stop herself from saying the last part. “When I said I wanted to transfer to National City I meant it in like, a year or so. And it wouldn’t be only because of you, big names of engineering and business are here in National City, more than in Metropolis – it’s quite expensive to have a business when almost every day there are aliens fighting over your head, literally.”_

_“Okay,” Alex nodded. “I agree, I reacted too soon and there is no excuse for that. We should’ve been passed that and I’ll work on it. And I’ll support a hundred percent whatever decision you make, as long as you thought it through.”_

_“Now, it’s your turn.” They shared a soft laugh._

_“I guess… About how we are doing this. I realize I may come across a bit controlling and I think it’s fair for you to speed up our pacing a little but the moving part really freaked me out. So if we do speed things up, maybe starts speeding it slowly?” Alex said tentatively. “Like, maybe telling Lex.”_

_“We don’t need to do that.”_

_“I know, but I want to. Maybe not right now, but soon. Preferably with you by my side so he won’t kill me.” They chuckled._

_“Whenever you are ready.”_

_Alex smiled and moved to the couch beside Lena. They shared an embrace. Before she realized a few tears escaped Alex’s eyes. Lena wiped them away._

_“Oh, Al, why are you crying?”_

_“I don’t know I’m just kind of relieved. I mean last night was horrible. I was in bed alone thinking, is this the end? Two years, four months for us to end right after we…”_

_“It’s okay. We are okay. And you are not getting rid of me that easily. Forty-Two,” Lena chuckled._

_“What was the question again?” Alex asked playfully with a smile. “Oh, I wrote you something,” Alex said jumping from her seat and making her way to an envelope on her bookshelf. “I’m no Kara, but it’s readable.”_

_And it’s a cute, medium, dissertation like paper._

**_Thesis_ ** _: why’d love to spend my life with Lena Luthor. **Hypothesis** : all the wonderful things she made me feel in the last four months. **Conclusion** : I’d take a million chances to be with you._

_And it’s the cutest dissertation Lena ever read._

_Lena took out a pen and Alex looked at her questioningly._

_“You better not be correcting my grammar. I checked it twice already.” Lena laughed and just showed Alex her modification._

_She had added the following line: ‘_ I, Lena Luthor, am compromised to this relationship with Alex Danvers and will do you everything in my power to make it work _.’ And in the end, that wasn’t a signature, but_ **Lee** _wrote in a signature way._

_Alex smiled and taking the pen Lena offered she copied the same thing right under it only changing the name and signing it as_ **Al** _._

_Lena leaned against Alex just to hear an ‘I love you’ being whispered in her ear. She smiled at the warm feeling in her chest, but she knew it already._

* * *

_A few months later...  
_

_Alex had a strange feeling while entering her apartment. She reached for her gun slowly and put the safety off. He senses took longer to identify exactly what had activated her agent mode. The was a glass on the table – one that wasn’t there when Alex left that morning. She was pretty sure she was not alone either and that suspicion is confirmed when she turned on the lights to find Lillian Luthor on the darkest corner of her apartment._

_She let go of a breath and put the safety back on. Lillian was not her favorite person and she didn’t want to end up explaining to Lena how she not-so-accidentally shot her mother. It was scary how much effort she had to put into telling herself no to pull the trigger, even if just for a second._

_“Put the gun down, Alex,” Lillian said walking towards her. “Or would you rather I called you Agent Danvers?”_

_Alex tried her best to mask the surprise on her face. And also fear._

_She settled in taking a deep breath and closing the door behind her. She put away her gun._

_“What are you doing here Mrs. Luthor?” she asked in a tired tone._

_She was worried but six months into dating Lena she was accepting the idea of not only telling Lex but Lillian too (adding a ‘deal with it’ in the end). She wasn’t as worried as she used to be._

_“I’m here to have a little chat and give you a second chance. I think you’ll listen this time. Take a seat.” Alex didn’t move. She was not liking it, not the ‘oh so sure’ smile Lillian was using and not that tone. The same familiar tone. “Well, suit yourself.” Lillian sat down on the chair. “You almost had me convinced at Thanksgiving, did you know that? Maybe it was my fault. I wanted to believe that Lena had learned something from me after all these years. But you know how children are. Out greatest loves and our greatest sorrows. But, anyways, you are going to break up with Lena.”_

_Alex put her hand on her hips and tried to think how to answer that._

_“Mrs. Luthor, I get it. I get it, okay? You’re trying to take care of Lena but I’m not going to hurt her. I love her. If I thought this would somehow backfire on us I would’ve talked to her. We agreed on that. And I’ve tried to keep you out of it. I didn’t tell Lena about our encounter back then and what you asked me. If it wasn’t for you, if I thought that you knowing about it wouldn’t turn into some kind of fight I would’ve screamed to the world that I’m in love with Lena Luthor. I thought that with time you’d come around and you’d realize that were wrong-“ Lillian chuckled. “Even if you didn’t, I thought you’d at least respect our decision and this way Lena wouldn’t… But I’m done. I’m done protecting you.”_

_Lillian smirked. At first, she said nothing, which gave Alex a small hope that maybe she got through Lillian. It didn’t last. Lillian pulled her phone out of her pocked clicking on it a few time before turning it to Alex._

_The young woman took a minute to understand what she was seeing._

_It was a video of Kara flying. There’s not even a way to deny it was Kara. Her face was clearly captured by the camera._

_“I can only imagine that your secret government agency would love to know that your sister is an alien. Related to Superman, I’d guess.”_

_“You wouldn’t,” Alex said in an unsure voice. It made Lillian’s grin wider._

_“That’s exactly the point. I would.”_

_“You know Kara. She’s never harmed a fly. You can’t do this to her. Or mom. She’s your friend. You’ve known her for decades! Not to mention Lena. Kara’s her best friend. Do you think she’ll ever forgive you?”_

_“I once told you about risks, Alex. You didn’t listen to me back then which is why we are here. I hope you’ve learned something since last time.”_

_Alex felt her hands close into a fist trying to keep her hands from shaking. She couldn’t take a deep breath, not when she felt like her lungs were collapsing and she couldn’t think a way out this one._

_She knew her decision even if it pained her to admit it._

_“I’ll do it. I’ll break up with Lena,” Alex could barely say it. Lillian opened another smile. “Just go.”_

_“No, I want to see it.”_

_Raw, what was wrong with that woman? Not only she wanted Alex to break her daughter's heart but she wanted to watch it._

_Her finger hovered over Lena’s name for long seconds. She wondered if begging Lillian would help with anything. Looking at the woman she knew it wouldn’t. She went for the messages knowing that she’d break down in the middle of it if she called. Lena would know that something was wrong then. The last thing she needed was Lillian not satisfied enough._

_She hated it. She hated Lillian. But she loved Kara and although she loved Lena too she wouldn’t risk Kara’s safety for selfish reasons._

**_'I thought I could do this. I can’t. I’m sorry.'_ **

_She sent it and turned the screen to Lillian who gave her an approving nod. She gave Alex a pleased smile and stood up not bothering with Alex’s personal space and caressed her cheek._

_“If only you had listened to me we wouldn’t be in this situation.” She made her way to the door. Alex stayed in place. “I’ll know if you try anything you shouldn’t. Goodbye, Alex.”_

_Alex heard the door closing. She held her tears long enough to sent Kara a short message._

* * *

When Alex’s phones started ringing at two in the morning a few bad words came into her mind in more than one language. Her shift had actually ended early at the DEO, but dinner at Vasquez stretched further than she anticipated and she needed sleep or her recruits would suffer on the next day.

“Danvers,” she said into the phone not looking at it first. It had become a usual way of greeting – she could use it both to work and personal life.

“Alex,” Lex’s voice said. “It’s my father. He had a heart attack. He didn’t make it.”

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say about this chapter. It's Lex-centric (some people asked for it and it was already on my plans but it got bigger than anticipated).
> 
> The good news is that next chapter is 90% done so I'll probably post it next week.
> 
> Thank you for all the reviews and kudos and not giving up on this - apparently - chaotic fic with weird posting schedules!

The ceremony had been nice and crowded. Lex beside Alex named and each business’ partner and even business’ rival as they came to express their sorrow for Lex’s lost. Alex didn’t leave his side. She hadn’t since she got to the Luthor mansion.

For everybody’s sake, Alex had chosen to forget everything that happened in the last months. It wasn’t the time or place for that. She offered her sorrow for Lena wishing she could give her more than a cold hug. She offered it too to Lillian but wishing she actually meant it to the woman who she had been actively avoiding.

Lionel’s post-funeral reception felt like days. Too many people and too little to do - the mansion staff was taking care of everything. It was different from Jeremiah’s. She remembered she couldn’t stop running around the house fixing things for the guest and her mother. Then again she didn’t trust her memory from that time; it got blurred with all the tears.

When the last of the Luthor’s guest finally left Alex was relieved. She never expected to hear businessman gossiping. It was worse than High school.

“Danvers,” Lex called with his eyes glued to his phone. “Get your things ready, a car is coming in an hour.”

There was no context to it, but Alex had been in similar situations before to deduce what it meant. Most likely partying and drinking. It had gotten less frequent with time and Alex denials but it usually meant that Lex was feeling emotionally challenged.

Alex wondered if Lionel was ever aware of how he alongside with Lillian scarred Lex to a point that he only knew how to deal with his feelings while drunk or high. With the years Alex had learned that dead men can’t give her answers.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked.

“Somewhere _fun_ ,” Lex said simply and moved upstairs.

Alex gaze fell on Lena who was talking to Eliza across the room. The little interaction Alex had with Lena so far was so cold and short that it didn’t feel like them. That was on Alex. (That was on Lillian).

Lena caught her looking and Alex turned away. Maybe… Maybe it was for the best after all.

Alex got a sight of Kara not surprisingly heading for the kitchen and the brunette ran after her sister.

“Kara,” Alex called catching up to her. “Lex got a car to pick us up in an hour.” Kara frowned but it became clearer when her sisters’ gaze once again fell on Lena. She had lost count of how many times it had happened in the last hours.

Kara smiled soft and sadly, squeezing Alex’s biceps. “Don’t worry, I got her,” she assured Alex. “We already got a plane to get Sam and Ruby for the weekend. We’ll be fine.”

Alex nodded not paying attention to her sister. Her thoughts were far away.

“Hey,” Kara called Alex’s attention back to her. “I think it’s going to do you some good. Both of you. It’s been a while since the older siblings hadn’t had quality time alone. He needs you right now, and I think you need him more than you realize.”

Alex gulped.

She had been trying not to think that she had broken Lex’s sister’s heart. It didn’t help that they had the same eyes.

* * *

 

The plane ride was quiet during the first hour. It was the time that Lex needed to sort it out everything he had to sort out at work and then he turned off his business phone. He had another phone with exact three contacts: Lena, Lillian, and Alex.

Then he started to get drunk and that’s when the quiet was gone. If he could talk like the devil sober when drunk not even the red guy himself could outtalk Lex.

“Oh Allie,” he started. She hated the nickname and Lex only used it when he was tipsy. After that, he got more creative and it tended to become much worse. She’d never forget the Lex and Kara competing to see who could come up with more nickname for everyone. Alex cut it off when Lex broke out the Russian. “I miss the simpler times when I didn’t have to solve a thousand issues before going on a vacation with my best friend.”

He clicked his glass of jin with Alex’s soda. She could think of a couple things to add to his list.

She hadn’t drunk since the night of Lillian’s visit. Alex stuck to it for six hours of hell after they landed but there was just so many people she could take flirting with her. It was Lex who sent them her way - both boys and girls. Lex was himself was not that far, somehow, making out with three people at the same time.

Alex looked at it and just could think of Lena. And then there was this raven haired girl that came on to her and that was something about her that reminded Alex of Lena and she couldn’t take it anymore. She asked for her first alcoholic drink.

After that, she remembered a lot of mostly innocent flirting until she started dancing. Then it was black.

She woke up four days later in a bathtub and with body paint all over herself. She still had her underwear on, so that was a good thing. Stumbling a little she made it to the door. She opened it to find Lex on a bed naked with about other five naked bodies around him. She was quick to turn around.

“Lex,” she called. She could hear some groans as a couple of bodies started moving around the bed. She waited for a little but then the sounds began to change becoming… moan-like. Sle cleared her throat.

"Sorry, love, the party is over," a sleepy Lex said.

Alex stood there for two more minutes staring at the ground waiting for the rest of them to leave and to Lex to put on some fucking pants. One of the girls made sure to go back to leave a kiss on Alex's check a whisper something in her ear. Alex blushed understand about half of it.

"Did you sleep well?" Lex questioned ironically.

"I guess you know why I woke up in the bathtub."

"You were going to take a shower but as you were climbing in you decided to take a nap there first. It's the only thing I remember from the last days. What about you?"

"Dancing. A lot of dancing. And drinking. I might need a new liver."

"I know a guy." She didn't doubt he was serious. "Want to go get some fresh air?"

Alex nodded then aware of the awful smell of the room - sex. They stepped out on the balcony.

* * *

 

"What happened to you?" he asked out of the blue. She frowned.

"I don't know what you mean."

"I don't know either and that's what I'm talking about. I used to know what was going on with you, why you were happy and why you were sad. These last months I feel like you've been shutting me off. And thinking it through I might even say years." Alex looked away. "I thought we weren't going to be that kind of people," he concluded in a cold tone.

"Somethings..." Alex started unsurely. "A lot of things happened these last years and there was part of it I wasn't ready for you to know, I'm not sure if I am right now and I don't like lying to you. I don't like not telling you stuff so I might have pushed you away from me a little."

"A little?"

"Don't push it."

“You know you can count on me for anything." He guided them back to a much more serious tone.

“I know."

She stared at him thinking how much his eyes reminded her of Lena. She hadn't talked to anyone about what happened since that night. Kara tried but she was Lena best friends. She couldn't do that to her. And Lex... Lex was Lena's brother but maybe he didn't need to know that Alex was talking about his sister.

"There was a girl-“

“What’s her name?”

“You can’t go around killing every girl I date, you know.”

“I said nothing about killing.” She chuckled.

“Even so, I’m the bad guy here.” She expected a smart response from him, but he only looked at her expectantly like he knew it was serious. Not even when she came out he was looking at her like that. “I broke her heart.” Alex settled not wanting to give him more – not allowing herself to do so.

“It sounds like you broke yours too. Why did you do it if you’re still in love with her?”

 _In love_. That was not a common word on Lex Luthor’s tongue. She can’t remember him ever using it except once. Once, though she didn’t pay attention to it back then. She wished she had. And now from just watching her, Lex knew Alex was in love. What would he say if he knew that on the other end of it was Lena?

“I know you, Alex. Better than I know myself. You’re like that little annoying cricket in my head that keeps me from taking over the world.” She chuckled.

“First, you’d need me to take over the world.” Her light tone disappeared right after changing back into a serious one. “Second, I couldn’t be with her. Someone didn’t want it to happen and they made sure it didn’t last. I fucked it up, Lex.”

“We can fix this.”

“No, we can’t. And I think it was for the best to end before… before it got worst.” Alex wiped a tear that escaped her eye. “Enough about me. Your turn. We did the drunk part, now it’s time for feeling. That way we can save up from going to a psychologist.”

Lex chuckled this time and laid occupying most of the couch resting his head on Alex’s lap.

“I don’t know. I think I should feel sadder for losing my father, but I don’t. I feel a bit emptier but… Lena, you should’ve seen her when she got the news. She was the most devasted of us. I should be morning but all this drinking and partying is not because of him. I just don’t feel ready to take over Luthor-Corps. I thought I had time.”

“For someone who exploded their first toy at four, run a company must be a piece of cake,” Alex said trying to ease the mood. It helped. “I could take a few days off. Maybe help on your first days.”

Lex chuckled. “What am I six? Mother didn’t even come to my first day at school. She had the driver to drop me off.”

“So?” Alex shrugged as Lex unknowingly feed her hate for Lillian.

“I guess it can’t be that bad.”

“Great, now moving onto more serious matters: do you wax your head to get it this shiny?”

“I’m so done with you, Danvers.” There was a knock on the door. “Did you order room service?” Alex shook her head as Lex rose from the couch.

“Mr. Luthor!” the Hotel receptionist said in a desperate tone. “Did you see the news? You- You should see the news,” he stuttered.

Alex was the one to reach for the remote. They instantly understood what the man was trying to say.

Breaking News: _Proof of corruption at Luthor-Corp_.

* * *

 

They rush on the next flight to Metropolis. They arrive on Lex’s penthouse surrounded by the media and Alex finds a new way to use her DEO skill to use. It was not as fun as taking down bad guys but it got them inside of the building. Inside it’s not much better. They enter his place followed by three assistants, four economist, two investors and Lillian and everybody talking at the same time.

Alex saw Lex’s burst coming.

“Out! Everybody out!” He screamed and for the first time in an hour there was silence but nobody moved. “Anyone who is still here in the next twenty seconds will be fired. Except for Alex. She stays, and technically I can’t fire her.” He said in a calmer voice but with his eyes closed.

After the first five seconds, the initial hesitation faded and they left. Only Lillian and Alex stayed.

Lex opened his eyes a looked up at his mother – Alex was pretending she didn’t exist otherwise she’d have no control over her actions.

“You too, mother. You had your chance to do something and now my stress-free vacation is ruined.”

“You’re blaming me for this?” Lillian asked in an offended voice. Alex tried hard not to react and if she did, Lillian better not call her on it, or she’d have a few words for the woman. “This is your father’s fault! That idiotic man should’ve known better or at least done a complete job.”

“Mother, please,” he said still in his harsher tone.

Lillian turned to Alex and something in that moment kept Alex from laughing at her face. Of all people on the face of Earth, Alex was one of the least likely to ever help Lillian. A few more silence filled moments passed before Lillian made her way to the door and leaving.

“Shut the door please,” Lex asked. Alex could think of a handful sassy replies for him but that was not the time, so she complied and shut the door. Going back to the table she sat in front of him in a much more relaxed position and waited. “We have some options. Play innocent, say we know nothing about it and bribe the hell out of people to make it go away. That sounds like something father would do and probably did. Or we can play guilty and pray for a miracle so that Luthor-Corps doesn’t break completely.”

“There are other options, you know? I don’t know about you but I don’t rely on miracles. If you decide to declare that there was indeed corruption at Luthor-Corp, I think you should use that made it not break.”

“Explain.” Alex rolled her eyes at his authoritative sound.

“Okay. The word is out. Luthor-Corp stole a whole bunch of money, caused millions worth of prejudice to the Country’s economy but what if you could do the reverse path. Not forgetting what was done or compensating it, but proposing a reformed Luthor-Corp to the public. Like hospital, schools, community centers.”

“That might not be a bad idea. Now we just need to work on the numbers. Call our economist back.”

“The three?”

“No, the younger one.”

“You have no idea what their names are, do you?”

“Do I need to?”

“Jerk.”

“Asshole.”

* * *

 

Alex was there on the day Lex takes over Luthor-Corp - now Lex-Corp (change suggested by one of Lex's advisors, she had no idea what good did that do).

She's as lost as she used to be when she was a kid and Jeremiah would take her to his work lab. She tried not to show it but she dodged every single businessman that seemed to try to establish some kind of human contact with her.

Lex could deal with them. It was not her job.

There was a lot of bureaucracy. And Alex used to complain about DEO's HR. She's pretty sure Lex had to sign five documents before being able to go to the bathroom.

By the end of the day, she was exhausted and she literally did nothing. They were finally at Lex's office and as soon as the door closed after them Alex let her body fall heavily on Lex's chair.

"Get out of my chair," Lex told her while pouring some Johnnie Walker for them.

Alex doesn't obey, just looks up at him. She reaches for her glass but he moves away. She gives him a look and he rolls his eyes giving in.

"I don't know how you handle it all," Alex admitted. He raises his glass as an answer.

"Father didn't exactly make my job any easier. There some weird things going on with the numbers. It doesn’t check it out with the data we have and it’s going to be hell to organize it. "

"If there is anything I can do..." Alex started.

Lex frows.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"You are being nice. Stop it. It's weird," Alex laughed at that.

“I was nice to you before.”

“Yeah, hangover nice. That’s our thing. Daily nice is not.” Alex rolled her eyes. Lex couldn’t find a way to be more complicated.

There was a knock on the door. They both groaned.

"Mr. Luthor," Lex's secretary called, "Mr. Kent has an appointment for this evening."

Kent? Alex wondered, what were the odds?

"Oh, I had forgotten, send him in. A reporter from the Daily Planet," he explained to Alex.

Alex stood up and the door was opened. She was not even surprised, but Clark visibly was when he saw her. Lex raised his eyebrows clearly intrigued.

"Mr. Kent," Lex said leaning forward to shake his hand. "I was expecting a reporter, not a model. Can't say I'm disappointed."

Alex was torn between laughing or slapping Lex's bald head. There were reasons why Lex had a fame of the most eligible bisexual bachelor. That shiny smile was one of them. Clark turned red - redder than when Kara started telling baby stories about him – and shook Lex’s hand. His eyes fell on Alex.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to make you embarrassed. Please sit," he points at the chair in front of his desk. "This is Alexandra Danvers, a fellow intellectual, I hope you don't mind her here.”

"Oh, I know Alex actually," Clark said. "Hi, Alex.”

"Hey Clark, how are you?"

"I'm good. Um, I didn't know you two-"

"Our families where old-time friends," Lex interrupted - they've been mistaken for a couple way too many times.

"Well," Clark adjusted his glasses. "I came to ask you a few questions."

"Go ahead," Lex had one hand on his chin. Was he drooling? Alex rolled her eyes and leaned against a nearby wall. She would tease him later, right now she’d try to put with it without tearing her eyeballs off.

"Mr. Luthor, what do you have to say about the accusations of corruption inside of Luthor-Corp?"

"I believe they are true. Not only that but I've fired all those proved involved and already am working on making amends. The construction of National City's newest children hospital. Star City's nuclear reactor to produce clean energy. All from Lex-Corp account, none of it from its people. The change of the company's name is to reinforce the idea that we are renovating and improving. We are no longer that company who stole hundreds of thousands from public's account."

"So you are saying that it compensates for all the laws you infracted?"

"No, at all, Mr. Kent. I'm saying that there is no way I can undo what was done under my father's watch. I'm saying that I will do better than him but I can't expect for people to simply believe my words, therefore I am giving something them concrete that they can rely on. Health, clean energy."

"Do you not believe your father was involved in it?"

"On the contrary, I believe he participated in it, but honestly I was never involved or aware of that part of the business."

“You’ve been working with your father for a few years now but never in this particular position. Would you say you are fit for this position?”

Lex grinned. Alex face-palmed. Fucking Clark and his bad choice of words.

“Oh, Mr. Kent I’m fit for _all_ positions.” Clark turned red and Alex couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Clark blinked an exaggerated amount of times before regaining function.

"Okay," Clark fixed his glasses again - Alex wondered if it is a Kryptonian thing? - and stood up. "Thank you Mr.Luthor for your time. I believe that's all."

Lex shook Clark's hand but didn’t let go.

One day he’d be accused of sexual harassment and Alex wouldn’t be able to defend him. Did his other head control his upper head?

"Can I ask you something, Mr. Kent?" Alex raised her eyebrows. Should she warn Lex?

"Lex-" she tried. He ignored her.

"Sure," Clark answered reluctantly looking at Alex.

"Are you single?"

Clark's mouth fell open. He turned to Lex, then he looked at Alex and then back at Lex. Opened and closed his mouth. Alex was pretty sure he's about to have a stroke.

"I'm-" Clark was a stuttering mess as he regained his ability to speak. Maybe being awkward was a Kryptonian trail. Alex would have to look into that. "I'm not."

"What a pity. I guess I can't say I'm surprised. I hope I didn't come out too strong. The last thing I need is a sexual assault process." Alex laughed.

“No problem.”

Clark gave Lex a smile and thanked him again before leaving. Lex turned to Alex.

"Damn, you never told me he was this hot. Kansas heat. I need to go out. Club tonight?"

“Nope, we have a company to fix. We can find you a boyfriend later.”

“Any chance you have his number?”

“He just said he was taken.”

“I didn’t see a wedding ring. Also, open relationships are a thing now. Get in synch Alex.”

She rolled her eyes. Her cell phone buzzed with a text. It was Clark inviting her for dinner.

“Is it him?” Lex asked with a smirk. “Does he want my number?”

“The only thing you are getting if you keep this up is a restriction order.”

“Such a dramatic. You sound just like Lena.”

That stopped Alex’s finger midway to sending Clark a ‘yes’. She did so a moment earlier but the familiar pain in her chest was back.

* * *

 

Alex went out after dropping Lex at his apartment. He considered going out – only he knew how much he needed it – but then he caught a glimpse of the pile of paper waiting for him.

He did not like this ‘adulting’ thing. He could ignore it, he probably would’ve, but something like a conscious whispered in his head with a voice that just sounded like Alex saying that he had to do it. She was the cricket in his head.

So he did. Bourbon beside him – Alex’s fault – and some fine Jazz playing in the background. He was just getting started when his cell phone rang. He was surprised to see his sister’s name on it.

“Hello Sister,” he greeted her.

“So… Lex-Corp, isn’t it a bit too egocentric even for you?” Lena asked.

“Believe it or not, it was not my idea. Publicity center thought it would be a good idea to change the name for a better ‘image’.”

He also didn’t think there was much difference between Luthor-Corp to Lex-Corp but who was he to argue with ‘experts’? (Only their boss).

“I saw you on TV today,” Lena said. “It’s true what they say, it makes you look fat.” He chuckled.

“I’ll show you fat.”

“Besides that, I think you handled it well. Father would’ve been proud.”

“No, he wouldn’t. We both know he would’ve have used his money to cover this up.” There is a short silence on the other side of the line. Lena knows he’s right.

“For what is worth, I think you did better than him. I think you did the right thing. I’m proud of you.”

Those words meant something different coming from Lena. It didn’t mean that she saw herself in Lex as it would if it had come from Lionel or Lillian. Coming from Lena it was like getting those glimmering looks she usually had when watching him toy with his inventions when they were young. It was like hearing her say that she looked up at him and it just might have meant more to him than if it had come from his parents.

He was her big brother after all.

“Thank you,” he said trying to keep the emotion from coming out too much. “But I can’t take all the credit. Alex came up with the idea and I just put it into motion.”

“How are things there? Too chaotic?” She was still in Midvale for all that he knew, probably cuddling with Kara and her new friend.

“Things calmed down a little bit, actually. I even met this cute reporter today.”

Lena laughed. “Please, don’t you ever change. If you need any help you know you can count on me.”

He had thought about it. Right after they read the will and the company passed to Lex. Lionel had actually left to both of them but Lillian had argued that maybe Lena’s share should be temporarily passed to Lex - at least while she was finishing college - and she was too young to run a business that big after all. Lex wished Lena hadn’t agreed to it.

She’d probably do a better job than him as much as it pained him to admit. Lionel had told him that at least a dozen times. Lena was a natural at business ( _at least one of my children have gotten something good from me,_ Lionel had said one time) and the fact was that he knew if it was her in charge of things she wouldn’t have half of the trouble but he couldn’t be selfish. He couldn’t hand a twenty-two years old girl a whole company.

“I got to go. There are some investors calling,” Lex lied.

“Oh, okay. Good night, and I want to hear more about this reporter who’s captured my brother's eyes. Sleep well, Lex.”

“You too, sister.”

* * *

 

“Lex Luthor, huh,” Clark started pouring Alex a glass of water (she had no idea how Louis survived his no alcohol policy, no wonder Lucy never visited her sister). “He’s… Well exactly what I expected him to be.”

Alex used to like Clark. She really did. But then he dropped Kara off in front of Alex’s house as if he wasn’t the remaining member of Kara’s family. After that, she didn’t like him so much and something told her that she’d end up liking him even less by the end of the night.

“And what would that be?” Alex asked feeling bold.

Clark ducked his head in clear nervousness and adjusted his classes. Louis laughed coming out of the bedroom, out from her previous way-too-fancy-dress to something more casual.

“It’s no secret that Lex Luthor has a reputation. Genius, billionaire, playboy… If someone ever appears flying in an Iron Man-like suit I know who to look for.”

“Not to mention reckless, controversial, unreliable,” Clark added almost in a whisper. He was making it harder for Alex to be nice.

“You seems to know him really well for someone who was in the same room as him for about five minutes. I’m not going to lie and say that what you are saying is true, but he’s so much more than that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend,” Clark started. “But you have to agree that he is not fitted to run a company.”

“Why? Because he was flirting with during half the time you were there? Because he’s yet to turn thirty? He’s been running the business for almost half of his life, now he's just under the spotlights.”

“He flirted with you?” Louis asked amused. “Now, that’s something I wanted to see. Is that why you are so grumpy?” Louis asked running her fingers through his hair while he ignored the question.

“Did you know that Lex-Corp had a project to open a facility to make experiments on aliens?” Clark asked bitterly.

“No, I did not know that and I don’t think you have the authorization to know about it and I can assure if that is true, Lex doesn’t know about it.”

“Are you sure? Or you just don’t know that he knows?”

Alex raised her eyebrows.

“He doesn’t,” she stated firmly. “He knows about Kara. He just might know about Kara more than you do, so you don’t get to accuse him of anything. You can judge him all that you want but you don’t have any idea what he’s been through, how he grew up or what he is feeling right now.”

“I’m sor-“

“You've been saying that a lot but that doesn't actually excuse you being an asshole. I'm sorry Louis. Thank you for the invitation but I think it’s best for me to leave or we both will say some things we don’t want to.” Alex stood up and Louis tried to make amends to keep her from leaving. In the end, it was Clark’s voice that stopped her halfway through the door.

“Like point out that you work to a government organization that hunts down aliens? That you have stored the only thing that could harm me or Kara? Or that she has no idea about it?”

* * *

 

Lena saw a small inclination upwards on Lex-Corp actions chart. At least that was some good news. Lex’s strategic was working. Or Alex’s strategic. She never fooled herself thinking she’d be able to avoid the girl – maybe it was one of the reasons why Alex insisted it was a bad idea for them to be together in the first place.

Alex had been strange during the funeral. Not strange, but like a stranger. Her touch was cold and measured just like her words to Lena and yet the young Luthor watched her being so warm and caring with Lex. She still wondered what went wrong between the last time they talked and that message.

“You known, checking out Lex-Corp actions isn’t exactly a relaxing activity,” Kara said behind her bringing a big bow of popcorn. Lena couldn’t remember doing anything other than eating since she arrived. Kara might have alien metabolism but she sure didn’t.

“Do you think I made the right decision?” Lena turned to Kara. The girl looked at her confused. “About letting Lex have my shares for a while? Mother suggested it and it seemed reasonable at the time. I’m still in college, I’m not in the right mindset to deal with cranky stuck up man and I don’t much experience with running a business. Lex did. Father had been mentoring him for years now. But now I was thinking if maybe it isn’t too much? Maybe I should be dealing with this crisis with him.”

She looked at Kara as if she had all the answers. The alien shrugged.

“I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s the time to make big decisions. And he seemed to be doing well. Surprisingly well, actually.”

“Alex helped,” Lena said almost bitterly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I can’t wait to go back to class, get my mind away from all of this.”

Kara pulled Lena into her into another hug.

* * *

 

Alex got back to the apartment. She didn’t do it right away. No, she needed to clear her mind.

Fucking Clark and his insufferable moral compass. Who was Clark to accuse her of anything? She was the one taking care of Kara for years now and that was the whole reason she was working in the DEO in the first place. What had he done to protect Kara?

Once she admitted she was lost, she called a cab to take her back to Lex’s apartment.

She could hear the building’s staff talking about her and Lex. It was funny how after so many years that still happened. And it wasn’t only the staff. Fucking media too. Kara had sent her an image with the photo of the TV with a picture of the TV screen that showed Lex and Alex leaving together after Lex-Corp’s press release with the following subtitle: _has the playboy Lex Luthor finally settled down?_ (She literally just walked beside him!)

Entering the apartment Jazz was playing in the background and she could see Lex by the couch. She didn’t actually expect to find him there. On a regular night, he’d be partying and sleeping with strangers by then. Approaching she noticed something else: he had fallen asleep.

She carefully took the papers out of his lap and softly shook him awake.

“C’mon, let’s get to bed,” Alex said. Lex was still sleepily but complied in a zombie-like way. She guided him there.

He settled on one side of the bed and she settled on the other. She spooned him and given his tiredness he didn’t resist.

Alex had a strange sense of _deja-vu_.

* * *

 

“Why?” Lex asked when Alex told him she was leaving as if it was the most unthinkable thought she could have.

“I have a life in National City and I just used all my vacations day. I have to go back to work.”

Lex made a face. The same face he made when things didn’t go the way he wanted.

“You could always stay here. You could come work at Lex-Corp. It’s basically all you’ve been doing these last days and you’d actually get paid to be in magnificent presence.“ She snorted. “Plus, you wouldn’t have to be a slave to that fuck up lab you work on. I mean, you do know you have rights because it’s absolutely crazy the schedule you have there.”

“It’s complicated, Lex., but I actually like it there. Plus, as much fun as it were, I’m not made for business. One or two days are one thing, a whole life of it… It’s just not for me.”

“We have labs. You could have your _own_ lab.”

Alex couldn’t help but smile. Her younger self would’ve said yes already. Jeremiah had once taken her to visit one of L-Corps labs and it was breath-taking. She dreamed of working in a place like that. But then there’s Kara to think about. And Hank – her boss. She’d still crack that tough exterior, he was a good mentor. And also Vas.

“Is this your way of saying you’re going to miss me?” She joked to loosen up.

“In your dreams, Danvers.”

“Whatever, Luthor.”


	13. Chapter 13

Lena went back to Metropolis a month after Lionel’s death. She wasn’t feeling ready yet but she couldn’t any more movie marathons and so much food. Kara tried to spend every second she could with her but with her new job as Cat Grant assistant, it wasn’t that much and Kara was absolutely destroyed during that first week. Even Lena recommended that maybe she should quit (it turned out the rumors about Cat Grant were true), but Kara was determined to stay longer than any other assistant. If someone could do it would be Kara, Lena knew it.

She focused back on school. She was months behind what was strangely good. It kept her busy, but she had another problem: she couldn’t bear to study at her apartment. It was lonely and either Lionel or Alex came into her head.

She found a nice café near the Campus. And she started studying there almost every day. She was not the only student who did that. There were some familiar faces around there but Lena stayed minding her own business and sometimes Lex’s business.

Lena had an alert on her phone for Lex-Corp news and she was always checking their actions. Lex was doing a good job there but it just wasn’t enough. The numbers were stabilizing way lower than they used to be. It had Lena biting her nails. She trusted Lex but it was her corporation too – although the change of the name that certainly had some of Lillian’s influence on it.

She decided to wait.

If the numbers got lower than she’d do something about it.

* * *

 

Eight months after the breakup Lena met Jack.

They met at the café near Metropolis University. She has seen him in some of her classes. From the way he looked at her, he cleared recognized her from there too. So when their eyes met across the café it was only polite to acknowledge each other with a nod.

For some reason, she tells that to Sam and Kara. Sam called that flirting. Lena called her delirious – and Ruby spends that whole week learning how to pronounce that word correctly. Kara stayed silent during that particular conversation – she was Team Alex all the way, Lena knew that.

A month and week from that particular conversation, Lena found out that Sam was not as delirious as she claimed her to be. It was a normal day studying at the café. They nodded at each other as they always did and went back their books. A few minutes later and she noticed how agitated he was. He couldn’t stop moving his leg and it was driving her crazy. She frowned at him with an amused look on her face. It was all that it took for him to gather enough courage to make his way to her.

He almost tripped on his way there. For those watching it was hard to tell who was more nervous: him or her.

After what felt like a small eternity he took the seat in front of her.

“Hi,” he started. “I’m Lena.” Her eyes shoot open and so did his a second later when he realized what he said. “I… I mean… Oh screwed this up. I’m not Lena, obviously. You are Lena. I’m Jack. And I’m going back to my table where I cannot embarrass myself any further.”

Lena said nothing as he went back to his table still processing what had happened. They both needed some time to recover from those awkward five seconds. When she felt recovered she took one minute thinking about it before standing up and ordering two coffees. She paid for them and made her way to Jack’s table. He had his head buried in a book. He lifted his head clearly surprised at her approach.

She stretched out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Lena.”

He got it. “Hi, I’m Jack.”

They talked for hours. They were almost kicked out of the café twice for laughing too loud. She hadn’t laughed like that since forever. They left the café before they actually could actually be kicked out and decided to go ice cream – and Lena knew he’d be Kara-approved wasn’t it for the Alex situation. On the way there they caught the sight of Superman flying off to somewhere.

“When I told my parents I wanted to study in Metropolis their first reaction was to laugh,” Jack said. “Once they realized I was serious about it they asked me why. I took my mother’s hand, looked deep into her eyes and answered her with my most serious voice: they have Superman.”

Lena laughed. Oh, the boy was cute.

“Did they kick you out?”

“My father wanted me to spend the night in the car. Mom talked him out of it. He came around eventually. He told me it was better than me trying to make some money as a comedian.”

“I don’t know. I’d go watch you as a comedian.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about. A little support for a change.”

He walked her home. Lena noticed his hesitancy at leaving - they exchanged really awkward goodbyes – and Lena thought she knew why.

“Hey, Jack,” she called him back. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Okay. I mean, yes! I’d love to. Just to be clear, we are talking about a date date, not like a friend’s date, right?” She smiled at him. “I’m going to take that as a ‘yes’. You know, I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

And Lena has the most horrible thought: she could fall in love with him. He’s funny, nice, charming and sometimes he talked just like Alex. She could fall in love with him.

“You can ask next time.”

“Next time? What makes you think I want to go out with you again?” he asked teasingly.

“I have a feeling.”

Lena went back inside with a smile on her face, something that hadn’t happened in such a long time. She took her phone out of her purse, there were about ten of Kara’s message as it was usual to be. Lena’s finger almost went to Kara’s name in enthusiasm of talking to her best friend about what happened, but then she remembered about Alex. It was too soon – eight months after that goddamned text that she couldn’t bring herself to erase and it was still too soon.

She responded Kara’s texts as usual and then moved to Sam’s name.

Can I call you?

* * *

 

Lucy moved to Metropolis. It had been a year or so since she came back from her latest tour, but for whatever reasons she had decided to stay in Washington with her father. Neither Lena or Kara pushed. The last time they spoke to her she was different, she sounded different and they can’t even imagine what kind of things Lucy might have seen and been through while she was away. They thought the best approach was to give Lucy space.

And they did. Still, Lena felt a little bit hurt when she found out Lucy was back in Metropolis and hadn’t told either of them. Lena had to found through Kara who found through Louis who found out through Clark who found out through James – who was now apparently “hanging” with Lucy.

They were missing about half the story there.

It had passed some months knowing that Lucy was in town until Lena ran into her. It was during one of her dates with Jack and apparently, Lucy was on a date with James on the same restaurant.

It was awkward.

A day later Lucy appeared by Lena’s door.

“I thought I should apologize,” Lucy said. Lena was surprised. She couldn’t remember Lucy ever apologizing for anything – she knew how to talk her way out of apologizing, and that included the vase thrown at Alex.

“Come in.” Lena opened the door.

They were not instantly okay, but it was a step in that direction.

* * *

It’s during their third date that Lena discovered their mutual like for soccer. It was also during that date that she found out that he was a die-hard Chelsea fan while she was a die-hard Manchester City FC fan.

“Noooo. Nooo. Why? So brilliant and beautiful, why did you have to be a Manchester fan?” Jack lamented in the middle of a laugh. Lena teasingly bit into her fry.

“You are just being a baby because you know your team is going to lose.”

“Oh, you wish. We won the last two games against you.”

“But we didn’t have our main player.” He rolled his eyes. Lena playfully slapped his arm. “Alright, how about this? If Chelsea wins I’ll pay for dinner. Now, if Manchester does – as it will – you'll pay.” Jack just stared at her with a faint smile on his lips.

“Alright. But, may I warn you I will not hold back my appetite just to go easy on your wallet,” he said playfully.

“So cute… You actually think you have a chance of winning this.” He wasn’t listening anymore with his attention glued to the screen of the pub’s TV. A Manchester was approaching for his adversary’s goal. It was a good kick but the keeper caught it. “That was pretty close and it’s not even ten minutes since the game started,” Lena teasingly pointed out. “Are you having seconds thought?”

“Noo,” the lie was clear in his voice. “It’s still too early in the game to say anything.”

Manchester won. Jack left with his wallet almost empty and utter denial as they nudged each other walking to Lena’s apartment two streets from there. She is smiling all the way there and although he loses Jack is too. It’s easy for Lena to be around him. She felt better than she did in a long time. Maybe - just maybe - everything that happened so far was for the best.

“So…” he started as they stood in front of her door. “There’s another game Friday. It’s not Manchester or Chelsea but we could go watch it,” he shrugged tried to mask his nervousness.

(Alex used to be nervous just like that).

Instead of answering, Lena rested her hands on Jack’s chest a leaned in for a kiss. He welcomed it with a gasp and Lena could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her mind decided to remember right at that moment that it was her first real kiss with a guy (the Cablepott boy didn’t count). It was softer than she expected. The beard thing was kind of weird just like his body shape. Different from the female figures Lena had held so far.

She smiled at him. It was nice. He was nice.

She could fall in love with him.

* * *

 

They were not on a date when Jack asked her to be his girlfriend. They were in the lab going over some notes trying to figure out what was missing in their latest project.

There had been some kisses so far. The majority of the kisses were initiated by Lena – in one of these occasions out of pure jealousy when this girl came over to talk to Jack as if it wasn’t general knowledge that he was going out with Lena. Still, they hadn’t talked about it. He went all awkward whenever they approached the subject.

After Alex, Lena wasn’t pushing anything.

They were over a day locked inside of the lab and Lena was thinking about how out of hand that situation was getting but then she figured it. She figured out whatever was missing and Jack couldn’t hold himself back, taking her face in his hands and kissing her more passionately than ever before.

“Lena, you genius! Marry me!” he screamed out of instinct. She laughed.

“I think we are skipping a few steps here. We’re not even dating.”

“Then let’s date.”

“What?”

“Lena Luthor, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Please, you just want me for my brains,” Lena joked pulling him closer.

“Did you just call me a zombie?” She responded pulling him into another kiss.

* * *

 

Jack and Lena are the cutest couple in the university and the most brilliant too.

Lena really liked Jack but four months later when he told Lena he loved her, she lied when she said she loved him too.

Love. Wasn’t it too soon for that?

Lena didn’t think she could use her past experience in this one. Veronica was… Well, gladly in the past. And Alex… she’d loved Alex for so long that she couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it started.

Sam’s been too busy with work for Lena to bother her with silly questions and Kara… It was weird to talk about these things with Kara. Whenever Jack was mentioned she tried to play it cool but Lena could hear in Kara’s voice how it still bothered her.

Lena would stick to half-honest love confessions - it was better than being alone.

* * *

 

Jack started staying over. One of those nights Lena woke from to a dream - a memory - of Alex and when she turned to find Jack's body instead she couldn't help but feel like it was a mistake.

Without thinking twice she called Sam. She was greeted by her friend's sleepy voice four rings later. Only then she thought about checking the time. It was almost time for Lena to wake up but it was probably the middle of the night for Sam.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have called," Lena started ready to hang up.

"Lena, talk to me. What happened?" Sam asked in the same voice Lena would see her talking to Ruby. Sam was the mom-friend after all.

"What if I'm making a mistake?"

"Lena," Sam practically groaned. "Why do you think you’re making a mistake?"

"I like him. I really." Lena's voice was rushed as if she didn't have enough air to finish what she was saying. "But he's not... I don't feel like I did with Alex."

"It won't. He's not Alex. And even if you and Alex ever get back together I doubt it will feel the same." Lena takes a deep breath at the idea. (It terrified her. And excited her). "You are not the same and none of the people you dates will be the same. Plus, you knew Alex your whole life. It's hard to compete with that."

* * *

 

“My parents are in love with you,” Jack whispered on Lena’s ear moving to kiss her neck. She giggled as his beard tickled her skin.

She had been a complete wreak of nervous just some hours before. It was something they had been talking about for some time: meeting Jack’s parents. So they flew to London during an expanded weekend.

They had been dating for eight months. It felt too soon. But with her heart still half broken it was easy to fake a smile and agree with it.

Jack’s parents were nice welcoming her but as Lena told them about herself there were too many ‘oh dear’ for her to feel comfortable around them. She’d usually shut down when people treated her like that. With pity. So she faked a smile for the rest of the night and slept with her back turned to Jack.

Unfortunately, he was a cuddler and in the middle of the night, Lena found herself suffocating in his arms.

She slipped away and made her way to the window hoping to catch some fresh air. Maybe he would wake up and ask her what was wrong and they would talk it out until they wrote silly love letters and hid it in the middle of-

“Lena?” he called sleepily. “Come back to bed. You’re going to catch a cold.”

“In a minute,” she said and he rolled into the other side.

She unlocked her phone and went over messages from the year before. I thought I could do this. I can’t. I’m sorry.

It was not the first time looked at it. It became something she did whenever she needed to remember. Remember why she was with Jack and not with who-

Well, she didn’t think of that. She couldn’t think of that. She just locked her phone again and slipped back into the bed enjoying the comfort for two seconds before Jack’s arms were around her.

* * *

 

Kara flew over for Lena's birthday. Except that she did without warning Lena first - which was no surprise really, the months that followed the break up she'd arrive from college to Kara on her couch. The problem was that Jack was there.

Lex had called her the first thing in the morning to wish her a happy birthday, and to tell her that he was stuck in a series of meetings in Bogotá. He'd be flying to Metropolis that weekend for some brother-sister quality time.

Sam and Ruby called her too - in a more acceptable time than Lex. Lena was amazed at how fast Ruby was growing up. She just wanted to pinch those cheeks again!

There was radio silence from Alex and a gift sent by Lillian. Her mother never liked birthdays. In her words, they were a reminder of biology's greatest failure.

She had a coffee with Lucy in the after and with Jack she had plans to go out to this fancy restaurant in town. She loved their nights in or at some cheap bar with loud conversations, but it would be a nice change of scenario so she agreed. That was until Kara appeared on her doorstep.

And Jack answered the door. And Lena had yet to tell Kara about Jack.

"Who are you?" Kara asked when Jack opened the door. Lena went pale when she heard her voice.

"Hi, I'm Jack. You must be Kara. I know from the photos," Jack said stretching out his hand.

"Kara," Lena said from the inside and Jack opened the door so Kara could come in. "Hi." Kara eyed her up and down. Ther was no hiding how nice Lena's wedding was. Nicer than a usual night out dress. It was a date dress.

"Happy birthday, I guess," Kara said fixing her glasses.

Some long seconds of awkwardness followed. Jack started changing his weight from one foot to the other. Kara fixed her glasses over four times. Jack looked at his watch.

"Oh, look at the time," he said in a fake surprised tone.

"You have something planned?" Kara asked.

"Yes, actually we have this reservation for Lena's birthday. You should come!"

"No, I couldn't," Kara dismissed it in a tone as fake as Jack.

"Please, I insist. I miss my best friend. I'm sure they won't mind adding a chair to our table," Lena said in the most honest tone used since Kara arrived.

"Alright," Kara agreed.

Jack's eyes searched for Lena's. His intention was never to Kara actually tag along with them, but the way Lena proposed it... She just looked at her boyfriend - who Kara knew nothing about - and gave him a warning look. Her "I'm in charge look" that she practiced at her time in L-Corp - she kind of missed using it. It was her birthday after all.

* * *

 

It was a weird dinner, to say the least. Kara was quite aggressive towards Jack, something Lena had never seen. Lena managed it as she could, and so did Jack who assumed a neutral behavior during diner. He even retracted from holding Lena's hand or kissing her, or his usual overly-romantic talks when he noticed how badly it was taken by Kara.

Lena had been trying to figure out if Kara was acting like that because Lena hadn't told her about Jack or if it was still about Alex.

That Kara was a totally different Kara from the stories Lena told Jack about. She had told him a considerable amount of those, some even included Alex - it was hard to talk about her childhood without including Alex. How could Lena not tell him about her first Halloween with the Luthors?

They got a cab back to Lena's place and Jack walked them to the door. It was clear that their plans of staying in were over.

"I'm sorry," Lena told him pulling herself closer to Jack. "I know tonight didn't turn out as you planned."

"It's alright. It is your birthday after and if you're happy, I'm happy. Plus I got to meet Kara. I wasn't going to tell you this but I was beginning to think you just made her up in your head and photoshopped those photos," he said the last part in a more playful sound.

"Now, I'm offended. Are you saying you thought I didn't have friends?"

"No, I'm saying I wasn't sure your friends were real. I think she might not like me." He twisted his nose. She knew how he liked to please everyone.

"It's not like that. It's just complicated."

"Probably something to do with the fact that she didn't know about us," he pointed out harshly. She wasn't expecting that. He wasn't either, the regret was obvious on his face right after. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I was going to wait until tomorrow to talk about it. I didn't want to ruin your birthday. I'm sorry." He said pulling away.

"Jack..." she called.

"No, it's fine. We can talk about it tomorrow, Lena. I love you. Happy birthday."

She watched as he took the elevator and Lena went back inside. Her night was not yet over.

She closed the door and could hear Kara in the kitchen - which was no surprise given how little she had eaten taking into account Kara's usual standard of food.

She passed through the kitchen's door to see Kara with her mouth full of half of Lena's fridge. She needed to go shopping anyway.

Lena decided to take a kick shower while Kara dealt with the starvation problem. After the shower, she made her way to the couch where Kara was waiting with their usual blankets. Lena didn't hesitate before getting into them.

"So, Jack..." Kara started. "You didn't tell me about him. And you've been together long enough to be saying 'I love you'."

"I wanted to tell you Kara but... You know why I wasn't sure how to approach the subject."

"Because of Alex."

"I know how much you would've liked for some miraculous happy ending to that story."

"Maybe. But most of all I want you to be happy. You're my best friend that's all I could ever want for you. I know we joked about Team Alex but you know I'm team Lena all the way. I don't care if it's Alex, or Jack, or that scary girl you dated back in high school."

"Probably not her." Lena laughed. "Are we okay?"

"I should be the one asking that. If you didn't feel okay telling me about Jack during all these months that's on me, Lena. I didn't want for us to ever be a situation in which you wonder if I will react badly to something you say."

"I think we are okay," Lena said as they pulled each other into a hug.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your date night. And I'm sorry I was so rude to Jack. I think I might have been kind of jealous," Kara confessed biting her lower lip.

Lena laughed. "Apologies accepted. Jack will probably get over it. I think he was mostly confused given how I described you and how you acted tonight."

"You told him about me?" Kara's eyes shined.

"Of course, you are my best friend."

"Now I feel even worse. Any chance I can apologize to him tomorrow?"

"I think that can be arranged," Lena said with a smile.

* * *

 

They did it during breakfast, and if the dinner was a disaster, breakfast a walk in the park. Jack and Kara go along surprisingly well after the first half an hour of awkwardness, the two of them started bonding over Lena's little habits. They eventually found things they had in common and Lena could say she enjoyed watching every second of it.

"You should come over more often," Jack said with honesty.

"I will! You should come to National City too! I'd love to show you around the city!"

Kara waved them goodbye as she entered the cab. Lena and Jack waited until the car was gone from their sight.

Lena turned to him a kissed him passionately and lovingly with a smile on her lips.

"Any reason for that? Not that I'm complaining. Because I'm not that was..." She shut him up with another kiss. ( _She couldn't remember how many times she'd done it to Alex, but not even that thought could erase the smile she had on her lips_ ).

"Nothing, I'm just happy. My boyfriend and my best friend are getting along. I'm really really really happy," she said before kissing him again.

"Any reason why we wouldn't?" _Alex. Alex. Alex_. "Is it the same reason why you didn't tell her about me before?" he added once Lena's silence remained.

She looked away from his face.

"My last relationship. It ended in- It's complicated," Lena settled. She had no idea how to explain everything to him without explaining everything. "It has nothing to do with you. I promise."

Jack nodded. "Okay. Whenever you're ready." He whispered 'I love you' into her hair and she melted into the warmth of his embrace.

* * *

 

Lab sex was messy. Lena found that out in the worst possible way. She didn't regret proposing it - and given Jack's face, she doubted he regretted giving into her. After being stuck in the lab for days with short trips to the bathroom and vending machines, she needed to let out some tension. Even sleeping in the lab hadn't been that good.

Lena went over to the computer to see the results.

Lena frowned.

"What is it?" He asked pulling up his pants.

"It's working," she said in complete disbelief. He rushed to her side to see it with his own eyes.

"It's working," he repeated. "Oh my God. Lena, do you know what this means? We could make history with this. Change medicine as we know it."

"Imagine how many people we could save."

She had her back turned to him so she didn't see how he looked at her: as if she hung the moon in the sky with her bare hands.

He loved her.

* * *

 

Lena probably would never forget the night Kara came out to the world.

It happened to be on the same night of her ten months anniversary-date with Jack. It was actually their one-year anniversary counting from their first date and they had settled for a nice hidden out Chinese restaurant that Kara told her about - the blonde was slowly warming up to Jack.

The hours flew by as it usually did when they were together, but it’s mostly science talk. They had started toying with this new tech that could revolutionize medicine, as the world knew it. Cure cancer! – Jack excitedly claimed. He made her feel dreamy like she hadn’t in so long. It was nice.

They were ordering dessert when Lena’s phone popped with a text from Lex with a link. Lex wasn’t the one for useless texts with her, so she reluctantly opened it to a live video. _PLANE SAVED MY MYSTERY FIGURE IN NATIONAL CITY_. The video plays showing a figure practically carrying a falling plane and leaving it in the middle of National City. The video was dark and the figure was too far but Lena knew it was Kara.

“I have to go,” Lena told Jack slipping out of the table.

She threw some money on the table and ran out of the place. Jack reacted too late and didn’t catch her until she was turning the corner on a taxi. Lena sends him two messages: the first is an apology; the second is a promised to make it up to him. “It’s alright, just tell me when you get home safe” – he texted back.

Lena called Kara as soon as she was inside of the building.

“I just saw the news. It was you, wasn’t it?”

“It was.” Kara’s voice is less excited than Lena expected it to be.

“What’s wrong?” Lena asked in a softer tone. “I thought you’d be over the moon about it. Figuratively speaking.”

“I was. I mean, I am- It’s just…” Lena head Kara taking a deep breath. “Alex was just here and I was literally jumping out of excitement with a bowl of cereal in my hands because carrying a plane halfway through the city build up an appetite. Either way I thought she’d be happy about it, maybe a little shaken give everything but happy but instead, she was just mad and talking about hiding my identity. I get it: she’s worried, but she’s always worried. And I just saved her life! Can’t I just have that for the moment?”

“What do you mean you just saved her?”

“Alex… She was on that plane.” There was another kind of vulnerability on Kara’s voice. “I couldn’t just do nothing.”

Lena’s heart tightened at the idea of losing Alex and for a moment she forgot how to react. Instead, she tumbled her way to the couch so she is sitting and told Kara she’d call her back.

She felt like there wasn’t enough air on her lungs, like something in the world was completely wrong and just was noticing it then.

Alex had almost died. Alex could’ve died and would’ve died if it wasn’t for Kara and Lena wasn’t aware of how close she was of losing her Alex until some seconds before. And it wasn’t even her Alex anymore – just like she wasn’t Alex’s Lee anymore. She was with Jack. She had been on a date with Jack and Alex could’ve died. Those things had nothing to do with each other but Lena’s mind decided to put them together for some reason. Her heart raced even more.

She stood up and made her way to the closet. She ignored the left side that was slowly being filled with Jack’s clothes and among her clothes she found what she was looking for: Alex’s hoodie.

Lena stripped out of her date clothes to be only in underwear and hoodie as she made way back to the couch missing the smell it used to have. It would have to do for the moment, to bring her comfort. She stayed shrunk into herself in the middle of the couch when her eyes fell on her phone.

Next thing she knew she was calling Alex. Lena couldn’t remember opening the contacts and searching for Alex’s name she only knew it was already ringing. Just when Lena was about to disconnect the call, Alex answered.

“Hello? Lena, is that you? Lee is everything alright?”

Lena couldn’t answer. The care on Alex's voice just paralyzed her even further while knowing – hearing – Alex alive and well eased her worries. She expected Alex to hang up instead, Alex continued on the line. Lena heard her breathing and she could make up some sounds of her moving by the house. She heard the refrigerator, Alex’s apparently pouring herself a drink – Lena hoped it was water but given everything, she wouldn’t hold it against Alex if it wasn’t. Then there was the sound of a door being closed and then the sound of the shower running.

As Lena’s mind began to imagine the scene she finally brought herself to disconnect the call.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For those of you who watch IZombie, yes my version of Jack was a mix between him and Ravi - I couldn't separate them.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I lied... but I did not lie. Hear me out.  
> This is a setting up chapter, things are getting good next chapter. Actually it was all supposed to happen in one chapter but since it was getting too big I decided to split in two, but good news is that the second part (the good part) should be up on Wednesday.
> 
> Also, I think it's pretty clear we are meeting cannon right now, so it's important to tell you that while most of the Supergirl story-line remains pretty much the same, I changed the order of the episodes a bit.

It was weird having Kara around the DEO. It was good but it also was weird and for once she was glad at how busy Cat Grant kept her sister otherwise Alex would’ve gone crazy already. She also couldn’t complain, everything considered, Kara was taking her secret job surprisingly okay.

“At least I know where all those bruises and broken ribs come from. I was honestly scared that you had some kind of abusive secret girlfriend, but it turned out you just had an abusive secret job,” Kara said half joking.

“It’s not abusive, I’m just a really devoted agent.” Kara nodded. Alex could see she had something else on her mind. “What is it?”

“Is this why you broke up with Lena?”

Alex took a deep breath.

It was not something they had talked about. After Kara stopped ignoring Alex, Lena just became a subject they tended to avoid.

“No,” Alex said as if she was going to complete that information with something, but she didn’t, she just turned to pizza slice on her hand.

“What about Vasquez?” Kara asked.

“If they had something to do with it?”

“No- Did they? No, I mean. They work on the DEO, is that a coincidence? I mean, how the hell did you join the DEO?”

“If I tell you this you can’t be mad at me and you can’t tell mom. Ever. Promise me.”

“How bad can it be?”

“Promise, Kara!”

“Rao, okay, I promise.”

“Promise on the House of El?”

“Really?” Kara asked surprised. “Fine, I promise on the House of El and on my love for Rao. Are you satisfied?”

Alex nodded. “So… During college, I may have gotten myself into something a shouldn’t investigating something regarding aliens and you know… that stuff and some people were not happy with me and they kind of kidnapped me.”

“Kidnapped you? Alex! This is serious, how could you not tell us that?”

“It was fine, Vasquez saved me. They already worked to the DEO and were secretly keeping an eye on me because I was a 'person of interest' which was why she was dating me in the first place.”

“A person of interest? Wait, it as because of me? Alex! What the- You should’ve told us that! Did you at least talk to someone? Is that why you and Vasquez broke up? How long have you been working for them?”

“Yes, yes and since them. Since I told you Vasquez and I broke up.”

“And it had nothing to do with you and Lena?”

She shook her head. She wasn’t lying. It wasn’t the DEO’s fault that she had broken up with Lena. Alex remembered the video of Kara flying off on Lillian’s phone.

Vasquez was no longer working on tracking it. It had been way too long and too many dead ends. Alex felt like it was pointless to keep hoping for an easy solution – or a solution at all.

She wished she could she also stopped being in love with Lena.

* * *

 

Lena bought CatCo Magazine with a photo of Supergirl on the cover. Jack looks weirdly at Lena when he saw she buying the magazine, but he said nothing. Girl empowerment and everything.

Lena took a photo of it and sent to Kara. The blonde answered with a lot of heart emojis. Lena called her right after.

“Supergirl?” Lena emphasized. “Why not Superwoman? Your cousin has always been Superman and when he started he was younger than you,” Lena pointed out.

“Well if you think about it, Supergirl is also a form of empowerment, you know? Like, I’m a girl, you’re a girl, Ms. Grant is a girl…” Lena raised her eyebrow. Although Kara could not see it she sure felt it. “I don’t know. Ms. Grant said it better.”

Lena opened a smile. “You are whipped by your boss.”

“I am not!”

“You just let her brand you.”

“I… You…” Lena laughed a little. “Don’t say that. It sounds wrong!”

“It has a nice ring to it, at least. Supergirl. How does it feel?”

“It’s like flying and at the same time, it’s not. It’s like flying would be for a human, thrilling and terrifying and at the same time it brings some kind of comfort as if I am one with the world, a sense of purpose.”

“As a human, I am a little offended by that, but I got what you meant so I going to let that slide,” Lena said in a half-humorous tone. “What about Alex?” Lena had been practicing that line on the mirror so she wouldn’t falter. “How is she dealing with your new Superhero persona?”

“We are working it out. It didn’t help that she found out that I told Winn and James about my secret identity but they're my friends too. I trust them. Also, I still can’t believe she-” Kara stopped suddenly. “Never mind that, let’s just say she’s getting used to it. Hang on…” There’s a silence for about then second. “Lena, I have to go. Alex- I have to go”

And it sounded serious. Serious enough to get Lena’s heart beating like crazy but Kara hung up before she could ask what was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t that serious. Alex had almost died on that plane a few weeks before, how unlucky could she be?

Lena’s eyes fell on her closet although her efforts at convincing herself that Alex was alright. And it was okay for her to worry. Even if they weren’t together anymore – even if Alex had broken her heart – they still had spent half of their lives together. She wouldn’t pretend that Alex wasn’t an important part of her life or that she had a permanent spot in her heart, she was just taking her time dealing with it.

Lena sent Kara one last text: Call me when you can.

* * *

 

“So your aunt is… alive?” Kara hummed on the other side of the line. “And how did that happen again?”

“Al-” Kara stopped. “It’s complicated.”

And that was something that had been happening. Kara started speaking and just stopped like she remembered something she couldn’t tell Lena. Secrets. That wasn’t something they did. It bothered Lena for several reasons; not only it felt like Kara didn’t trust her enough but it also felt like when she was dating Alex again.

Lena remembered the late messages, the weird excuses and the “it’s complicated” used for everything.

“Okay, then,” Lena said in a tired tone. She had learned better than to insist on a lost cause.

“Lena, it’s just…”

“No, I get it. You’re a Superhero, you can’t tell people everything. Even if it’s your best friend.”

* * *

 

Kara was mad at her. It took some time for Alex to figure out why. It was because of Lena. More specifically because of what Kara couldn’t tell Lena.

“It’s for their safety,” Alex said. “Plus, Director Henshaw would never authorize it.”

“We could ask, at least!” Kara said walking after Alex. “And by we I mean you, of course.” Alex chuckled. It was no secret he was still mad at Supergirl's interview.

“Kara, believe me, if I could I’d tell them. I would have told you ages ago. Not even Lex knows.”

“Still. Talk to Henshaw. Pretty please? For me? I even you let you kick my ass again in the training room.”

“Let me?” Alex snorted. Kara rolled her eyes.

“We can tell them over Thanksgiving! Mom is coming and so is Lena and Lex, so we can tell them all of them at once.”

“You mean that we can tell them and get all of them mad at me at once.”

“They’d understand.”

“Like you did?”

And there is a bit of guilt there, on both sides. Director Henshaw calling Alex aside finally interrupted the tension. Ask him, Kara mouthed to her sister as she was leaving.

* * *

 

Lena was still in London when she heard about Reactron. She was in the middle of lunch with Jack’s parent when they go over the subject of aliens and while they agree that they don’t any problem with them as long as they behave and subject themselves to the same laws as other citizens they end up talking about the newest Supergirl headline.

Lena excused herself from the table to take a look at the notifications she had ignored her so far. Given the lack of Supergirl’s appearances since Superman supposedly saved her, it was safe to say that Lena was worried.

She didn’t think twice about calling.

It rang four times but it felt like an eternity and then they picked up.

“Hello? Lena?” it wasn’t Kara’s voice. It was Alex. Alex. Alex who she was just thinking about the previous night when she was in Jack’s arms. Alex who she shouldn’t be thinking about when her best friend might be severely hurt. Lena felt her throat muscles moving but she only made a choked sound while Alex waited on the other line. She seemed to take a deep breath. “She is alright, in case that’s why you’re calling. She took some beating and exhausted herself. But she’ll be alright, just needs to sleep it off. I’ll tell her to call you when she wakes up.”

Alex stayed on the line long enough for Lena gather enough motivation to establish some human form of communication with Alex.

“Thank you,” Lena said coldly and cordially.

“Anything, Lee,” Alex answered warmly and Lena hung up at that.

It wasn’t fair.

* * *

 

Lena couldn’t concentrate and Jack kept telling her how she didn’t need to study – and how he didn’t either. Sure they were both at the top of their classes, but wise is the humble and Lena knew there was always more to learn so she wasn’t playing the know-it-all card.

When her phone rang with Kara’s number on it she was relieved to get a break from the oppressive aura that had taken over her apartment. That was until Jack decided to intrude in the middle of the phone call.

“Hello Kara, would you please tell your best friend that she’s studied all week and that she can take an hour break to have dinner with her boyfriend?” Jack from behind Lena and into her phone.

“He’s overreacting,” Lena excused while trying to shoo him away.

“Somehow I doubt that,” Kara laughed. “Knowing you, you probably aced this already plus it’s scientifically proved that your brain needs a break to digest the information.”

“Now you two are ganging up on me?” Lena joked.

“Never,” Jack said laughing while setting the table.

“Maybe,” Kara said on the other end of the line.

“Fine, one hour.”

“Yes, then shower,” Jack added.

“And then bed,” Kara completed probably having heard Jack. Lena decided to put it on speaker. Jack just might as well listen to it.

“Okay, moms. God, you’re so annoying together and you are not even in the same city!”

“Talking about the same city, you guys are coming for Thanksgiving, right? Everyone is dying to meet you!” Kara said.

Jack looked at Lena checking with his girlfriend before giving her an answer.

It wasn’t their plan. Lena was supposed to go National City and Jack was planning on continuing their research during the holiday. It was a family thing. It didn’t feel right to invite Jack. But apparently Kara thought it was alright and he was her boyfriend after all.

Going against her own guts Lena shrugged.

“We’ll be there,” Jack answered.

* * *

 

“Lucifer,” Alex greeted Lucy as she entered the car with Kara right behind her. She had been summoned by Kara to get Lane from the airport with her. Something to do about Kara being too distracted around Lucy while driving and the fact that Lucy had had her driver’s license suspended – which was the only story about Lucy that Alex wanted to know so far (it sounded good to use against the younger Lane).

“Punk.”

“You know, one day you two will get along and we will still laugh at the lamp accident,” Kara said – as she had been saying for so many years so far. “Play nice, I don’t need you two causing an accident on the road.”

“So how long are you staying?” Kara asked.

“Well, actually I’m moving here.”

Alex instinctively hit the breaks after Lucy finished that sentence. Hell no.

“You just moved to Metropolis!” Alex screamed at Lucy.

“I didn’t just move to Metropolis. I was there for more than a year.” Lucy crossed her arms. Alex raised her eyebrows.

“That’s not a lot of time, you know that right?” Lucy shrugged. Alex would’ve continued if it wasn’t the line of cars honking at her.

Alex turned out the radio trying to pretend Lucy’s voice didn’t exist and she and Kara talked.

* * *

 

Vasquez is gasping half a court behind when Alex noticed that they had stopped. Both of them had been playing for hours, longer than it was normal for them and given how many faults Alex had done so far, Vasquez would guess that something was wrong. 

Alex missed the point a groaned heading towards their bags on the floor to get some water. Alex threw it at Vasquez who caught it mid-air.

“So,” Vasquez started once they were able to breathe properly again sitting against the wall. “What’s go you pissed?”

“Lucifer is in town.”

Vasquez was thinking for a couple seconds. “You mean Kara’s best friend?” Alex nodded. “Visiting? “

Alex turned to Vasquez. “She’s moving here.”

Vasquez laughed. They knew about the lamp incident. “And that’s what got you this upset?”

“I’m telling my family about the DEO during Thanksgiving, so there’s it that. And also it’s going to be the first time I see Lee. Last time it was at Lionel's funeral. I can’t believe it’s been over a year already. It seems longer but it feels like it was just yesterday.” Something told Vasquez she wasn’t only talking about Lionel’s death.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t find the video. I could try again. Maybe I'll find something I didn't see before.”

Alex shook her head. She was tired of fake hopes.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Maybe it was for the best.”

“You know repeating it won’t make it true,” Vasquez pointed out. Alex's eyes were shining more than usual as the tears built in them. Alex shook her head taking a sip of her water.

“Doesn’t it?” She chuckled. “Did I tell you that I talked to her? Twice? Kind of?” Vasquez said nothing but Alex continued either way. “The day Kara caught my plane she called me as I was arriving home. I accepted the call before seeing her name but when she didn’t say anything I checked. I could hear her breathing on the other side and for a while, I just waited and it was nice feeling like I was near her even for a little bit, even over the phone. Then there was Reactron a few weeks ago and Kara got hurt and she called Kara and I picked up. For while she didn’t speak either and then she did and I think I screwed up. Again.”

Vasquez patted her back.

“I’m sorry.” Alex shook her head. “Maybe you can finally talk. Maybe you should tell her about the video or try to get some closure.”

“Yeah,” it wasn’t a convincing ‘yeah’. “Enough about me. What about you? Are you doing anything for Thanksgiving?”

“Agent Danvers, report to Director Henshaw’s office,” the speaker said. They looked at Alex.

“Don’t look at me!” Alex raised her hands. “I didn’t do anything this time!”

* * *

 

General Lane was as unpleasant as Alex expected him to be. At least Alex knew where Lucy’s genes came from. And just to make Alex’s day worse Lucy Lane barged into the room not five minutes later with an executive order saying that Kara had to fight with this robot of theirs.

Alex just stared Lucy trying to figure out how such a strong personality fit in that small body. She wasn’t even a little shit. She was a tiny shit. _Major Lane_. That’s what Alex called height complex.

Supergirl flew in not much later as Hank and Alex were trying to talk their way out of it and then Kara decided that she was doing it.

Alex looked at Kara and then at Lucy. Vasquez better build up her stamina because that week was promising to be a pain in her ass.

* * *

 

“What the hell Kara? We really have to talk about your questionable choice of friends,” Alex said with her sister following right behind her into the training room. She activated the Kryptonite levels.

“C’mon Alex I don’t have time for training. Cat’s mom is here.”

“You should have thought of that before accepting to fight a military robot.”

“It’s just a robot. I have superpowers.” Kara crossed her arms. Next thing she knew she was on the ground looking up at Alex.

“Well, you should have thought of that before accepting to fight a military robot who is probably programmed to kill.”

“I was nervous, okay? Lucy doesn’t know.”

“How the hell does Lucy doesn’t know? Is she blind or just dumb?”

“I do wear a disguise.”

“You wear glasses, Kara, that’s not a disguise. That’s hardly a fashion item but since you can pull anything off...”

Kara laughed as Alex helped her back on her feet. She was just back into her fighting position when the door opened. Kara was expecting Hank. He was probably waiting to give her a similar talk to the one Alex had just given her. But it wasn’t him. It was Lucy.

Alex stood straighter.

“You don’t have the authorization to be here,” she said in a harsh voice. Rare were the times when her voice wasn’t harsh when talking to Lucy.

“Well, excuse me if I just found that my best friend is Supergirl and her punk sister is some MIB agent,” Lucy answered crossing her arms. Alex posture didn’t change. Kara’s softened. Lucy then turned directly to Kara. “Are you crazy accepting that challenge? That robot will destroy you!”

(For the first time of her life Alex found herself agreeing with Lane. That was scarier than whatever robot Kara would fight.)

“I can handle it!” Kara said in her new-found Supergirl’ cockiness.

“Can you talk to your father? Maybe try to get him to back down on this?” Alex asked. Had she ever asked any to Lucy? That day was getting weirder and weirder.

Lucy let out a deep breath. “I’ll try, but don’t hold your breath. That man can be stubborn. And try to stay away from him. I don’t need him knowing my best friend is an alien.”

“I’ll try. Can I give you a hug? I feel like I should hug you,” Kara said. She didn’t wait for Lucy’s consent before hugging her. She didn’t return the hug but Alex could see her softening in it. She looked even tinier in Kara’s arm. “Anyway. I have to run or Cat will kill me.”

And just like that Kara super-speeded out of the room.

One second later Alex realized that left her alone with Lucy. Awkward. She looked down at her feet. Alex could feel Lucy’s eyes on her.

“Do you always get this worked up because of me?” Lucy teased.

“You wish.” Alex frowned refusing to answer that with humor. They weren’t friends.

“What is this room?”

“A place you don’t have the authorization to be. C’mon Major Pain in the Ass, let’s go before your father decides to burn this place down to find you.”

Lucy groaned and made sure to annoy Alex all the way back to the Command Center. It was like she didn’t grow up. Alex noticed how Vasquez checked out Lucy as she passed. Yeah, that could not happen.

* * *

 

Kara did well and yet everything went to shit. Red Tornado was gone and they had half an arm to track him down and Lucy’s presence in the DEO to bother Alex. Hank suggested for Alex to take it to Lord. He had developed an unhealthy obsession with her. She refused to do it.

“Than what do you suggest, agent?”

“I have an idea.”

And she didn’t like it. It would come to bite her in the ass but it was still better than Maxwell fucking Lord.

It’s barely two hours later when she walked into the DEO center to Lex trying to flirt with one of the TI’s guys. She rolled her eyes smiling before he saw her. After that, his face changed completely.

She was in trouble.

He put his hand in his pocket and looked at her in his CEO pose. She led them to her lab where they could have a bit of privacy.

“Anything you want to tell me?” he asked in a cold voice. She had kept it simple during the call. There’s something I’ve been hiding from you. I need your help. Come asap.

She fidgeted with her hands while going through everything with her. How she worked to the DEO, a secret government agency specialized in dealing with extra-normal situations, which meant aliens 99% of the time. His expression hardened when she told him how long she had been doing that. He ran his hand through his bald hair when she told what she actually did there. And then she waited for whatever was coming from him.

“What do you want me to do?” Lex asked calmer than she expected. “I will give you a piece of my mind later but given the call and this-” he said indicating heir current situation, “I take that is some urgent matter to solve.”

She showed him the arm and he asked her to leave while he worked on it.

* * *

 

After everything ended alright – or as good as it could be – Alex knew her day was hardly over. She entered her apartment to Jazz music playing. Lex had the key to her apartment so she wasn’t surprised. The fireplace was lit and Alex almost laughed. It was hardly cold enough to wear a blanket but the Luthors were dramatic like that.

He already had a glass of bourbon on his hand and he left the glass on the table for her so she could pour herself a drink too.

“So apparently my best friend is a super-soldier. Anything else I should know before I start?” he asked.

“I’m not super.”

Lex laughed.

“Oh, you’re super, maybe not in the same way as Kara is, but…” he laughed a little lower. “You know, I always thought you were a bad liar I mean… Your straight phase…” he laughed again. “But you really fooled everyone. A fucking soldier. Agent. Whatever. Same thing. Lapdogs for the government. How the fuck did that happen? Did you lose your fucking mind?”

Alex kept quiet. She knew he was not done and after all the lying she was in for a lot of listening.

“A lab tech?” His laughs were getting shorter each time. “The bruises, your soreness. I should’ve known by your fucking scars. Slip in the chair doesn’t cause bullet wounds but then again why would you lie about something like that right?”

He stopped to take a sip out of his drink. After he was done, his eyes found Alex’s. The vulnerability in them was something rare. The kind they saved for their post 5-drunk-days-of-partying kind of look.

“How many times?” He asked.

“What?”

“How many times have you been shot at? How many times have you almost been killed without any of us knowing?”

“The first one I don’t know.”

“And the other?”

“Once,” Alex answered uneasily. The glass suddenly breaks on Lex’s hand. Neither of them reacts to that. Lex was still lost in his previous shock. One of his hands was covering his mouth and the other was bleeding on Alex’s floor. He was too shocked to feel the pain.

Alex stood up and got a clean towel from the kitchen to take care of Lex’s bleeding. Her mind was not exactly there either.

She couldn’t quite remember the exact memory she was telling Lex about, and that was a bit worrying. It wasn’t her first mission. She had been in the DEO for over a year when it happened. There was a group of aliens suspect of eating human beings. They were twenty men in total. Alex couldn’t remember who was leading it she just remembered how everything started to go south.

They got separated into small groups along the way, and what they expected to be three to five hostile were approximately ten. Alex was stuck in a room with two other agents and three of the aliens. Although they were in equal numbers, the aliens had the advantage over them and easily took the first one of them out. Alex saw the second one fly through the room hitting the opposite wall and they had barely managed to injure one of the aliens.

She decided that if she was going to die she’d take the alien with her and she managed to take the roof down on their head.

She didn’t remember anything after until she was waking up in the DEO a week later, still with half of her bones broken. Thankfully she had a standard message recorded to Kara in case of emergency, so her sister thought she was in a Congress during the rest of her recuperation time.

Alex wouldn’t tell Lex that story. He was shocked enough as it was.

By the time his hand stopped bleeding, he searched for her eyes again.

Fear.

* * *

 

“You should leave it. We can work something out to help Kara and take care of her. Something better than a shady government agency. And safer.” Lex suggested. Alex couldn’t help but think that it sounded a bit too utopic for her taste. Lex always had a taste for the impossible. And more often then not he’d try to prove that the impossible was, actually, possible. Alex didn’t think that was the case.

Alex shook her head. “For me, maybe. But if Kara has someone out who’s got her back they’ll be in danger, no matter what, and I’d rather it would be me because I can’t trust anyone else with this job.”

“I’m not letting you get yourself killed.”

“I’m not giving up my job.”

“Fine, but you are letting me help you from now on.”

“You don’t have any training.”

“I’m not saying directly in the field. But I can help you.”

* * *

 

Lex left Hank’s office the next day with a limited access pass. Apparently, Hank had agreed to have him as some kind of free-lancer when they needed a technology expert or something like it.

Lex left on the first fly. He was still mad at her.

* * *

 

Hank called her as soon as she stepped into the DEO. She could swear he lived there. She entered his office to see Lucy Lane standing there. Alex felt twice more tired than before. Hadn’t they dealt with that already? She had barely slept the night before, she was not ready to deal with Major Lane.

“Agent Danvers, since you already are familiar with Major Lane, I thought you could show our new co-director around.”

“Co-director?” Alex questioned.

“After recent events, it was agreed that the best thing would be to establish a cooperation between the army and the DEO. Major Lane offered herself for the job.”

“Was there no one else?” Lucy rolled her eyes.

“No, but I’m sure Major Lane is the best fit for the job. Any complains?” His voice left little room for doubt about the wanted answer.

Alex pushed her lips together. “No, sir.”

“Good, now if you’d please get her familiarized with the base, I’d appreciate it very much. Oh, don’t forget we are moving that prisoner in two hours.”

* * *

 

That goes to shit too.

They work it out.

And then there was Hank.

Or better: J’onn.

* * *

 

Lena called as soon as she heard about the Earthquake. There were little mentions to Supergirl in the news, which left her worried. She called all day, but Kara just texted saying she’d call her later.

Needless to say, she was worried.

“Didn’t she say she was fine?” Jack asked eating a spoonful of cereal. “I don’t know you are so worried.” He shrugged going back to his notes. And then he called her work-obsessed.

Lena decided to take a look at Lex-Corps numbers to distract herself. They had a recent preeminent drop. Like hours recent. But it’s just a drop. It probably was nothing. But it also wouldn’t hurt to check.

As Lena was about to send Lex a text, Kara’s name popped up on the screen.

“I’m going for a walk!” Lena told Jack. She got her coat and left with just her phone answering right after she closed the door. “Hey! Are you okay?”

“Now I am. I just had the craziest of days.” She sounded tired and excited. Lena was relieved.

“Well, you had me worried. What happened?”

“Sorry. Yeah, I kind of blew my powers. Then there was the Earthquake and everything was chaotic all of sudden.”

“You blew your powers?”

“Yeah, it sucks to be human. I don’t know how you do it.” Kara sounded awfully serious. Lena couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“With a lot of suffering, I guarantee you.”

“Yeah, don’t tell me about suffering. I broke my arm!”

Lena continued to listen as Kara narrated her day.

* * *

 

“So, do you go somewhere after a day like today?” Lucy asked leaning against the locker next to Alex’s.

Alex aggressively closed her locker but before she could tell Lucy to go ask someone – anyone – else she changed her mind. After that day she could use a drink. She lost agents. Co-workers. People she saw every day. And then she found out about J’onn. So the good news was that he was one of the good guys, but the information had yet to sink in in Alex. So she could use a drink. And she didn’t trust herself to drink alone. And Lucy was there.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

It took thirty seconds for Alex to change her mind as soon as they stepped into the bar.

“This is the place?” Lucy asked with what sounded like disgust.

“You are free to leave, princess.” Alex walked and sat down in her usual spot by the bar not caring whether Lucy followed or not.

She did.

“I’ll have whatever she’s having,” Lucy said to the bartender. He looked at Alex questioning whether to do it or not. The agent shrugged. Lucy was the one who ordered, it was not her fault if the tiny woman couldn’t take it.

“You did good today,” Alex said to Lucy. She wasn’t lying (or joking, because when in a million years would Alex compliment Lucy?). Lucy had done a fair job during the short period she fully acted as DEO’s director when Hank- J’onn - was trying to catch the alien. “I mean. You didn’t burn down the whole building, so I guess you did well.”

They were getting started with their second beer when Kara called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last note. Please tell me if there are confusing bits in this chapter because there is so much going on "BTS" with secondary characters (Lex, Vasquez, Lucy...) that affect the story but I feel like putting this here would feel a bit out of place.
> 
> My plan is to, if needed, write a side chapter to post on "Let's not try figure out everything at once" focused on these characters, so it's kind of optional and doesn't get in the way of the main story. Let me know what you think.
> 
> PS: Lex will kind of play the part of Max Lord at helping the DEO (not the villain part though).


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving, as promised.  
> Beware of drunk!Alex
> 
> (I'm going to drop this and run, but know that I advice on reading the parts with Jack in it - with emphasis on the last one).

It was Thanksgiving.

Alex could hardly forget about it. It was kind of hard to with Kara remembering her five times a day.

It would be the biggest Thanksgiving they had in a while. The last one was just the three Danvers plus Lex. That year it was the four of them, plus Lena, Lillian, Winn, James, and Lucy. Thankfully, Alex’s apartment was too small for that, so she had a place to run to when everything went down. Because with that many people something would go down. It was like a universal law or something.

And just to make it worse it would be the first time she’d see Lena since the funeral. It had been over a year since that text message and her wound still felt fresh. She had to stock Kara’s house with enough alcohol for Thanksgiving.

Her mother had arrived earlier which meant that so had Alex’s headache.

“Sure you don’t want to come support me?” Alex asked throwing the ball at the basket. She groaned once she missed and Vasquez caught the ball. They smirked. Alex was too stressed to complain which meant Vasquez was easily winning.

“Nope. After my last Thanksgiving with my family, I rather pass the date stress-free.”

“Stress-free Thanksgiving. I don’t think that’s a thing, Vas. And Lucy is going to be there,” Alex pointed out.

The mention of Lucy’s name made Vasquez hesitate enough for Alex to steal the ball from her. Oh yeah, they got it bad.

“Yeah, but so is her boyfriend. Plus, I’m over the crushing on straight girls phase.” Vasquez was blocking her.

“That drooling on your mouth say otherwise,” Alex provoked. Vasquez purposefully committed a fault and laughed as the ball went through the basket. Before Alex could complain the door opened. It was Lucy. “Speaking of the Devil.”

“Ma’am,” Vasquez gritted. Rao, they were smitten.

“Agent Danvers, can I have a word with you?” Alex took a deep breath and pushed her hair back.

“I’ll leave the room to you. I have to hit the showers anyway,” Vasquez said. Alex could think of a reason other than their previous activities for their need to shower.

Lucy waited for Vasquez to leave. And… wait, had Lucy just checked Vasquez out?

“I need a ride to Kara’s,” Lucy said.

“You could always call an uber.” Alex crossed her arms.

Kara had found out sometimes during the last couple of weeks Alex and Lucy would go get a drink together. She was excited that they were finally getting along. Alex would correct her each time. No, they didn’t go drink together, they went to drink alone but at the same place and at the same time. And no, they didn’t get along, Alex just hadn’t the authorization to harm Lane.

And maybe, just maybe, the girl wasn’t as annoying as she used to be. And she knew how to drink. But that didn’t mean Alex would be nice to her.

“You’re giving me a ride, Danvers.”

“No, I’m not.”

Lucy crossed her arms.

* * *

 

Lena stared at herself in the mirror. Her dress was blue just like the one from that night years ago. It was the exact same shade of blue and Lena wondered why she bought it. Lena wondered if she would notice – if she would even remember. Apart from the color, they were two completely different dresses, yet Lena felt transported back in time.

She caught Jack staring through the mirror. Lena smiled at him. He had his tie hanging around his neck and his hair was still fuzzy. He always took longer than her to get ready.

“God, you look beautiful,” Jack said breathlessly. Lena felt her cheeks heating up. “Not that you are not always beautiful, because you are. It’s just that you with that dress and those heels and the hair-”

Lena interrupted him with a soft look. She turned her backs to the mirror and walked towards him. Her hands went to fix his tie and she could feel Jack’s eyes watching her. His chest rose and fell under her hands.

“You are nervous,” she stated.

“Me? Nervous about meeting your family?” He laughed. “More like terrified.”

She bit her lips to keep herself from admitting she was too. It would the first time in over a year that she’d see Alex. Five years since that first night she kissed Alex at the masked party. Almost two years after that text.

Lena couldn’t believe it had been that long.

Lena thought she’d be ready by then but she was not. Part of her wanted to avoid it for three more years – she wanted to call Kara, she’d say she couldn’t and the blonde would understand.

Just as Lena was beginning to consider it, Jack’s hand rested on her arm bringing her back to reality.

“Don’t worry,” she said - not only to him but to herself too. “You already know Kara and she likes you, so that wins you good points. Lex will probably try to give you a hard time, big brother and all. If he does just-”

“Talk business with him,” Jack finished. Lena rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek.

“See, you’ve got this. Also, lay thick on the accent. Mother loves it.”

“Sure thing, mate.” She laughed at him. He took a deep - more serious - breath and rested their foreheads together. “Okay, I’ve got this. So, Lex: business. Lillian: British it up. Kara and Eliza… anything?” he tried to remember.

“Just stay out of the alien's discussion with Kara and you’ll be fine. She’s really passionate about it.”

“Noted. Winn: tech and video games.” Lena nodded.

“Now, let’s finish getting ready.”

She pushed him away and goes back to the mirror with a smile on her face. She had got this.

“What about Alex?” He asked.

Lena froze at that. Her smile dropped. She was so worried about seeing Alex again that it never occurred her that Jack would be meeting Alex too. And Jack knew about Alex, but he didn’t know about Alex. He had no way of knowing. Lena didn’t talk about it.

For all that Jack knew Alex was just Kara’s sister.

Lena left the room not even realizing she didn’t answer Jack’s question.

* * *

 

“Lena! Jack!” Kara greeted opening the door for them. She pulled Lena into a hug and then Jack pushing them inside. “Lena you already know everyone. Jack, this is Winn and this is James.” Jack shook their hands.

They moved from the dining room to the living room.

Kara’s apartment was formerly Alex’s. When Alex gave her the keys Kara called Lena super-excited. The place had a completely different vibe after it. The apartment was a mix of organization and chaos that only the Danvers sisters knew how to combine, but now that it was Kara’s it was much lighter.

Lena took over the introductions.

“Jack, this is Eliza. Kara’s mother.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Danvers,” he stretched out his hand but Eliza only used it to pull him into a hug. “Uh, okay. You are a hugger. Got it.”

“Call me Eliza, please.”

“And this is my mother,” Lena introduced the other woman. Lillian already has her hand stretched out so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea from her friend.

“Dr. Luthor,” he shook her hand.

“Your accent. Is it British?” Eliza initiated the topic.

Kara used the opportunity to steal Lena away from the man. Lena saw the several stages of panic that Jack went through once he realized he’d be left alone with the two women.

Lena settled in the kitchen with Kara and the boys. She shared a beer with her best friend for social proposes given that neither of them is a fan of the taste. They speak about Supergirl things in codes but they end up engaging in other subjects too. Although wary at first, the younger Luthor could see how much happier Kara was since she put on the cape.

* * *

 

Surprisingly it didn’t take long for them to get into the Alex subject.

Jack had managed to gravitate back to Lena’s side after a few minutes of talking to the two women. He was good at socialization. He had a charm much similar to Lex’s. Lena would often tease him about their professors being in love with him.

Winn and James were already bonding with Jack. Although Kara reluctance at doing the same, she did like him.

“When is Lucy arriving?” James asked.

“She’s coming with Alex and Alex is getting Lex from the airport,” Kara answered.

“You are telling me that Lucy ‘there is a punk in your house’ and Alex ‘she threw a lamp at me’ are in the same car together and you expect them not to kill each other?” Lena asked halfway through a laugh.

“Actually, since Lucy started working at the DE-” Kara stopped herself in time, “at the department with Alex, they’ve been getting closer.”

Lena felt a discomfort in her chest. She pushed it away. Nope, she was not jealous of Lucy ‘getting closer’ to Alex. And she’s totally over Alex – and to prove that she leaned against Jack. Wasn’t Lucy dating James? There was no way Lucy and Alex were a thing.

“After so many stories I heard I’m quite curious about them.”

“Yeah, just don’t get to Alex’s bad side. I’m pretty sure she can kill a man with her pinkie,” Winn said. Jack laughed but Winn did not. Lena wasn’t so sure the boy was kidding either.

The doorbell rang.

“Oh, it’s them!” Kara said cheerfully. “I mean: it must be them. I couldn’t know, obviously.” James cleared his throat and they heard Lex’s typical – impatient - knocking. “Okay, I’m getting it!”

There she was. Alex. Lena thought it wasn’t possible, but Alex was more beautiful than she remembered. Their eyes met and Lena wished she could say that time had stopped; instead, they just held each other’s gaze for an awfully long time. Everybody else was too polite to interrupt.

At that moment, Lena wished she could read minds.

Of course, her eyes immediately locked with Alex’. Alex’s chest visibly rose and fell with a deeper breath. Part of Lena wanted to smile knowing she still affects her somehow. The other was glad that Lex clapped and brought them back to reality.

Lena wasn’t the only one too deep at the moment. Alex was still standing outside while Jack had already introduced himself to Lucy and Lex.

Kara closed the door after Alex stepped inside. Alex was moving to the kitchen when she felt Kara holding her back.

“Are you okay?” Kara asked. Alex’s gaze fell on Lena just for a second. Of course, Kara had noticed. Her heart was beating like crazy. Alex’s just shook her head and gave her a small smile.

“I’m fine.

“Okay! Mom, Eliza, and losers,” Lex started in a loud tone. By her right, Alex was pretty sure Winn was drooling. “It’s Thanksgiving, therefore no business talk aloud. The first one who asks about anything related to work gets kicked out of the apartment. Alex, get the drinks ready.”

“Yes, sir.” Alex was just glad for having a distraction. She had, after all, noticed the man beside Lena. She noticed how his hand rested on her waist and how he leaned closer to Lena’s ear to whisper her something.

Then Lena put a hand on Jack’s chest. Alex’s stomach twirled. Lena kissed his cheek saying something like ‘you’ll be fine’ and lead him to the living room.

Alex watched it almost in shock.

She was shaken out of it by Winn’s voice and she started working. Before getting the drinks ready Alex decided she had to get herself ready and poured a starting shot for her.

Lena completely missed that. When she looked over again Lucy was bent over the counter talking to Alex who had a smile on her lips. Lena frowned distracted from the conversation she was having for a while. She looked at the other side of the room where James and Kara were chatting. Kara was trying to muffle her laugh in her hands and there was no actual space between her and James.

That was… weird.

Jack pulled Lena closer and she decided that it was back to get back into the conversation. She didn’t see how Alex reached for another shot while looking at Lena.

“You know, you have to make the drinks not drink them,” Lucy said.

“Get lost, Lane,” Alex told her.

* * *

 

Lena was surprised when a couple minutes later Alex handed her a drink. She had asked everyone for what they wanted, but not Lena, so it was a nice surprise. Nicer than Lena would like to admit.

Lena swirled the straw around the drink and took a sip. She looked up at Alex expecting eyes and gave her a nod and a smile.

Alex winked.

Of course, Alex knew what Lena would like.

But the warmth on her chest didn’t last. She watched as Alex made her way to the dining room and handed a drink to Lucy. Alex stopped by her side leaning against the table with little space between them. The lawyer took a sip.

“How did you know?” Lucy asked and Lena managed to hear.

“I’m getting used to your awful taste, Lane.”

“You sure didn’t complain about my taste Friday.”

After that half of Lena’s drink was gone.

* * *

 

“So who’s Mr. Facial-Hair over there?” Alex asked. The anger in her voice was tangible - although anger wasn’t the right word for it.

“That’s Jack, Lena’s boyfriend,” Eliza said. Kara’s attention turned to Alex. She could sense Alex dissociating. The agent took a longer sip of her drink. Eliza continued. “He’s nice. Nicer than that girl Lena dated.”

Veronica Sinclair – Alex remembers with more hatred than she’d care to admit.

“I liked the girl,” Lillian said. “But he seems to be okay.” And it’s not despite in Lillian’s voice, but some reservation. Still, it was enough approval to get Alex’s inside boiling. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen her this happy.”

Alex’s eyes met Lillian. She was imagining twenty different ways of killing the woman in her head. She imagines telling how the last time Lena was this happy she was with Alex – and how Lillian ruined it. In Alex’s head, she’d liked to imagine that Lena was even happier with her.

Still, she couldn’t say that Lillian was wrong. And Alex could never curse Lena’s happiness, but it bothered her that Lena’s happiness had something to do with Jack.

Alex turned to where Lena was talking to Lex in the living room.

She found Lena looking back at her.

It was time for her to get a refill.

(Lillian's eyes were on her the whole time.)

* * *

 

Lena slipped away from Jack to talk to Lex. She had been trying to talk to Lex for a while – since Lex-Corps numbers started to go down again – but she never could quite catch him.

“Hey sis, what can I help you with?”

“Lex-Corp.”

“Oh-oh.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

They sat on the table.

Alex made Winn find another seat so she could sit across from Jack. Alex had a serious face on and Winn knew better than to try to argue. She was way too drunk, but Kara lost count around the third drink (it wasn’t such a good idea let her in charge of the drinks after all).

Lucy sat next to Alex. Lena had to scold herself not to think too much about it – or about Lucy’s taste. No way in hell there was something there. Sure, they might not hate each other anymore but that didn’t mean there was something there.

Kara stood up for the usual speech.

“So, I want to thank you all for coming. It’s the first time in many years that we have these many people gathered here. Unfortunately, we can’t have everybody here. Still, I’d like to send some thoughts to those who are no longer with us. We are grateful for the time we had with them.” Jack squeezed Lena’s hand in a form of support. “Would anyone like to go next?”

“Actually.” Jack stood up. Lena wished he hadn’t but still she forced a smile. “Do you mind if I say some words.”

“Go ahead,” Kara said sitting down.

“Well, first I’d like to say I’m very thankful for you all having me. Thank you, Kara, for welcoming me so warmly. All of you. But most of all I want to thank Lena because although my clumsiness she’s still with me and she’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

Before Alex can get her drink there was a sudden wind and her glass disappears. She looked at Kara.

“Let’s eat!” Kara declared.

Dinner wasn’t nice. It was stiff and awkward – mostly because of Alex – but it was civil.

Then Jack decided to open his mouth. Everything went downhill from there. Maybe it was the alcohol but Alex started questioning everything Jack says. He tried to stay polite during most of it but at some point, all of them were losing patience at the show Alex was pulling.

“My idea is that we could cure anyone and everyone,” Jack said explaining his project.

“So you’re saying you’d like to play God?” Alex questioned.

“Um… No? I just want to help people.”

“I can’t believe it would be cheap. So more like everyone who can afford it, huh?”

“We’d need some financial aid, of course, and maybe yeah at the start. Maybe Lex-Corp could-”

“So you’re not interested in Lena but in her family’s company?”

“Alex!” Eliza reprehended her daughter. They had changed the subject three times already because of that behavior of Alex. Jack tried to insist that it was fine.

Alex didn’t look at her mother. She could picture quite well the disappointed look Eliza must be sending her way. Another look caught her eyes. Lillian’s.

Alex pushed her chair away from the table abruptly and stood up.

“You know what, I’m going to see if the Director needs any help back at the Lab,” she excused.

“Alexandra!” Eliza called.

Kara stood up to follow her – and to try to bring her back. Lucy went with her. (And it was Lena who reached for her glass this time).

Five minutes into an awkwardly silent dinner later Kara came back alone.

“They had an emergency at work,” she excused. The lie was only for Jack – but not even Jack was convinced of it.

* * *

 

Alex was too drunk to drive. Next Thanksgiving she was pretty sure Kara was taking away her alcohol – yikes. And since she was not behaving Kara told her that the best thing was for her to go home and Lucy offered to take her. Alex agreed but she didn’t expect that Lucy would invite herself into her apartment.

Unfortunately, Alex was too drunk to kick her out.

Alex got a beer and she let herself fall on the couch.

“That was…” Lucy started falling on the couch next to Alex. Alex ignored her gazing at nothing. "So… What is going on with you and Lena?" Lucy asked moving closer to Alex.

"What are you-" (midway through her sentences, Alex gave up on the denial). "It's complicated."

Alex sipped her beer. Lucy couldn’t imagine the amount of alcohol Alex drank that night was healthy. Whatever Alex was trying to drown on it seemed to have learned how to swim.

"Tell me about it," Lucy said taking the beer away from Alex.

"Why are you still here, Lane?"

Lucy took a deep breath and gave Alex her phone. The older girl lights the screen to see it filled with texts from James. The one caught her eyes. We need to talk.

"You really do like him," Alex stated while going through the rest of the texts.

“After he moved we drifted. He was why I moved here. And God I never thought I’d be one of those girls who move to a city because of a boy but…”

In Alex’s eyes, there wasn’t the judgment Lucy was expecting.

"Kara is in love with him.” Lucy continued. “She's been in love with him since we were teens and he is in love with her too. But she never actually made a move, you know? And back in Metropolis, I didn’t mean it to happen until it did and I found out I wanted it to happen. And it was good. It’s been really good until they met again. I know that if I go home at some point of the night I'll invite him over or take an uber to his place and it's not going to end well for me."

"You don't want to have your heart broken."

Lucy shook her confirming her statement. Alex put her hand on her back and next thing she knew Lucy was leaning against with her backs to Alex’s front. Alex put her arm around her for a more comfortable position. It took her a moment to realize she was hugging Lucy. Alex had never hugged Lucy.

The younger girl snuggled closer to Alex and it was the most intimate Alex has been with someone for a long time. Not even during sisters’ night with Kara - after what happened with Lena, the weight of her secret had changed sisters’ nights for Alex. Rao, she had not been this intimate even with the last woman she slept with.

"You don't want to have your heart broken, either," Lucy spoke in a low voice. Alex almost mistook it for TV’s sound. "That's why you are acting so weird with Lena."

Alex ran her hand up and down Lucy's arm unconsciously while trying to find a way to answer Lucy's words.

She shook her head.

"No. I'm not scared of having my heart broken. It's too late for that."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Lucy pushes herself out of Alex's arms.

Alex didn’t answer.

"Jesus, Alex! Just tell me why is that you always look like a scared cat whenever Lena is in the same room with you, or why did it look like you wanted to chop Jack's head off during dinner. What the fuck happened between you two?"

Alex was silent for a moment. The weight on her chest was almost pushing out the words by itself. She looked at Lucy.

That night had reopened her wounds all over again.

She had talked about it already. She talked with Kara – but she didn’t actually talk because Kara knew already and Alex didn’t think she had the right to tell her side. And she “talked” to Lex – barely saying anything and using loose terms. And she technically talked about it with Vasquez – but she was too drunk to remember.

None of these eased that feeling on her chest. Not completely.

She wondered about telling it to a stranger, one of the few one night stands she had but she thought it would hardly help her with what was really bothering her.

Maybe she could tell Lucy. And thinking exactly that her eyes rose to meet the shorter woman’s eyes. Lucy was close enough to the situation that it might offer Alex some relieve and at the same time the younger woman was also not that close from the situation to crucify her and kick her out to all her family.

"We dated," she told Lucy. “Lena and I. We were a thing for about six months.”

The girl raised her eyebrow unimpressed.

"No you weren’t, otherwise I would have heard about it by now. Surely if something like that happened not only us, but probably everybody back home would've heard about it."

"We kept it a secret. "

“Why?” Lucy looked each second more confused than before. Alex exhaled. Her front porch. Lillian.

"It was complicated."

"You’re horrible at this. Just give me the whole story."

And Alex told her.

She told Lucy how she was one a mission and that she ended up in a party without nothing to do until for a couple of hours. She told Lucy how she was only staying in the party for one more glass of champagne when she saw this stunning woman on the balcony. Alex didn’t engage right away because surely this woman has a date and the last thing she wants is to attract attention to herself. It was not many minutes later when nobody went for the girl that Alex felt enough courage.

"It was Lena, wasn't it?" Lucy asked grinning and sipping Alex's beer.

"Yes, it was but I didn't know it back then. Now, do you want the whole story or the resumed version."

"Give me the whole thing, I no longer trust you to synthesize anything since I asked how 'Rogue one' was and you answered 'they all die'."

Alex rolled her eyes and goes on with her tale.

She told Lucy how they talked all night. And how she made the girl laugh. And how they danced. Alex hardly danced in these types of parties - it just wasn't her thing - but it was easy to dance with the girl, though Alex lost count of how many times she had to apologize for stepping on the girl's toes. The girl would always smile and tell her that it was okay.

Until the clock hit midnight.

"I asked for her name, she asked me for a kiss. A part of me hesitated - probably the part of me that recognized Lena - but eventually, I gave in. It was a..." Alex smiled at the memory. "It was a memorable kiss. After that, she was already running out of the party when she took her mask."

"Please tell it wasn’t the end of it!" Lucy pleaded.

“No. One or two years later I decided to make a move.”

“Years? You really gotta work on your lady skills.” Alex ignored Lucy’s joke. Just then Lucy realized how bad it was.

"How could I no hesitate? She's Lex's little sister. Kara's best friend. I watched her grow up Lucy and then suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss, or how it felt to touch her skin. In my head it was wrong."

“But something changed.”

“I couldn’t take her out of my head and the doubt was killing me. I had to know. So I made a note and left it at her house.” Alex pulled away from Lucy. “Lillian got a hold of it and tried to talk me out of it. She kind of threatened me, but not really, but I decided to ignore her and it paid off. It was really wonderful being with Lena.”

“What happened?”

Alex stood up and made her way to the kitchen. She took a beer out of the fridge.

“Lillian threatened Kara so I broke her heart.”

“So that was you.”

Of course, Lucy had heard. During the rare times she talked with Kara and after she re-connected with Lena she heard about the dark period Lena went through.

Alex drank half of the bottle in one go. Lucy stood up and took it from her putting it into the trash.

"I’m going to tell you something,” Lucy said. “If you don’t want to tell me it’s fine. I get it. But you two need to talk. You should've done it months ago, at least. I mean, how much worse can it get? You barely look at each other. And when you do… I’m sorry but you look completely in love with her. Maybe this could be your second chance.”

"She's with Jack."

"Well, he doesn't own her. And certainly not her heart."

"Kara doesn't own James," Alex pointed out. Lucy regretted throwing the beer in the trash.

"We are not doing this. We are talking about you now," Lucy said as she walked until she was in front of Alex with her arms crossed.

"No, nope, no. I'm done talking about my misery. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow will be a bitch."

Alex poured herself a glass of water before going to her room but she doubted it would actually help with her upcoming hangover. She felt Lucy’s eyes watching her.

By the time Alex was back from the bathroom, Lucy was laid on the couch on her stomach and skipping channels on TV. Lucy’s pants were thrown somewhere the ground - Lucy Lane was never known for her shame or politeness.

Alex couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment. She stripped out of her clothes while making her way into the bedroom. By the time her pants were out the bed was too tempting and her pajamas are too far away.

Was Lena with Jack at that moment? Of course, she was. They probably shared a bed together. They probably hugged and kissed. Alex felt sick at the thought of someone who wasn't her kissing Lena. Kissing Lee. Yep, she was jealous and furious and sad.

She hated feeling like that. She hated him.

And she had no right to hate him.

He made Lena happy. She looked happy.

Was she really happy?

She fell asleep half-naked on her bed.

She was vaguely aware that she had a half-naked Lucy on the couch too.

On the upside, she got out from telling her mother about the DEO.

* * *

 

“Did you two have a thing?” Jack asked back in their hotel room.

They were just getting ready for bed. The night was shorter than anticipated with Kara leaving not long after Lucy and Alex (actual Supergirl issue this time). Lena popped her head out of the bathroom to look at him confused.

“At first I thought it was Kara, but this makes much more sense,” Jack continued. “I mean, you talk so much about her and yet you don’t me anything about her at all. And I get it, she’s your best friend sister. And your brother’s best friend. It must have been complicated. But if I had known I could be more prepared for it.”

He was talking about Alex. There was no doubt in that.

Lena wondered what gave it away.

She’d been quiet since the show Alex pulled. She’d been convincing herself that that was not jealousy on Alex’s part. It couldn’t be if what she those years before was true. So she focused on finding other reasons for Alex behavior and it was not that hard. Alex has always been a bit overprotective of Lena. Like in that Luau back at the beach.

Yep, that made sense.

Even if Alex was jealous it shouldn’t matter. Lena was almost in love with Jack (although she was not a bit less in love with Alex).

“We didn’t have anything,” she lied to him . He looked at her hurt because he knew it. (It wasn't totally a lie, though: they were so much more than a thing.)

She turned her back to him to finish getting ready for bed. They go to sleep facing away from each other (and his weight on the other side of the bed never bothered Lena this much).

She was not ready to give him any more of Alex.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a month... *awkward silence*  
> Some good news: it's Pride Week! Chyler somehow gets gayer every day! Katie is a gift from the Gods for us! (love-affair? really katie?) And apparently our small AgentCorp/TigerCorp fandom is growing!
> 
> Here's Thanksgiving Part 2! Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Some Alex/Lena interaction and Luthor's siblings bounding!

They all had agreed to breakfast at Noonan’s the next morning.

Kara was driving them there. What she didn’t tell Lena was that she was also getting Alex. Her sister didn’t get to get out of it just because she had a hang over. They were rarely all together; they had to make use of their time together.

Kara parked outside of her building. She called Alex three times with no answer. It was going straight to voicemail.

“Are you sure she’s even here?” Jack asked. He wasn’t one super-exited at having Alex around.

Lena was almost sure he didn’t like Alex. He hadn’t mentioned Alex again and frowned when he heard her name. Lena didn’t blame him after the previous night. Still, it hurt how cold he was acting towards Lena. She couldn’t help but be a little bit annoyed with him.

“She’s there,” Kara said. Surely using her super hearing. “Let’s go up there,” Kara announced.

Two minutes later Kara was knocking. Lena was afraid she might break the door in two. She didn’t and they all jump back when a half-asleep - hangover - Alex opened the door.

“What?” Alex asked aggressively.

The group couldn’t help but be frozen for a moment. Their attention was further into the apartment where there was a Lucy Lane only covered by a towel, her hair dripping, trying to reach one of the higher shelves of the kitchen.

Given Alex’s wet hair, she too had just got out of the shower.

Some part of Lena knew that it shouldn’t hurt. There could be other explanations for it but her minds went there. All of their minds did.

Alex could be with whoever she wanted – and clearly that wasn’t Lena.

Lena was with someone else too. She had no right to complain. Or be jealous. And she couldn’t quite say who she was more pissed at. Wasn’t Lucy with James? Lena saw them kissing last night and hugging, but then again Lucy left with Alex.

Did they have an open relationship or something? Had Lucy cheated on James?

Lena hadn’t been so jealous when Alex was dating Vasquez. She wondered why the idea of the two of them together bothered her so much.

Lena felt her mind spiraling and she made her way back to the elevator. Kara could do it on her own.

* * *

 

Lena barely ate during breakfast. She couldn’t stomach it. The fact that Lucy was wearing a shirt that was obviously Alex’s made it worse.

At some point during breakfast Alex’s headache remedies kicked in and she repeated the performance from the previous night attacking Jack. Jack tried to defend himself this time not as nice as before, but he had no chance against Alex. Until Lena decided to step in. This time, Lena attacked Alex back and the girl backed away.

There were some hurt and surprise in Alex’s eyes. She looked like a puppy who had been kicked. Lena forced herself not to care. Alex settled for being quiet during the rest of breakfast.

* * *

 

Kara was mad at Alex. That was becoming usual.

Alex found it out when she tried the coffee Kara ordered for her and she could taste the pumpkin in it. She turned to her sister, but Kara looked away – it would be a long weak. Whatever she did, Lucy must have done something similar since she too was getting the cold shoulder from Kara.

Breakfast went on and Jack - Lena's boyfriend - just wouldn’t shut up. _My work. My invention. My idea._ So egocentric. It made Alex irritated. Lena deserved somebody better. Which is why she continues the interrogation of the previous night. Maybe Lena would see he was not good enough for her.

Alex just didn’t expect Lena to come to his defense. There was an aggressiveness in her voice and Alex retracted.

Something told her Kara wasn’t the only one mad at her.

“I could use some dessert!” Kara announced.

Jack didn’t have time to hide his surprised face. He had just seen Kara eat enough breakfast for two grown men and still wasn’t satisfied. He was the only one surprised.

“Oh, I think the ice cream spot in the park is open!” Winn chimed in.

* * *

 

Alex paid for Kara’s ice cream hoping it would lessen the hatred towards her.

“Are we good now?” Alex asked putting her wallet away. She tried not to look at Jack and Lena talking on the bench. Kara scoffed. “What did I do this time?”

“What did you-?” Kara laughed dryly. “You slept with Lucy! And didn’t even bothered to hide it from Lena. Or thought about James!”

“Slept with-? No! Ew! No! She slept on the couch, if I wasn’t so drunk I would’ve putten her to sleep on the floor. Why do you think I slept with Lucifer?”

“She was half naked in your apartment. It looked like you two had just gotten out from the shower. And not a friendly one,” Kara said crossing her arms.

“No! That’s why- Oh. Shit.”

“So you didn’t sleep with Lucy.”

“She threw a lamp at me, Kara, of course, I didn’t sleep with Satan. Does Lena-?” Kara nodded. That explained it.

* * *

 

It was Winn who suggested soccer given his and Jack’s mutual interest. He regretted it once he saw Alex’s face. He wondered if she would ever stop being terrifying. Either way, the damage was done and next thing he knew Jack was recruiting the boys.

“So who’s up for it? Winn, here of course. James, you in?” Jack asked. James shrugged. “Lex?”

“I think I’ll watch. I’d probably look like an uncoordinated monkey next to James,” Lex smirked. James cleared his throat trying to mask his awkwardness.

“Well, I’ve never played soccer with three people before,” Jack laughed. His cockiness, the confidence with which he held himself and the arm he had around Lena’s waist bothered Alex. So she didn’t have to think much before offering herself as a player.

“I’ll do it. James and I against Winn and Jack,” she said staring at Jack. He looked like he was ready to protest. “Do you have a problem with that?” she defied him.

“Not at all.”

“I didn’t know you played,” Lena said confused.

Alex shrugged. She didn’t. It wasn’t her thing. She did baseball for a while but turned out she actually hurt too many players so she switched to Basket and every now and then football – both of those with Vasquez. She had a loose notion of soccer, but she was a DEO agent, how hard could soccer be?

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Kara said trying to interfere. She had been trying to be a medium for their whole situation during breakfast and it was just as disastrous as dinner. “Why don’t we go to the zoo? I can show you the otter that looks like Alex!”

Lucy tilted her head while looking at Alex. “You’re right, Kara. She does look like an otter.”

“That’s not even what she said!” Alex shouted back.

“Still, I think the zoo can wait. I’d love to watch them playing soccer,” Lucy said.

And that’s how they end up at the court a few hours later at the park. Kara spent most of them trying to talk them out of it – mostly Alex because she was not in her right mind.

“So shirt against shirtless?” Lucy asked once she settled the ball in the middle of the field. She was selected as their judge for the match. They deemed that her hate for Alex was balanced by her love for James, so she was probably the most impartial one to judge.

“Yeah, I don’t think that will work for me,” Winn said raising his hand. “Plus we are in two, I don’t think there is any-“

“James and I can go shirtless,” Alex said. There were choking sounds in the background. They turned to see Lena still coughing a little and saying that she was fine. Lucy shrugged.

* * *

 

Everybody noticed how Lena choked at the mention of a shirtless Alex. Lena then tried to not stare as Alex took off her shirt. Had she got more toned?

“You’re drooling sis,” Lex laughed beside her. He too was admiring one of the shirtless players, but most of the time he had his eyes were on Winn.

“The perks of being queer,” Lucy said once she approached them in their staring and drooling. The Luthor sibling hummed in agreement.

* * *

 

“You lost,” Lex pointed out. “Epically.”

“Must I remind you I can make your death look like an accident,” Alex said grumpily. Yep, she didn’t know how to play soccer. She had committed three faults by catching the ball with her hands.

“On the bright side, I’ve won.” Alex frowned at Lucy’s words. “I got some suggestions for DEO’s work out uniform. I could use some more abs down that lightless place.”

Alex rolled her eyes.

She looked at where Lena was congratulating Jack. Whenever Alex and Lena’s eyes met, Alex could see the hurt in them. The betrayal.

“Lex, I need a favor.”

* * *

 

Jack started packing their bags. They were leaving in the morning and his mood had improved after the game. Lena couldn’t say the same. After breakfast she could she couldn’t wait to go back to Metropolis. The whole thing with Alex reminded her of why she stayed away. Metropolis wasn’t home but at least she didn’t feel like she was being stabbed in the heart all over again. And Rao, was there no space between Alex’ and Lucy’s chairs?

And when Lena thought things couldn’t get worse, the game happened. Lena, like Kara, had been one trying to talk them out of it, which didn’t work.

The game had not even started and she hated it already because, of course, Alex would be the one to go shirtless. And of course, Lucy couldn’t help but drool all over Alex (it didn’t occur to Lena that Lucy might have been drooling over James who was her boyfriend after all). Then the game started and Lena was pretty sure Lucy was watching Alex’s butt instead of actually paying attention to the game as the judge.

It was a nice butt though.

Lena wanted to cheer for Alex. She had cheered for Alex all her life. It was practically written in her DNA.

She managed not to cheer for anyone. She gripped the bench to keep from leaving and bit her lip whenever Alex scored.

The worst parts were the breaks in which James and Alex forgot how to drink water like normal people and showered with it. Lena might have drooled a bit but then it was easier to count those who didn’t. (And again Lucy drooled too).

They went back to the game. Lucy kissed James good lucky (‘ _Do_ _want a kiss too, Danvers?_ ’ Lena overheard) and Jack stole a good luck kiss from Lena. She was too distracted to actually consent to it.

Lena caught Alex looking at her at that exactly at that moment. The game went downhill for Alex and James from then. It was clear that Alex’s head was no longer in the game.

Lena hated Alex a little bit for how hurt she looked – as if she was the one with a broken heart.

If Jack hadn’t noticed her drooling before, he sure heard her gasp when he knocked Alex down during a play. They all noticed. And while all eyes turned to Lena, Alex’s were the only pair that didn’t.

Once the game was finished Lex and Lucy went to Alex to check on her. After short goodbyes, Lena and Jack went back to the hotel. The tension between them was even worse than it was in the previous night. Jack had given up trying to talk about it.

Lena just closed off.

Jack’s phone rang with a text. He turned to her.

“It’s Lex. I didn’t know he had my number.” Lena hadn’t given it to Lex either, but he was a resourceful man. Not that she’d tell Jack that. He was afraid enough of Lex as it was.

“What does he want?”

“He’s inviting me for drinks.” His phone rang again. And again. “Nope. Not inviting. He’s demanding. How serious should I take your brother’s threats?”

Lena broke a smile – one of the firsts that day – and got his coat for him telling him to go. He went for a goodbye kiss but Lena turned her face almost out of instinct.

She regretted it immediately.

They were frozen for what felt like an eternity. _Should I apologize?_ Lena didn’t want to.

Jack left with a hurt face. Before Lena could let an out a relieved breath there was a knock on the door. _Fuck_. It was probably Jack. _Back for another argument_. Lena swore that if he started it again she’d-

It wasn’t Jack.

It was Alex.

And then it clicked.

“Should I pretend that it’s a coincidence that you showed up right after Jack left?” Lena asked not quite as passive as she intended. Alex smirked.

“I know you’re smarter than that.” Alex lifted her hand showing the bag she was holding. “Donuts?”

“Did you bring-?”

“The one with cinnamon?” Alex completed with a smile. “Yeah. It’s your favorite.”

Lena licked her lips imagining the taste. She leaned against the doorframe in doubt. She didn’t imagine Alex was there just to deliver the donuts. And Lena had to keep herself in check. It was way too easy to fall back to old habits with Alex, especially when she was looking at Lena like that.

Like Lena was eighteen again and they were strangers dancing even though they weren’t. Or even when they held each other on Alex’s couch making promises and talking about-

“What do you want, Al?” The nickname slipped.

“Just talk. I… You can still keep the donuts if you don’t want to talk.”

Lena stared at the bad trying to decide. Her eyes traveled to Alex’s eyes. She looked nervous – Lena used to find adorable how Alex looked when she was nervous and that hadn’t changed although everything.

She looked back at the hotel room. Even if she was okay with talking Alex, she couldn’t let her in. The room was filled with Jack’s thing. It felt wrong to be with Alex in that place. As if she was cheating on Jack.

“I just wanted to apologize for how I acted this morning,” Alex said handing Lena the bag.

“And last night?”

“I don’t remember much about that, but yeah, I guess I’m sorry about that too,” Alex laughed. It was a sad laugh. The kind of laugh you use to mask your hurt.

“Why did you do it? Act like that? You were the one who ended things after all. If anyone had the right to be mad or act like a bitch it was me.”

Alex nodded. “I don’t think Jack is good enough for you.” Lena thought about pointing out how she couldn’t judge that without knowing him, but something better came to her mind.

“And who would be?” Lena crossed her arms.

Alex just stared at her knowing she could not answer that (although the answer was on the tip of her tongue).

“Um… That’s it then. I’m sorry. And I’m just going to go.” Alex started to make her way to the elevator. She was running. Again. It was hardly a surprise.

Lena noticed how Alex’s jeans hugged her legs just right. She just didn’t expect Alex to look back and catch her at it. Alex smirked. Lena didn’t try to fake it.

“Just so you know, I didn’t sleep with Lucy,” Alex said.

Lena took a moment to process the information. More important than that, she took that moment to control her reaction to that information.

“That’s none of my business.” Lena crossed her arms and shrugged. She felt relieved. So relieved. Part of her had yet to accept it wasn’t her Al anymore.

“Does he treat you well?” Alex asked with a vulnerability Lena hadn’t seen for a while. “Do you like him?”

“I do.”

“Do you love him?”

Lena blinked. She wasn’t answering that.

“Do you have a point, Alex?”

“I’m sorry. I just-“ The sound of the elevator doors opening interrupted her. “There’s a gift for you in the bag with the donuts. Take care, Lee.”

Lena stared at the elevator doors for a while as if expecting Alex to come back. Maybe take her face in her hands and kiss her and ask her out for coffee... But it never happened. The elevator doors didn’t open again.

Lena opened the bag and searched for whatever Alex had gotten her. It didn’t take long for Lena to find it.

It was a keychain with the symbol of the House of El on it. Lena smiled.

* * *

 

It was a month later when Lena told Lex to meet her back home. In Midvale.

It was an awfully long time since she had been at the Mansion. She didn’t miss it as much she’d expect to miss home. Being back there made her realize that she never did get attached to the house. How could she after Lillian sent her to live away for the most part of the year? She still missed her childhood home even after all those years - even when she didn’t quite remember it. Before the Luthors took her in (sometimes she’d forget she is not a Luthor by blood).

_Before the fire._

She missed some things. She missed hanging out with Alex and how silly was her crush back then. She missed inventing things with Lex and having him teaching her. Then Kara came.

A knock on the wooden door shook her out of her thoughts.

Lena was at Lionel’s office. It was as he left. Not one book out of place. She didn’t think about going to his office but her feet guided her there anyway. There was a reason for it. The same reason why she called Lex there.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” Lex said looking around with his hand in his pocket. “It’s as scary as ever.”

“Scary?” Lena opened a smiled. “Honestly, I was always curious about this place. I wondered why dad was always here when he was home – what wasn’t often, but still.” Lena made her way around the desk and sat on her father’s chair. “It’s powerful.”

Lex gave her an odd look. He settled for sitting on one of the chairs in front of her. “Have just you been feeling nostalgic or you actually summoned me here for a reason?”

“Lex-Corp.”

“Oh.”

It was an ‘ _oh, I’m screwed._ ’ They had had this talk during Thanksgiving. At least Lena tried to. Lex was three glasses in and too distracted trying to make Winn reconsider his offer to explore his sexuality. Then there was the whole thing with Alex and Jack and it wasn’t a Thanksgiving Lena would forget anytime soon.

Lena had been keeping tabs on Lex-Corp more closely since she got back from National City. She wouldn’t admit out loud but partly it was to avoid Jack.

Things weren’t the same between them. She could sense his jealousy each time he watched her replying to a text or smiling over something someone sent her (most of those times, Kara). She felt like she was walking on eggshells around him.

They hadn’t talked about Alex. They hadn’t even touched on her name since they left National City. Not that they had talked much about anything. While Jack was devoting himself to the lab claiming that he was about to have a breakthrough, Lena was busying herself with Lex-Corp. At first, it was just research, keeping an eye on things but these last weeks she began making some phone calls and looking at her dad’s contacts.

Which was why she called Lex home.

“I know how to fix it,” she claimed with a smile.

Lex rested his hands on his knees squinting his eyes. “So you’re telling me you’ve figured out on your own what fifty men together couldn’t?” Lena shrugged than nodded. Lex smiled. “I believe you,” he said truly. “So what is it?”

“I was looking over our numbers from when you took over Lex-Corp until now but it wasn’t enough data so I went back further and there were moments that matched this one and then I went over dad’s archives and passed bank history-“

“How did you have access to it all?”

“Dad literally used one password to everything.” Lex nodded. Lena didn’t tell him the password. (It was her mom’s name. _Not Lillian’s_ – her mom’s). “Anyway, I noticed a pattern and I think that the board is plotting against you just like they were doing it with dad.”

“How did he keep them in check?”

“Remember all the corruption they discovered on dad? That’s how. He payed them. Kept them in check.”

“So you’re telling me that we should follow dad’s footsteps?” Lena shook her head with a frozen smile. She was a bit shocked at her brother’s question.

“No.” She took a moment to watch him as he shrugged. “I’m telling you that we have to keep your board in check. And the biggest issue is that they are awfully comfortable right now. They have been settled on National City for years. We maintain the same big contracts for years. They know who can they manipulate and they know that most of the time you’re not around.”

“So we have to make them uncomfortable.”

“I was looking at the numbers, we could get rid of some old contracts and get some new – cleaner – ones and the math would do. We’d probably have to fire one or two of board members. It can’t be someone too weak, but it can’t be someone too strong and I have a couple names in mind. We should invest in our image because people still see us a reminder of corruption so like build a hospital wing, help communities, parks, that sort of thing. Get us closer to the people. Make us more open. Also, we should probably move our head office.”

Lex blinked. And blinked again as if processing all that information. Lena had said everything quite fast – not Kara-fast, but _fast_. And truly it wasn’t the reason he took so long to answer. He was stunned.

“That’s… Wow… Have you figure this all out in a month?” he asked.

Lena bit her lip. She was smiling. She was proud of herself. She was excited about it. More than she had been in a long time.

“Let’s do it.” He said and she opened a wider smile. Lex smiled too to match hers. “But I have one condition. You’re the one doing it.”

“Sure. I can help.”

“No. I mean that I will step down from Lex-Corp and you will take my place. We can even rename it: Lena-Corp. There are too many corporations named after man anyway. Oh, and this is not a discussion.”

“Lex, I can’t.”

“I’m sorry, Lena but you just proved to me that you can. And something tells me that you want to. I’m going to call my lawyer, get everything ready for it. Would a week be enough?”

“Lex, it’s too soon.”

“You’re right. A month. That’s good. 30 days. That’s a good number.” Lex gets up. “This is going to be great. I missed the labs. Desk work is just… boring. No offense. And with everything going on in National City… Dad already knew I wasn’t the one to take on his legacy. Also, one more thing.” Lex stopped by the door. “Do you have somewhere in mind for our new head office?”

Lena wet her lips and turned to her hands.

“National City.”

Lex opened a smile.

It was something she had thought about a lot. As much it wasn’t her initial plan, she sometimes would imagine herself being the CEO of Lex-Corp. She tried to imagine where it would be and National City was the only place that came to mind. It wasn’t because of Alex – this one she was sure. It was because of Kara. It was because of Supergirl – because she couldn’t afford knowing two hours later that her best almost died. It was because half the time she called Lex he was in National City for some reason. And, yeah, it was because of Alex. Because as much they wouldn’t end up together she used to be a big part of Lena’s life and she missed that a lot.

Lex left with that same smile.

* * *

 

Lena stayed a day longer in Midvale. Maybe she did miss it more than she realized at first.

She was actually surprised when Lex didn’t hop on a plane back to… wherever he was going next. He stayed the night. It had been a time since they had had some quality time together.

They ordered in. After Lionel’s death, none of them were back in the mansion for the most part of the year so they just kept it close and had someone to take care of it a couple days a week.

So Lena made them sandwiches.

“What is this?” Lex asked holding it with disgust. Lena rolled her eyes.

“Don’t pretend you’ve never eaten a sandwich. Mother might have spoiled you but she can’t have spoiled you that much. I doubt you never ate junk food with Alex.”

“Why don’t we order from Rosita’s?” Lena swore she’d shove the sandwich down Lex’s throat if she had to.

“We are not ordering from a restaurant two hours away because you are not able to eat normal food.” Lex sent her a defying glare. With no warning, Lena took his phone from his hand. “Hey!”

“Can’t call mother now,” Lena teased sitting on the sofa across from him leaving Lex’s phone within her reach and out of Lex’s. His screen flashed with a new message. It’s from Alex and Lena was reading it before she could stop herself.

_Everything is under control. Dislocated shoulder. No broken bones. Well, not on me._

Was Alex hurt? What had happened? That didn’t sound good. Lena thought about calling Alex to make sure she was okay. But that message was never meant to be read by Lena. What was Alex up to? Did Kara know? Kara. Lena decided that-

“Do you know how you’re breaking the news to Jack?” Lex asked out of the blue. Lena took a moment to process his question but decided to ignore it. He mind was too focused on the message. “She’s fine,” he told her as if he was reading her mind. Lena’s eyes went from the phone to Lex, then back to the phone. Lex had no reason to lie but he had read the message at the same moment Lena did so he couldn’t actually know. “Do you know how you’re breaking the news to Jack?”

Lena frowned letting her eyes drift from the phone. “I don’t-“ Lena took a deep breath. “I’m not sure that’s the only kind of breaking we’re having.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

Lena took a moment not to correct him. Being Jack wasn’t paradise. Relationships weren’t supposed to be paradise – Veronica tried to teach that lesson from the start. Being with Jack was like being with her best friend. It was more or less what she imagined would be being in a relationship with Kara. Maybe not quite as good, but the chemistry compensated that.

Lena had done a lot of thinking about them and she felt deep down in her soul that it wouldn’t last. She had become sure of that. Their interests no longer aligned and because of that their relationship was falling apart. A relationship shouldn’t just work out when they both want the same thing.

The worse part was that Lena wasn’t sure if she even wanted to fight for them.

* * *

 

She practices saying it in the mirror but she convinces herself to wait. Jack had been in a good mood. One of the simulators in the lab had shown positive test results and Lena decided that it could wait another week. Then came tests and studying and Lena didn’t need more stress so she just pushed it back down on her mind. And after excuse after excuse, Lena found herself one day before of taking over Lex-Corp.

Lex had agreed to have an adaptation month in which they would act as CEO’s together. She had been so busy organizing and planning everything she was surprised that Jack didn’t notice, but he too was busy with the lab. They had barely seen each other lately. It was hard to admit that she missed him less than she should.

She wondered back when Alex broke up with her if Alex felt anything like Lena was feeling.

That something Lena had become sure of: she wasn’t in love with Jack. She wasn’t in love with Jack and she was tired of pretending she was.

She cherished Jack – she really did – but as a friend. But she wasn’t sure if he would call her that if they broke up. She just hoped he didn’t hate her. So Lena wasn’t sure she wanted him on her graduation photos. Lena found it awfully selfish of her.

“Being selfish isn’t a bad thing. Most of the time being selfish just means looking out for yourself,” Kara told her as Lena poured out her feelings.

“Like you could talk, Supergirl,” Lena emphasized on the hero’s name.

“I’m selfish!” Kara lowered her voice as she added: “sometimes.”

“Mention one selfish thing you’ve done.”

“I…” Kara hesitated. “I can’t tell you.”

“That’s odd.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just say that it wasn’t Alex who was tempted to kill Lucy.”

The sounds of the door being unlocked kept Lena from asking further information about that. She said a quick goodbye to Kara and turned to Jack with a smile. His face didn’t look so good. His movements were slow as he took off his coat.

“Hey, did something happen in the lab?” Lena questioned softly.

“I was talking to Harry this morning and he was telling me you took your things from the lab since you’re talking over your brother’s company.” Oh. They were having this talk before Lena anticipated. Fuck.

“I was going to tell you,” Lena said.

“Tell me what? I thought we were a team, that we were going to open our own company together.”

“Jack, sit down, please.”

And that was the moment he knew.

If he was being true to himself he could’ve seen this coming since they left National City.

He sat down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye Bye Jack! 
> 
> PS: Guys, please tell me if you find something weird during the chapter. I write it in parts and out of order and then put them together so mistakes are likely to be made. I went over this twice already but you know how it goes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ashamed to call this a chapter but there were some gaps I felt the need to fill before jumping into S2.
> 
> This week news: Chyler and Katie are obviously killing all of us and secretly promoting AgentCorp for S4. #AgentCorpWillRise #TheyShipIt

Lena was calling Kara.

Alex thought back when Kara first came out and remembered Reactron, but this time Alex couldn’t bring herself to answer the call. Kara’s words were still ringing in her ear.

She had passed Dr.Hamilton’s offer for pain meds earlier hoping that her physical pain would distract her from the emotional one.

Alex knew better than to pretend that Kara didn’t mean those words – at least at some level. Maybe Kara was wrong about Alex being jealous of her powers but she was right at pointing out how Alex was a shitty sister. She was right when she said that Alex didn’t deserve Lena.

Red K or not, it was the truth.

_The best thing you did was to break up with her._

Alex’s phone rang. It was Lena too.

Alex declined the call and there was a knock on the door. She turned to see Vasquez.

“You should talk to Mr. Luthor,” they said. Alex almost missed the ‘Mr.’ in the sentence.

It would be a while until Kara was up even with the sun lamps. She hesitated. Alex had been using Kara to avoid dealing with the DEO’s chaos during the last hour. Lucy was fully put in charge due to J’onn revealing his true form on national television. Vasquez was keeping her updated since she left her own bed against the doctor’s orders. According to them, Lucy was doing a good job. She was still trying to find a way out for J’onn’s situation, but if they didn’t keep Lucy at bay, the Major and acting director might kill someone before the night was over.

J’onn was one of their containment cells. Alex had tried to take him out of the military’s soldiers with her bare hands before he to her to stand down. Things weren’t looking good for them.

Alex decided to take Vasquez’s advice and went to see Lex. He was in one of the labs. He had helped Lord with the neutralizer for the Red Kryptonite. If Alex despised Lord before, she certainly hated him now.

“I thought you were done with that thing,” Alex said as he appeared to be testing a piece of Lord’s synthetic kryptonite. Alex hated the sight of it. She wanted that thing as far away from Kara as possible. She wanted it destroyed from existence.

“I’m trying to understand what Lord did wrong.”

“You mean besides existing?” Lex chuckled. His answer worried Alex. “You’re not trying to fix it, are you?”

“Would that be so bad?” Alex stared at him in disbelief. He had yet to look up from the microscope. “She could’ve killed you. I can’t let that happen.”

“She didn’t have control over herself.”

“She’s too powerful. She can’t afford to lose control!” Lex slammed his fist against the table. Taking a deep breath he continued looking directly into Alex’s eyes. His eyes were red and his hands were shaking. How had she not seen that? “She hurt people. She could’ve killed… I’m not letting that happen.”

“You’re sounding just like Lord.”

“Maybe he’s not all that wrong.”

Alex stared at him with no expression on her face. That wasn’t Lex speaking. Lex would never think about doing Kara any harm. He had pushed himself too far. She probably played a part in it. Lex was always either working at the DEO or at Lex-Corp. It was too much even for him. And Lex had too many contacts and he always was a bit weak when it came to drugs. Alex should’ve seen the signs before.

The fact that he was scared just made it worse. They were never good at dealing with their emotions so they suppressed until it began to leak. In Alex, it appeared in her aggressively – bloody knuckles and bruised cheeks. In Lex, his emotions leaked in a kind of psychopathy – the long days in the lab and isolation. Drugs just made him obsess more.

They probably needed psychological help but stubbornness was a train that ran in both of their families. They should’ve destroyed themselves after 30 years and still not knowing how to deal with their emotions. They shouldn’t have survived so long, but they had each other.

Kara had said once or twice how she was a bit jealous of Lex. She said he looked closer to Alex than Kara could ever be. Alex struggled to explain to her sister that she wasn’t closer to Lex than she was to Kara. Their relationship was just different. Lex saw a face of Alex that she didn’t want her little sister to see. The same could be said about Lex.

If it wasn’t for Lex, Alex would be punching – or drinking – her way through the world. If it weren’t for Alex, Lex would’ve destroyed it.

“Come with me,” Alex ordered.

“I’m busy,” Lex said turning back to the microscope. Alex left ignoring his words. Soon enough she could hear his footsteps following her.

Alex took them to the armory. He looked around unimpressed and mostly annoyed. Alex put her hands on her hips.

“How many people has Kara killed?” Alex asked.

“Why-?”

“How many?” Alex repeated.

“None so far, but what if-“

“How many people have I killed?” Alex interrupted again. Lex irritation appeared to be increasing.

“That’s not the same thing. You have control of your actions, discipline. You protect people.” Alex made her way to the wall and took the kryptonite sword.

“I killed Kara’s aunt with this sword.” She placed the weapon on the table that separated her and Lex. “And I keep thinking about that night. There were other ways. I could’ve threatened her. I could’ve injured her, but instead, I killed her. That’s no control. So if you’re seriously thinking about taking away Kara’s power then you just might take my hands as well because I assure you, I’ve lost control hundreds more time than Kara.”

Lex looked away,

“Kara’s not the villain here,” Alex said.

“She’s hurt you.”

“That’s on my line of job.”

“What would you do if she had hurt me? If she had hurt Lena?”

“If it had been because of Lord’s kryptonite? I would’ve beaten him so bad that he would’ve to eat through a straw.”

“If it wasn’t?”

“Kara wouldn’t do anyone any harm.” Lex didn’t appear convinced. “Just promise me… Promise you’ll drop it.” At Lex’s silence, Alex pushed it. “Promise me, Lex!”

“I promise.” Alex let go of a breath. She couldn’t imagine having to pick between her sister and her best friend. And Lex wasn’t the one to promise in vain. Not to her. “Lena called,” Lex said after a while in silence. Alex looked away. “She asked about Kara. She told me she called you.”

Alex nodded. Lex could read her like a book.

“I don’t know what Kara told you, but given what Winn told me, I don’t imagine it was good. Just because you might feel she wasn’t wrong, that doesn’t mean she was right.”

“I have to go,” Alex said running from the room.

* * *

 

“How’s J’onn?” Kara asked as she heard her sister approaching. The sun was coming up and Kara was on the roof of the military base.

“Any chance you can give me a lift?” Alex asked. Kara smiled at her.

She had changed from her dark look. She would ask Winn to burn it when she had the chance. She just wanted to forget it ever happened but that did not seem like it would happen any time soon.

She climbed down and carefully flew up with Alex. Her arm was still immobilized. Kara hated the sight of it. It wasn’t the first time she hurt Alex, but it was the first time she intently did so. Well, not actually intended but…

“Stop it,” Alex said. “It’s not your fault.”

“I feel like it is,” Kara said. “Are we really doing this?”

“Do you really think that things are getting simpler from now on?”

Kara doubted it. She let out a breath.

“I didn’t mean what I said, and before you say I did-” Kara hurried to say. “I didn’t mean it in the way I said it.” Alex looked at her and Kara mentally thanked her. She had to get it out. "You have always been my hero, Alex. Kal-El can be Superman or whatever but you were always my superhero. When I put on this cape was because of you. I wanted to make you proud. I wanted to prove to you that I could keep you safe while you've done so for almost thirteen years. And then you save me again and I was angry at first because it was my turn to be your hero, yet you're the one saving me. After a while I realized that I wouldn't want anyone else doing it. But it scared the hell out of me to see you in danger. Even more when it's because of me. So when I said you were jealous of me I guess it was just the insecurity in me speaking."

Alex nodded and let her head fall on Kara's shoulder as they watched the sunrise. Kara wiped a couple of falling tears.

"You are my hero too, Kara. I hope you know that."

"Alex, I'm crying here. You're not helping!" Kara said between laughing and crying. Alex chuckled. "I love you, you stupid human."

"I love you, alien girl."

"What I said about Lena... I was just angry."

"You were right. I don't deserve her. I'm glad she's found Jack. He seems nice."

Kara shook her head.

"No. Rao, Alex. You are wonderful, and you deserve just as wonderful and... I don't know I kind of always imagined it would be Lena. You guys are like my OTP."

"Oh God, I'm cutting your Winn-Time after that one."

"But it's true. Whenever I thought about the dream couple, the one who would be like 'The Notebook' loving each other until they were old enough to barely remember each other it was always you two I pictured. And when you showed up after Thanksgiving together I was so happy. Then you broke up with Lena and I didn't understand. I still don't. And I haven't been fair to you since then."

"Kara, can I ask you something?" Lena felt Kara stiffen. "I'm not mad anything I just I never understood why you didn't tell me about Lena's boyfriend."

"I forgot? Kind of. I mean. I forgot about it when I invited Jack for Thanksgiving. Forgot that things between you two were of... you know." Kara made a face to explain what she wanted to say. Alex couldn't help but laugh. "I was going to tell you then there was Livewire and everything else and I forgot to tell you about Jack. And I kind of always hoped it wouldn't last long - which is awful, I know. I'm sorry. The whole Thanksgiving disaster was on me this year."

"I didn't help either."

"Okay, I can't disagree with that. Shirtless soccer, really? I swear to you Lena was about to rip Lucy's head off given the way she was looking at you," Kara added laughing.

"No, she wasn't," Alex denied.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Please, Kara, don't do that. I'm still getting used to the idea of Lena being with somebody else."

"Well, not for long," Kara let it slip. She covered her mouth right after. "Shoot. Forget I said it."

"It's my fault. I made things awkward between... All of us. If I had known it would end like this I would've never..."

"Alex. If you're still in love with her why did you break up with her?"

Alex wasn't sure if she ever was able to deny that. That she was in love with Lena. It would be much easier if she could.

Kara's posture stiffened.

"It's the militaries. They're coming."

* * *

 

Kara saw Alex being taken away with the help of Lucy. She was ready to kick these militaries to the moon and Alex just might have been the last drop. They were the good guys, for Rao’s sake!

Lucy’s eyes alerted her as if saying for her to keep her cool. It was true that Supergirl was this close to joining J’onn after Red-K. She didn’t need to give them any reason to actually arrest her.

Alex was mad, yet calm. Kara thought Alex would’ve tried to escape already. If she hadn’t then maybe it was a sign for Kara wait too – but she didn’t like it. And Lex… Well, she had no idea how Lex would react when he found that his best friend had been arrested.

“What the hell, Lucy?”

“I have a plan, but I need Alex with J’onn.”

“That better be a damn good plan for you to put my sister in such a position.”

“It’s a plan.”

That told Kara all that she wanted to know.

Shit.

* * *

 

They got J’onn and Alex. Kara struggled not to hug Alex with too much strength. She couldn’t remember of ever being so scared of losing her sister. She knew that Alex could handle herself but everything was happening too quickly and it was all her fault.

She hugged J’onn too, a bit stronger than she hugged Alex. She knew he could handle it. She trusted him.

“Keep her safe,” Kara asked him.

He nodded. “I will.”

They both turned to look at Alex. Kara couldn’t help but frown at the scene of Alex and Lucy hugging. They were weird.

Kara went to hug Alex again.

“I’ll be fine,” Alex said.

“I know. I’m just going to miss you.”

Kara could feel Alex nodding. “If something happens, will you tell Lena-“

“No. You are telling Lena yourself. Nothing is happening to you. If anything happens Lucy already said she’d drag you out of Rao’s kingdom herself.”

* * *

 

It took Myriad for Lex to talk to Kara again. She had noticed how he was ignoring her and she didn’t blame him. She had hurt Alex, and as much her sister insisted it was just ‘broken bones’, Kara knew now how much ‘broken bones’ could hurt. Only the end of the world could make Lex forgive Kara for hurting Alex.

Thankfully Lex put their differences aside to help her with Myriad. He was the only one not in control with Myriad along with her and Cat. Cat herself was awake because of some earrings Lex gave.

They stop the world from ending.

Alex saw Kara’s phone ringing with Lena’s name in it. And she went to tell Kara the good news. She couldn’t help but smile as Eliza reprehended Lex for bragging about being a genius.

* * *

 

Although Kara and Lex were okay, she was not okay with watching Lex flirting with Cat. He had come to Cat’s office with no appointment schedule and Kara was a bit shocked with the smile Cat had when she saw him.

Cat asked Kara to leave them alone.

“You know, it’s impolite to ask back a gift,” Cat said as she was taking off her earrings at his request.

“I’ll make it up to you. Give you some real ones this time. Plus, these don’t match your eyes,” he said in his seductive tone.

“Take me out for a dinner and I might forgive you.”

“I’ll have a car pick you up tomorrow at seven.”

“Make it eight.”

“A pleasure as always, Cat.” Lex got up and Cat stretched out her hand. He took it and kissed the back of her hand.

Kara couldn’t help but frown and repress her need to gag during the scene. At least it wasn’t Lord. Lex stopped by Kara’s desk with a smile.

“So, I guess I’ll see you at dinner tonight,” Kara said.

Lex nodded. Then he turned serious to Kara. “Listen, I’m not sure if Lena told you about Lex-Corp…”

“About moving to National City? She did.”

He nodded. “That’s good. Just… Promise me to keep her safe.”

“Why? Did something happen?” Kara asked worriedly.

“No, I just… I made a promise to your sister and I might be away from the city for a while. I trust you to take care of them.” Kara nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” He put his hand on her shoulder squeezing it lightly. “Do you think those two will ever figure themselves out?”

Lex knew. Of course, he knew. He knew Kara called him from Midvale telling him that they were together. She only felt half guilty at revealing Alex’s secret back then: Alex trusted Lex, therefore, Kara could trust him. And she waited for Alex and Lena to tell him, she waited for Alex and Lena to tell everybody but then that happened and it was difficult for them not to intervene.

Lena was in love with Alex.

Alex was in love with Lena.

They didn’t understand why those two weren’t together.

* * *

Lena was busy in Metropolis so she couldn’t come for their celebratory dinner. Alex arrived with pizza, booze, and the boys. Kara put on some good music for them as they celebrated this win.

That was until something was falling from the sky.

* * *

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re officially entering S2. This chapter is a mix of Lena and Alex’s perspective, if I’m not mistaken it’s mostly Lena’s. For obvious reasons I’ve changed somethings, such as Luthors are not seen as evil, instead their image is related to corruption.  
> Also, Lex is not trying to kill Lena as he was in the beginning in S2. But every thing will make sense, believe me.
> 
> Some things I find important pointing out before starting (about a common worry):  
> I. Yes, there will be Mon-El.  
> II. No, it won’t be exactly like CW’s although he will seem very similar in the beginning.  
> III. He won’t appear much - fic is still focused on AgentCorp although all the divergencies and how long they have been ‘not together’  
> IV. There will be no Karamel.
> 
> V.This last one had nothing to do with Mon-El but it’s something that I feel the need to point out: in this fic Lucy and James never broke up. Kara realized that a romantic relationship with James was not what she wanted (I’m still pissed about it).  
> VI. Because it was never directly addressed to, Jeremiah is really dead in this fic.
> 
> I think that’s all. If you guys have any questions you can ask either here or on Tumblr (because I’m more often there than here) and if I remember anything I’ll add in the notes of the next chapters.

Back in National City things were normal. Or as normal as they could be since there was a plane falling through the sky. Alex was just glad she wasn’t in this one. It was bigger plane than the one Alex was in and she couldn’t remember Kara ever lifting something so heavy.

Before Alex could worry Superman appeared to help her. While Alex wasn’t his biggest fan, she could pretend for the smile Kara had on her face. Plus, she had brand new material to tease Winn with.

Alex checked on their newfound alien. Mr. Forehead as she was calling him although Kara’s claim that it was bullying. She still thought they should restrain him just in case, Kryptonian pod or not.

She had work to do as Kara played Super-family.

* * *

 

Lena was still settling in National City. Well, she was trying to. Her first week in the city had been chaotic.

The whole thing with Myriad and Fort Rozz just made her more sure of her decision to move to National City. Still, the process gave her quite a headache. The board just as pissed as she imagined they would be. Although that, she was surprised at the number of death threats she had received just that week. She didn't expect them to be this petty.

Lena had been practically living in her office during the last days. She had barely spent time at her penthouse or hanging out with Kara. Lex sent her a two sentences text earlier that week. Lex said he'd be away for a while. True to his word, he had dropped from the face of the Earth hours later. Lena knew through Kara - who was assured by Alex - that there was nothing to worry about. He was safe. And she was just a bit mad at him for not helping her with the move.

The only reason Lena hadn't starved to death during those seven days was that she had found an angel of an assistant. Jess would remind her of lunchtime and dinnertime. Sometimes, Jess ordered some food for Lena knowing that her boss was too busy to bother to eat. Lena made a mental reminder to give Jess a bonus.

There was a knock on the door. Jess opened it from the other side.

"There are two reports here to see you. Should I tell them you're busy?" Jess asked.

Lena smiled. She was in a good mood. "No. Send them in."

Jess nodded. She opened the door letting familiar faces in. Lena stood to greet them. She was getting good at this whole business thing.

The man stretched out his hand. "Clark Kent, with the Daily Planet." Lena forced a smile shaking his hand.

The had met already. Twice at least. Not that Clark seemed t remember. Lena smirked and turned to Kara. She might just as well have fun with the situation. If she didn't chances were that she'd end up with a bitch of a headache; she was familiar with the Daily Planet's vision of Lex-Corp. It wasn't good.

"And you are?" Lena asked Kara. She winked hoping Kara would go with it.

"I'm-" Kara fixed her glasses. "Kara Danvers, with CatCo magazine. Sort of."

Lena sat back down behind her desk.

"Today is going to be quite a busy day for so if we could speed this up, I'd appreciate it."

"We're here about the Venture explosion," Clark said. Lena froze. That was bold, even for them. Lena smiled forcedly. Kara looked just as shocked as her.

"Corruption is a long way from mass murder, Mr.Kent. Do you seriously think Lex-Corp has anything to do with it?"

"I'm just asking the most obvious questions. Of all the passengers you were the only one who didn't attend. It's quite a coincidence, don't you think? Also, Lex-Corp has been involved in a series of murder investigations."

"None in which we were considered guilty," Lena shoot back. She understood why Alex didn't like him much. God-Complex and all.

"Then just tell us the reason for your absence," Clark said. "We'll be on our way after that."

Lena sat back staring at him.

"There was an emergency regarding the planning for a ceremony I'm holding tomorrow. I'm renaming my family's company, and I had to cancel."

"Ah, lucky."

"Lucky is Supergirl saving the day," Lena said while looking at Kara. The blonde smiled. "Is that all?"

"I believe so. Thank you for your time, Miss Luthor," Clark said.

"Mr.Kent," Lena called him back. "You might not believe me but after everything that happened, the corruption, the dirty on Luthor-Corp, I vowed to take back my family's company. Make it a force for good. It just took me longer than I anticipated it."

"Have a good day Miss Luthor," Clark said leaving.

Kara followed him briefly mouthing to Lena to call her later.

* * *

 

Alex was having a hell of a week.

First, J'onn decided to move the main office to the city which was actually good - it was way closer to her apartment and she could afford to sleep longer. On the other hand, Lucy stayed on the dessert base to run it and Alex wouldn't say she missed the younger Lane on slow days it was less boring with the tiny Major around. But that wasn't just it. As her final act, Lucy stole Vasquez from Alex. She didn't actually steal Vasquez, they said that they would still come to the head office every now and then and Saturdays were game days so they would see each other a least once a week - Alex was still practicing soccer even after hearing that Lena and Jack broke up. Vasquez also reminded her that her apartment was three blocks away from Alex's.

Then Superman decided to visit his cousin after thirteen fucking years and Alex had to put up with Kara following him around like an enamored puppy - Winn too. That didn't bother her so much. She was distracted by the news that apparently Lena moved to National City and she was the last one to know.

She was supposed to be on the Venture flight on the exact same seat where the device had been. Alex was glad she wasn't there but she didn't worry. No. She was trying to understand why Lena wouldn't have told her she was in National City.

“Are you okay, Agent Danvers?” J’onn asked. “Would like to take some time off to solve your… personal issues?”

Alex straightened herself. She had been staring at the DEO’s symbol for way too long. Of course, J’onn would notice something. She took one of the tablets nearby and shook her head pretending to be busy.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just going to do… Something… Elsewhere,” Alex said slipping out from the Control room. J’onn frowned. “Oh! Stay out of my head.”

“Keep your thoughts quieter and I’d happily do so.”

She didn’t have an answer for that.

Her thoughts went back to Lena. She wasn’t surprised.

She needed a distraction. She had an idea as she dived into DEO’s files room. She had been wondering what was the issue between the Man of Steel and the Martian Manhunter, after all.

* * *

It was late when she left the DEO. There wasn’t much to do, but Alex busied herself at the lab with some old projects she had been neglecting for a while. It was J’onn who told her to get home.

She half complied. She had to make a stop first.

Alex parked her bike in front of Lex-Corp.

Earlier that day there had been an attempt of assassination on Lena. Alex didn’t allow herself to react back then. She was in the middle of the DEO, hearing it all through Kara’s comms. She knew her sister wouldn’t let anything happen to Lena, but she worried. Just like she worried about Kara even though she was bulletproof.

Apparently, Lena had been the target of the Venture explosion. And had received some death threats she failed to inform anyone about.

Alex didn’t know how to deal with that. She took her phone out of her pocket. She thought about calling but what would she say? Texting? As she opened Lena’s name her last text to the younger Luthor reminded her why it would be a bad idea.

She looked at the building.

Alex knew Lena wasn’t there – at least she hoped she wasn’t. It was late, Lena would probably be at her apartment. Or house. Alex really had no idea.

She was flooded by the notion of how much she fucked up things between them.

Lena could’ve died earlier.

Lena could’ve died never knowing how much Alex loved her.

For a moment Alex wondered how much it was worth it.

Lying to Lena. Staying away.

Alex put her helmet back on. For a moment she wondered if she’d end up in her apartment or in the bar.

* * *

Everything had happened too quickly. The shootings from the crowd. Supergirl - Kara. And Lena was running. She should’ve gotten more security like Kara insisted but she didn’t expect to suffer three assassinations attempts in two days. Someone really wanted her dead.

As she was running an officer came in sight. Of course, it was too good to be true as he pulled out a gun aimed at her. Then a blur saved her. Not just any blur. It was her blur. Or better, it was Alex. And how the fuck Alex knew how to disarm a guy or fight like that was beyond her knowledge. But it didn’t matter.

Before Lena could have any relieve, the man had a gun pointed at Alex just when Supergirl showed up. Kara was frozen. It was no secret that her heart was her biggest weakness as well as her biggest strength.

One, two, three, four, five shootings and Lena is satisfied to aim down her weapon. Kara looked at her surprised and relieved. She shrugged. Alex looked at Lena briefly still painting from the fight then turning to the ground.

“Anything you want to tell me about?” Lena asked with heavy sarcasm in her voice.

Kara smiled awkwardly and shrugged at Alex right before a tactical team arrived.

They took her to the DEO. Lena rode in the same van as Alex. Her eyes looked for Alex’s all the time but Alex kept looking away. She was right. It was not the place to discuss it.

Secret agent, Lena would guess. It made sense. It made so much sense that she wanted to slap herself for not thinking about it before. Crazy hours, too many trips, bad-explained-injuries… How long had Alex been lying to them? Well, to her, because apparently Kara knew about it and she doubts Lex didn’t. Those couldn’t be closer even if they shared a womb.

The van came to a stop and Alex opened the door. The agents exited the vehicle and Alex held out her hand to help Lena to climb down. Lena ignored it walking passed Alex and into the place.

DEO was stamped everywhere. If they were a secret organization Lena had a tip or two for them. Kara flew in, stopping beside Lena.

A man came in her direction.

“Miss Luthor, welcome to the DEO. I’m Director J’ozz. I need you to sign a few documents,” he said. Lena looked at his hand. That was more than a few documents. “It’s protocol.”

She nodded. Business. She understood business. It was safe. She could deal with it. The rest… The emotions and questions she’d deal with them later.

“Is there a room where I can go through this documents?” Lena asked.

“Right this way,” J’onn instructed leading her to one of the top floors. “Supergirl, don’t forget filling your report.”

Kara groaned. The director gave her a look and she gave in. “I’ll be right back,” she told Lena.

“Good. Because I have a few questions.”

She was mad.

She told Kara everything. Why couldn’t she expect the same from her?

Lifting her eyes from the documents, Lena’s eyes meet Alex’s on the other side of the bridge. Dammit glass’ rooms.

They held each other’s gaze. Lena bit her lip as her eyes fell on Alex’s butt. The DEO had a nice uniform. It looked even nicer on Alex. Lena is thrown back into reality when Alex accidentally walked into a table. Lena couldn’t help but laugh as Alex pretended she wasn’t distracted by Lena.

“Miss Luthor,” Director J’ozz said entering the room. He had an amused face. She wondered if he had noticed.

* * *

Lena was waiting for Kara on the balcony when she ran into Alex again.

She didn’t actually run into Alex, more like Alex stopped and stared at her. Lena looked over her shoulder. She was still in her DEO uniform. Shamelessly Lena looked at her up and down.

Alex was playing with her hands. Lena knew her well enough to know she was in doubt. Lena wasn’t in a good mood to deal with her. She had just found that Kara had been lying to her for more than a year. Alex…. She couldn’t even figure out how long Alex had been lying to them.

She felt like she was getting parts of a puzzle.

Lena turned back at the sight of the city. It was beautiful.

She had been living in National City for a week and still, it felt more like home than Metropolis ever did. She knew she had made the decision.

Alex appeared to have made her decision as she stood beside Lena in the balcony. Lena glanced at her briefly.

“You are living in National City,” Alex blurred out. Lena gave her a dry laugh.

“Yes, I am.”

“Good, I mean, why didn’t you say anything?”

“We don’t exactly talk anymore, Alex. Or is it Agent Danvers. I don’t think I know to tell you apart.”

“I deserved that,” Alex admitted. “I just… I mean… You’re different.”

“You didn’t exactly keep contact. We both remember the last time you texted me. And last Thanksgiving… Well, we also know how well that went.”

Alex stopped. It hurt hearing her own words on Lena’s voice. There was a pain in her voice. There was violence in her tone. And the way she looked at Alex, she might just as well be spitting on the agent. She remembered those words. They hunted her.

“Is there something else I can’t help you with, Agent?”

It would’ve hurt less if Lena had stabbed Alex in the heart - unless the blade had poison in it, then it could be compared to the pain she was feeling. Alex felt like her blood was on fire. She felt like she needed a drink and she felt like jumping out of the balcony.

But something kept her still.

Maybe too still.

“What did you think it would happen, Alex?” Lena asked in a mocking tone. “You pretend I didn’t exist for two years after that message. I’m many things but I am no a fool.”

She was right. Knowing that Alex turned to leave, but she heard Lena calling her name.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Lena asked shrugging. She hoped it didn’t how much it hurt to ask it.

Alex nodded.

“On Thanksgiving. We were going to tell everyone.”

Lena lowered her had. She understood what had changed her plans.

“After that, I gave Kara the authorization,” Alex continued. “If anyone had the right to tell you it was her. After everything I did, I thought…” Alex didn’t finish that sentence. “But don’t be mad at Kara for not telling you. Soon after James was kidnapped because he was close to Supergirl… She was afraid someone could use you to get to her.”

Lena nodded.

“And back then?” Back when they were dating – Alex could read in her voice.

“I didn’t have authorization.”

* * *

When Lena and Kara arrived at Kara's apartment the first thing Lena did was pour herself a glass of wine. She identified in the fridge clear signs of Alex that she decided to ignore for the night. One crisis at a time.

Kara looked at her. As she was about to speak Lena rose her finger. Kara pushed her lips together and crossed her arms as she waited. Lena drank half of her glass of wine.

"First thing, you're hearing everything I have to say without interrupting me and without pouting. Second, we need to improve your taste on wine." Kara nodded and silence formed between them. Lena paced from one side to the other. Finally, she stopped in front of Kara. "I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me? I'm your best friend. It's not like I didn't know you were Supergirl. I've been there every time I could. Have I done something wrong? Do you not trust me?"

"No, Lena, it's not that. I was just... I was scared. I was going to tell you and then there was this whole thing with James and the thought of losing him killed me, so I couldn't begin to imagine losing you. I thought I could keep you safer this way. I never imagined you'd move to National City."

"So you were just going to lie to me forever?"

"I- No- Just-" Kara gave up. "I'm sorry."

"I need some time to think about all of this."

"I just wanted to keep you safe."

"It feels like you wanted me away," Lena shot back out of reflex. Kara looked at her as if Lena had slapped her. "Just give me a little space, Kara."

* * *

Lena was in the office when Supergirl and Superman showed up to save a possible jumper on the bridge. Lena wasn’t the one to leave the TV playing in the background while she worked but for some odd reason, she had that day. It was a late night at the office. Another headache. Lena was afraid soon enough the meds wouldn’t work on her.

She expected it to be quick. Supergirl had dealt with much worse, but then Supergirl and Superman were losing. Lena found herself running to the DEO. She jumped out of the car before it had fully stopped and when one of the securities tried to stop her from leaving she’d have walked over him if Winn hadn’t appeared with her authorization.

Soon enough Superman flew in helping Kara stand. Alex was the first to rush to help her sister.

“I’m fine. I’m just a little dizzy,” Kara said as Clark passed her to Alex.

As Clark confronted DEO’s director, Lena slipped to Kara’s other side. Kara pulled her into a hug assuring it was fine. Just as it seemed there was going to be a showdown between the Director and Superman, DEO’s screen started to flash. Some sort of a face appeared in it with a masked voice.

“People of National City. The Earth has been stolen from us. And the enemy has come in the guise of heroes. They say they come in peace, to protect us from ourselves. But how long will it be before these gods decide to rule instead of serve? We are the antidote to their poison. We are the scientists who will show them what humans are capable of. Those who have sided with the invaders will not be spared. You cannot stop us. We are everywhere. We are Cadmus.”

Kara, Alex, and Lena found themselves trading looks. They were all thinking the same thing.

“Is it me or does that voice sound kind of familiar?” Kara asked. Alex and Lena nodded.

“Winn, can you decrypt it?” Lena asked.

“On it!” He said jumping into one of the chairs.

“Metallo isn't just flesh and blood anymore. Cadmus has given him a metal endoskeleton,” Kara said.

“Traces of the alloy had to end up on my hands when I hit him. I can analyze it at the Fortress of Solitude,” Clark added.

“Agent Schott, once you’re done with what you’re doing, get Non and Astra's anti-kryptonite technology out of storage,” Director J’ozz said. “See if you can improve upon it for our two friends here.”

“Um... It might take a while though. This is a little trickier than I expected it to be,” Winn said.

“Send it to Vasquez. Making sure Superman and Supergirl are safe should be our top priority,” Alex said with her hands on her hips.

For a moment Lena found herself staring.

There was a time in which she couldn’t imagine Alex as anything but a lab nerd. She’d imagine Alex mixing substance and maybe exploding half the lab. She’d imagine her jumping in joy at finding something out. But this… It suited her more than Lena could ever expect.

The hands on the hip, ‘yes, sir’ and the don’t-mess-with-me look suited her all too well. And Lena thought back at Thanksgiving, and Alex playing soccer shirtless. Her imagination was going wild and just as her lower belly was starting to get warm, Director J’ozz called her.

“Miss Luthor, would you like to see your brother’s lab?”

“Yes, I’d like that.”

“Agent Schott will take you there.”

* * *

Just when Alex thought her week couldn’t get worst, it did. Sure, there was a mole in the DEO but that was easy.

The cherry in the fucking top of that fucked up week was Kara’s bright idea of moving to Metropolis to be with Clark. As if El Mayarah didn’t mean anything anymore. As if Alex hadn’t sacrificed a big part of her life to keep Kara safe.

“I've been thinking though. What if I moved to Metropolis to be with Clark?”

“Metropolis?”

“Yeah. I mean, think about it. National City would be safer without me around creating a target for Cadmus. Hank wouldn't have to worry about me feeling uncomfortable with kryptonite around. And you, you'd be able to do your job at the DEO without worrying about me. Alex, if I was in Metropolis, Clark and I could protect the city and keep each other safe. And there's still so much I want to learn from him. What do you think?”

“I think I've kept my mouth shut the entire time Clark has been here while you have ignored me. I haven’t even said anything about being in the dark about Lena because you had enough on your plate already. And... And now you want to just move away?”

“I thought it would be good for you. You wouldn't have to take care of me anymore.”

“What about us taking care of each other? My whole childhood was spent making sure that nobody found out. I gave up a medical career to join the DEO for you. I gave up Lena for you. And my... My whole life has been about protecting you.”

“I thought you said it was a great adventure. “

“Yes. But it's cost me a lot.”

Kara's rang. Alex waited.

"It's Clark."

Once that Kara answered Alex stormed off the apartment.

She felt betrayed. Again.

Kara was her sister in all the ways that mattered and yet lately she didn't feel like she had Kara in her corner. It had been a while since she felt like Kara was fully on her side.

She hopped on her bike mentally cursing Kara. She wished she could just say 'fuck Kara' but it still would be empty words. Alex loved her too much for that, but at that moment she was boiling with hate.

Kara was moving to Metropolis. She was leaving the DEO behind. Alex could probably put on a transfer back to the desert base, at least she had Vasquez there. And maybe it would be a good thing. She didn't have to worry about Kara knowing about her 'suicide-missions' (as Vasquez called it) or Kara complaining about her impulses.

Maybe she could be with Lena.

The thought occurred out of nowhere, but Alex couldn't find the lie in it.

Sure, Lillian could reveal the footage to the world. Alex couldn't remember whether Kara was wearing her glasses in it or not. If she wasn't then the media would just think it was Supergirl. If she was wearing her glasses... nothing a bit of tampering couldn't hide.

Most of all, it wasn't her problem.

As soon as Kara was out of National City, she was no longer Alex's problem.

She was done being her sister's keeper.

Alex found herself parked in for of L-Corp again. She hadn’t seen Lena since the previous night.

It wasn’t like Lena worked on the DEO and she was actually running her company, unlike Lex who tended to forget he had one.

Alex hadn’t been planning on stopping on L-Corp. She was trying to do the opposite of that. After finding out about the DEO Lena told Kara she wanted space, and Alex wasn’t trying to bother her.

With Metallo and the missing kryptonite, she had something to keep her mind busy. There was Cadmus, too, but there weren’t any more leads on that and Vas had yet to finish decrypting the voice, so she had nothing to occupy her mind with. She could only think of Lena.

She missed Lena.

She always knew she missed Lena, but having her so close was a constant reminder of that.

Alex closed her eyes trying to gather the courage to do it. It was such a stupid idea. She should just go back to her apartment. She had some good old Scotch Whiskey waiting for her back at home. Or maybe the desert base where Vasquez and Lucy would hear her complaining about Kara.

Alex looked at her reflection on the helmet.

* * *

Lena was still getting used to her new office. A decorator had set up the place for her. She liked it, a lot. Back in Metropolis, she had been using Lex's office - which used to be Lionel's. Lex had decored it so it was dark and with too many distractions. She felt like she was in a fifteen-year-old-boy' bedroom.

Her new office, though, it was made for her. White, minimalist and with huge windows. There was just something missing. Lena couldn't figure out what it was. She tried rearranging the furniture; the feeling remained. Kara probably would know. She still hadn't had the time to visit Lena since she came with Clark.

It hadn't been a pleasant visit.

She was thinking about calling Kara to see if she wanted to out for dinner. She did own Lena a talk after not telling her about the DEO.

Lena had barely seen her best friend since she moved. In part, it was her fault. Lena wanted to destabilize the board completely. The move was sudden and rushed which meant more work for her. Her office was only ready on Monday! On top of that, there was the fact that the board was trying to kill her - she just had to find concrete proof of that, but their message was clear. Too bad for them she had a Kara.

There was that too. Kara also had been busy. Supergirl business and she also had her regular job at CatCo. Lena had no idea how she did it. Being Cat's assistant was already hard, but being her assistant and a Superhero? That sounded impossible. The good news was that Kara might not be her assistant for long. Cat gave her a promotion to whichever position she wanted.

And she was mad at Kara - not that it mattered when someone was trying to kill her best friend.

Just as Lena was about to call Kara, there was a knock on the door. Jess appeared.

"Miss Danvers is here to see you. She said you know her." Lena smiled. Kara saved her the trouble of calling.

"Send her in," Lena said with a smile. She glanced at the computer. It was way past the time of Jess's shift. "Oh, and Jess," Lena called her back. "You can go home for the day. There's no need for both of us be here."

"Of course, Miss Luthor," Jess said back with a smile. Lena still had to get used to people calling her that. Or convince Jess to call her Lena.

Lena turned back to her computer to close the files she was seeing. She was still trying to figure out what to make of it. While the content itself was odd, the date in it intrigued her the most. She heard the door close and Lena closed the file. She could deal with it on the next day.

She was ready to greet Kara when she noticed it wasn't that Danvers.

"Oh," Lena accidentally let out once she saw Alex.

It had been a few days since Lena had seen her at the DEO. She wished she could say she didn't waste more than one hour of her day thinking about the DEO's uniform.

They hadn't talked since the argument they had at the DEO. Lena wondered if they reached a point in which they were incapable being civil with each other. It was the second time it happened. Lena hated it. They had been in love once. Lena wasn't sure if that ever changed for her. She wondered if it did for Alex.

“I thought you might have skipped dinner,” Alex said raising a paper bag from Noonan. “I was in the neighborhood.” Neither of them actually believed that. It made Lena smile for some seconds. It tore all her defenses down for some seconds.

“Thank you,” Lena said. She was trying to recompose her self. She couldn’t afford to be vulnerable with Alex. “I appreciate it.”

Alex nodded. She put her hands in her pockets and looked around.

“Your office, it’s… um really nice.” Alex’s nervousness showed. Lena felt her defenses falling her again. Alex wasn’t allowed to look that cute. Oh, how weak was her heart when it came to the Danvers’ sisters. “It fits you.”

Lena opened half a smile before standing up. She stopped in front of Alex and leaned against her own desk. Alex took a deep breath. Lena looked around mostly buying herself time to regain control of her mind. There was an absurdly loud part of her mind screaming for Lena to pull Alex against her and kiss the Agent like never before.

Lena looked back at her computer. Maybe someday, she thought with a smirk. She had some things to solve first.

“I think it’s missing something,” Lena said. She wasn’t just talking about the office. Given how the agent looked away, she sensed it too.

“I’m sorry for how I acted back in the DEO. I know we haven’t been on good terms for a while now but… I miss you, Lee.” Lena forced herself not to react. “I know I fucked up, but I can’t- I don’t want to live without you. Can we… Can we move past this?”

“I-” Lena hesitated. Could she ever say ‘no’ to those pleading eyes? That wasn’t even the motive to Lena’s hesitation. The real reason why she stopped before answering Alex was that she didn’t know if she could answer ‘yes’ without getting her hopes up. “We can try.”

* * *

As Alex left L-Corp she was in a better mood.

When Winn told her he could trace the kryptonite she didn’t think twice about going alone and ignored Winn's protests. If Kara were gone, she’d have to do this sort of thing alone. She was just practicing it already.

She was getting ready to bring in the mole to the DEO when she felt the ground slipping from her feet. The mole got away.

"Agent Danvers of the DEO," a female voice said. "Nice to meet you."

She just underestimated Cadmus a bit. Rookie mistake. She was put in a kneeling position. Guns were aimed at her and the woman stood in front of her.

"I heard you've been asking about us. Well, Cadmus welcomes any bright minds willing to help our cause."

"You must be really out of your damn mind if you think I would help a psycho like you."

"Do you know what I see when I look at you? An abused child. A brainwashed little girl the DEO has warped into believing that demons are angels. That your life should be sacrificed to them, our invaders. All I'm asking, Alex, is for you to think about what your life would be if aliens had never come. What it could be if they were no more. That's what I'm trying to do for the world. And you could help me."

Alex rolled her eyes. Was this woman really trying to lure her into joining Cadmus? This day must be testing her.

"I've killed a Kryptonian before. I stabbed Astra of the House of Ze with a sword made of kryptonite. I've done what you want to do. What you can't do."

"I'm impressed."

"Good. Because I want you to know what I'm capable of when I tell you that when I find you."

The woman took Alex's face in her hand.

"You're looking for your savior in the wrong place, child. But I don't have time for this."

The woman left and it was clear her message to the man holding Alex captive. Too bad for them they choose the wrong DEO agent to underestimate.

* * *

They took down Mettallo. Both of them.

* * *

Next morning when Lena arrived in her office there was a package on her desk. Given the several attempts on her life, Lena decided to call Kara just to be sure. Supergirl flew in not much later with a cup of coffee for her. Lena watched as she scanned the package.

Kara opened a smile. “It’s safe,” she said. “And I think you will like it.” And with that, she flew away. Lena barely caught Kara saying something about being late.

Lena put her coffee down on the table and starts to unpack the package. It only had Lena’s name on it. It was a small rectangular package and Lena had no idea what it could be. As she opened it she recognized the familiar handwriting.

_Maybe this was what was missing._

_Al._

Lena smiled as she took the picture frame underneath the note. Inside it was a picture of them at Thanksgiving that felt centuries old.

The one in which they were together.

Lena remembered that picture quite well. They took it on the Danvers’ dining room. Lena and Alex were almost on opposite sides of the picture. Lena kept glancing at Alex and Alex kept catching her eyes. By the time the camera went off, Lena had a suspicious smile on her face and Alex was looking down with a smile and panic on her face. Between Lena and Alex were Eliza, Kara, and Lillian. Next to Lena was Lionel.

Lena ran her fingertips through his face. He had a true smile on his face. She liked to imagine he was happy then.

Her eyes went back to Alex and herself. They surely were happy then.

Lena bit her lips remembering that morning and then the night that followed. And those six months in which that relationship lasted.

Lena placed it on her desk. Lionel had a ‘no personal photos in the office’ rule. Lex never broke it. Lena didn’t care about breaking it.

Lena looked around her office. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe something familiar was missing. It didn’t exactly match the office but it made her feel good. It made her feel closer to home.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a while...  
> On the bright side here you have LUCY! and our most hated OPHIDIAN! Enjoy!

Between puppy Kara excited about meeting the president and Lena back on texting terms with her, Alex was less worried about their missing guest as she should. J'onn was pissed off at losing the alien one day after giving Clark all their Kryptonite.

Lena had sent her a message that morning with a picture of her office with Alex's gift in it. You were right, Lena had written. It gave Alex's face a permanent smile.

"Agent Danvers, will you please put your rocket launcher back in the armory," J'onn asked. He wasn't in a good mood. Alex had chased the alien with the gun - which J'onn wasn't happy about - before he got away.

Alex nodded and made her way to the stairs carrying the rocket launcher with her. She looked at Lena's message once again. Should she answer it? Alex rested the gun against the wall and started typing back at Lena. I'm glad I could help. Alex read the text as she was about to send it. She frowned. Rao, that was horrible. She erased it and bit her lip trying to come up with something else.

She needed help.

Vaquez.

"Hey, J'onn since you don't let me use it, maybe I should take it to the desert base," Alex said climbing back the stairs.

J'onn looked at her up and down before agreeing to it. Alex got into one of the DEO's vans and made her way to the desert base. Pam from HR reminded her not to get in trouble with the traffic department again. They'd tried to suspend Alex's driving license for "reckless driving." Alex waited until she was almost out of down to speed up and parked her car near the entrance of the base.

Several agents nod their heads at Alex greeting her. Alex asked one of them to take the rocket launcher to the armory - he swore he heard Agent Danvers whispering 'goodbye your beautiful thing' for the gun before giving it to him.

Alex made her way to the command center where she did not find Vasquez. She went to her second option: Lucy.

"Agent Danvers, to what do I own the visit?" Lucy asked with a smirk on her face.

"Do you know where Vasquez is?"

"They are out. Lunch with the new girlfriend." Fuck. Alex pushed her lips together thinking of other options. She couldn't ask for Kara help. After what happened last time, Alex was trying to keep the two things as separate as possible. "Maybe I can help you with it," Lucy offered. "You did come all the way here."

Alex took a seat on Lucy's couch toying with the phone in her hands. Lucy approached slowly and sat next to her.

"Lena texted me."

"Oh, so this is about Lena," Lucy said opening a grin. Alex stiffened and threatened to get up. Rolling her eyes, Lucy pulled her back down next to her. "So she texts you. What did she write?"

"I might have sent her a gift. Just a picture-frame for the office and she texted me back saying she liked it."

"And that got you acting like a fifteen-year-old teenager texting with their crush for the first time."

"I'm not that bad."

Alex felt her cheeks heating up. What the fuck was she doing talking to Lucy about this? Lucy took the phone from Alex's hands and unlocked it.

"How the fuck do you know my password, Lane?"

"That's not a lot to work with," Lucy said after reading the text and ignoring Alex's question. "What did she mean by that text? Have you ever been right about anything?"

"Have you ever been taller than anyone?" Alex shot back as they traded 'I'll-kill-you' glares. Lucy rolled her eyes. "A couple of days ago I went to her office and she mentioned that the place was missing something. Then I send her a gift with a note that maybe a picture was what was missing."

"Okay. That's good. That's progress. Leave it to me and you two will be banging in no time, Danvers." Lucy said starting to type.

"No, no, no, no. First, I'm not leaving it in your hands," Alex said trying to take her phone back. Lucy was faster and moved it out of reach. "Second, I don't 'bang' her." Lucy rose her eyebrows challenging her. "I mean that I don't have the intention to bang her. I just want to make amends, not get back together."

"Because of the video she has of Kara and would supposedly use against you."

"I've underestimated Lillian once, I'm not doing it again. And Lena would never take me back after what I did to her."

Alex's eyes shoot open at the sound of a text being sent. She was going to kill Lucy Lane. She didn't care about going to prison and Kara could hate her all that she wanted.

"I'm killing you."

"You can thank me later," Lucy said with a smile throwing Alex's phone back on her lap.

_You could always thank me by going out for lunch... or a diner._

Alex yell was interrupted by the sound of Lucy's phone ringing.

"Director Lane," she answered. Her expression didn't tell Alex much. She just nodded and hummed in agreement. "I'll be sending Agent Danvers with a team." Lucy hung up after that. She turned to Alex who watched Lucy with attention. Alex wanted nothing more than an excuse to get the rocket launcher back - even more, now her stomach turned anxiously. "There was an attack on the president," Lucy told her and Alex's eyes bulged at how calmly Lucy said that. " "It seems like it was an alien, so you'll be taking a team there to see the scene and gather evidence. Put on your best feds impression."

Alex jumped to her feet.

"Danvers," Lucy called before she could exit. "I better hear from you as soon as she texts you back or else I'll show up in your apartment in the middle of the night and steal all your alcohol."

* * *

 

Alex put her phone back in her pocket, and her team spread to gather evidence and secure the area. She had been checking her messages every passing minute since she left. She almost drove them out of the road when her phone rang only to see that it was Lucy. Vasquez was back at the DEO and was requesting a friend's night at Alex that evening.

Alex was disappointed and relieved at the same time. She didn't know what to expect from Lena. Lucy's message had been way bolder than anything Alex would write. She feared that Lena might have taken it the wrong way, but Alex couldn't think of any way she could ruin their relationship further.

"Hey." Alex almost jumped as Kara appeared at her side.

"Hi," Alex said back. Back to work, she told herself. "So, where's the President now?"

"They're taking her back to the DEO."She was- She was so nice, and grateful, and she called me Supergirl," Kara fangirled. It was almost worse than when Kara dragged Alex to that N'SYNC show. Years working for the DEO and Alex had to see something scarier than that.

"That is your name."

"Yeah, I know that, but when she says it, it just sounds better. I don't even know how people voted for that other guy."

"When you're done fawning over your new best friend-" Alex said as they stopped in front of some evidence. "The burn pattern is consistent with a heat-vision signature."

"Our escaped Kryptonian's been awake six hours and the first thing he does is try and kill the President?"

"Winn's working on tracking him. In the meantime, let's gather whatever evidence we can find."

Alex was looking at the scene when something caught her attention. She slipped out from Kara's side to where a woman she didn't recognize seemed to examine pieces of evidence near one of Alex's agents. Suspicious.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing in my crime scene?" Alex blurred out. The woman turned to Alex.

"Anyone ever tell you, all you Feds sound the same? It's like you all watch the same bad movies together at Quantico." If Lucy ever heard that one, Alex would never hear the end of it. She already loved the fact that Miss Grant called her Scully.

Alex maintained a straight face. Whoever she was, she was way out of line.

"Who are you?"

"Detective Maggie Sawyer, NCPD Science Division. We handle all cases involving aliens and things that go bump in the night." The woman raised her badge with the information. It looked official. Her cockiness irritated Alex. "Showed you mine. Show me yours?"

Alex carefully took her DEO badge changing into something she could show Detective Sawyer.

"Alex Danvers, Secret Service. I'm sure you mean well, detective, but this is a federal crime scene. You're contaminating my evidence.”

* * *

 

"That sound like aggressive flirting," Lucy said.

Alex almost spat half of her beer. Vasquez chuckled at that.

The TV was on some sports channel. It became a thing between Alex and Vasquez, and after Lucy joined them ( _uninvited_ as Alex liked to remember), they didn't bother to change it.

Lucy occupied most of the couch and had her feet on Alex's lap. Vasquez was sitting on the ground with their legs crossed and dividing their attention between the game and Alex's rant. Lucy had just removed their plates from the table saying that she wouldn't just _'leave it there'_ as Alex suggested. Vasquez had been the one to cook dinner claiming that both of the ones had to improve their eating habits - they were well aware of Alex's expenses with take-out and Lucy's stock of protein bars.

"She was not flirting with me!" Alex aggressively denied. "Vas, back me up here."

Vasquez raised her hands. "Look, I'm not picking sides, but it kind of sound like she was. She even asked you out."

"She didn't ask me out," Alex protested.

"She gave you a time," Lucy said.

"And a place," Vasquez completed.

"And asked you to dress casually," Lucy finished. "She asked you out, Danvers, whether you know it or not."

"It's work related. We're probably meeting a contact or something." Vasquez and Lucy exchanged glares and drank their beers at the same time. Alex frowned at a similar memory, and something clicked in her head. "What was that?"

"What was what, Danvers?" Lucy asked. Alex was not convinced. "Are you taking your bike to meet her?" Alex nodded going for a sip of her beer. Lucy interfered taking the bottle from her. "Don't you know you shouldn't drink and drive? And you are going with this outfit?"

"And the jacket," Alex added. "Why? What's wrong with it?"

Vasquez and Lucy traded a smile. "Nothing, Ally," Lucy teased.

"Do not call me that."

"Can we talk about the real reason why we are here?" Vasquez asked. Alex frowned. She had been wondering why they invaded her apartment, but she hadn't bothered to ask. It wasn't the first time. "Lena."

"Oh," Alex said remembering.

"Has she answered?"

"No, she-" Alex stopped unlocking her phone. She hadn't noticed the new message from Lena.

Alex didn't know how to react. That didn't sound good. She should probably apologize, or tell her that it was Lucy who wrote that. Before she could do anything, once again her phone was stolen from her hands.

"Hey!"

"Reflex test. You failed," Lucy said waving her away. " _I thought it was a gift, not a favor_ ," Lucy read out loud. She smiled. "Touché miss Luthor."

"Give me back my phone before you fuck it up more." Lucy slapped Alex's hands away.

"I got this Danvers, chill." Lucy started typing. " _It is, I only take any excuse to spend time with you_ ," Lucy read and gave the text back to Alex. She hadn't sent it yet.

"That's... not so bad," Alex said. Alex hesitated before sending the message. It felt wrong to send a message that Lucy had written to Lena as if it was Alex. Lucy smirked. Alex rolled her eyes at her cockiness, Vasquez laughed.

"You got some talking skills," Vasquez said.

"I wouldn't have gone into law if I didn't."

"Next time I fight with Mia I'm calling you."

Alex's phone ringing stilled the conversation. Lucy looked at her expectantly.

" _You could've just asked_ ," Alex read out loud. Alex bit her lip. She could work with that. _'Dinner tomorrow? I'm paying_.'

"Hey, Alex, weren't you supposed to meet the detective at eight?" Vasquez asked. Alex didn't even look up from her phone. She couldn't wait for Lena's answer.

"Yeah," she answered without paying attention.

"Five minutes to eight," Vasquez said pointing at the clock.

"Shit," Alex said jumping on her feet. "I gotta go! Vas you know where the spare key is, lock it up for me?"

"Don't do anything I wouldn't, Danvers!" Lucy screamed as Alex slammed the door shut.

* * *

 

She was late for her dinner - not a date, Lucy! - with Lena on the next day.

It was an ordinary day, but her craziest days were. She had warned Lena she might be late. After the disaster that was Alien Amnesty, Alex had a feeling the day was far from done and she had a detective to save. She had asked Lena if she wanted to reschedule, but Lena just said that she'd be in her office and when Alex was done to get her for dinner.

Alex was in such a hurry to keep Lena from waiting not even a minute longer, that she didn't change her clothes. Before entering Lena's office, Alex sniffled her jacket. Was she smelling barbecue? Alex shook her head; too late to change that.

Lena's secretary wasn't at her desk, and Lena's door was open. Alex decided to take a peek in there. She caught sight of Lena with a thinking face while staring at her computer. Alex leaned against the doorway finding it adorable.

She had missed seeing Lena like that. Alex watched it being selfish for a few seconds longer. She loved Lena. That was the only thing she could think about at that moment. She loved Lena in the most innocent way but also in the dirtiest. Alex hadn't been able to move on. She hadn't tried that hard, but the point was that she didn't want to.

After a while - probably just a few seconds - she decided to knock on the door to let Lena know she was there. Lena looked up, at first surprised but then a smile appeared on her lips. Just like that, Alex was breathless due to the sight.

"Hi," Lena said.

"Hey," Alex said back. "Sorry, I'm late."

"DEO matters?" Lena asked, and Alex nodded. She turned off her computer and walked to get her coat. "C'mon, you can tell me about it during dinner."

Lena made her way to Alex and held onto Alex's biceps. Alex could only stare. Was she dreaming? It felt like a dream. To have Lena that close, it was something Alex had been dreaming for years.

They go to the restaurant across the street. They ordered some fries and milkshakes. Alex thought about ordering a meal, but it would feel too much like a date. The pot of fries was barely on the table, and Lena was attacking them already. Alex smiled.

"I'm starving!" Lena said.

"Yeah, I can't tell. Long day at work?"

Lena nodded, mouth full of fries. "Tell me about yours first."

"It was nothing much. Some bad guy did a bad thing, and we caught them."

"After so long and now finally knowing about the DEO, I thought you'd be done keeping things from me." Alex felt like Lena had just stabbed her. It was becoming a frequent feeling whenever Lena was concerned, and it probably was Alex's fault. She could even hear Lucy's annoying voice telling her how she was fucking things up. She didn't know what to say. She just wanted to do the right thing, but every choice Alex would make seemed to be wrong.

Seeing how Lena was avoiding her eyes, Alex couldn't give damn about being right. She just wanted to make Lena happy.

"You know how that someone attacked the president at the airport," Alex started. Lena immediately looked up. The warmth on Alex's chest erased any hesitation she could have. "At first we thought it was the Kryptonian that fled the DEO. With the help of an NCPD's detective, we managed to get a hold of his location and get him back to the DEO. The problem was that he wasn't the one who attacked the President. And he is not a Kryptonian, either, by the way. He's from a sister planet from Krypton called Daxam, and Daxam and Krypton had a rivalry. I'd never seen Kara dislike someone she didn't know before... It's different. Anyway, during the second attack on the President, we managed to identify the criminal as an Infernian, but during the chaos, she ran and took Maggie - the detective - with her. We found her and saved Sawyer. I mean, we were almost turned into toast, but it was fun," Alex finished with a smile.

Alex looked up and was surprised to find Lena smiling back at her.

"I did think I was smelling barbecue earlier now that you mention it," Lena teased. Alex faked a shock and took the fry that Lena was holding. "Hey!" Lena protested, but Alex had already bitten half of it. They started laughing. Alex couldn't remember the last time they had been so comfortable around each other. "I'm glad you told me about your day."

Lena reached over the table resting her hand over Alex's. Alex's heart skipped several beats at the feeling of Lena's fingers touching her skin. Fuck. It was just her hand goddamnit!

But maybe the softness of the touch was what surprised Alex. She had to gather all her strength at that moment not to do something stupid - like kiss Lena. Why was she thinking about kissing Lena? And the fact that they were right in front of her for Alex to look at was torture. Yeah, of course, her eyes fell there. Had Lena noticed? Alex looked back at their hands and moved her thumb so she could stroke Lena's finger.

Alex thought she might have imagined Lena's chest moving up suddenly as if she silently gasped.

"How was your day?"

"Boring when compared to yours."

"I still was to hear about it. It's only fair." Alex shrugged. "Though, I don't think there could be anything boring about you."

Lena's lips formed a quick half smile that disappeared as quickly as it came. Just as Alex felt it was all too good to be true, Lena took back her hand, and Alex immediately missed the contact. Alex's smile faltered just for a second.

"Well," Lena started. "I tried to have a meeting with the board this morning, but they are still acting live overgrown babies and ignoring me. They are trying to cut money from National City General Children's wing that we will be building. It's not like they aren't rich enough as it is, they have to steal it from little kids." The rage easily came through Lena's voice. Alex didn't blame her. She was even wondering if she should ask for some names - maybe Supergirl could pay them a motivating visit, or a faceless DEO agent in the middle of the night could do it. "After that, I just worked from the office. Answering e-mails, making calls. That sort of thing. And working on some side projects of mine." Lena said with a thinking face.

"That sounds interesting."

"It's... I'm not ready to tell anybody about it yet. Sorry. I need a clear perspective on this."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Alex gave her sad smile, Lena smiled in acceptance. "That sounded like a busy day," Alex said with a laugh. She was trying to soften the mood. "Anything else?"

"Well-" Lena bit her lip. "There was this person..." _AbortAbortAbort,_ Alex's mind screamed. She wasn't ready for that yet. She had just got rid of Jack. Lena was in the city for barely a month, how could there be somebody? "They invited me for dinner and showed up hours later," Lena said with a playful smile.

_Oh_. Alex smiled in relief for a brief moment before looking back at the fries. She could feel Lena's eyes on her.

"She sounds like an _ass_ ," Alex said. Lena chuckled.

"She is not, although she sometimes acts like one. She had a good reason to be late, though. She was protecting the city." It was Alex's turn to chuckle. "I almost didn't accept their invitation. She sounded weird at first. Unlike her."

"And why did you?" Alex asked, just barely meeting Lena's eyes.

"I don't know." Lena stopped for a second. Her gaze falling to her hands. "I think it's because sometimes when we are together, not even alone, just in the same room, sometimes on opposite sides of it- But sometimes she looks at me like-" Lena looked up meeting Alex's eyes. "Yeah. Like _that_."

Alex felt her throat run dry. Her heartbeat was out of control.

* * *

 

"What did you say?" Vasquez questioned. Alex turned in her chair facing away from the analysis she was running on Mon-El's DNA. Vasquez had a bag of chips while sitting on the table. J'onn would kill them if they found Vasquez like that. Metaphorically, that was. He was too attached to most of his agents to do them any actual harm.

"I didn't."

For a second Alex thought Vasquez was going to throw their bags of chips at her. She wouldn't blame them, Alex had been wondering the same thing all day. She still hadn't figured out how else to answer Lena.

Before Vasquez could reprime her further, Alex's phone rang.

"It's Sawyer," Alex said. Vasquez raised their eyebrows. "Don't give me that look. We're working on a case together." Vasquez didn't answer just stuffed their mouth with another handful of chips. "Sawyer," Alex said answering the phone.

"Danvers. I got a tip. You in?"

"That was fast."

"Texting you the location." Finally some action, Alex thought. She'd go crazy if she kept thinking about Lena. Or do something stupid, like taking lucy's advice. "Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Wear something nice."

Alex frowned at the phone, but Sawyer hung up before she could ask. Her phone rang with a text. It was a location. And a time. And she remembered a few nights before with Lucy and Vasquez. She pushed the thought away.

"I gotta go. Sawyer has a lead. And I have to change."

"Sawyer's got a lot of leads for you, huh?" Vasquez smirked. Alex frowned.

"What does that mean?" Alex questioned.

"Nothing, Danvers."

* * *

 

The road was empty enough that Alex could speed up. It felt good to be in control of that. It felt good to see the world around her blurred like it didn't matter. It would feel even better if she was on her bike. She started to slow down as she approached the address Maggie sent her and let her car with the parking service. She could spot some wealthy cars there. She wondered what had Maggie found.

She texted her saying she just arrived, and Maggie answered saying she was waiting for Alex at the door. Alex took a deep breath and reminded herself it was work. Alex couldn't let her feelings get in the way of work.

It wasn't hard to spot Maggie. The detective turned, hearing Alex.

"You clean up nice," Maggie said showing off her dimples. It could be Lucy and Vasquez getting into her head, but Alex thought could detect a small glimpse of first in there.

"Well, it's not every day a pretty girl asks you to wear something nice," Alex playfully flirted back. If it wasn't flirting, hopefully, Maggie would take it as friendly teasing. If it was, well, Alex couldn't help but remember how she and Lena weren't going to happen, anyway. And Alex was okay with being friends. Just friends.

"I'm not all business."

"But this is, right? I mean, what are we doing here?"

"Wait for it. Here," Maggie said passing her a mask. She put one on, while Alex hesitated. She first time she kissed Lena she was wearing a mask not all that different from the one she was holding. Flirting with Maggie. What was she thinking? "You okay, Danvers?"

"Yeah." Alex shook her head. She put her mask on. Feelings. Doubt. Whatever it was, she'd deal with it later. "Let's do this."

Maggie smiled and took her hand. _NoNoNoNo_ , her mind screamed, but her body followed pretending she wasn't freaking out inside. Alex felt completely out of place while Maggie led them inside. Still, nothing compared to that time she had to seduce Lord. They grab some drinks to fit in. They go unnoticed enough.

"Who are all these people?" Alex asked.

"National City's wealthiest. I see the head of a bank. Couple hedge fund managers. And a city councilman."

"What are they all doing here?"

"We're about to find out."

There was a loud sound of lights being turned on. It guided their attention towards a familiar figure. _Oh hell, no._

"They came from beyond the stars, across the vastness of space. Light years. Parsecs. Infinite distance. And why? Did they come to invade? No. Or did they come in peace? Neither. They came to entertain," Roulette said.

Alex turned her head as Sinclair passed near their table. That ophidian. Fuck, she just might trade Maxwell in exchange of being rid of Sinclair. He's insufferable and egocentric. Sinclair was just evil. Alex could tell from the first time she met her.

Alex made the mistake of looking up. It was only for a second, but it was enough for Sinclair to capture her eyes. The ophidian-like woman smiled, pleased with her self. Alex would say Sinclair remembered her. Possibly everyone back in the hospital that day did too.

* * *

 

The operations failed, and Sinclair got away.

Kara was a bit upset with herself because of it, but two pots of potstickers later that problem was mostly solved. She would feel her shoulders and back for about an hour before she was fully healed, but there was no reason for her to stay at the DEO. Alex was doing paperwork - the double because " _she should've informed the DEO before going_ " - when she felt her mind slipping.

It started with Sinclair. She had already asked Winn to get everything he could about the woman, but he too had gone home and would only do it in the morning. Tired like she was, Alex mind slipped back into a familiar subject: Lena. The report was completely forgotten.

Alex never understood how Lena could ever date Sinclair. She accepted Jack, although she had acted like a dick to him during Thanksgiving, he was a good guy. She could grow to trust him with Lena and to bear the sight of them without tearing her eyes off. Not Sinclair. Alex wasn't sure if there was love at first sight, but Sinclair was the proof that hate at first sight existed.

Now, Sinclair was in National City. And Lena was in National City. Given how often were the news about L-Corp and its CEO, Alex doubted that Sinclair didn't know that Lena was there too. Fear ran through Alex's spine and next thing she knew she called Lena.

It felt good to be able to do that. Call Lena. No second thoughts. No need to worry about how Lena wouldn't answer her. Alex wasn't sure if she could take it again. That was what Vasquez and Lucy didn't understand. Some things were more important than Alex's feelings for Lena.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered. Alex looked at the clock. _One fucking a.m._

"Hey. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was this late. I'll let you go back asleep," Alex blurred out.

"No," Lena's voice rushed to say before Alex could hang up. "I actually should thank you. I fell asleep on the couch. If you hadn't awakened me I'm not sure if I would be able to get up for work tomorrow." Alex could almost detect the smile on her voice. "Is everything alright? Did something happen? Are you-" Lena started.

"No," Alex interrupted. "Everybody is okay, I just wanted to check on you."

"Are we really doing this again?" Lena asked. Alex relieved a breath. She still had to get used to their new dynamic. How horrible it was that she was used to the lies?

"I ran into your ex."

"Jack?"

"No," Alex frowns. "He was.... tolerable. I'm talking about the other one."

Lena silence gave away her thinking. When she spoke again she sounded surprised. "Veronica?" Alex hummed. "How did that happen? I didn't even know she was in town."

"Long story. I should probably let you sleep."

"Will you tell me tomorrow? Over lunch maybe?"

Alex smiled.

"I'd love that. Now you should shower. And go to bed."

"Is it bad if I skip shower? I can take one tomorrow. And it's not like I share a bed with someone. Or there have someone to take a shower with me."

Alex bit her lip to stop herself from offering.

"Al?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I still think you should take a bath. It could help you relax."

"That's what the wine I drank earlier was for."

"Good night, Lee."

"Night, Al."

* * *

 

Lena had just caught back from the TI floor. The answers she got were unsurprising. No records of Lionel ever touching the file Lena found or ordering it to be encrypted. Lena had her suspicions on who could it be. She just had to decide what to do first, and there wasn't an easier part.

Lena stopped on her heels as she entered her office. There was someone on her chair. Frowning, Lena wondered how she just noticed how Jess wasn't on her desk. Maybe she should've taken Alex's offer on having the DEO help with security, but she was a bit too prideful for that.

The chair turned to reveal Sinclair.

Lena almost laughed, and tension left her shoulder. She could deal with Sinclair.

"Did you miss me?" Veronica asked with that wicked smirk of hers. Lena tried not to take in the revealing dress she was wearing.

"Can't say I have."

"Careful, Luthor, you might hurt my feelings."

"I wasn't aware you had them." Veronica smiled. Lena walked closer to her desk. "I take you are here because of your run-in with Alex?"

"I never got why you were so hung up on her back then. I still don't. Do you still nurture that pathetic crush on your best friend's sister?"

"Are you here for any reason other than waste my time?" Lena asked.

It didn't please Veronica. She stood up and circled Lena's desk stopping right beside her. Veronica's breath touched Lena's arm, but Lena wasn't bothered by it. Veronica ran her fingers through Lena's hair tucking it behind her ear. Lena almost laughed at Sinclair's attempt at getting a reaction out of her.

"Let's catch up," Veronica said near her ear. Simultaneously she placed a card on Lena's desk.

Just like that Veronica was gone.

One minute later Jess entered Lena's office, completely out of breath. Once Lena calmed her down, Jess told her how two armed men made her get inside a closet. Jess asked if she should call the police. Lena shook her head, the last thing she needed was more bad media. Even last time someone tried to kill Lena, the Daily Planet accused her of playing the victim.

Instead, she just confirmed her lunch with Alex.

* * *

 

What was supposed to be lunch, turned out to be something between a late lunch and an early dinner. But Lena got pulled into a meeting. She sent a text to Alex saying she was going to be late. When Lena was finally done, she called Alex just to have the girl telling her she might be late. Lena decided to pay her a visit on the DEO.

"What's going on?" Lena asked. She had arrived at the exact moment Alex decided to punch the table. Alex was surprised for a few seconds, but it only lasted time of Lena reaching her and involving one of her arms around Alex's body. She felt Alex calming under her touch.

Looking around, Lena couldn't spot the Director anywhere, while Winn was staring at Lena and Alex dumbfounded. Other agents looked at Alex for orders.

"Lena is that you?" Kara asked over the speakers.

"Yes, she is here," Alex answered, softly leaving Lena's touch. She turned to Lena. "Veronica Sinclair, who also goes by Roulette has built an Alien fighting club, to entertain National City's elite. She's got J'onn, but she changed the club's location, and we have no idea on how to find it."

Lena searched her purse for a second before pulling out a card and handing it to Alex.

"Veronica came to see me, today. I was going to tell you later, but I think now it's a better time. She left me that card."

Alex read out the address to Kara, and the superhero flew almost breaking the sound barrier. A minute later Supergirl confirmed they were there. Alex walked towards Lena, and took Lena's face in her hands, giving her a devoted kiss to the cheek. Lena felt a bit disappointed for the place of the kiss, but her heart accelerated either way.

"You just might have saved them all!" Alex said with a 220V smile and ran off.

"Where are you going?" Lena asked.

"Supergirl may need back up!" She shouted back. "Winn, call NCPD, they have jurisdiction on this! Gomez, Stevenson, with me!"

As Alex left, half of the room was frowning. Lena watched through the Cameras in the DEO's suit. She could Alex in some of them. She could see some reckless driving in another. Winn approached her.

"So... How did you do it?" Winn asked. "Do you have a trick or something?"

"What?"

"That thing with Agent Grumpy? The one where she was all Murdery one second then she looked like Teddy Bear?"

Lena shrugged. "I don't know. She's always been like that when she's with me." Lena tried not to feel too pleased about that. It was no secret Alex had a soft spot for her. She had heard from Lex all through her childhood, and then from Kara when she arrived.

For a while, she thought she lost it. She was glad to know she hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!   
> Working on next chapter and I feel that I should let you know that we're soon coming to an end (still got about 5 chapters to go, but heads up!)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say about this chapter just that I miss Sam...  
> Enjoy!

The next morning, Lena woke up with a familiar body next to her.

The night before Lena felt tired due to the whole Veronica matter. She was glad the DEO handled it. Lena poured a glass of wine to calm down her nerves so she could relax. She couldn't believe Veronica had built an alien fight-club. Actually, she could. Lena remembered the bloody knuckles and broken teeth from the girls back in school. She never understood Veronica's fixation with fighting, with making people fight each other.

Lena schedule a meeting with a Security Company the next day. After Veronica's visit at L-Corp and having to calm Jess down for thirty minutes, Lena couldn't ignore the security issue anymore.

As Lena turned, fitting herself against the body next to her. She wasn't worried about a thing in the world. Warm and comfortable, she took some minutes to realize that she wasn't used to waking up with a body next to her. Lena blinked as her brain started functioning again.

After Sinclair's arrest, Lena told Winn she was going home. She took a shower and was halfway through her glass of wine when her phone rang. She was drained enough that she considered ignoring it. She did ignore it for a minute before she remembered that only five people had her number, and Kara and Sam who texted her regularly, rarely would text her so late.

On the screen, she saw Alex's name _: 'Are you up?'_

_'Yes_ ,' Lena answered.

_'Want some dinner?'_

_'Only if you bring it over.'_

Lena wasn't truly hungry. Most nights she forgot about dinner. She just hadn't developed the skills to say no to Alex, yet. That wouldn't be the first lie she told to be around Alex. And lies seemed to be a thing between them too.

Minutes past without an answer.

Lena had been doing a lot of thinking about Alex. Every time they interacted, Lena just got more confused about it. Although what she had told Sam and Kara, Lena was worried about being close to Alex again back in National City. She wondered if they would become strangers again and she hated that idea. She wished they could go back to what they were before Lena's feelings got in the way - they could never quite name it. That wasn't happening either. In a matter of weeks, they went from hardly being able to stand in the same room with each other to texting daily and eating together several times a week. That day back in the diner made it clear. And Alex never corrected her.

The hotel phone rang shaking away her thoughts. Lena answered it.

"Miss Luthor, there is an Alex Danvers here for you." Lena's lips formed a smile. She told them to send her up. In a few minutes, there was a knock on the door. Alex was standing just outside it, back in her civilian clothes and holding a package of Chinese food in one hand and her helmet on the other. Lena had to find the time to cook again. Differently, from the Danvers' girls, she couldn't afford to eat that much junk food.

"Miss Luthor," Alex said in a playful voice. Lena felt her cheeks heating up. "Hungry?"

Lena held the door open so Alex would come inside. Alex put the food and her helmet on the table. She looked around the place as Lena opened the package.

"Sometimes I forget how rich you and Lex are. Mostly you. Lex is too extravagant for me to forget about it. Do you remember that birthday in which he tried to get a shark into the pool?"

Lena laughed. "Thank God for those environmentalists. I love Lex, but he can be too much at times. I can't imagine how worse could he be if he didn't have you." Alex looked up with a soft look. The kind of look she got whenever Kara complimented her in front of someone and Alex didn't want to admit Kara was right.

"Lex is like a brother to me. And don't ever tell him this, but I need him just as much."

"How is he by the way? He told he'd be away. Didn't want to tell me where to, only that you knew. Should I be worried about something?"

"No. I talked to Lex yesterday. He is good. Trust me." The air felt heavier around the room. Alex was the first one to look away tucking her hands into her pockets. "Any chance this fancy place has Netflix?"

"As long as we don't watch one of those scientifically inaccurate movies of yours, I'm sure we can come up with something," Lena teased. She walked towards Alex standing inches from her and passing Alex her box of food. The Agent smiled.

"Oh yeah, because Doctor Who is so accurate," Alex smirked. (Lena missed that smirked. Lena gave a slap on the side of Alex's hips.

"It's a classic."

They settled on the couch watching a science documentary and eating. Lena and Alex started on opposite ends of the couch. However as the documentary went on, whenever one of them made a comment or voiced an opinion they seemed to get closer and closer, until finally meeting in the middle. They blush when they realize it. Alex makes a move to pull away, but Lena stops her throwing her legs over Alex's lap.

Alex's looked at Lena who just turned back to the TV pretending nothing happened. Alex followed her lead.

Alex's hesitancy was what puzzled Lena the most. It was a mix of pushing and pulling as if she couldn't make up her mind. It reminded Lena of the period between the first time she kissed Alex and Alex doing something about it. That wasn't the Alex that Lena grew up with - surfer Alex, the one with a cocky smirk and the perfect lines -, the one Lena fell in love. Lena hadn't connected the dots, but now it was suddenly clear: Alex was afraid. She was trying to run from her fears.

Alex caught her staring. Lena hadn't been subtle about it.

"Um- I should go. It's late," Alex started, but Lena didn't move as she was sure Alex hoped she would. Lena was done playing that game.

"How about we talk why you are here?" Alex looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She ran her fingers through her hair. Lena waited.

"Sinclair got away." Alex's shoulders fell as if taking weight out of it.

Lena wasn't expecting that. "What? How?"

"She's got friends on high places." That sounded like Veronica. "I thought you should know. I was-" Alex wetted her lips and looked away. "I was worried that she'd come here. I was so stupid. When she saw me-" Alex ran out of words looking at Lena.

Lena let the silence settle for long enough to Alex calm down. She had taken the agent's hand, and Lena started stroking it softly with her thumb. Lena moved closer, practically sitting on Alex's lap. Alex seemed to relax, and Lena rested her head on her hand tilting it as she looked at Alex.

"Well, I can handle Veronica." Alex's eyes averted from Lena's. Lena smiled. Protective Alex was too cute to resist. "But maybe you could spend the night." Surprised, Alex turned back to Lena. Lena didn't give her time to form a denial. "It would soothe my worried and make me sleep better. And you said it yourself: it's late. You shouldn't be driving home at this time."

It was selfish of Lena. So awfully selfish.

She just wanted to be close to Alex. Actually, no, that was a lie. Lena wanted many things - to be close to Alex was just one of them. The excuse was mainly for Alex.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Alex said.

Lena smiled. Lena's free hand went to Alex's hair, and she ran her fingers through it. She wasn't sure if she imagined it, but Alex's chest rose and fell abruptly. Lena's gaze was elsewhere. More specifically on her lips. Once upon a time she had been able to bribe Alex with kisses. She thought about seeing if that still worked. Lena wet her lips at the thought. Instead of doing it, Lena decided to play safer.

"I'd really like if you stayed, Al."

Alex was visibly out of breath upon hearing her nickname. Lena bit her lip guiltlessly.

Alex nodded. Of course, she nodded.

Lena got up from the couch still holding Alex's hand. The older girl followed silently. Lena guided them through the hotel room and to the bedroom. She left Alex by the door, and the agent showed herself to be incapable of moving without Lena's guidance. Lena made her way to the wardrobe trying to find some piece Alex would be comfortable wearing. She doubted Alex would like Lena's nightdress. She stopped for a moment over Alex's University Hoodie, but it would be too hot for Alex to wear it (and Lena wouldn't take the risk of Alex stealing it back).

Lena three an old N'Sycn shirt at Alex. The Agent caught it in the air.

"Really?" Alex asked holding the t-shirt against her chest.

"You could always sleep without a shirt," Lena smirked, and Alex looked away.

Lena was distracted imagining the feeling of Alex's bare skin against her she didn't see Alex making her way to the bathroom. When Alex came back, Lena was already sitting on the bed. She was going over some things on her phone and fighting to keep her eyes open. She felt exhausted. Alex slipped beside her and turned off the light at her side. Lena blocked the phone and followed Alex's movement, turning off the remaining light.

They were immersed in the darkness.

On a bed.

In the darkness.

Lena felt her heart speeding up. She felt silly. She had been in this exact position with Kara, Lucy, and even Sam, but of course with Alex was different.

"Lee?" Alex's voice sounded. Lena turned her head to Alex. "I'm really glad you're here."

"I'm glad too," Lena answered trying to keep her voice from shaking. Lena felt Alex's finger lightly brushing on her arm. She let out a whimper. She looked into Alex's eyes. She hadn't realized how close she was to Alex.

"I missed you," Alex said. As Alex's finger brushed on the backside of Lena's hand, Lena took Alex's hand and intertwined their fingers, moving even closer. She could kiss Alex at that moment. Even more tempting than before. The darkness was good at keeping secrets. Just one kiss. She knew it wouldn't be a problem. Except that she didn't want just want a kiss. She wanted all of them. And how torturous would it be to have barely a taste of Alex, just to never have it never again.

" _Al_ ," Lena's voice sounded unsure. Her other hand went for Alex's face, tracing the lines in her face delicately.

She did nothing. The darkness and the silence embraced them.

It might have been minutes or hours, and Lena wasn't sure if Alex was asleep or awake when the older girl put her arms around Lena and pushed her body against her. Lena's body was familiar with her touch and turned, so her backs were against Alex's front.

They fit.

And Lena felt safe.

_Safe._

Because although everything they had been through, although mixed feelings and confusing emotions, Alex was safe. She made Lena feel safe.

And safe in Alex's arms, Lena drifted to sleep.

And that was how Lena woke up in Alex's arms. As she remembered the previous night, she allowed herself to enjoy the holding a bit longer, a though she knew it wouldn't last.

Her wake up call came from her phone. Her work phone. There was a crisis with one of their subsidiaries in Spain. Lena slipped away as reality called her back. Only then Alex started to wake up, but they barely had time to exchange a 'good morning' before Lena was out of the door claiming there was an emergency at work.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to face the awkwardness of that morning, so the crisis was welcomed - until Lena had to deal with it.

* * *

 

Lena's morning was busy. Too busy.

Lena was around the tenth phone call when Jess appeared by the door. She was glad to have an excuse to finish the call. Her day was far from over.

Jess entered the office holding a cup of coffee from the coffee a dozen floors down. Lena grabbed onto it as if it was the first cup of water she'd seen after being in the desert for days. She had to remember to buy an espresso machine for her office.

"Thank you," Lena said after taking a drink of it. She even tasted a bit of cinnamon - but there was no way Jess knew about her love for cinnamon, was there?

"You look like me on my final's week. But it wasn't me. Miss Danvers brought it," Jess said. It was when Lena noticed the post-it attached to it. _Thank you for last night_. Lena smiled. "She just left. I asked if she wanted to come in, but she said that you were probably too busy for her. I think you can still catch her if you hurry."

For a moment Lena did think about doing it.

Alex was always the one for small gestures - she'd let the extravagant ones for Kara - but Lena couldn't express how much those meant for her. Maybe it was one of the reasons that Lena fell for Alex (other than the simple fact that she was Alex). Her little gifts always made Lena feel like the most important girl in the world when she was a kid.

Oh, how she missed her childhood. She even missed her stupid jealousy. Even now, Alex's thoughtful gestures made her chest feel warm.

Lena looked up to find Jess staring expectantly. Given Alex's note, she could imagine what was going through Jess' head. Lena almost had to hold a laugh.

"Alex and I- We are complicated," Lena told Jess, after taking another sip of her coffee. She'd like to create a friendly work ambient where Jess would feel comfortable sharing. Therefore, she should only share too. "We were strained for some time, and we are still figuring out where we stand with each other.

"You like her," Jess stated. Maybe it was stamped on Lena's face.

Lena smiled guiltily. "Alex always had an easy way into my heart. But she has broken it once, and I rather be careful when it comes to her."

"Miss Luthor-" Lena was about to open her mouth, but Jess corrected herself. "Lena, what is it that you want?"

"What?" she asked confused.

"You say she has broken your heart. I don't know much, but I'd guess she's trying to make amends. And you clearly have a soft spot for her-" Jess stopped. "I had this roommate in college and she dated this awful guy. He was nice and romantic, but he cheated on her. They broke up, and after some time he came around again, and they started to become friends, but they still acted like they were together. It reached a point in which I had to ask her: what did she want? Did she want to be friends with him or did she want to be with him?"

Lena heard and she understood Jess intention with the story. The phone started ringing startling them both. Jess gave Lena a smile. Jess turned to go back to her desk.

"Jess," Lena called her back. "Thank you."

The girl nodded acknowledging it. Lena answered the ringing phone.

* * *

 

By the end of the week, Lena asked to get her private jet ready. Spain crisis was mostly contained during the week. With the trip, Lena was not only hoping to resolve the Alex situation, but also relax because it had a stressful week. And she missed Sam- Rao, how she missed Sam.

Unable to separate her fears from what she wanted, Lena knew she needed a friend's help. She felt a tiny bit of guilt for sidelining Kara on this: she was a great friend (her best friend) just like Sam, but after her breakup with Alex, Lena understood the older Danvers' desire to keep their involvement a secret from their siblings. While the break up didn't affect Kara and Lena, it was clear that it affected the Danvers Sisters' relationship. Lena didn't want to cause it any more harm.

She didn't have that problem with Sam. In some ways, Sam was solely Lena's. And thinking about it, Samantha was the best person for the job: her objectiveness always impressed Lena. Even after the breakup, while she was recomforting Lena, Sam never attacked Alex (she did call Alex an idiot, but so many people called Alex an idiot that Lena was pretty sure it was a character trait of Alex). The only person Lena ever heard Sam verbally attacking was her ex - Ruby's father - and Lena would guess he deserved it.

Lena remembered to let Sam know she was coming one day before leaving. The Luthors always tended to show up unannounced - and sometimes to disappear without a warning.

Lena told Alex too.

Whispers around L-Corp had been calling Alex " _Lena's personal delivery girl_." If the gossip around the gossip got out of hand, Lena would have to schedule a lecture on gossip in the workplace. Those rumors were based on how often Alex would come by. Sometimes she'd come with lunch, other times with coffee. The most scandalous yet was when Alex came by to return Lena's N'Sync shirt.

Since Alex cames by so often, Lena thought it was best to warn her she would be out of the city for a couple of days. (Kara had also asked her to do it - apparently, she had forgotten to tell Alex about Jack on Thanksgiving and about Lena moving to National City, and she didn't want to have Alex mad at her again).

"Oh, okay," Alex said over the phone after Lena told her. "Text me when you board and when you land."

Lena did. She used to do it when they were dating. When Lena erased that fateful message, Lena's only regret was not having saved the rest of their conversation. Now her conversations and her relationship with Alex reminded her a lot of when they were dating. Maybe the only difference was that there was no kissing. Or sex. And that reminded her of what Jess said to her.

The plane took off, and Alex sent her a text back.

_'Miss you already.'_

Lena smiled.

Lena distracted herself with work during the flight. She didn't have the luxury of slacking off. She didn't notice time passing by, the next thing she knew they were landing (and she sent Alex a text). Sam and Ruby were already waiting for her. They insisted on picking her up - and Sam made Lena cancel her Hotel reservation because "How dare you suggest something like that! You're staying with me."

Ruby came running towards Lena, almost knocking them to the ground as she hugged Lena's waist. Lena wrapped her arms around the little girl. It had been too long since she'd seen them. Facetime and Skype weren't the same as being with them in person.

"Can I participate?" Sam asked joining into the hug. Ruby was purposefully being pressed between them. The little girl complained and squeezed her way out of the hug. They laughed. Sam too Lena's bag putting it in the car. Ruby strapped in the backseat, while Sam and Lena settled on the front seat. Sam put on her sunglasses, and Ruby mimicked her mother. Lena missed those dorks.

"Any plans for today?" Sam asked Lena.

"Nope. I'm a hundred percent under your care." Lena caught Ruby and Sam exchange a look. Something told her they had everything planned out already.

* * *

 

They start with lunch because it was almost midday and Ruby was hungry (when is she not? Sam asked getting a hey from her daughter). Ruby talked all the way there, and she continued talking when they got there. She reminded Lena of Kara, which made Lena snap a selfie of the three of them after lunch and send it to the blond. Kara answered with what looked like random emojis but Sam appeared to understand and replied to Kara (also using emoji). Lena stopped understanding their conversation from that point on.

"What does that mean?" Lenas asked staring at Kara's latest text.

"She's saying I have to go to National City so she can 'prove' to me that they have the best donuts. And she's saying she misses Ruby." Lena frowned.

"What does the penguin means?" Sam never answered her.

The took Lena to the zoo next. (Lena skipped the ophidian section). Ruby knew the place back and forth, and could easily guide them through it with her eyes closed. Lena mentioned how back in National City the zoo had an otter that looked like Alex (she had seen it, and the rumors were indeed true. Lucy was still trying to convince the place to rename the otter after Alex).

It was around four when Sam told them they had to go. She drove them to Ruby's soccer practice. Lena watched the practice fearing she might suffer an overdose of cuteness. By the end of it, half of her phone's memory was filled with photos and videos of Ruby.

(Lena also watched Sam while Sam was watching Ruby. She had never seen her friend quite so happy and at peace).

When they arrived at the Arias' home, Lena expected Ruby to pass out due to exhaustion, but the girl just seemed more energetic. She told everything about her team. There wasn't a minute of silence with Rub around. Silence only came when Sam sent Ruby to take a shower because she was covered with so much dirt it was impossible to tell where her skin ended and the earth began. Sam started making dinner as Ruby showered and there was silence, although Lena could hear Ruby singing at a distance. She sang fairly well.

"I have no idea who she got it from," Sam said while listening to her daughter.

Lena helped with dinner as much as Sam allowed. Ruby got out of the shower in time to help Lena set the table. During the dinner impressively Sam and Lena manage to talk. Ruby energy seemed to be washed away along with the dirt. Noticing it, Lena turned to Sam who just blinked at her. Once they were done eating, they put the dishes away and watched TV for about half an hour before Ruby passed out.

Sam softly awoke Ruby to guide the kid to bed. Lena got a half-asleep hug before Sam and Ruby disappeared into the girl's bedroom. Lena used the time alone to check her phone. She barely touched it during the day (except to reply to Kara). There were a couple updates about L-Corp that she quickly overlooked. Her attention went to text Alex had sent her.

A little Superbird told me you're having fun. I'm glad. Goodnight. I still miss you.

The text itself wasn't much, but the fact that there was a text meant a lot.

Suddenly there was a glass of wine in her hand. Lena looked at Sam who sat next to her with a glass of Bourbon in hand.

"I'm curious," Sam said. "Why are you here?"

"Can't I just miss my friend?" By Sam's face, the answer was no. Lena took a sip of wine. She was going to need it if they were going to have that conversation. She imagined it was why Sam gave her the glass in the first place. "I'm feeling confused about something."

"Does it have to do with a certain girl with a nice ass, whose sister's name is Kara?" Lena's jaw fell. Sam laughed. "C'mon Lena. We've been friends for years now, that smile can only be about one person, and it's not me. It's been a while since I've seen it. I kind of missed it." Lena blushed. She hadn't noticed her smile before. "What are you confused about?"

"What do I want for us."

"What are the options?"

"We could be friends. Try to go back to- I don't know, when I was fifteen, maybe?" Sam crunched her face. "Yeah, know. Maybe we could try it. Again. See if it works. But at the same time, why would it be any different than before?"

"You're different. She's different. It's been, like, almost five years. You two are not the same person you were back then. You have," Sam said pointing at Lena. "You are both older now. Do you want to try again?" Lena bit her lip. She took one pillow from her backs to hug it, looking at her friend with puppy eyes. She didn't know. Of course, she didn't know, Sam thought. She hadn't imagined it would be easy. "Are you still in love with her?" Lena nodded. "Is it like before?"

Lena shook her head. "It's different. Not more, or less. Just different." And now Sam was confused too. "I don't think there will be a day I'm not in love with her, Sam. That doesn't have to mean anything. Mother always expressed how foolish she thought love was. I never considered it before Alex, but the way she hurt me. It's made me wonder."

"You are scared. You are scared she's going to hurt you again. Does she want to try again?"

"I haven't talked to her about it. There is more, Sam."

"What do you mean?"

"What if all those years ago Alex never meant to hurt me?"

"Given the way she looked at you, I don't think she meant to-"

"No," Lena interrupted her. "That's not what I mean. I know how this sounds like a conspiracy theory, okay? Just hear me out."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! How you're doing?
> 
> Let's get to the chapter, shall we? But first knowing the overall opinion on Mon-El I will warn you he appears in this one BUT I advise you to still read the part in which he appears because 1) I made him a basically decent human being, therefore he's not s2 Mon-El; 2) We get an outsider vision of AgentCorp; 3) and just to emphasis, no karamel.
> 
> Also, do you remember I promised jealousy?

Lena was back in National City in time to catch with the newest criminal gang that made its way to the news. They had alien's weapons. When Winn told her it could've actually hurt Supergirl, Lena started looking into the technology. (Not that she was worried, she had a 100% confidence in Kara, but it wouldn't hurt to help - plus she had more resources at L-Corp than they had at the DEO).

The gala fundraiser seemed like the perfect event to test the machine. Maybe test other things too.

Her talk with Sam had been enlightening. And like her mother always said: when a Luthor know what they want, they get it. (Some of Lillian's advice were good after all).

She was having lunch with the Danvers sisters. She'd arrived the previous morning, and Kara dropped by in the evening, and she went to check on her at CatCo after the attack, but she hadn't had time to see the older Danvers yet.

And then the second attack happened.

* * *

 

"How is it going with the decrypting, Vas?" Alex asked through the coms as they gathered evidence (with gloves, and equipment, and following protocol, so she didn't have to hear Maggie teasing her about it again). The previous recording was erased from the DEO's system after a hacker attack - which Alex doubted was a coincidence. Thanks to Cadmus they had a new file to work on.

Alex couldn't explain why the recording's voice bothered her so much.

"It's halfway done," Vasquez told her. "Hey, don't worry. We'll catch those guys."

Alex wished she was as sure as Vasquez. Maybe that was why Vasquez said that in the first place. She might have overreacted when she heard they lost the first recording which justified Vasquez' worries.

Alex spot Sawyer around the crime scene. Alex might have never been dumped, but she experienced a broken heart to know what it was like.

"You know, they didn't teach me one thing about anti-gravity guns at the academy," Maggie said to her.

"We're analyzing thermal residue to look for any electromagnetic component to these weapons -so that we can create a countermeasure."

"Nerd," Maggie scoffed.

Alex smiled because she got a type. She got a type of friend because she can picture Lex saying the same thing (although he was way nerdier than her and probably would have a more intelligent idea if he was around). And then there was Lucy - who Alex still struggled at calling her a friend, - who was likely to say something like: 'do you even know what you're saying or did you just decorated a bunch of nerdy words and put it in a sentence?'

"How are you feeling? Any better?"

"Now I just feel like I got kicked in the gut instead of the face."

"Well, after you file your report, do you want to go do something? There's a great pinball bar that I know. Or that Food Channel guy's new tapas place opened."

"I don't really feel like I'm up to it."

"Hey, look. I get it. Heartbreak feels like a bitch. But from my experience, it's better with friends around. Or else-" Alex stopped before things would get dark.

"Damn, who broke your heart, Danvers?"

"Myself, I guess." Her phone rang. It was Kara, reminding her of lunch with Lena and telling her to bring donuts. Don't ask, she wrote afterward. Alex smiled. Something told her the Daxamite puppy Kara adopted was giving the Kryptonian a headache.

"I guess that's not work," Maggie said reminding her of her presence.

"I friend was out of town for a few days, and now she's back I have lunch with her." Alex couldn't contain her excitement.

"A friend?" Maggie teased. "Is that a crush I'm seeing?"

"No, I'm not-"

"Into girls?"

"No, that I am. I just mean I don't have a crush on Lena. She's just a friend," Alex lied. And given Maggie's laugh, she doubted she was able to convince her.

* * *

 

It was a small eternity until lunch, but it was worth it when she saw Lena again as she entered Kara's apartment. She was beautiful. And Alex missed her (as if that wasn't clear with the five texts she sent Lena saying it). Alex's brain short-circuits for a moment just watching Lena making her way inside and stopping at the sight of Alex. Lena smiled.

"Alex. I missed you."

And it was Alex who reached for a hug. And it was a too-long-hug, but neither of them cared. Alex hugged Lena's waist appreciating the feeling of having her in her arms. She missed it.

Kara wasn't bothered by it either. If she didn't it would disturb those two idiots, she'd get popcorn to watch as they danced around each other.

"Shall we have lunch?" Alex asked once she pulled away.

"Yes," Kara answered for them.

"Before we go. I need to ask you something," Lena said. Her hand resting on Alex's forearm and by the look Alex was giving Lena, Kara was pretty sure she completely forgot anything else existed in the world.

"Anything," Alex assured her.

"Well, I went to talk earlier, but I wasn't sure if I should say anything with Mike of the Interns around," Lena said in a mocking voice. "I know that Kara will be on the gala, but I kind of need Supergirl to be there too."

"Of course," Kara said. Lena turned to Alex.

"And I was hoping you'd be my date." There is a fraction of a shock on Alex's face, but Lena interrupted it before it could evolve. "I mean, with these bad guy with guns around National City, it wouldn't hurt to have a handsome DEO Agent by my side, during the gala, would it?"

"Um- Yeah. Sure. Of Course. I'd. Yes."

Kara watching the scene was practically jumping. She'd talk Alex out of her freaking out later. Lena had played it well, whatever her intentions were.

* * *

 

They all agreed to meet at Kara's (who even with her superspeed was the last one to get ready). Alex settled for a suit, after trying three different dresses Kara borrowed from CatCo. She felt more comfortable in it. Kara refused to allow her to take a gun with her.

"What if something happens?" Alex argued. "Those aliens' weapons are still out there."

"Supergirl will be there. I can handle it," Kara said, and Alex ended up giving it.

Lena arrived in a suit-like dress that had Alex drooling.

"Shall we go?" Lena asked at the door. Kara nod.

There was a limo waiting for them - and Alex wasn't surprised. The driver made a movement to open the door for them, but Alex was faster than him and allowed Lena and Kara inside. Lena lingered at the door before entering the vehicle to thank Alex with a kiss on the cheek.

They arrived in less than five minutes. Winn was there waiting for Kara, as her pair for the red carpet (Lena and Alex did say she could enter with them, but she refused).

Alex kept Lena's company as she went around the place, welcoming her guests and making small talk and business talk with acquaintances. Alex fell into the role naturally, as she remembered how to do it back when she was still in the closet and fake dating Lex. Given she was there with Lena, she'd say it was an upgrade.

Supergirl drops in (almost literally) wearing her serious face to make sure if anyone would anything that they knew Supergirl was around.

After that, there were only another half-dozen hands that Alex had to shake before they get a break. Alex got them two glasses of champagne so they could enjoy their break.

"This is amazing," Alex told her.

"Thank you. I'm proud of it."

They stayed in silence for what seems like an eternity but probably had been only about five to ten minutes. Alex was the first one to speak.

"You look beautiful, by the way. I was going to tell you, but-"

"You were busy drooling?" Lena provoked. Alex's eyes bulged, and her mouth was hanging open without knowing what to say. "You look handsome as well." And they went back to silence.

"Why is it so awkward between us?" Lena asked. Alex could think of a reason or two. Lena waited for no answer, she took the half-empty champagne's glass from Alex and put it on some random table leading her to where people were dancing. "Let's dance."

Alex smiled at Lena's energy and twirled with Lena until the CEO was giggling in her arms. Alex was half aware of the eyes watching them however, her attention was refocused as Lena's hands ended up behind her neck, and they fell into a dance in synch with the song that filled the place. She couldn't remember the last time she was that close to Lena.

She was beautiful.

Alex almost repeated it.

She said something worse though.

"Why did you ask me to be your date?" Alex asked. She looked up to meet Lena's eyes.

“Because I don't believe you wanted to break up with me four years ago." Alex sucked a breath in. "Tell me I'm wrong."

"It doesn't matter," Alex told her. "What do you want me to say, Lee?" Alex sounded tired. "Every time I go out and try to meet somebody new before I can even think about if I like them or not, my mind keeps telling me that they're not you. And being friends with you- it's a whole new kind of torture that I created. And I'm sorry, I can't stop looking at you like you're my whole world, because you are. And while it hurts to be friends with you if that's all I can be, then I take it."

"Why did you break up with me?" Lena's calmness startled Alex.

"Because it was the right thing to do," Alex told her (she hated the taste of Lillian's words in her mouth).

"The right thing for who?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out," Alex said to herself.

“You’re afraid,” Lena stated suddenly. It caught Alex off guard again.

“Terribly.”

“I used to be afraid. I was always afraid of you telling me you didn’t feel the same.”

"I've been head over heels in love with you since that kiss. If we are being honest, I've been in love with you even before that kiss." This time Lena was the one surprised. "I think I started realizing back when I first met Sinclair. I almost punched her in the middle of that hospital. I hated her. I still do. But if I'm being honest, I think it first started back when I was dating Vasquez. Vasquez thought it was cute the crush I had on you."

"You had a crush on me?" Lena asked with a smile. "That's cute," Alex smiled blushing a bit. She twirled them again, and Lena laughed louder. Alex was more aware of Lena's hand on the back of her neck, Lena's nails danced over Alex's skin. "I had a crush on you too," Lena told her.

"Really?" Alex joked. "I couldn't tell."

* * *

 

Kara was making the third potsticker fit in her mouth when somebody stumbled into her (all potstickers were saved, thank Rao!).

"I'm sorry," they said grasping onto Kara's elbow to balance both of them. That was when Kara realized it was Mon-El. "Oh, it's you." He sounded equally displeased. Kara cleared her throat straightening her posture as they stood next to each other awkwardly.

"Mon-El," she said after swallowing the potstickers she was eating.

"Kara.

"That's a nice suit. Where did you get it?"

"Funny story," Mon-El started. Kara adjusted her glasses - she doubted it would be funny. "Eve gave me a square card that buys stuff. I went to Winn so he could show me how to use it because he knows stuff. But he told me I couldn't use it because 'it's wrong'," Mon-El air quoted. "He went to J'onn, and J'onn let me borrow this suit for the evening. I have to give it back tomorrow because it's DEO propriety." He laughed.

Kara let out a relieved sigh. She'd thank Winn later for keeping Mon-El in line, and she'd talk to Eve because she shouldn't act like that for a boy she just met that day.

"You clean you nice," Kara said with a bitter taste in her mouth. She didn't know how to not be nice.

"Thank you. You look nice too. Very sexy." Kara facepalmed. She couldn't believe she was responsible for this headache. "What?"

"That's not something you say to a girl or women."

"Winn said it means that I found you aesthetically pleasing. I thought it was complimentary."

"You and half of the world's male population. Look, Mon-El, I'll teach about feminism another day. Knowing Daxam, I should have started with that, but I'm actually on duty tonight."

"I don't think I need a lesson on the feminine form," Mon-El said.

He truly sounded confused, but it still irritated Kara. She just noticed how strong was her grip on her glass of champagne when it shattered on her hand. A waiter automatically came to her aid. She couldn't stop apologizing as she helped the man and Mon-El with the mess she made. When Kara rose again before she could excuse herself from Mon-El's company, an addition to the dancing couples caught her attention.

"Hey, is that Agent Danvers? With the lady who invited us to this party?" Mon-El asked. Kara nodded.

Alex and Lena were in the middle of the dance floor. One of Alex's hand was on the small of Lena's back, and the other rested on Lena's waist. Lena's hands met behind Alex's neck. They had this look of absolute adoration in their eyes. Kara noticed how one of Lena's hand slipped higher, tangling her fingers on Alex's hair. She was surprised at the normal pace of their heart, but that was explained a second later when she noticed their smiles.

They had forgotten about the world.

"How long have they've been together?" Mon-El asked. Kara almost forgot about him.

"They are not, and that's the biggest tragedy."

Alex twirled with Lena, and they fell into a laugh. Lena rested the side of her forehead against Alex'. She leaned in and whispered something close to Alex's ear causing Alex's smile to widen. They way they danced Kara had only seen twice before: with Lara and Jor-El, and with Eliza and Jeremiah.

Kara smiled at the scene. She envied Alex and Lena - and she meant it in the best way possible. She just wished they'd spend more time dancing with each other than around each other - if they did maybe they'd be together already.

An explosion made Kara jump to her feet, and a familiar face came to view. It was the blond guy with the alien' guns again. She turned to Mon-El.

"Don't do anything stupid!"

* * *

 

It took NCPD 5 minutes to get there after the guns were neutralized. Supergirl stayed to make sure wouldn't try anything funny.

Lena watched as Alex made her way around the place. She was giving Winn weird looks every now and then since he came out from under the stage with Lena. (He asked Lena to make sure Alex wouldn't kill him later). Meanwhile, Alex was checking on everyone to see if they were okay. She was the one who welcomed the NCPD and summed up the situation.

They took the gang away first and then started talking to people. That was when Supergirl decided it was time to go and Kara magically appeared. Most people had already been sent home, but Lena had gotten a rather annoying cop that was making the same question for the hundredth time.

She was annoyed. As she counted to ten in her head, something behind the cop caught her attention.

"Miss Luthor?" He called, but she didn't hear.

He followed her gaze to find Lena staring at Detective Sawyer talking to a redhead. He called her again, but Lena's attention was focused on Alex and the Detective.

Alex had her hands on her hips and that cocky smirk that Lena loved. The detective had her arms crossed, and she had a friendly smile on her lips. Lena watched as Maggie's eyes looked at Alex up and down, before saying something funny enough to break Alex out of her agent posture and into her dorkier version.

Lena felt like reality was checking up on her. She had been waisting way too much time with dances and "friendly" flirting. What the hell was that woman doing flirting with her Alex?

"Are we done here, officer?" Lena asked without a drop of patience to spare.

He took a deep breath. "Is there a way we can reach you, in case we have more questions?"

"Try the bigass building with my name on it."

Lena walked past the man, not waiting for permission to do so. Her eyes narrowed at her target. The detective now had her hand touching Alex's arm. Maggie stepped closer, adjusting Alex suit. A red-ish color seemed to take over Alex's cheek. Satisfied with Alex's reaction, Maggie showed her dimples in what Lena would describe as a thirsty smile.

If Lena had Kara's powers, her eyes would be glowing red at that moment.

Lena stopped next to Alex, gripping the agent's bicep. It was the end of Alex's conversation with Maggie.

"Will you take me home, Al?" Lena asked in an almost childish way. It was needier than Lena would've used in her right mind, however, it did the job. Alex turned to Lena, her mouth hanging half open and her eyes with a look of desire Lena hadn't seen in a while. She was completely hypnotized.

Lena gave the detective a nod before making her way to the car with Alex. Alex opened the door of the limo for Lena, who kissed her on the cheek as she had done before. Alex entered slipped in the car right after Lena. Lena tangled their hands together.

Lena could feel Alex stealing glances at her. Lena knew that look well.

"You should have told me what you were doing," Alex said eventually. Lena understood what she meant.

"I was only being cautious. I had no way of knowing they would show."

"But you hoped they would," Alex shot back right away. "That's why you asked Kara to show as Supergirl."

"Are you worried about me or mad at me, Al?" Lena asked as the car stopped.

"I can be both." Lena scoffed.

"Come," she said.

They were at Alex's place. Alex didn't question and instead lead Lena to her apartment.

Inside the apartment, Lena took off her heels listening as Alex locked the door. She had done a lot of thinking on how she'd do it, but it wasn’t happening like she imagined. Nothing ever did; it was a good thing she learned how to improvise. She watched Alex standing awkwardly by the door.

Lena's eyes found Alex's bookcase. She walked over there, her curiosity suffocating her. She found the one she was looking for and opened the book and went through the pages. Finally, she found what she was looking for. The folded paper, from four years before.

_‘I, Lena Luthor, am compromised to this relationship with Alex Danvers and will do you everything in my power to make it work. - Lee.'_

_'‘I, Alex Danvers, am compromised to this relationship with Lena Luthor and will do you everything in my power to make it work. - Al'_

She found Alex staring at her.

"Did you mean it?" Lena asked.

Alex silently nodded. "I still do."

And that's all Lena needed. She set the book down with the paper in the middle of it.

“Dance with me, Al,” Lena said walking closer to Alex. She untied Alex’s tie letting it fall to the ground. She gripped the fabric of Alex’s suit and remembered how Maggie adjusted it. She shook that thought away and smiled at Alex.

"There's no music," Alex told her. Lena smiled and took her phone out of her purse, and with a few clicks, a song started playing. Alex recognized the song and opened a smirk.

“I liked dancing with you tonight, Al,” Lena said stepping closer again.

Alex took off the suit off leaving it in the closest furniture she found. She walked back to Lena and embracing her so they could dance in the only way it was possible to dance to that song: slow and close together. Alex held Lena by the waist, while Lena gripped her by the shoulders. Lena rested the side of her forehead against Alex’s, and they moved together in the middle of Alex’s apartment with the song serving as background noise, but almost forgotten by both of them.

Being this close to Alex made Lena lose her breath. At the same time, she felt like she was breathing for the first time in her life.

“Rao, I miss you,” Alex said.

“I’m right here,” Lena told her, pulling away just enough to look into her eyes. There was a denial in them.

(Alex couldn’t explain that she didn’t miss Lena as in ‘you are physically too far away from me’. She missed Lena under her blankets, missed drawing out moans from her, making love to her. She missed having Lena and having her close was torture, as if someone was rubbing on her face the prize she didn’t win – she was no fool, she knew Lena was no prize).

Their faces were close. The realization dawned on them at the same time. Every little movement they appeared to shake the world around them. The moment was fragile, and Lena was sick of waiting. She knew what she wanted, after all.

She started leaning in. Her eyes checked with Alex’s halfway there and she found no denial before connecting their lips.

It was a peck. Barely a kiss, but it was enough to get Lena’s heart going crazy. Her hand slipped to Alex’s neck, in a different hold than the one she had at the party. She kissed Alex again, and as Lena was retracting her lips from Alex’s something pulled her into another kiss. Alex pulled her into another kiss. Her instincts were the ones that reacted and kissed against Alex.

They began another dance, one that fit no music, and no rhythm but their own.

Alex felt Lena’s tongue pressing against her lips. She opened them, and Lena’s tongue entered her mouth where it belonged. Alex moaned at the feeling. The sound made Lena pull away to check if it was real. Alex looked at her with desire in her eyes. A desire that had been denied for so long. They took seconds to melt into another kiss. When they broke away to breathe they stayed close. Lena thought about burying her head in Alex’s neck, taking in her scent, and having Alex hold her, but there was a shift in Alex’s posture. Lena realized it as Alex shook her head.

“We can’t do this,” Alex said.

Lena wasn’t hurt by those words. After four years, she finally understood what Alex was saying. It wasn’t hard to: she just had to read what was written not what she thought it was written.

Lena held her face her face close. Alex made no sign of pulling away. Lena kissed her again, and Alex reciprocated timidly, but just as loving. She started to pull away again after almost a full minute trading kisses.

There was a shock in Alex's eyes, and they scan Lena's face as if looking for something. "Say something," Lena pleaded. Alex's silence was too much torture.

"We can't, Lena." Alex sounded like a broken record.

"But you want to." Alex looked away.

Lena went to her phone again, stopped the music and turned it to Alex. A familiar video was playing. Kara's face in the video was just as clear as Alex remembering before flying off. Alex felt the air being pulled out of her lungs.

"Why do you have that?" Alex asked sounding mad, but mostly scared.

"I thought you would recognize it. I found in the L-Corp system. The file was password protected. At first, I tried my father's, then Lex, and then I tried my mother's." Alex blinked. Lena watched for her reaction. "You can imagine how puzzled I was when I found it, but what let me more curious was the date. Two days before you send me that text. I thought: what a coincidence, right? But it's not a coincidence, is it, Al?"

Lena put her phone down on the table and walked to Alex.

Lena put her hand on Alex's chest and started pushing until the back of Alex's leg hit the couch, and Alex sat down. Lena climbed up on her lap straddling her waist. Alex's heart was racing.

"What are you doing?” Alex asked.

“Making a point.” Lena pulled Alex into a kiss. A sweet, loving, long kiss. Alex’s hands go to her waist out of her reflex. Lena pulled away with their faces still close together. “Tell me your heart isn’t beating fast enough to jump out your ribcage.” Even with her eyes closed, Alex could feel Lena's gaze on her.

“No,” Alex said with the lie evident in her voice. “Not even a little. Not at all.” Lena smirked.

“Tell if I kiss you here…” she placed her lips under Alex’s ear, still gripping her neck “…You won’t feel a shiver running down your spine”.

Alex shook her head, but it was barely a shake as Lena’s lips make contact with her skin.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I'm in lo-“

“Don’t,” Alex pleaded with some serious pain in her voice. “Don’t say you're in love with me because-" she stopped. Her voice was shaking. "Because I just might say it back.”

And Lena’s heart skipped. Alex was looking at Lena's lips, and Lena was looking into Alex's eyes. Lena wasn’t expecting it.

Lena’s hands slipped into Alex’s short hair pulling them a little so she’d look at Lena. When she did, Lena caught her in a kiss. And hungrier kiss than the one they had before. Alex’s had her hands on Lena’s lower back now, gripping her closer and deepening the kiss.

They parted after what seemed like hours later and felt like seconds. They were breathless, resting their foreheads together so they could stay this close as they caught their breaths. Their lips hovering over each other.

“I love you,” Lena said into her lips, starting another kiss. "But I can't be the only fighting for this, Al. If you meant that-" Alex's eyes fell on the book Lena took from her bookshelf.

Lena caressed her cheek and left a kiss there. She was getting up when she felt the older girl griping on her wrist.

“I love you,” Alex said with her eyes shining. It was not easy for her to say that, so she repeated hoping that Lena would understand what she was trying to say with those words. “I love you,” she said it again, but it was not just an ‘I love you’.

It was her saying that she was being selfish at that moment. It was Alex forgetting about Lillian, Kara, or anything else that might have stopped her from being with Lena. It was Alex saying that no woman felt as right as Lena in her arms and that maybe that was the way it should be.

Deciding that words weren't enough, she pulled Lena into a kiss. It was the first that Alex initiated. Lena let go of a sigh mixed with a moan, just letting go of the weight she had been carrying on her chest. Alex growled like an animal free from its cage for the first time in a long time. She felt like she was tasting freedom for the first time, and maybe that was why she gripped Lena’s clothes so tight, maybe that was why her kisses were so hungry.

Lena put a hand on her chest and pulled away looking like a mess.

She smiled going for another kiss. Before Lena could connect their lips, Alex's phone rang.

Lena groaned.

"Don't answer it," she asked. Alex looked at the name on the screen.

"It's work," Alex said. "Let me just check if everything is okay." She put it on speakers. "Danvers."

"Hey, Alex!" It was Winn. "Vasquez just sent us the audio file decrypted-"

"You have to listen to it!" Kara interrupted.

Alex looked at Lena. "I'm here with Lena."

"She might want to hear it too," Kara said. This time the look they exchanged was different. "I'm playing it."

The recording started. " _You were warned. The alien invaders are dangerous. Their intentions, malicious. They possess power we cannot hope to match. And their technology, brought from other worlds, is falling into the wrong hands. We should not be opening our arms to them. We should be locking them up and taking their weapons away. You did not heed us, but you will heed the chaos that amnesty has brought. You will pay the price in fear and blood. And you will beg us to save you. We are Cadmus._ " Alex and Lena traded looks again - this time it was completely different.

Alex gulped.

"Is it me or does it sound like-"

"My mother," Lena completed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. It was mean to end it here and I truly don't know when I will update again. This chapter has been ready for almost a month and since then I haven't had time and/or inspiration for the next will, so I ask you to be patient. I will finish it. I got it all plan out but life is a bit chaotic right now and it won't get better until the end of August.
> 
> (Also, comments! I love them. I truly love them. They feed my inspiration and I try to answer all of them, unfortunately it might take a while given the same reason for the slow update.)
> 
> You guys are the greatest!
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	22. Chapter 22

Lena woke up with her bed lightly inclined sideways. The only light in the room came from the gap in the curtain. With it, she could see Alex sitting and apparently typing on her phone. Lena rolled on her back and sat up before crawling to Alex. She held Alex from behind, Lena’s hands surrounding Alex’s waist. Alex’s skin felt warm close Lena’s – she couldn’t be out of bed for long.

Alex did not flinch at her touch. Lena took it as a good sign.

“How long have you been up?” Lena asked. Alex raised her shoulders as an answer. It was too passive for Lena’s taste. Alex was focused on the phone and Lena fought the urge to see what it was about. “Are we okay?” Alex hummed in an answer. Lena moved to her side and rested her palm on Alex’s cheek. “Al, look at me.” That got Alex’s attention. She put her phone away and turned to Lena. “Are we okay?”

Alex smiled shyly and took the hand Lena was resting on her cheek. She kissed her palm before putting back to where it was and pulling Lena closer. She nodded.

“We are,” Alex said. “We are okay. I’m not letting this go anymore.” She finished putting her arms around Lena, who naturally embraced her back. Alex laid a kiss on her forehead. “I’m just worried about today. What time did you say your mother is arriving?”

“End of the afternoon. She couldn’t come sooner.” Alex’s phone rang with a text. And rang. And rang several more times. “Should I ask?”

“It’s Kara. She’s taking the whole Lillian situation worse than any of us.” Lena nodded moving away. “Where are you going?”

“Eat something. I can’t miss work just because my mother might be involved in a terrorist organization that is trying to kill my best friend.” Alex gave her a dry laugh and rose to her feet. Taking Lena’s hand before she was too far away.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked.

The implications were obvious, but Lena wasn’t sure she had the answer to that question. Until hours before she knew where she stood on that matter. She was mad at Lillian. Pissed. She thought about giving her the silent treatment, but that wouldn’t work on her mother. She thought about telling Lex, and everybody knew that Lillian just couldn’t have her favorite children being mad at her.

Now it was different. Her mother might have helped in taking lives, putting people in danger, trying to kill Kara. Lena didn’t know how to feel. She was in denial. So she would wait. Wait until she was sure because there surely had to be another explanation. Lillian wasn’t the greatest mother, but she wasn’t evil.

Alex seemed to understand it. She stepped closer to Lena, and the familiarity of Alex’s presence was possibly the only thing that allowed Lena to sleep that night, and at that moment it was a comfortable presence. It didn’t get rid of the building stress on her shoulders and neck, however, it gave Lena a brief relieve.

“It’s going to be okay,” Alex said.

Lena believed her. No more lies, they had agreed to it.

How good it felt to have Alex like that again. She was impressed at how well things had gone, everything considered. And they still had a lot to talk about. Where they stood, the pace they would take it… While part of Lena was ready to dive into it headfirst again, another part of her wondered if there was any doubt in Alex’s kisses.

There hadn’t been many of those too after the call from the DEO. It wasn’t what Lena needed. What she needed was firm ground to step on, and it was what Alex gave her. All the space and closeness she needed. And in the moments Lena would look at Alex and think about how in love she was with her, she was glad to be able to kiss her and mentally call Alex hers.

Alex phone rang again.

“You should talk to Kara,” Lena stated. Lena looked at the clock. She took a deep breath. “And I have to go to work.”

“Are you sure that’s the best idea? I’m sure L-Corp won’t go into bankruptcy if you miss a day of work.”

“If I stay here I will drive myself crazy. Work will keep me distracted. Thank you for the concern.” Alex’s phone rang. Again. “Go see Kara. She needs you. And you should tell her everything. This is about her too, and no lies don’t apply just to us.”

“Will you call me if you need anything?” Lena nods.

Alex rushed into her clothes. Lena didn’t have many options in Alex’s closet, although they were clothes of a similar size, Alex and Lena’s wardrobe were certainly different. Lena sent Jess a message asking if she could find Lena something to wear. She trusted Jess sense of fashion and the girl knew her size. And breakfast – Lena added before she could forget.

(Jess really deserved the raise Lena would be getting her.)

She texted her driver and, as she was getting into the car, her phone rang. Her mood improved greatly then.

Lex: _Coming home, sis._

* * *

 

Alex found Kara stress eating. Or just eating. It was truly indifferent to Kara. She was like a vacuum cleaner around food. Alex hoped there was something left because she had forgotten about breakfast when she left the apartment.

Alex had not been in the apartment for five minutes, and Kara had already changed clothes three times and eaten a toast and two waffles. She had to get her sister to calm down. (She low-key regretted not teaching Kara to calm the fuck down with a whistle when they were teenagers – Eliza caught her doing it and reminded that she had a sister, not a dog, as much as Kryptonians tend to act like puppies).

“Kara,” Alex tried. She sees some clothes flying to the other side of Kara’s bedroom. “Kara. Kara!” Kara hit her breaks looking at Alex as if she just realized she was there – and she had opened the door for her sister. “Slow down.”

Alex made her way to the table taking the last waffle before her sister would notice. Kara joined her half a minute later. She looked almost as lost as her first day at CatCo and that was not a memory Alex liked. (She had ten missed calls from Kara and over fifty text in which half of them Kara was rambling how she’d get fired on her first day.)

“How can you be so calm?” Kara asked.

“I’m not, but the real question is why are you so-” Alex made a vague move to Kara.

“Because it’s crazy, isn’t it? That recording. It can’t be Lillian. She’s Lena’s mother. Did you know she was the one who told me about the position of Cat’s assistant? There must be another explanation if it is her. Maybe they threatened her. That would make sense. She had no choice. And maybe they threatened so she couldn’t tell anyone.” Kara stopped her rambling for a moment. “Why do you have that face?”

Lena’s words repeated on her head. Alex reached for Kara’s hand. “Sit down. There’s something I need to tell you.” Kara did, her eyes focused on Alex. She knew it was serious.

She had never imagined she’d have to explain this to Kara. She did think about telling her sister after Lillian blackmailed her, but she wasn’t going to risk it.

“Do you remember how I broke up with Lena with no explanation?” Kara straightened herself. If she was a dog, Alex could clearly see her ears lifting up. Alex's gaze fell to her hands. She couldn’t do it with Kara’s puppy eyes. “There was actually an explanation. During Thanksgiving when Lena and I started seeing each other, you were not the first one to know. Lillian was. She read the note I left for Lena, and somehow she knew, and she asked me not to do it.”

“Why?”

“She came with this talk about how we were not good for each other because we loved each other or something like that. I didn’t listen to her and-” Alex smiled. “You remember how great those six months were. And then I came home to my apartment one day, and Lillian was there. She showed me a video, and she threatened me with it. It was an important video, and I couldn’t let her do it, and I complied.” Alex struggled with her words. She knew she agreed to tell Kara the truth, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t omit-

“It was a video of me, wasn’t it?”

Kara took off her glasses and put them on the table. This time it was her who took Alex’s hand.

“Back when Clark was around you said something- Something I couldn’t quite understand. I thought you were just angry and that it meant nothing but it keeps repeating over and over in my head.” Alex inhaled sharply ready to cut Kara off, but her sister continued in spite of her protests. “You said you gave up Lena for me. That’s what you meant, isn’t it? That Lillian…”

Kara looked down. She was struggling with that idea more than Lena. Maybe it was because she liked to believe the best in people.

Alex nodded.

Two big reveals in less than twenty-four hours. Alex had to remind herself it was not even lunchtime to keep herself from asking Kara to get her a drink. Plus they both had work, and if she was dealing with Lillian any time that day she needed to be clear headed.

“Does Lena…?” Kara started. Alex nodded again and couldn’t help but give a small smile. “Well, that looks like good news. We are certainly lacking them today.”

After the recording, Alex and Lena hadn’t talked much. They changed into lighter clothes and slipped into bed, none of them falling asleep for a while and quietly they started talking. Alex told Lena her side of the story, since the note she left at the Luthor’s. Then Lena told Alex how she figured everything out. She was truly guessing and hoping it was true. Alex never said she didn’t want to be with her, just that she couldn’t. And Lillian- Lena knew her mother. She knew how manipulation she could be. It still hurt to think she’d hurt Lena like that (and surprisingly it was Alex who came to Lillian’s defense. Although everything, she truly thought Lillian’s heart was in the right place, she was just wrong about everything else).

“First we are going to see what is going on with Lillian, then we will see if we can make this work. No more secrets, of any kind.”

“I’m happy for you,” Kara said truthfully. Positive. She had to stay positive. Lena’s mother couldn’t be an evil mastermind, could she?

* * *

 

“Damn. I’m jealous of this office. It almost makes me want to work.”

Lena took a moment to realize she had not imagined her brother’s voice. She looked up to see him standing by the door. She opened a big smile and stood up to greet him with a tight hug. Alex had called him last night. Told him to come home. No explanation though. They both agreed it was best not to break the ‘your mother might be involved in a terrorist organization’ news over the phone.

He looked… Thinner.

“Have you not been eating?” She asked him almost aggressively. He laughed, still looking around.

“I will admit I was a bit worried when Alex called. Do you know what it is about?”

“I think it’s better if I tell you later on the DEO.”

“So they told you, huh?” He crossed his arms leaning against her desk. Lena went to pour them some drinks. “Alex or Kara?”

“Both? And neither? They didn’t have much choice really. I don’t even have to ask you, do I?” She passed him a glass.

“Please, like Alex could hide anything from me.”

Lena blinked a couple of times and settled for taking a sip of his drink. She wondered which one of them would break the news to Lex about their relationship. Or what would be their relationship. They put that talk on hold until they handled the Lillian situation. They both had to be clear minded. Clearer than they were the first time when it all felt shiny and bright and they knew how that turned out.

“Working on anything new?” He asked. And she smiled. She missed Lex.

* * *

 

Lena was waiting at Kara’s apartment when she received Lillian’s text that she was landing. Lena had sent a driver to pick her up because never in her whole life Lillian came to welcome her after a long trip, and Lena wasn’t about to do the same for her. The longer she stayed without seeing Lillian, the better. She had too much to say to her, but she was afraid it might interfere with what they have planned.

Kara opened the door.

Alex had warned Lena that the younger Danvers was in a weird mood and that she had told Kara everything (as they had agreed on).

Alex called after lunch when Lex had gone to the DEO, and they used the time alone to talk. _Are we okay?_ Lena had asked that several times already, but putting her heart on the line again she needed to be sure. Alex would give a soft laugh and answer _We’re okay._

( _I’m sorry I keep asking the same thing_ , Lena said. Don’t be. _I’m glad to answer every single time,_ Alex answered.)

“Come in,” Kara said. She was wearing her paint-stained overalls, her hair was pulled up in a bun which meant had not only passed the stress eating phase, but she had entered the stress painting face.

“What happened?” Lena asked stepping inside. She took off her coat and left her bag by the door. Kara made her way back to the unfinished painting in the middle of the room. It looked… Abstract.

“Do you have one of those days when you feel like you woke up in an inverted dimension?”

“That specifically, I can’t say I have, but I’ve had bad days. Want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

“Not really. I just want things to make sense again. I mean- The recording. I couldn’t believe it. Did you know that Lillian was the first person who told me I could be a writer? Even before Cat, even before I thought seriously about it. I was in High School, and Eliza was going through one of my papers on a book we read at literature class and Lillian got a hold of it and told me I could be a great writer someday. Now you all saying that she’s working with a terrorist organization to kill me. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Neither does your painting,” Lena said pointing at it. “What was that supposed to be?”

“I was trying to remember the view from my room back in Argo, but I started thinking about everything and-” Kara made a dramatic gesture pointing at the ongoing painting. She sat down and her shoulders relaxed.

Lena sat down next to her; she hugged Kara and left a kiss on the top of her head. She felt like it was the only thing she could do.

Alex was right. Kara was freaking out more than all of them. Lena had been preparing herself to confront Lillian for some months now, although the reason had – in part – changed. Also, it didn’t help Kara’s need to see the best in people.

“I heard about you and Alex. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault,” Kara started taking Lena’s hands into hers. Lena shook her head.

“No, it’s not Kara. You couldn’t have known, and the situation was kind of fucked up for lack of a better term. If anyone is to blame for what happened is my mother. Hopefully, we’ll get some answers about it as well.” Lena stopped. “Do you think it will work this time, with Alex and I?”

Kara moved closer, running her hands through Lena’s back.

“Of course it will.” Kara looked around. “Wait here.”

Lena frowned, but she waited as Kara made her way to her room. She came back with a box. Lena remembered that box.

“I couldn’t throw it away, and I didn’t know what else to do with it, so I just kept it,” Kara said shrugging. She sat back, passing the box to Lena.

The youngest Luthor was flooded with memories. Each little thing inside was like short movies Lena was remembering. She held the bracelet had given her about a decade before. The Hitchhiker’s Guide was there too – she missed it during the years. The only yellow shirt Alex once owned and which Lena stole was there too. And digging her way through her things – or maybe Alex’s things, but certainly theirs at some point – Lena caught sight of the jacket underneath it all.

Carefully Lena pulled it out. Some of the clothes in there needed to be washed, but Alex’s jacket was just like Lena remembered. The only thing it missed was Alex’s smell. Lena would have to return it to Alex so she could steal it again.

Looking up, Kara was smiling at her.

Holding the jacket against her chest, Lena thanked her. Seconds later her phone rang. It was Alex asking when they would be there. Lillian had just arrived.

“Super express?” Kara asked.

* * *

 

They landed on the balcony and Lena was quickly reminded of why she avoided flying with Kara.

Lena could easily identify her mother in the middle of the agents. Lillian was looking around and, once she turned to where Supergirl had just landed, Lena saw amusement on Lillian's face. Lena felt Kara’s posture stiffen behind her.

“She won’t do you any harm,” Lena whispered to her. “I won’t let her.”

Not only Lena, but director J’onn had his eyes glued to Lillian too. Another two agents seemed to watch her every move as well. They weren’t taking chances. Lena was surprised enough that she wasn’t in cuffs and/or blindfolded.

She didn’t smile when she saw Lena. She almost looked disappointed.

“I should have known,” Lillian said.

“Mother,” Lena said with the same coldness as Lillian.

“Lena.”

Alex climbed down the stairs, and they all turned to her. She placed herself in front of Lena and Kara.

“Alexandra.” And if Lillian sounded disappointed with Lena, she spoke to Alex like she was the most disgraceful being of the universe. “I thought we had settled this before.” The treat wasn’t even hidden.

“Stop it, mother!” Lena said stepping between them. “I can’t believe you got the nerve to treat her in front of me after everything you’ve done.”

“You told her,” Lillian said to Alex.

Alex shook her head. “You should give your daughter more credit.”

J’onn cleared his throat. All the DEO was looking at them, including Lex from the bridge.

“Let’s take this to a more private place."

* * *

 

And that private place is DEO’s meeting room almost a full hour late

Lillian is sitting at one end of the table, her hands crossed on the table and she’s impatiently waiting. Kara was standing at the other end of the room. All the tries to get her to calm down and sit failed, and they all just given up on it. Lena was sitting the further away from Lillian and next to Alex. Their hands found each other under the table. (Lena wasn’t sure why, but she felt like Lillian knew about it.)

J’onn and Lex were standing across from them. Lucy was sitting next to Alex (probably to keep the agent from doing anything that would get them sued).

J’onn turned on the recording.

“Please state your full name for the recording,” Lucy said.

“Lillian Elenor Luthor.”

“Are you here of your own free will.”

“More like I’m here due to my ungrateful and easily manipulated children.”

“Yes or no Mrs. Luthor,” Lucy asked. Lillian’s eyes sought Lena.

“Yes.”

“We’re going to play a recording we and we’ll have a couple questions for you,” Lucy said before the same recording Lena heard the previous night started playing. “Do you recognize the voice in the recording? Yes or no.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Could please say whose it is?”

“Mine.”

“So you recognize your voice in the declaration of the terrorist organization self-named Cadmus?”

“I do.”

Lena’s hands gripped Alex’s out of shock. She was expecting resistant from Lillian, denials, excuses, diversion… The compliance she was showing shocked her.

“So you’re a member of Cadmus?” Lex asked. He was nervous (although he tried to show it). He was too still. Too controlled. No sight of his usual smile. Alex was probably the only one who could tell. Lucy looked at Alex. Lane had argued against the Luthor’s siblings presence, but Alex convinced her they wouldn’t interfere.

Lex turned to Lillian. Everyone did except Alex. Her priorities were Lex and Lena at the moment.

“No, I’m not a member of the Cadmus.”

Lex leaned back into the chair while Lucy leaned over the desk.

“But it is your voice in the recording,” Lucy said it as a question.

“Yes,” and it’s the first time Lillian looked directly at Lucy. She looked annoyed.

“But you don’t work for Cadmus anymore,” Lucy concluded. If looks could kill, Lucy would’ve dropped dead at that moment.

“I never worked _for_ Cadmus. I worked _with_ Cadmus.”

“Why?” the voice came from the other end of the room. It was Kara. The hurt in her face was clear.

“Because my husband was killed by an alien.”

“Dad died of a heart attack,” Lena interrupted. Lillian’s face remained cold, and Lena looked at her brother searching for support. He looked away. “Lex?” Alex squeezed her hand trying to remind Lena she was there. “Is there anyone who has not been keeping secrets from me?”

“Like you could talk,” Lillian said back glaring at the table as if she could see her daughter’s hand entangled with Alex.

* * *

 

Six long hours passed in the meeting room with Lillian, with not enough breaks.

Supergirl didn’t stay after the first hour. She was needed in the city (and she did have to hand Snapper piece that she hadn’t started yet until the end of the day). After the initial shock (and denial), Lex was handling the situation better and was helpful, filling some parts with what he knew.

Apparently, Lex and Lillian never believed in the heart attack story, so they managed to get a second examination that only they knew about and found that Lionel had a toxin in his blood, one that did not match anything known on Earth. With a bit of digging, Lillian found out of an alien that Jeremiah introduced to Lionel, and who her husband had kept in touch with, but he was nowhere to be found since Lionel’s death.

Lex was busy with the company (and the DEO), but Lillian continued with the investigation which led Cadmus to her. They made a deal: Lillian would provide Cadmus information and resources, and in exchange, they would find the alien that killed Lionel.

“Did you find him?” Lucy asked. “Did you kill him? Did they?”

“I never said that,” Lillian said with a smile. She was too smart to say that. “Either way we had a… fall out in what concerned Supergirl.” Lillian looked at her hands. The gesture was unlike her. Alex wished Kara was there to hear what Lillian was saying. “I haven’t been in contact with them for over a month.”

“I think that’s all for now,” J’onn said.

He left the room. Lucy and Alex right after him. Lena could see the three of them talking across the bridge. Lex had a thinking face, and Lillian was looking at the clock. Lena was impressed at how long her mother had been there. Lillian hardly ever stayed in a place, a room, or a city for long. Maybe the only exception was the Danvers’ traditions, and even then she was always the first one to leave.

“Lex, may I have a moment alone with mother?” Lena asked.

Lex had his chin resting on his hands. “Are you sure, sister?”

“Yes. Thank you,” she told him as he left.

Lillian looked at her daughter expectantly. It made the air in the room feel thick and the ambient uncomfortable. Lena was ten again – for just a second - trying to show Lillian how good she was at school when her mother already knew she wasn’t good enough.

“I know about the video you have of Kara. I know what you did to Alex. What you made her do.”

“Did you really figure it out or did she tell you?” Lillian arched her eyebrows with some passive anger.

“She didn’t need to. Hiding it in L-Corp’s system with your typical password was a rookie mistake. It even made me question if it was you, but I guess we can’t all be perfect all the time.”

“Well, you are smart like me, so I'm not surprised. So what now? Do the two of you stride into the sunset while the credits rise and a sappy song plays in the background?”

“Why?” Lena asked. “Why are you so against it? Against Alex and I when you used to be over the moon over the idea of Lex and Alex. Is it because we’re both girls?”

“I’m against your relationship because it would hold you back from the greatness you’re meant to have. Look at where you are. You didn’t need anyone. Your high school girlfriend, your college boyfriend… You had them along the way, but you didn’t think twice before cutting them loose when they held you down. Could you say you would do the same with Alex? I did what I did because I love you.”

Lena wanted to laugh, or maybe spit at something. There was an agitation inside of her because of how rarely Lillian said those words. Maybe Lena could recall two or three times Lillian used those words. It could mean they meant more, but Lillian could be using it to manipulate Lena. And what a devious argument it was.

“If you loved me, you’d want me to be happy, regardless of my choices, regardless of how much I drift from the path you made up in your head for me,” Lena said back. “You were threatening Kara, mother! They are family. How could you do it?”

“If you’re waiting for me to say I regret it or apologize, we’ll be here for a while.”

“Do you have any more copies of the video?” Lena asked.

“Of course.”

“I want them. I want anything and everything you have, because - God help me mother – if I find out you’ve done something like this again, I won’t ever forgive you.”

Lillian’s face was emotionless and her eyes almost threatening. “I do not require forgiveness if it ensures my children’s safety. But since you’re being so stubborn, then go be with her. And a few years from now you can tell how you should’ve listened to me.”

* * *

 

Lillian closed a deal with the DEO. She would be going free, but over observation. She left that same night. Lena couldn’t bring herself to care about the woman at the moment. Lillian was like a stranger to her, and it would be some time until that changed – if that changed.

There was a couple of knocks on the wood of the door. It got Lena to turn around and find Alex leaning against the door.

“Are we good?” Alex asked. Lena opened a small smile. The DEO agent took that as an invitation to step inside and walk towards Lena. Alex embraced Lena’s waist, while she holds Alex’s neck. The familiar warmth of each other gave them comfort. “You ran away from the DEO so fast I couldn’t catch up with you.”

“I had to make sure I got all the copies of the video before something happened. Also, I needed space.”

“Sorry,” Alex said pulling away from Lena. She was about to take a step back when Lena held her by the shirt and pulled her back closer.

“You are good,” Lena said with a smile. Alex mimic it. Her leg almost bet Lena’s as they stood separated by too little and too much. Lena was the one to close the distance, Alex meeting her halfway in a soft and short kiss.

It was their first kiss since parting that morning, and Lena felt her shoulders free of any worries. She would not worry about Lillian. Only time could tell what would happen between her and since Lena had not yet invented a time-machine, she’d settle for the present. It was a good present.

Lena licked her lips after the kiss ended. “So… this is it?” Alex asked. “For real?”

“For real,” Lena assured her.

“How are we going to do this? Do we pick up from where we left off? Do we pretend it never happened?”

Lena shrugged. “Let’s just do this. “ Lena’s eyes fell to Alex’s mouth. And to her chin. And to her neck. She had to control herself. “Let’s just do what it feels right. No more overthinking. No more secrets. No more hiding.”

Alex hummed in agreement. Her hands slipped from Lena’s waist to her tights, and with no warning, she lifted Lena so the CEO was sitting on the end of her desk. Lena squealed in surprised at first, but Alex calmed her down with a kiss.

“I can’t believe I found such a smart woman,” Alex told her.

* * *

 

“You look tense,” Lex commented.

She was.

Alex was pulling at her sleeves, heart jumping in her chest. When was the last time she was this nervous? Her first mission with the DEO maybe, or even her first time with Vasquez. Yet those seemed like simpler times. She didn’t get the feeling she might never leave the room alive again.

Maybe that was a bad idea after all.

She had to tell her best friend she was fucking his sister.

_On a second thought, better leave that out._

Alex paced back and forth, going towards his liquor cabinet and pouring herself a drink before starting. Liquid courage. (She should’ve asked Lena to do it, but it looked like a good idea at three am).

“I have to tell you something,” Alex said, barely finishing swallowing the drink. “I have to tell you something, and I need you to listen to it until the end. I need to get this out otherwise I never will and please don’t interrupt me because I just might run.”

Lex didn’t look amused. He had his serious face on, but he relaxed his pose. Knowing his best friend, it might take a while. He did remember how many gay-panics he went through with her.

“When I finish you can yell at me, tell me no, tell to screw myself and any variation just hear me out, please. First thing, I never meant for this to happen and I won’t lie and say that it’s something recent. I’ve known for a while now and just ignored it. The first time it happened I didn’t know it was her when I found out my first instinct was to deny it. Deny what I was feeling for respect for her and for you. But it didn’t go away, the feelings just grew stronger, and she grew up too. She was no longer a little girl and I couldn’t look at her like that anymore. She was a woman. She is a woman. A strong, respectable woman and stunning in every way. And I’m in love with her. Lena. I’m talking about Lena. Your sister and”- her voice died down –“you are not surprised.”

Out of all the things she expected him to do, she didn't expect Lex to smile.

Alex felt like she would vomit. Lex was probably thinking of ways to bury her body. She imagined if it was the other way around and Lex was in love with Kara. Alex would want to bury him alive for thinking about her little sister like that.

“Neither of you are as subtle as you think you are. So no, I’m not surprised.”

Alex still couldn’t react. So he continued.

“Also, Kara and I have been playing matchmakers for the longest time. And let me tell you something, Danvers, your sister has a serious addiction in romantic comedies.”

“What?” Alex asked not questioning anything specifically. That conversation sounded surreal. Could she be in a parallel universe and not realize it?

“Yeah, the elevator failure, I gave her the contact but the idea was hers. We were planning a vacation in which, due to a ‘mix’ up, you’d end up sharing a room with only one bed. We probably need to call that off now.”

“How did you know?”

“I have my ways of knowing.” Alex rolled her eyes. “And you told me about it after my father died. I’m not surprised you don’t remember. Never had I seen someone drink so much before.”

“Lex I never…”

“Meant to fall in love with her? I know. Meant to fall into bed with my sister? Yeah, you did. An awful lot of people know about the crush she's had on you since the first time she saw you. I thought she’d grow out of it, I thought you wouldn’t give her a reason not to. I am rarely wrong, but this appears to be one of this occasions”

“I understand if you never want to see me again,” she told him.

“She’s a grown girl, Lena can sleep with whoever she wants, that’s not my problem. My problem is that I think you are in love with her and you are stupid enough to break both of your hearts.”

“What?”

“Science? You and I are both great at it. Different areas, of course. Dealing with emotions? That we leave for our younger siblings.” Lex crossed his arms. “Are you together now?”

“Wait, you don’t want me to end it?”

“Have you not been hearing this whole time?”

“Okay, give me a break. I thought that you were going to shot me and bury my body in the backyard.”

“I would never shoot you. That’s too formal. Stab you maybe, if I was really mad strangle you but shoot you… I thought our relationship meant more to you.”

“Jerk,” Alex blurted out.

“Asshole.”

“We are together. Kind of. We are getting there. There’s a lot we have yet to put into perspective, but I have a good feeling about this.”

“Well, if it all goes well in two years and a half we’re going to be back here with you asking my blessing on you marrying my sister.” Alex’s coughed, but she didn’t say anything. Her phone rang. It was Lena checking to see if she was alive. By Lex smile, he knew it was her sister. Alex couldn’t believe she was that obvious and her cheeks went red. “Go. Be with her, we can talk later.”

“Thank you,” Alex said taking her jacket from the chair and making her way to the door when Lex called her back.

“Danvers, if you break my sister’s heart again, not even your memory will survive what I will do to you.”

And she believed him. God how she believed him. And she’d take nothing less.

* * *

 

A YEAR LATER

Kara was the first to arrive - she had to make sure there was enough food. Lex was the second to arrive – he had to make sure there was enough booze. After that, they lost the count who arrived first and who came together. It didn’t take long until the room was filled with the sound of Kara’s Christmas’s playlist, chatter, and laugh.

Lena had just settled on Alex’s lap, stealing a kiss and her girlfriend’s drink, as she joined in the conversation with Winn and Brainy. The dreamy gaze Winn had… He was coming to acknowledge his bisexuality.

Eliza was talking to J’onn. She was clearly missing Lillian. When Eliza heard what Lillian had done… Well, they hadn’t talked properly ever since.

The bell rang, and Kara opened the door to Mon-El and Imra. Since she arrived from the future with Brainy, the two of them had been growing closer and he was teaching her everything he knew about 21-century earth’s culture. Kara was proud to see how much he had grown during the past year – not without a few stumbles.

“I brought stuffing,” he said. “Actual stuffing this time.”

Next time the bell rang, Alex was the one who opens it to find a little girl holding a giant package of cookies. She frowned before a voice came from down the hall.

“I’m here!”

“Sam,” Alex said.

“Hey, Alex.”

She was Lena’s new CFO, which made the girl Ruby. Sam had met Alex briefly during Alex’s visits to Lena in Metropolis. Sam wasn’t Alex’s biggest fan - she broke Lena's heart after all - but she didn't hate her.

Lena rose to welcome her friend and introduce Sam to the rest of the family and – wow – Sam was feeling a bit overwhelmed. She had never seen a family reunion like that.

Ruby herself was excited and ended up bonding with Alex, stealing her away for a good part of the evening.

The next time the bell rang it was Kara who opened the door again and everybody went silent once they saw it was Lillian.

“What are you doing here?” Kara asked fixing her glasses and trying not to sound too aggressive.

“It’s okay,” Lena said. “I invited her.” After Lillian’s help with the Daxamite invasion, Lena had maintained contact with her mother. Nothing serious, but it was the first sign of progress since the previous year.

Alex was the first one to move. She poured a glass of wine and handed it to Lillian in an olive branch kind of gesture. And maybe, yeah, things weren’t perfect. But they were a family after all. Family wasn't perfect. Far from it, but it was family.

The mood got better from there on.

Lena watched while Lillian and Eliza talked. It looked tense. Alex poked Lena’s hip pointing to the dining room. There Lex and Sam were talking. Not only talking, watching Lex for a few seconds Lena could tell he was flirting. Lena made her way there.

“Excuse me for a second, I need to steal my brother away,” Lena said pulling Lex away from Sam. Lex's eyes remained on Sam even as Lena dragged him to the kitchen. “What the fuck you think you’re doing?”

"I thought that was pretty obvious."

"No, no, no. You can't do that."

“Why not? She’s nice. And smart. And stunning. I can’t believe you were hiding her from me.”

“Yes, and she’s my best friend, and she has a daughter. This is why I was hiding her from you! She’s not a one-night stand kind of girl.”

“Maybe I’m not looking for a one-night stand.”

“No. No. Sam’s is out of the question.”

“That’s unfair. You’re fucking my best friend, and I can’t fuck yours?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is the chapter.
> 
> If it felt a bit rushed to you it's because it was. I've been out of touch with my writing lately and I need some time away from it (at least away from posting, I'll still be writing). Anyway, it was time to end it and turned out this end up being bigger than I expected to (maybe the biggest thing I ever wrote).
> 
> Thank you for sticking around for this fic. I appreciate every comment and kudos on it. Each one of them make my day a little bit happier than before.
> 
> I'm leaving here some songs that inspired me during this fic (in case anyone is curious and/or want some music recommendation).
> 
> Dead Man Walking - Jon Bellion ( _This was the one that gave me idea for the fic_ )  
> Don’t you dare - Alexz Jonhson ( _this is pretty much Lena's POV_ )  
>  So Soon - Marianas Trench ( _Alex when she found out about Jack_ )  
> Harvest Moon - Neil Young ( _Pretty much I wrote all chapter 21 listening to this and I could totally see them slow dacing to it in another context._ )


End file.
